ksmith

It has been forever Since I blogged last. These past couple of weeks have been of roller coaster of emotions. From losing my health insurance to ripping a brand-new contact lens, that is probably not covered through health insurance and had to be custom made for my eye, oh boy, it has just been a journey to say the least. Now losing my health insurance isn’t what it sounds like but it is because I have been paying for my own private insurance for there was confusion with part B. (Long story for another day) but that doesn’t kick in until July of this year. So since I have part A through Medicare so technically I have insurance though part A only covers you if you are admitted into a hospital , so that really does no good for me.. I was set to get a consultation with my cardiologist for an ablation to my heart that is much needed. Only to find out that they don’t take my health insurance and I’m NOT oing to pay for it out-of-pocket so I’m waiting till July to get the console. Which is fine as long as I follow the directions however I tend to have difficulties following directions. No caffeine no chocolate no excitement, there are the three rules I have to follow and I can tell you this morning alone, I’ve broken all three of them Now about my contact lens. This contact lens isn’t your typical prescription contact lens. This is a lens that covers my eye completely blocking my vision much like a patch does minus straps. OK…covers my eyes, that’s a fallacy. It covers the Iris and the pupil of my eye, practically matching my color but of course, I have a very challenging color spectrum in my eye that makes it more difficult. So it wasn’t exactly right but it was good enough to last me a couple days. It was very irritating. I’m not used to wearing contacts nor having anything in my eyes. Putting it in and taking out are very challenging for me but I was getting better. I was very upset. I was so mad at myself for tearing it I was afraid I was going to disappoint the doctors but then I decided to stop and take a deep breath and go you know what sh*t happens. It is no secret to this message board that I practice the philosophy of Buddhism and today I went to my temple service. (What we call it.) We have what is known as a Dharma talk which is basically someone talking about something that utilizes the thought processes and the philosophy that has been passed down for many generation within the Buddhist culture. And the talk today was about one of my heroes and recently lost Stephen Hawkings . In the talk, the discussion was about how things happen to all of us and he figured instead of worrying about stuff that was out of his control, much like h his ALS, and instead he overcame the emotion of what was happening to his body by instead choosing to devote his life and is being, as well as he knew it would be, into science. That is much like I’m choosing to look at what this past week. Focus on the good. Now for my other emotion that I’m not used to dealing with :: I belong to a group of friends that have introduced me to the motivational speaking of this one gentleman and the minute I saw this him good grief…my heart went nuts and it was like puppy love. I don’t know if he’s married. I have not asked nor do I think anything is gonna happen from but I was just so excited that feeling still lived within the me. Now I may be overstepping, getting ahead of my skis but there is no harm in finding happiness at looking at a picture. That only goes to show you that despite what ailments that you may have an what challenges that you have to go through your heart inside is the one thing that will keep you together and focused.

you should be proud parents. Kiddo is doing an amazing job.. Funny you mentioned about memories.. someone just said to me yesterday use my phone or a pocket recorder to just say the thought u want to remember. I usually have a great thought then by the time I go write it down, I've either forgotten what it was or why I cared

Asha, you may not see it now but I have the faith that IF that possibility ever arose, your inner assertiveness would show.

All I took away from that and I was laughing so hard I had to try to re read this 3 times : " We drove to Scottsdale and met up with our old caregiver, Kelly, at the casino and had the brunch buffet......wasn't sure that was a good way to start the year, but Gary really was dying to go to a casino." 1. Always good to see old friends 2. Anyone name Kelly is a good person , though she spells her name wrong lol 3. food 4.food 5.oh yeah...... food 6. Hope Gary or you had a good time for that's all that mattered.. ..... be the way did I mention....... brunch is ALWAYS ......good

Nancy, I am in awe with everything you do. It's a Mothers job to help out with our children but yikes. Just asking, does your daughter or SIL know anyone else who can chip in with help? I mean I know your grandson is your heart, as I know once I have Grandkids they would be mine, but my goodness. you have enough on your plate. I'm sorry SIL had hip issues.. not fun. I can only offer my understanding of reading others on here , over the years, who struggle with having a spouse in nursing home or of the like, talk about being conflicted home or there. I can understand why. You love him. Some people don't understand that.. I mean, lets say he was home.. your stress levels would be above normal and his care would only bring, I know for me, would cause me to skirt the line of abuse. ( not physical but verbal) Just keeping it real. I saw my parents care for my grandmother (mothers mom) after her stroke ( relationship wasn't good to being with. was Christian Scientist so no medical care before or after and my mom is a nurse.. . long story) No abuse or anything but guilt and exhaustion and frustration. I'm very sorry you have to ride this ride until your sil gets well again.. Your boss is a godsend. You are loved be me and all here. Please find time, guilt-free for you!!

