ksmith

I was in New York for my eye therapy as I am every Saturday. I met a lovely woman who was visibly upset because she is a functional woman who has double vision when she reads. I know trying to read when experiencing double vision is difficult. Well as I sat across the room from her and listening to her speak to the doctor, I was compelled to speak, When the doctor left i added a few words of encouragement. I simply explained I had a stroke and still suffer from double vision, Day but day i get better and no score in the therapy is right or wrong. Just simply a baseline to grown from. As grateful as she was she began to cry as I told her my story. I'm moved by the sincerity of her emotions but no really understanding. I'm glad I've recovered significantly you cant tell I've had a stroke. Why would that move a person? Could it be because many people don't normally suffer strokes that I did? Probably. Either way I'm glad the story is being told and I'm not trying to get anyone to stop going to seeing these Doctors but rather be informed As my anniversary date nears at the end of this month, I still can 't fathom it's been 2 years. I understand the first year is trying to gain whatever functions basically needed in the beginning process of recovering. I still can't believe it's even happened. But as I and other say, 'Look at the alternitive' ( pushing up daisy's) scary. and I cant but this anniversary I'm going to be more then thankful that despite every my husband stayed,(Bonus is my wedding anniversary is the 10 + valentines + my rebirhtday) Im so self centered You have to be that way for you are the best thing you'll ever have.

it's been a while since I've been here. So still busy counting down the days till summer then I can complain about it being so hot.So sitting here listening to my music and thinking ti myself... self I said... ' I really can't remember my life before the stroke. Now not sure if that's a good thing. I spoke to my husband about that the yesterday. I know i wasn't just born like "POOF" one day I was here, but that's how i feel. I know I was little and had memories....... ((sigh)) I'm sure over time they'll come back but it really is a strange feeling trying to think back before this and all I get is a brick wall. I know it sounds funny but it's true. I really feel like my life is like that move 50 first dates. Everyday is a new day, Maybe it's for the best but very bizarre. OK I know I'm married but I don't recall to much from it. Just enjoy the sun and everyday.

Is that spring lurking in the corner? I think so and that's what keeping me positive. I can't wait to have the smell of life in the air. Before my stroke I rode my bike 20 miles a day and lost 50lbs. I know I can't do that but when I'm outside , I can ride forever. The weather has been horrible here. I've spent three days in a row in bed and slept. I would have written that off a being lazy. I now know that if I'm tired, I must need it. Well. I must have needed it. Boy I have the most understanding husband. He woke me up in time to eat. Smart man. I know not everybody has someone like me and I'm humbled by that daily. People on stroke net don't realize how much they influence my daily routine. When I'm feeling down, I think of the strength and courage of you all and that adds to my power. Thanks

well my husband nailed it on the head, I'm paranoid about other people judgement about me. I am the first one to help a friend in need but I have moments which I totally cave and give in to the same collections of thoughts I have to help others. I guess because I'm coming up to two years I'm just having a moment, I'm not sure.I have to explain myself over and over to people. I'm not sure. I guess when looking at me you would never think anything was wrong and that's why. OR I prided myself as being the top of my game . I guess it's just anniversary blues

Today was my follow up appointment for my elbow at the Rothman Institute. I must be honest I was looking forward to it for my doctor is just a beautiful looking man. It turns out i have the beginnings of carpel tunnel. So not only do I have right side weakness but I have to wear s big brace that also has a brace for my thumb. Typing is a challenge but oh well.Life goes on. I had a good day with my husband and that's all that counts

Well yesterday started out as a great day. Knowing another storm is going to hit us, my husband decided to make Italian sweet sausages for dinner. He did all the things needed. Cooked, served and it was delicious. Unfortunately, I've gone one a low salt diet for my heath and KNOW this dinner for tonight isn't good. You should have smelled it. AMAZING. Dinner went great. As we sat down for television time.. you know when your blood pressure has shot up and you feel like you're drunk?... yeah. On top of my normal dizzy feelings, I was tripping and falling into stuff. Water.. yes...more water... of course. My husband felt horrible for allowing me to eat it but when I was pregnant, I was put on a low salt diet and I complained so much he ended up calling my father for support. ( I tend to listen to him more.. big time Daddy's girl) And my father most honestly and lovingly told him that 'once she has her mind make just stand back.. she'll break your gonads' So as he once learned my mind was set. After making a header into our fish tank, my husband helped me into our bedroom accompanied with me evening meds. I finally fell asleep after watching something on TV. It was the more soundly I'd slept in days. The moral of this is... just because our eyes tell us.. yummy... our bodies tell us we're stupid . Another life lesson learned.

you are in my prayers.

