ksmith

I know you are a fun loving and very inspirational person to me and I'm very glad you are here to share your funniess

I haven’t blogged in a while for it’s a struggle for me. I lose focus very easily and when I say that, I mean it may have taken me a few times to write this. I have always had an attention problem. “To much sugar” or “She is flighty” is what I always heard growing up from people but I actually had ADHD and comprehending challenges and they weren’t talked about in the 70’s and 80’s so the older I got I struggled in school and in social situations a lot. It was hard when I could do the class work but when I had to do my own work or homework I got anxiety and always went to the bathroom or nurse. I felt embarrassed for my parents for my father was a teacher at the same high school I went to and I know he tried to help me but it wasn’t sinking in. They never got angry with me but what they were was way worse to me: ‘They were disappointed’. I always felt like I could have done so much more with my life if I only could comprehend what I heard. Now fast forward to the stroke. The stroke has caused my challenges to go to hyper drive. I can’t follow simple directions and that brings back the stress and anxiety I tried so hard to tuck way down in the bottom of the universe. I can’t stay focused on ONE task at a time. Could that be from all the new gadgets we now have to distract us from life? Maybe or it just is my brain was having a hard time with learning and since the stroke I have that same stress.

I totally agree and she is still in the 'All about me' stage and she is excited

While I was out walking Saturday afternoon, I received a text from a friend from high school, an in Florida, that a fellow classmate was not doing well and was in the hospital and on life support. This guy, who was a little older than me, and I used to play tennis and racquetball after school and after I was done with cheerleading practice every day without fail. This kid was one of my father's students, he taught at the same school I went to, and continued to be even after we graduated. He lived in Florida still and even after my family and I moved up here he still continued to communicate with us through social media. His spelling made mine look, after stroke, like a perfect speller but he never cared. He was sincere and genuine and just an all around beautiful soul. He was born with a heart condition that limited his activity but he never let that stop him from living. When I say a Star Wars fan.. I mean.. his pulse sounded like the Darth Vaders march beat.(https://archive.org/details/StarWarsTheImperialMarchDarthVadersTheme) And he ALWAYS brought his world into yours and it wasn't an embarrassing occurrence. My favorite picture of him: Sending his 'babies off to the same school we went to. He passed Saturday night in peace of renal failure and CHF . SO this Saturday, if you all could, please salute Darth as he travels to Princess Leia to battle

I had a dream last night and my eye surgery happened and though I still had drunk feeling in my head i was able to see correctly. Then, as always, life plays it's prank on you and when I woke up I was feeling fantastic and realized I hadn't had anything and was so sad But thank you bunches

you know that you are amazing to me and I can't imagine your world but know that wherever your world takes you, I'll be along for the ride!!

So as many of you know, I have trouble with my eyes. Double vision, bouncing eyes and just all around strain and difficulty reading. So after 8 years of searching for help regarding them.. it finally happened yesterday. My parents and I went to Philadelphia to University of Pennsylvania Hospital and met an angel. I was referred to a surgeon from my neuro ophthalmologist and I must admit when I first went there, we were late from morning AM traffic. We left EARLY had to drive 2 hours to get there..... OK so we MAY have stopped for breakfast. haha. So the doctor usually deals with children at CHOP ( Children's Hospital of Pennsylvania) but he deals with adults, and he begins jumping head first with me. He was amazed with my eyes for the both bounce differently and different directions. I explained to him I've tried visual therapy for years and he said," That will never do anything for your eyes'". I immediately thought how much money I could have saved over 8 years but we agreed that some helped with strengthening certain muscles that brought my eyes closer together. So after what seemed like an eternity of using prisms to measure my eyesight, I was certain he was going to tell me that there isn't much he can do but he didn't. He explained a few options.. cut this and loosen my eye and sew this and he had to consult others for a certain plan because my eyes are so unusual. So basically, he is able to straighten my eye and trim one muscle to lower the opposite eye so they are even and then there is a possibility to lessen the bouncing with ,the process has to be discussed with other specialist. U of Penn hospital has a computer/skype process that they consult with specialist around the country before ANY procedure. But to have my eyes straight again, there is a possibility that whenever I look to the sides, I may have double vision.. I'll take it and less bouncing. . WHAT.. this is a dream. My mother actually started crying listening to the doctor tell me the possibilities. I have to admit that I felt vindicated because finally someone other than me heard about the issues I have with my eyes. I mean, when I tell someone I can't go out because I am having a hard day, now after hearing the doctor talk about what each eye is doing was more exciting than the news. It's the simple things. The doctor only operates on Adults on the third Thursday of the month and April, he's gone but he is going to ask if he can get a day for me for this is going to be an intense surgery . I'll be asleep so I won't know. The only thing he said I'll have after is red eyes, in he whites, for a while as it heals and some people return to work within a few days and I'll be able to tell a difference immediately, Fingers crossed

walking without a cane for the first time is scary and I still look drunk sometimes without a cane but if there is anyone who can do it... I have all faith in you ?

yummmmmmmm heathber

I'm glad you're status quo and not sub-par. ❤️

yeah Asha, I have my phone set every 30 mins and I have to sip at least 32oz a day.. whew.. I know now and my mother calls to remind me

that is so lovely!!!!!

