Manders

Stroke Survivor - female
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Blog Entries posted by Manders

  1. Manders
    This summer will be six years since my stroke. I am realizing more and more that stroke lasts a lifetime. I guess I was hoping that one day I would wake up and this would all be over. Brain injury is something that never goes away. Last week I spoke in front of 600 people at a fundraiser for the hospital that saved my life. I enjoy talking about my stroke but it makes me remember my pre-stroke life which often saddens me
     
    My stroke left me completely helpless. I had to relearn to walk, talk, swallow, brush my hair, tie my shoe, write...etc
    I had a great team of professionals that helped me recover 90%
     
    Today I have two boys. I work full time and I go to school
    On the outside I look like im completely fine
    However, my brain is broken....im broken
     
    I once read that victims of brain injury who near fully recover sometimes have the hardest time finding acceptance. That is definitely me.
     
    Its like when you are a child and your dog dies and your parents go out the next day and buy you a dog that looks exactly the same.
     
    I may look and sound the same, but I am very different...
     
    I will always miss the old me. Nobody will miss her more than I do...
     
    But this is my new life. Its okay to visit the past, we just cant stay there.
     
    Today I move forward. I must let her go....I will always love you Amanda but I have to move on
  2. Manders
    I know this sounds funny, almost as if it was a joke, but its not. This is my life. I was sitting the other day just thinking about how great it was when I could
     
    remember things. Since my stroke, I lose my phone daily among other things and I miss being able to back track my mind and retrace my steps. Most people
     
    can close their eyes, and retrace exactly what they have done in the last hour or so. Unfortuantely, I cant do this. The only way I can hope to find my lost phone
     
    is to run around like a chicken with my head cut off and look for it. It sucks. What I dont understand is why can I not remember what I did last night but I can
     
    remember things that happened years ago? It is so bizarre. I cant remember short term things but I can remember what it was like to remember. If that makes
     
    sense. I wish I couldnt, maybe I wouldnt miss my old brain as much if i couldnt remember how things use to be. Sometimes it is just hard...