ksmith

Isn't there something legally you can do? It sounds as they aren't following the mandated laws that require handicap accessible access. I agree with Sue. If you paid for it , I mean eggheads

cheers

Well today I got the results from my neuropsychology and I was very pleased. I’ve learned that my recovery has been very good and strong in a lot of aspects I do have some difficulties in my frontal lobes in my executive function. It’s strange because when you hear what kind of stroke I had you would assume that it will only focus on one side of my brain when in fact it focused on many parts of my brain. My family doctor only sees the stroke happening on my left side of the brain but he forgets that he went to my post circulatory system. My father came with me today and he have to lose and everything to for it was a rainy day, I been up since 1 PM yesterday afternoon, my ADD benefits and is not can they be available to me for another week so I have to slowly get myself off it somebody go through a lot of withdrawals and lack of sleep. One thing that we talked about in therapy was finally telling my ex-husband that I have to pull away from helping them out. I have to stop thinking that it’s going to make me a bad mother for it’s not issues that I had to pull away to give space between my ex-husband and me. I’ve been putting this offer so long for I believe that my son would forget to spend time with me though I’m only 20 minutes away. The very silly thought that I would have and I know that he is smart enough to understand that I have to continue with my therapy which is what I’m going to be busy with Monday through Friday. It’s not can it be all day just certain hours during the week and my therapy is also recommended that I give some volunteering a chance while I build my business so I get out of the house and get out of my funk, and I think that’s a very good idea. I volunteered right after my stroke and I realize now that it was too early for I was very angry and it showed. I also believe that once I separate myself completely from my ex-husband I will be able to be freer to not feel stressed down and boggled down and can finally live my own life. My son understands that this is something I have to do and I know that he is a very smart young man and he wants his mommy to get better. That is one issue that therapists my father made very definite to mean that I keep on dragging my feet because I am so afraid of what’s going to happen though I know everything is going to be okay I am but a phone call away. I guess the thing that took me over the edge is my ex-husband telling me that he and his new girlfriend and I go on a cruise and they’re going to make a stop in Mexico and that made me so upset because that was something I had tried for him to do and he always said but we have to save up money, which is true but if you have the money for this and I did it we could go on a cruise so I think that in the future I am going to go on a cruise with either my family are my closest friends or both. I realize why it bothers me so much because I’m always there in the way that my mind works I’m in Wiseman while I’m there because it feels so natural and I can understand why he’s doing this behind my back though it’s been two years and that’s not fair to me. I mean my son is 13 years old that may seem young but he’s gone before very soon and my therapist and my father and I believe that my son can at least come home by himself he can even wake up by himself he is a very responsible trusting young man. We also have a friend that lives down the road that said if we, see there I go again I say we if he wants to drop him off before school so he could spend time with his friend he can and I think that this is something that he should’ve thought of before he started to work. I know he is my son I don’t mind spending time with him but not to help you out in a being used by it free childcare it’s our son but in a divorce we separate one and one goes to the other and the child with the parent at this time has to make the accommodations

Tracy, I truly feel that you haven't hit a roadblock though I do feel, as with everyone at some point, as we recover things start to come easier we want to jump ahead by leaps and bounds.I know I felt that way. Don't give up on thinking you are jumping ahead..

There is never a moment with hanging out with me. I woke up one night I noticed a very delicious looking recipe for sliced cucumbers and I knew exactly what I had to do. While my son and I were watching the Olympics on television I decided it would be the best time to slice my cucumbers. I did not expect is that them to sliced so smoothly then again, that’s what the mandolin was designed for. I was swinging my arms back and forth effortlessly cutting the cucumber and the next thing I knew I had intense pain. I knew exactly what happened but I did not know to what extent for I just grabbed a towel and covered up my finger to avert the blood flow. I grab my son and I said we had to go to urgent care right just place my finger again not knowing how much I sliced it. I calmly wanted to urgent care and explain to them that I had sliced my finger and they instructed me to wait for it was a very crowded waiting room. And I did and I did that is until I started to feel woozy. I walked over to the front desk and informed them that I was on Plavix and that I bleed a lot. All that did the trick for I was taken back within moments. They dishtowel the head wrapped around my hand was drenched with blood and she filled up a bucket of water and saline solution for me to place my hand in. The blood was just coming out like so in turn on the faucet granted it looks worse in the water than it does but believe me when I tell you it was pretty gross. They had to cauterize it to help it from bleeding so much and that hurt beyond anything I can imagine so I told them that they had to give me something for numbing and they did and then she continued to cauterize it. I have learned my lesson not to play with sharp things without the safety which is why they put it on there in the first place. But again I may chalk it up to it’s my first step to becoming a great chef and hot dogs and peanut butter jelly sandwiches for the rest of my life so I don’t have to cut anything lol