All was good as I was checking my emails and other computer stuff when as suddenly as I'm writing this, my head began to spin and I started to sweat so naturally I think I'm having a stroke. Why? Well I was on heperin for my surgery and you know you always have the risk of developing blood clot so naturally my brain went there. I've had more invasions surgery in the past and never once thought of this. So I called my mom, since she had this procedure done last year and she lives .5 miles up the road. "Have you ever felt funny after your surgery?" ,I asked. She said;"Funny like what? Do you want me to come down?".. "YES" so she came down and in that short time I grabbed a protein shake, which I shouldn't have until at least tomorrow. Immediately, I began to feel better. My Mom walked in and I explained how my head was spinning and I started to sweat so I was certain I was having another stroke. What it turned out to be was dehydration and hunger but mainly dehydration. See you can only drink so much and you are supposed to 'sip' throughout the day and ..well I've not been for a fear of drinking too much I throw-up. It's crazy to think of a stroke before you think of a logical explanation. Whew.. i feel better so tomorrow my mom and I are having Butternut squash soup. ..

thanks Sir

Well tomorrow is the day that I only consume liquid. I have Tuesday I have a surgery that will change my life for the better. Then why am I scared? I’ll tell you: I explained it to my mother that I feel like a drug addict that is facing life after rehab. The fear of the unknown. It is a common fear with this according to other candidates for the surgery. So I’m not crazy? I often say to myself; ‘I love my pizza and pasta and goodies’, and then I feel trepidation with my decision. Crazy right? Well no. The same fear I’m feeling is the same after my stroke. ‘I love riding my bike and walking in heels’ was what I would often say and still to this day I feel less of a woman for heels, well in my mind, made a woman sexy…attractive to men. That kind of feeling is the same that I first thought about myself after my stroke I mean who would ever want me? I was married at the time and we were mainly best friends, to no fault of his, for I forgot the first nine years of our marriage. Sure, we could have rebuilt it but before the stroke there were problems in our marriage. Despite that, he stood my myside for five years after the stroke and he is still one of my best friends. In that time I was able to relearn many daily functions of life but I still don’t feel attractive enough to attract a man. (Not that I’m looking now) It’s thoughts like that and advice from people that made my decision to get back into shape. The surgery will allow that to happen. This is the last course of action I wanted to take but the invisible aspects of my stroke make that nearly impossible. But little by little I’m trying to correct my health by taking these steps. Now, I started this out by likening this surgery as a drug addict. Food was my drug. Comfort was my drug. It was also my antidepressant throughout my recovery from stroke. Now I have to adjust to the changes, which frankly aren’t that different from when I was workout I was doing before the stroke. Yes, my food size will GREATLY decrease. I was, before my stroke, riding my mountain bike twenty miles a day was nothing but, that also allowed me to eat almost anything. And I did. I’m stronger than this and I know that I can overcome this challenge for if I overcame my stroke to life again I got this too. Bring it on Tuesday!!

so the other day I did something silly. I was holding my plate of hotdogs, a girl gets hungry, and my head and feet lost their way. You know the feeling when you fall and there is nothing you can do but just fall. So that's what I did. I, in a split second, had to figure out what to do with my hot dogs. I ended up dropping them but ended eating them...hey a girl has to eat. I landed on the corner of my living room table. It was EXTREMELY painful. I played it off for a few days, pain and soreness. Saturday night, thank goodness my son was here, for I woke up and went to the bathroom and could hardly take a deep breath and move without pain. He had to help me back to bed and rub tiger balm on my back while I wincing and yelling. By the morning I felt 80% better but I had my mother take me to the ER. They took x-rays and found nothing but gave me painkillers, which i hate taking them, and advice to go to my Doctors if the pain doesn't go away... Well tomorrow I'm off to my doctor's office. It hits me every time I turn or reach. Now it feels like a toothache. Always there. Is it better? NO. Falling isn't my favorite thing. :(

