My how things change...but not really
Well, it has been 2 years since Larry's stroke. Obviously I have moved on quite a bit, since I haven't been on this site in a long while. It's funny how it works - as long as I keep moving, it's like when you are swimming and your hair streams out behind you - you don't even notice it. It's only when you stop, and it swirls around you, that you notice it's there. I keep very busy, and for the most part don't give myself a lot of time to think about how much has been lost or what has changed.
Larry is well...in a strange way. Since the stroke he has lost a lot of weight, and his blood pressure and cholesterol are better than they have been in all the years I've known him. Physically he is quite healthy except of course for the paralysis, and ironically he wil probably live a longer and healthier life than he would have had the stroke never happened. Mentally it's another story - he has enough brain function left to know that what has happened to him is a tragedy, and he's pretty depressed. Antidepressants did not really help, but being able to stay at home as opposed to in a nursing home has been very good and probably the only saving grace. He has two wonderful caregivers now, and I've set it up so that one of them is here from Friday morning until Sunday morning - that lets me get out on weekends and see friends and have some semblance of normal life. He would rather I was here all the time, but I need some sanity and this is the way it works for me.
I've also changed my work situation so that I work primarily from home, as opposed to having to go into an office every day. My boss was very accommodating about it, and it has worked out well for all of us. I can be here to monitor what is going on, and that gives both me and Larry a certain comfort level. My job has me out seeing clients several times a week, so I still need the caregivers, but the rest of the time I'm here and that seems to work out. It took some creativity to make it happen, but I would recommend it to anyone who is a caregiver - much better to be home and have a flexible schedule than to be tied to an office where it's a continual pain if you have to leave to take care of business.
When Larry first had the stroke, I think I had the idea that there would be an adjustment period and then things would be normal again. Two years into it, I realize that things will never be normal again - if by "normal" you mean that you will be the same person you were before. I will never be that person again - and that's neither good nor bad, it's just different.
Larry continues about the same. He sleeps maybe 12 hours a day and does not engage much with life in general. But he's home where we can look after him, and he has a very pleasant room, and enjoys his TV, and is as comfortable as can be expected. He really doesn't want to get "better", at least not in any way that involves therapy or hard work. This is what he's settled for, and I have to respect it. I wish he wanted more for himself, but he doesn't and I won't make him miserable by pushing him in directions that he has zero interest in going.
I try to take beter care of myself, and walk every day, and make sure I have time to myself. Common sense stuff. Seems to work OK, and I've adapted pretty well I think. It's not the life I expected, but it's the life I have...and it could be very much worse so I remind myself of that and try to be content. None of us ask for this or want it, but it happens, and how we deal with it defines who we are in many ways, I think. We always have choices, even when we think we don't.
xxxooo
..jm..
6 Comments
Recommended Comments