Asha you're wonderful

well I wake up this morning knowing it's not a good thing to jump on a scale everyday...... So what do it do? Jump on the scale. Upset for another three ponds but I'm not putting into consideration that Ive been doing Wii Fit. Why am I so obsessed with weight? Well my parents are very health conscience and I am too. I have to o tell myself that I'm eating more calories then I can burn off. I'm not eating the wrong foods just not as active as I once was. An you know.. that's OK. I give some excellent advice to my friends about weight and I never listen. This is the heaviest I've EVER been but I've also suffered a stroke. Stroke is a hard word for me to say. Not verbally but mentally. It ever was supposed to be this way. It is so deal. Which is true. The only way you can go is up.A girlfriend of mine is a Buddhist and she really has been helping me look more into myself a see the positive.No one will ever know the journey I've taken to get her now and you know.... that's why mentally I'm better then you.

I know i will. I see all the help it does for others to read. ((xxxxoooooo))

Well I see how this is very therapeutic to so many people so I must concede . I've started to not down myself as much anymore. That is a good thing, In the time frame of strokes, I guess I'm still a newbie, Two years in isn't that much. I used to beast myself down about my weight but not remembering much about me in the past has given me a good leg up on building self esteem. Coming from a size 6-8 to much more now is difficult but I have a man that is standing by me every step of the way. He has always told me ,'don't be so hard on yourself for you are the only one that matters' It is true but a hard pill to swallow for my head is always 'cloudy' I tend to explain myself to everyone because you can't see I had a stroke. I seem to wish I had a defects so it was obvious. Now, I don't want to be worse off then what I am already. It sounds silly. I know but I'm complexed. I'm thinking that is because how I was before but then again like I said 'I don't remember myself before' That has it's benefits. My memory is horrible so this is will help me build it back up. So everyday will be a more positive then the other.

Twinkle I had one of those days yesterday. We all have ups and downs. I too had symptoms prior but. I think it was my working schedule. Everyday is a challenge especially depending on your deficits. You never picture yourself as "handicap" when you were younger. It does take time and sometimes you don't to hear the word TIME. I know for me I can't really remember my life before this. It's hard but ,I'm here Thankyou Kelli, Its sadly turned out to be one of those weeks.......Iv just been feeling down, had a hug argument with my husband on the weekend just gone & due to my depression/anger/emotional problems, I can often say things I don't mean & then feel really bad after, plus I often forget most of what had just happen'd, it all seems like mumbo jumbo. I have many childhood & past problems that have caused my depression on top of having my stroke. I'm getting used to how I am now, the new me & I too have trouble remembering life before but the above makes life hard, not being able to control all emotions...... but surprising to myself iv been engaging a lot more with people, instead of feeling so timid & standing back in the shadows trying not to be noticed!!! I have a wonderful husband, but I'm sure it gets all a little much at times & he try's so hard, every day in every way he can, & I just seem all messed up, 3 weeks of the month, I will be good & then I have this downer week. I am still very young & try my hardest most days to be thankful for the operation that saved my life & caused my stroke, because if not, I wouldn't be sitting here now typing this to you.......... I will often say to people, as hard as it is to say, having just a stroke was a good thing because I could of died, my odds were not good. Your reply came at a much needed time & that's what I love about stroke net!!! I have many a new topics/questions to post/ask but am a little shy.......a lot are to do with relationship issue's eg. the bedroom, life, family,kids ect............ I know we are all adults lol, but I can be a little bit of a prude at times ( so my husband says.hahaha) Thanks again for your reply, Hugs to you. Leina xoxo I swear like I'm looking in the mirror. Maybe I became you in a past life. You nailed me there

Dani we all have funk days. I still have funk days. It's OK to have them. you've been through so much. I have great family and friends that tell me things are going to be OK. As for memory.. I use that to my advantage J/K. But the truth is it's very shot term. Most of my memories are gone. What hurts is the memories of my oldest son. But I it sounds so cliche but I truly tell people the big picture i you're alive. It may not be the life we envisioned us to have but we have one. I've told myself I'm not going to stress things that aren't in my power. It is what it is. I know some things as money and such we have to make it a priority but I'm going to make due with what little of any I have . No sense getting worked up possibly into another stroke... Much love & hugs Kelli

I'm hoping that now that all the rushing around is done, I hope that your stress levels go back to normal. I'll be thinking of you