BTW- I SOOO love your profile picture . Always wanted to tell you that

I have it as well but not as severe as you but I MUST wear socks and slippers, even on the carpet and on warm days as well./ My fingers and toes turn a lovely shade of violet and the bottom of my feet feel like they've fallen asleep but have the 'dead color' like all the blood has drained from it. I've stood in hot water and it sometimes doesn't help for the pins and needles kill me.. My heart goes out to you

Well yesterday started out like any normal day except I was doing a little housework for I was getting ready to go to my son's to be with him for his dad ( my ex husband) and his new girlfriend were leaving the next day for a flight to catch a cruise. So running around and doing cleaning wasn't anything new. I work better rushed and have done so in cleaning even after the stroke. But since I'm kinda having all the things I can't have after my surgery: like soda and coffee, I'd had a cup in the morning, again like I've done before. Though that day I used a different kind of coffee and I think that was my own doing. I was fine all day, yeah a little upset that my ex is going on a cruise that he always told me he'd never do..but he helped me after the stroke, and I walked in the back of my building to talk to my HOA president. I rang the doorbell and said one word and I couldn't catch my breath but I got what I needed said and did so I jumped into my car and drove to my parents house ( .5 miles) and glad it was so close. My father was there with the dod I was going to pick up and take to get my son but when he opened the door, I said as the dog tried to jump up and lick me, I told him ' not now.. I can't'. I've had rapid heart beats in the past..(Tachycardia) so I knew the drill of calming down: Holding my breath,pressing down as I'm having a bowel movement,putting mr face in cold water. I did all but the face, I just laid on the couch with my legs above my heart.My father gave me a cold rag for my head. Granted it was hot in that room but I was drenched and still sweating . After about 10 mins of trying, I told my father that I needed some 'intervention' for I explained in pants that sometimes I need to get shot to stop it. We got to the ER fast, I live near by, and he wheeled me in and I tried to explain I had rapid heart rate and stroke in my past. I got whooshed back with a team of doctors and nurses for I was sweating yet cold to the touch. I was more worried of making my father drive me here for nothing. Well no one would tell me what my heart rate was but just it was fast. ( 220+ a min) They tried to find a vein in my hand but since it was beating so fast the couldn't so they had to go to a central line ( inner thigh) ouch yeah... so the the filled my with fluid, which I thankful for I was thirsty lol. The protocol is pumping in some drug which is made to slow it down.. almost always works but that day, NOPE. The pumped a lot of that drug in my and the doctors were all getting worried that if the next drug didn't work, I may have to have the paddles... THANKFULLY the new drug worked.. I've had them pull the crash cart to me in times like this but never had a drug like that no worked on me. I had my eyes closed most of the time for it was to exhausting to open them plus the nystagmus made it very hard to see straight for it was bouncing at the speed of my pulse. After about 20 mins it finally slowed down to double digits.. WHOOOOOOT.. and everything labwise came back and I was fine so I was discharged still a bandage on my thigh... AND I was so upset hopping this wasn't going to ruin my chances for surgery lol.. Considering I had all my testing

thank you. xx

So by now, everybody knows that when you have a stroke, or any medical condition, that doesn't allow you to move that well that weight becomes an issue. Well I'm about 110lbs over weight. I've tried so many diets as well as seeking the advice of multiple nutritionists and the verdict is I eat very healthy overall but I'm not eating enough so my body is going into starvation mode,my body feels i'm not getting enough calories so it stores all the calories I do eat and turns that into fat...like it's supposed to. If I eat just to eat because I know it's healthier for me, I get sick. So days my brain tells my stomach that eating and drinking isn't necessary, I don't feel the need to eat or drink.. ANYTHING so I occasionally sip or nibble on something and this can go on for days. Likewise, I have days when my brain tells my stomach that I would crumble if I don't eat or drink, I devour EVERYTHING and drink till I'm floating. That feeling of starvation happens so rarely. SO.. you would think that eating as little as i do I would be a small as a blade of grass...but I'm not. My mother had weight loss surgery and has had excellent results. So i decided to check it out and I automatically qualify due to my health issues as well as BMI. I've started to undergo my pre-op testing, and yes I've been eating certain foods that after I can't have. I'm excited. In a few months I can be on the right track to a healthier me. I have to exercise 30 mins a day and in the warmer months that6 will be no worries but in the winter I can go to my parents house and walk on the treadmill, I live .5 miles from them on same road Hopefully by this time next year, I'll be at or nearer to me before stroke. Healthy weight range is my goal.

I literally started to cry reading that. That is so many of my emotions put into words and I haven't figured out to say it them all. I,to, feel like I was to busy to see the smaller things like my children. Growing up and I was busy.My youngest son has an incredible bond with his father and I feel like I drew them together for I was always working. Two jobs. Guilty

thank you

that is such a heartwarming story. Enjoy the love and know you brightened their day when they needed it..