ksmith

that is so very beautiful. Dan , like you said, is still finding ways to thank you on Mothers day for being you. Dan's gift, as unfortunate as it was, helped this other family and the fact they reached out to you is truly a blessing. xxoox

Sue, I think after you've worn them for some time, they will be like second skin. Yes, they can be challenging to put on, and take off , however knowing they are going to be beneficial for your livelihood. Just focus on healing that wound before getting it completely wet. Start off with short goals. Using shorter goals helps to make the "forever" day by day :) I can only imagine, they way I would feel, having had to change your life for Ray ( I'm not blaming) and finally had your 'you' moment only to be taken away would be a blow and that is understandable. I mean who wouldn't.. I know I would but day-by-day. Change for anyone is hard-but we always persevere

Last night I looked at my reflection as I walked and said " My right side looks so finny" well duh.. that was my affected side. I have to say to myself " step" or " lift" its crazy

Thank goodness... positive motion finally..

OM goodness. Asha, as with so any things you say, that is what I needed to hear. I often say after I attend service at the sangha I hear what I needed to hear when I needed it. Thank you for those words.. I feel better already.. honestly

Oh yes.. I love the 'using the good hand to cheat' I can relate

I love them to pieces... I basically still live there. I have an unofficial bed :)

Sue, You have every right to be sad. But know he will be walking next to you no matter where you are xo

that is crazy

Pam, I’m glad that you are dedicating this anniversary towards acceptance, I cannot even imagine all you have done and are doing in your recovery. I admire your perseverance and I hope you are able to achieve acceptance no matter what and how you do it. We all say that acceptance is a crucial part in our recovery, which is very true, although we all don’t share the same outcome. So whatever you do, however you do it, I hope you find peace and happiness within yourself. And do it with sassiness.

Sue, as I was reading that I was reminded that I went through a spell and now I'm in my mid 40's, my parents can't get rid of me :)

Oh my. Have you brought it up with the management? I mean , I would tell the brass in there and if need be complain to county. It makes you wonder how many other people they have hurt putting on braces or aides on other people.

So these past few weeks have been an adventure as well as Insightful. My life 24 yr. old son broke his hip. How he broke it was just a simple as the perfect fall and perfect angle but luckily due to his age, his is going to heal very well. If he was older the surgeon said he would have had to have a total hip replacement. But all that aside, this trip taught me that no matter when push comes to shove I can make it. Now, it has taken me a few days of recovering, still am, but it was heartbreaking at the same time. I have problems with feeling a connection with people, especially my children. My son is 24 going on 16, but aren’t most kids at that age, mainly boys. Lol. I was hoping, in my mind that when I showed up, my son would have been so happy to see me. He was but understandingly he was in pain (saw in hospital) even still it was cold at best. I think the hardest thing for him and me to understand is he wasn’t there for my recovery and as with most people that don’t know the struggles we had to go through to get to the way we are now is frustrating. He was frustrated with me for I couldn’t remember little things. It was a mess all the way around. Mind you, the last time I “knew” him he was 13. I guess I wanted that boy again. But all is good with his hip. I flew round-trip, had rental car (loved that car) had a good time. Now time to regroup ( picture of my rental car... I want this for my next car)

I can understand him being frustrated for you doing all the thing he can't do anymore but you have tried to do everything , in your power, to make him a part of life again. His fits, he throws, are on him and I mean you have been accommodating . You are a good wife, caregiver and person... remember that :)

yes. All to well. Most people assume it is Depression or laziness. It isn't but that is what most people automatically think of when you see a person who needs to always nap or lay in bed all day. I have to do just that and though I know I have to listen to my body, we are always conditioned that resting like that is lazy or depression. It's hard to live in the "land of the living" when we have to spend most ,if not all, of the day inside. That is a reality check that I'm not a fan of. It's something that is hard to try to explain to people. It's like explaining the color of purple to someone that has never seen before. It is extremely frustrating. Sensory overload is also something that is hard to explain to someone that has never had it. I can tell them its like a million people talking to you at the same time while asking me to read different things all at once, But even still that doesn't completely explain it. And people I'm with don't understand and try to get me motivational talks and then I feel bad for asking to go home after 5 mins of being there so I try to suck it up and do it. Then either later that day or the next I'm laying in bed, my head feels like it's going to split, my eyes feel like they are jumping around. I'm mentally tied. Not physically tired. That is a whole different kind of tired I can't convey to anyone . Luckily, people in my family are in the medical field and 'get it'. But if I were wanting to get a job one day or date, having to explain this to someone and not appear like I'm "milking it" ( as I'm referred to sometimes) . Gurl.... I get it

I have the same error. I think it is only set up for ios ( iPhone) and even so I get that same message with my phone as well

Firstly, Sue you are truly a godsend for so many of people here. Your insight and your unconditional energy is a blessing to , not only me, all of us. Secondly, Pam you are my absolute hero. Reading about your journey with stroke and pain has helped me truly understand compassion, for not only in my life, for others that have to live with pain. Your real and honest words have been a window into something many people don't always understand. You ,and I know you get tired of hearing this, do give a real look for others to learn.