he is lucky indeed

they can be buttheads can't they lol

i can't say how happy to see you back. I thank you for the words however I see we all have these qualities and radiate off of each otherxxooxx

he's getting there. He is still in the stage that's all about me 22 lol. Thank you for your kind words Sue

This is probably one of the most difficult things I’ve blogged about. As I blogged the other day, my family got together for a family reunion as well as a memorial service for my grandparents whom passed away, each separately but joined together once again. I flew my oldest son up from Florida for a fast weekend visit for he was extremely close with my grandparents as well. Seeing him again was great and trying to remember he was twenty-two was a challenge especially when he would have a beer or go out at night until early AM. That wasn’t the only difficult feat I had to complete, trying to understand this tall person in front of me was my son. It made my heart hurt knowing this person relied on me to make things better for him, sit with him while he was sick, first steps, first words …nothing. My youngest son is very much in my memory, only at age 13 which is now because my ex-husband and I share joint custody and I see him often. I’m trying to remember a lot of people but it seems to be the old saying; ‘Out of sight, out of mind’. It’s terrible for man of those who I love dearly... poof. I know my ex-husbands family, I’d knew for over 15 years and some I can’t place how or even remember the simplest of detail. I adore my ex-father-in-law and have a hard time keeping those many years from fading away. My son is already 22 almost 23 and I’m getting introduced to a man who lives in Florida and visits when he can. My heart breaks

Many thanks Sue. You are the strongest and selfless person I know and I have learned many things from you. Your hug was what I needed

I know you will live for a long time

I was very fortunate to have my grandparents in my life for 42 years, yet sadly I’m not aware of most of those years. This weekend, my family gathered at the family plot which my grandparents had their headstone and plot already there for many years, for a service to lay them to rest together. My grandmother was in one of her Beatrix Potter figurines while my grandfather was in a lovely urn. From what my family shares, it was lovely. I wasn’t there until they were leaving for I was to pick up my sister, who came from North Carolina, from the hotel she was at near where we had to go. Sadly, we can’t control life. We all we at its mercy. My sister and her family were stuck longer in Delaware waiting for the ferry to take them to NJ and after I picked her up a slow truck and traffic from all the folks coming from places far away from the Jersey Shore* traveling down a two lane road to the beaches. Some of those roads we had to travel. Good thing, my parents and aunts and uncles were able to be at the service for it was their parents. I guess we were all at peace with their passing. My grandmother passed a few years ago while my grandfather passed this past May. They lived well into their 90’s and raised four children, both received their doctorate in their respected fields, traveled the globe and golfers till the end. I’m gladder they were buried together and in warm ground, as my grandmother stated that she WAS NOT TO BE PUT IN THE COLD GROUND. Well it was a hot. The grandparents I met seven years ago, I thoroughly enjoyed being with but I know that it wasn’t going to be long before they were too old to be the grandparents I would’ve loved to have known again. Talking with my sister, she is able to give detail and warm memories of their time with us. I’m just glad to have had the chance to know them at all. My father said it was a good thing we weren’t there because, me more so, I cry at the littlest thing and I might have really lost my head and I respect that might be hard for the rest of my family. I can always go to their grave site and talk to them anytime. .. And I will. No sad tears, no sorrow.. just happiness they are together again...forever

i love the line; ' i don't remember that I don't remember' I can understand that

such a great quote. thanks I needed that

You are so appreciated and an absolute godsend for not only us here but every one you touch

