11/27/2010
Laid in bed most of the day. Wondering when my life will start to get back to normal. I don't know what kinds of changes thishas made on me. The first two days I was home from the hospital, I was so angry and I took it out on Charlie. Every little thing he did just bugged the crap outta me. I feel like, crap that i did that but at the same time I don't know why I did. No more fighting at this point which is good. He doesnt let me do much tho. We're just afraid that i'm going to have another stroke. The doctors kept telling me that i was on the brink of death and i havent heard anything about that since I left and it scares the ever livin crap outta me. No just me but Charlie too. There are nights that I am afraid to go to sleep because i am afraid that I won't wake up the next morning. Charlie checks on me every single night. Make sure i'm breathing and that i have a pulse. That's no way to go through life. But we are just so scared. I know with this that i am supposed to relax and take it easy but i feel like a lump just laying around. I want help. Contribute. I was days away from starting my life when this happened to me. I was going to go and enroll in school to get my bussiness degree because me and my sister aretalking about opening up our own salon. Then when we got transfered back to FL (that's where all my family is) I was going to attend the Paul Mitchell Academy and we were going to work on it. Gotta put that on hold for a while now. I might be able to do online classes but actually attending classes is probably not a good idea right now. I'm really tired a lot of the time. Simple things that used to be so easy to me, like doing my hair, make me so exhausted now. Lots of thing take me a long time to do. baby steps at first. It's going to take sometimes to at least try to get things back to where they were before but I think that I am going to have to learn some patience because i get frustrated a lot. Even with thinking. Last night I kept asking charlieif he talked to my nurse and a lot of other things that i was dreaming about in my sleep. Couldn't seperate the two. Extremely frustrating. Had a 20 minute conversation with my big sister when I was in the hospital that i don't remember having.
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