Ok the color:: You can chose to highlight the words or Highlight the background The paper ( on the left) is for the back ground The paint brush( just the letters) on right.. sometimes the wrong one gets clicked.

OOhh geez.. looks like I have to wear my UF ( University of Florida) hats Ps.. LOVE his smile.. made me smile today and I needed it xx

My heart aches for you however ,as I said to Sandy, hearing this is goes to my point that caregivers/spouses often don't get the respect for having their own troubles with stroke. Thank you for all you do and have done for William.

Oh my goodness,, please share you war stories and accomplishments

Sue, life is good and most importantly as good as good as you make it. Worrying , though warranted, will only take away from the beautiful soul that you are.

you had a football team amount of guest at your house. That alone calls for another vacation...

" I am self absorbed now sometimes but I appreciate my best friend and my Son who love me back to life. I live on the border of life now so I am in a different place. I am useless but try and love those around me now here in this institution of suffering and healing. I am grateful to see 2018 but it is a foreign place I was not prepared to land in. I will do my best to do all I am required with help of grace. " I can't explain it but these statements struck me with sage.. You are unyielding

thank you

Thank you Lenny and I share your sentiment

Asha, let me say.. 1st... I'm so happy you're back. 2nd. I think this renewed hubby's and your bond. I can't imagine what you saw flying over the Mountain. Could you share that positive love,light energy you brought back. x

So my father and I went to Philadelphia to visit my Neuro Ophthalmologist this afternoon . I always have a great time when I have my ‘Daddy/Daughter’ day trips. Most have been to doctor appointment but always a good time. So. I see a doctor who, in my opinion, is the greatest eye doctor ( But I’m Bias lol) and after going through a barrage of testing my vision we determined that NO prisim will ever correct my sight for I have Nystagmus ( eye bouncing) that basically makes seeing a single object and clear. My eyes have perfect vision on their own but using both eyes… NO DICE.. Imagine one half of your sight moves up and down all the time. And to close my right eye and only look out of my left, which had Nystagmus but not as bad as right, strains my left eye so reading is very difficult. Not ony that but comprehension is difficult but every page is a new page each time I read it. So the doctor had three possibilities that I could do so see bette because using a patch is something I could do but I need a prescription for distance. One was using contacts that would give me the strength to see distance but on the right it would basically black out my vision by covering my iris. Contacts freak me out as it so that was a big time no go. Second was botox. Hearing what botox could do to stop my bouncing sounded so good but the down side was it freezes your eye and It may not rest straight so it would be frozen looking off to the side,with no movement, but my left eye could still move.. NO Third was using a strong prescription strength on my right eye that basically won’t allow sight from it so I’m lookin out of my left eye only. I’ll also get a pair of reading glasses ( same lens to block sight and no prescription on my left) for I close my eye on the right to read fo that isn’t a problem. So I’m going to get that lens soon and give me time so get adjusted to them. But the best news that just made my day: I will be starting Medicare in 2018 and was told no vision, and I was so upset for I waited so long to find the doctor of my dreams. WELL… my issue is Medical so COVERED.. I almost walked out after hearing that for I was happy. I told my father that hearing that was my Christmas gift. .

ADDICTION to online games are my kryptonite D&C truly no big deal.. I have had one and in the long run it helped me. A tops and tails procedure is a great nap. I've had three since my stroke. The pain that you have is something I can't even begin to tell you my sadness I have for you for it is unfathomable. My heart weeps

It is terrible. I mean just look back in history and it was seen as pinching a woman or degrading her as showing a man's manly-hood and then if the "little lady" complained, why.... they were just reassured that just do your job and boys will be boys. Yes you see many women coming out and men who are appear to be good mannered gentleman, and most are good men, unfortunately it's the few that bruise the few. Things need to change