I can't even begin to yell for you how happy I am. Yay i'M SO EXCITED AND GLAD FOR YOU

I’m getting better at living my life in the now and not be so distracted by the limitations of my stroke. Living on my own and not sharing my life with anyone is also opening my inner self and not be so afraid of life outside of marriage. And to be honest….it’s pretty awesome. Yeah the money is tight and learning to live without having a job that gives me a paycheck is pretty difficult to swallow sometimes but I begin to think of the other survivors and I’m thankful. Thankful to have my own place and had the ability to pay for it… yes granted I had to have a stroke and live. I talk about the same things and that sometimes bothers some however I tell them when I say it, it’s as I’m telling it for the first time no matter how many times I’ve explained it. This is something I can’t help and often causes arguments with my children. “I know mom…. You’ve told me this already like 20 times” It’s like a kick in the gut for I can’t remember the first time telling them. Memory is a fickle for I can remember things that happened 30+ years ago but not personally have experienced it. The “me” now isn’t the Kelli from 30+ years ago. It’s pretty neat I explained it that way for it was an eye opening experience for me just now. I’ve had no memories but looking through old me, I’m able to see how somethings were despite having no emotional connection . I finally have a way to understand it myself. YAY.. Funny how the brain works for I always said I can see it through my sisters eyes when in fact they were mine from another time.

I' m so happy you have that escape again. Such a beautiful entry

word can't even begin to express how much my heart hurts reading this as yours was while writing that. I'm terribly sorry

it's Alright.. thanks for all your imput. I just have to sit down with him and really talk to ex

I am going through a tough time right now with trying to explain to my ex husband that being divorced and me being disabled, doesn't mean I am available for watching our son all of the time. His ( ex) theory is because I am his mother, I am supposed to be with our son when there is a need. I have tried to explain to my ex husband that just because the fact we get along doesn't mean that I must be here for his need of child care. No matter how much I try to explain to him that being divorced means we each live apart and start our own lives. I explained that I'm here watching hlm live his. Granted he doesn't go out during the week for he works but still, he's moved on. The saddest thing is i explained to him that our son is the one being hurt here because he is getting used to seeing his mom and dad always together. In the same house.I love being with my son and I also see him every other weekends during school and split summers. We only live 30 mins apart. I've tried to explain I needed a separation from ex. No matter what, I will ALWAYS be my sons mother. I just feel that I'm willing to start a new life be ex isn't wanting to give up free child care. And i understand that we share a son but we can share a son apart. Am i wrong? I could write more but My mind and fingers don't work well together lol

So I have to share my news.. ( maybe for the first or second time lol) While I was writing my blog about memory issues since my stroke and I wanted to write the proper name of my stroke. It was twofold; not only the risk of clot traveling to my brain from vertebral artery but the actual stroke which occurred from a clot that went in my posterior circular system that includes Basilar artery and carotid arteries. I was always focused on my vertebral stroke and not so much of posterior effects and one was memory. I was actually very giddy because all the emotions I have been having problems with my memories . Then I read this :: Memory impairment Infarction of the medial temporal lobe, fornices, or medial thalamic nuclei may result in permanent anterograde amnesia. Although traditionally, bilateral infarction has been thought to be required for amnesia, memory functions may be lateralized such that infarction of left-sided structures may have a more lasting impact on verbal function. from http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/2128100-overview#a and I finally feel understood. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've been racking my brain about memories and I can't help but get upset because I can't keep new memories. I always thought my ex husband was always suspected me of making up my memory was lost but now I wanted him to hear that I really can't help it. I truly feel like a million years of stress has been lifted and a mental note for him not to get upset when I ask the same questions. I just wanted to cheer for I feel relieved that I'm not mad.

I 've finally signed up for a dating website and what scares me the most is having to tell my story and be turned down. Im not doing to think if that, we shall cross that bridge when and if it should arise. The one thing that throws me for loop is I'm looking at men in at 50. That seemed so old for so long and i'm 42 but mentally feel I'm in my 30's. Fingers crossed