ksmith
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Everything posted by ksmith
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"Explain to people that everything theysay is an affirmation. Everything they think is an affirmation. Everything! What you want to do is to get control of what you are saying and thinking, so these things bring you good experiences in life rather than rotten experiences." Louise Hay
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Alright South Jersey and Philly friends.. stock up on your water for today. I damn near dropped dead from the wall of heat that greeted me
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Instead of focusing on some thoughts and feelings and pushing away others, just look at them as feathers flying in the wind. The wind is your awareness, your inborn openness and clarity.- Tsoknyi Rinpoche
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People are mysterious, unfathomable—like divinities: natural objects for reverence. But our habits of thought turn the people around us into objects, the means for our self-protection.- Lama John Makransky
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It's been sometime. I apologize. But sadly as it is when a stroke comes. IT IS WHAT IT IS. That's neither here nor there. ANYWAYS>>>>>>>>>>> Ever since my stroke I've seen a bunch of doctors and some just gave me a singular point of view mainly. I went to go a new neuro, who was highly recommend to me from another regarded survivor. SO..... He looked at all my charts and read them all and gave me a an over all summary. Concerning my memories. Considering the brain-stem is a tricky kind if animal in itself, his opinion was that uncomfortable as it seems... I may have to just except that huge chunks of my memory is gone past and present. Now why would I just throw up my hands and forfeit? I'm not per say. Just that I have to except that fact that the brain stem is a major hub for my brain and things that may happen in there can radiate throughout my brain that perhaps I have more brain damage then once thought. This was not a doctor with the case so he had nothing to gain from this. My type of stroke didn't happen in the 'norm' way of strokes so no one really has an answer . Is there such a thing as a normal stroke? No. Many doctors and such are educated in the different types of stroke. ( i.e High blood pressure, heart,smoking) When it comes to one such as mine as well as others out there, its hard to make judgments for recovery for it's really not known how exactly the brain stem repairs. The majority of BSS is either paralysis and /or in a wheelchair. I skipped those two outcomes but not I have different problems for it effected my cerebellum. So the main fact is regarding my memory. It appears to be getting worse. I have recently looked at him when he was returning from work and really stared at him for I almost didn't recognize him. Wed just had a discussion last night regarding that. I 'know' we are married but I feel no emotional attachment to him. Strange. Its tough to build new memories when I can not remember what happen a couple of days ago without a lot of prompting. It's tough to articulate what I mean. I don't have the memories personally of this but somewhere in my brain they are there... I have the luxury of having some knowledge of strokes and my family are all in the medical field so they get it as well. My husband...not so much.. and it very closed off to some degree. He has been by my side and is very supportive of me 100%. Just I need support on an intimate level. Nothing sexual but just reassurance. As many of you, you;re body has changed and you're self esteem may not be on point. We hug and kiss but its the feeling of being 'wanted' ( get me?) He knows I'm going through Cognitive therapy. He thinks that once I complete therapy all my emotions will be back. Well what if it doesn't? In a regard he is in denial for he doesn't know. ..You have to go back to his family life. The men fixed everything. ((Long story)) There is my speech.... I feel better. I really missed it here.
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The Buddha encouraged us to think of the good things done for us by our parents, by our teachers, friends, whomever; and to do this intentionally, to cultivate it, rather than just letting it happen accidentally.- Ajahn Sumedho
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Alright dirty joke I heard from the radio........( send me a private message and I'll tell you the punch line)Have you heard about the pervert archaeologist?
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Happy daddy's day to all the daddy's out there. Every day is daddy day so appreciate them. Any Moran can be a father but a true man will become a daddy!!
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The subtle suffering in our lives may seem unimportant. But if we attend to the small ways that we suffer, we create a context of greater ease, peace, and responsibility, which can make it easier to deal with the bigger difficulties when they arise.- Gil Fronsdal
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There’s no school that says, 'Cling.' Liberation is about cutting, or dissolving, or letting go of, or seeing through the attachment to anything. The description of the mind of no-clinging may be different in the different schools, but the experience of the mind of no-clinging is the same. How could it be different?- Joseph GoldsteinSo basically at the end of the day, you have you.. life. You are the only one to impress.
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Just for poopies & giggles:Can you correctly guess which artist I've NOT seen in concert?1. Benny Goodman2. Flyleaf3. Nine inch nails
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What is the Buddha-nature? It is a mind that is open and completely unencumbered. It is empty. And it gives birth to warmth and compassion for other people. - Reginald Ray
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Feeling like I'm nearing the end of my rope!
ksmith replied to LSL's topic in Post Stroke Feelings and Emotions
I truly understand about feeling less adequate. I feel that way about my children. My husband is the total 'parent'. I understand being a single mom. I was one too and it was very hard. Right after my stroke my oldest son moved down to Florida to be with his father. He had every right to go. That broke my heart. Everything I was doing was wrong. It was like looking in a mirror to me. He was JUST like me only this time I wasn't able to fight back. As my parents told me "this too shall pass" Him talking to someone I think it a good thing. He ,to me, is acting out over your strokes. Not your fault but sometimes kids don't know how to act, There is no reason for you to get upset and cause more harm to yourself. In the same turn of a coin,no one can truly get your frustration over this. My son was getting into trouble with the police over stupid things... like stealing crates from a business for a bon fire. My now 9 year old had to grow up fast and knows if he is naughty, wait for daddy to get home. No spanking in our house!! But the fact he is more scared of daddy and not me is depressing. As for you, is their a family friend or relative who can come over and over see some of the daily to do's? -
I used to think that to become free you had to practice like a samurai warrior, but now I understand that you have to practice like a devoted mother of a newborn child. It takes the same energy but has a completely different quality. It's compassion and presence rather than having to defeat the enemy in battle.- Jack Kornfield