I would like to a share story happened to me Thursday in my group meeting. There were only a few people there but there was one woman in particular that caught my attention. She had suffered multiple TBI’s and I can’t remember if she had an aneurysm but I know that she was very upset and in pain. Her multiple TBI’s have basically left her walking as a cripple, let me explain, who has multiple sclerosis. On top of which, she broke her right ankle a few months ago and it still has not heal correctly. She came as a guest for she lives about an hour away but I’m glad she came. She started to explain her story and also shared that she wanted to commit suicide earlier that day. I immediately focus most of my attention on her and started to ask her questions for she was complaining about her disabilities. As we got started talking, she explained that she has had a wonderful life, living in Europe dating a celebrity over there as well as getting her degree in arts. She enjoyed painting. She was a very talented painter and that allowed her to escape from any issue she may be going through. Unfortunately, her painting days are very few for she has severe tremors in her right hand, and a difficult time holding in her left hand though she joked to say her nephew said she should paint with her mouth. I personally found this idea amazing and something that she should try but it’s not up to me. As we started talking, I noticed that she was more so lonely than she was anything else even though she had a partner who lived with her and he was more set in his ways and he was “boring”. I started talking to her about grief. How we all grief in our own way and in our own time and this may be why she is so agitated with her partner. She agrees first she’s angry she expressed her anger on more than one occasion. I explained to her I go to a meditation class once a week that’s free, only through donation, and is not too far for her to go. I invited her to come with me, not knowing if she would show up, but to my surprise that evening she did show up. She’s a very spiritual person, as I am, and I introduced her to a gentleman that I had just met they are who teaches the form of Qigong (; literally: "Life Energy Cultivation”: is a holistic system of coordinated body posture and movement, breathing, and meditation used in the belief that it promotes health, spirituality, and martial arts training. Chinese) To my surprise, she had heard of this and she was very excited to try this practice. What was great about it is that it’s a free class where the gentleman is wanting to give back and only ask for donations towards the studio which he practiced. My new friend will be there Thursday for the two classes unfortunately I will not be there but I told her I would meet her there the following week. We exchanged phone numbers and we only share a text every day to make sure the other one is doing okay. They say that it’s a gift to me people that you feel like you have known your entire life well my new friends is definitely one of them.

I met a women who experiences constant pain and told me she honestly thought about suicide. That broke my heart and I started to tell her about you and all that you go through and yet you are optimistic. You have every right to feel the way you feel. I am at fault for vomiting positivity and for that I'm sorry. The woman I met has had a few TBI's that causes her body to contort and ache and she expressed almost verbatim the words you have said. You , though you may not feel like it, help others and in doing so are looked up to and admired. I don't think completely blocking you friends is a good thing. You are still you. I cried reading your words. I will have to get to process my thoughts first.

Pam, you never cease to my sunshine. I will never make fun of that bunny for green is my favorite color xxx

Well I finally have the Dragon software successfully added to my computer, which helps me with my posting for I have trouble getting my thoughts, no matter what size, from my brain to my fingertips .I wanted to make a blog entry for I am very excited for my mother and I are going to be traveling to North Carolina next week to make a surprise ambush on my sister for our birthday. She has two children, one of which is still in high school, who are bottomless pit. Basically meaning they eat everything and anything that’s in the house. My sister and brother-in-law have had a very difficult time since moving from New Jersey down to North Carolina for pay scale is so much different . We know that because of the cost of living in Truckinttdifferent. They’re very happy and I know that they both trying hard but at times they can have a bit of a situation with food when you have two garbage disposals living there. So after she called me very upset that all of the food that she bought was literally eaten within two days, for my nephew was home on spring break, in which he played video games and stuffed his mouth. Now this doesn’t come to any surprise for those that have teenagers or have had teenagers , I completely understand for I have one that has graciously passed it in one that is entering. I wanted to buy her a mini fridge, which I did, so she can store all of her food to ensure that she has some left at the end day. My father has purchased a lock, a key lock mind you, to ensure safety on her lunches. My mother wanted to give her notice that we were coming down to which my father and I adamantly said no because what would an ambush be in a surprise visit you have forewarning. Now being twins, I am certain that her ‘Spidey sense’ has given her some question for I have not sent down a birthday card yet and she knows I’m always on time. I know that sometimes money can be very tight for that when it comes to family do what we need to do what we can. I plan on stocking up her freezer and mini fridge for a present. I have always shared that since my stroke, I truly never want a gift for any holiday or birthday for my gift is being here. Knowing I have my sisters back and she mine, is all the happiness I need.

you brighten my world Sue.. I mean that

yeah thankfully it was covered under a warranty.. whew... you are in my heart .. I hope it all works out soon

well the "hearts of flutters" are still there but it was business :(