We all know a Hypochondriac, I mean many people who have had a medical emergency often are said to become obsessed with their health afterward. People often accuse me as one but I have legitimate medical evidence from testing due to symptoms that usually come from these diagnosis. Ok…Lactose intolerance, soy intolerance, gluten intolerance and diverticulitis. The latter was pointed out to me from a colonoscopy for I had no idea. My doctor informed me it usually runs in families and my father has it and I was told I had the beginning of it. As if my food bills couldn’t get any more expensive for finding foods that are lactose free, often point you in the direction of whey or soy. Well when you’re soy intolerant it becomes more difficult finding foods. So fresh vegetables and fruit… yes only now I have to start scraping out the seeds for diverticulitis and avoid high fiber foods with gluten intolerance. WOW so basically liquids, no happiness or sunshine, I’m down to water and air and grass…. Yes….maybe grass…..does that have any of these I must avoid? Geez I know there are many people out there with far greater foods challenges out there so the walk away is that I’ll be eating well but yikes. My thinking is over the years after stroke and my stomach was stretched, there must have been plenty of room for all the allergens and with an automatic assumption that the stomach issues I had were something to do with the amount of medicine I have to take. Well since I had the Gastric Sleeve surgery in February of this year, I have noticed I'm sensitive to foods. I had the surgery to eat more. Let me explain: My brain and stomach don't communicate with one another so I will have days when I eat maybe once a day and drink as much to the other extreme of eating everything that isn't bolted down. The body holds on to the calories for it is often tricked to believe it is starving and weight gain happens. I didn’t know that for as hard as I tried to eat right, which I was told by many dieticians I was eating very healthy, the weight continued to grow. The good thing was I quickly lost the weight (60lbs so far) for I was eating more than one meal, I take the one meal and graze on and off all day. I also have drastically cut back on my sugar for I’m not tired for the weight isn’t dragging me down or overheating. Most doctors know my stroke only as a bleed to my left hemisphere of the brain, forgetting that I has clots that traveled through my post circulatory system (brainstem, basilar artery) and I spent 6 ½ hours in surgery to manually pull out as many clots as possible by my amazingly fantastic surgical team (((shout out to Jefferson Hospital of Neuroscience in Philadelphia, Penn))) so in fact my stroke affected much more of my brain functions. That has caused me to have so many different alignments. Basically……. I’m going to cry saying goodbye to my food favorites. ..

I TOTALLY understand that statement. I like my ex's girlfriend, heck we even get along we, but since I can't remember the 9 years of marriage therefore before stroke I get upset for I don't understand why "we" couldn't be happy like that..... then I see how boring he is now and happy again

I agree with everyone. How far is his house and I like turkey day, don't get me wrong but I look forward to see my family over Christmas .( My Aunt bakes cookies) One way you can look at it is to be proud for he is on call to help others...... xxoooxx

I just literally snorted while laughing

I know this is a topic that really causes anger amongst each other. Well here it goes… So I’m stunned by my friends and people who preach to me about morals. If someone throws up a claim for sexual assault... it should be taken seriously. If you look at Hollywood and women accusing men of sexual assault for years. It started with Bill Cosby and some of these women recounted situations that happened decades ago and he was immediately labeled. I believe the women who came forward finally had the strength to speak up. You look at Harvey Weinstein and the backlash he has rightfully been shown for the years and the women who owed him for boosting their careers and who felt ashamed to come forward for the fear of being black balled forever in pictures. Then you have Roy Moore who is being accused of shameful acts with a teenager when he was in his 30’s and all you hear is “if” from most of government. IF he did it……. Why is governments slow to act? I don’t care which party you are with but we all must stand together and treat all accusers the same. Many people, even our president ,have been accused of sexual harassment. And if you have the money, many women don't feel like they can fight back. Clinton got impeached for saying he didn't have relations with Monica Lewinsky.. but when other people say it.. they are taken at face value.. I'm just confused. There is a divide in our country , even more than we once had, that is causing us to not see the facts for what they are and not a polarized thing. When women have the strength to come forward, we should listen

I agree with your concerns as Asha's response. In another life I worked in places like that and it breaks my heart but sometimes we are trapped because of money or insurance or even location. Some people are just working for a paycheck luckily, the good souls outweigh the bad. Our hearts go out to those we know those are good people but you can be allowed by the baddies to do their work for they will depend on you.

Congratulations Andy!!!!!!!!!!