ksmith

I've missed you to bits. 

I'm not going to lie after I read about this :  I was so happy. I actually screamed out loud in joy xx

"Some days it feels like life really sucks - other days, I toss up my hands and say "it is what it is" and go on!  "

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

isn't is crazy.. we're coming full circle in life

But better news-ish:

 I did go on a dating site and I was matched with someone who isn't my first go to.. ( i like tattoo& piercings) f you couldn't already tell by how I dress but ANYWAY:::::

Many people don't know where I work is a place for individuals with either physical or mental disabilities. I love it. This was similar to my very first job in Florida but it was an institution. I now am in apartments where individuals can begin to integrate in  the community. Assistant living but my 'apartment' is a mini group home for someone has to be there 24/7 due to their health issues. It's cool. I love spending time there for I use "reverse physiology' on one  of the residents.. am I'm not lying for she helps me walk. ( someone needs to hold her hand so she won't run away) I do need help.. ok there's what I do.

I was contacted by one gentleman who questioned the name of my employer. He woulds as a case worker for out company. He's not affiliated  but how cool is that. I've been told it takes a special someone to have the patience and landed on my lap.. someone who gets it and MAYBE could understand my challenges. 🤞

he called but there's just no similar things together so maybe just a friend. I told my mom , and she helped me, that I was going to sign up for on line dating. It'd not really my thing but I don't go to bars and such and this is a seasonal town. In the Winter, everything turns.. quiet.  I told her that may survivors have to do that because on not going out and also, I can weed out the ones that want something I can't do. ( ex. skiing)

Cheers to your progress!!!!! Sometimes it's hard when you hope that after so long more will start happening. That's true, just not outwardly seen. Hearing you look great isn't always something you believe but when you don't always feel it. But your mental outlook is what people recognize most and it looks like yours is GORGEOUS 

That's wonderful news Sue. Congratulations!!!!! There's no one who deserves good karma more than you. xxooxx

A mothers job is never done and worrying shows how much of a good parent you are 🙂

I would. It is also a celebration for you for all you've done. Many people don't see celebrating their stroke anniversary but I do.. I wear a tiara on that day.  

That is such an inspirational story. It's nuggets like that brings me  a new renewal of happiness 

Oh Sue. You are an angel two times over and I'm sending you all my love and healing energy. If there is one person on earth that I know can take charge and kick the sh*t out of this is you.  If you need anything... please..

Oh my.. valuable lesson learned. I must say.. I'm kinda on Dan's side.. I am a stickler 🙂 Glad to hear you fared well with the cold weather .

So my one word mantra for 2019 is “Be”.

 That leaves the door open for me to ‘be’mindful of others or to ‘be’more empathetic to others and also ‘be’ more loving to myself so just to ‘be’in the moment ...just to exist and to add whatever action after that word I want to accomplish for the year .

 I believe sometimes people put so much emphasis on what New Year’s resolutions they want to accomplish. Then when they don’t accomplish something  they are a devastating because they feel like they have failed when in fact they had to work up to that goal incrementally. So to  become a better person , I will start being more mindful of my current situation and others. After I have become comfortable and With my actions, my goals  will become that much more attainable 

I recently saw a collection of commercials showing the Christmas celebrations in AU. It was similar to, but not as hot mostly , when I lived in Florida. I can remember going to the beach on Christmas 😊

I love what you said. I was raised catholic and ,to be honest, I stopped going to church. That mainly has been a part of my brain damage. I've lost the ability to believe. It sounds crazy but I lost the having faith ;' like having faith when you rest yourself over a chair and bend your legs, you'll rest on the seat'. ( that was told to me by my mothers pastor) I see the basic if it's there.. well that's the logical conclusion. It's so hard for me to explain but with my memory issues, I live in the now. I mean now now.   My mother thinks I'm not going to go to heaven because I follow the Philosophy of Buddhism. If you look at the basic fundamentals of Buddhism and Christianity, they're practically one-in-the-same.  My basic out look is, it is no business of mine how you practice a religion or spirituality is your business. Who am I to say whether one way is better than another. I believe we all do what we need to do to keep ourselves going. If prayer is what anyone needs to make their heart happy, then do it.   I love everyone ,  regardless of their life choices, and try to share that with my children. We are all beautiful people 

I accidently deleted Tracy's post, the one I quoted, sorry . I meant to do only mine and I stepped in dog poo.. oops sorry 

9 hours ago, tmciriani said:

Heather that is what I am standing by. He is my friend and we like to talk sometimes. My brain can conjure up all sorts of scenarios. Part of my social dorkiness. My CCAS issue from my stroke causes unfounded thought patterns, paranoia, unrealistic beliefs...it is disturbing and enough to scare even the most understanding person away. 😳 So he and I are only friends and that's all I'm going to say about that. LOL

** Mic drop** 🎤

you are not a dork... I'll agree with you as a social dork because I'm standing along with you there 😉 

I'm happy you have 5 years under your belt, yet, understand the melancholic feel 

Tracy, 

firstly, your ability to write your thoughts are extortionary.   xx

It was easier for me to deal for I didn't know her. That sounds cold but it's true. I saw her as another human needing help. . We are having a celebration of her life this coming Saturday, for her friends at the programs. My father said if I had known her, it may be different for me. In a weird way, I thank my mom, who when my sister and I were young and working 11p-7a and tell us ALL about her day ( before we went to school) lol.. 

But the moral is : 

just because you think you can't do something, physical or mental, when you have to,, your brain will work magic 🙂🦄

It is hard to find the inner strength to 'get out there' sometimes but when you do, like you did, it is so fulfilling to know you are stronger than what you thought. We are often so worried to impress "them" that we can do everything. "Them" is , like you said, is our ego and that is a 'them' that can be so hard to silence them. We, whether we admit it or not, have always been judgmental towards other people that couldn't do a good job. I know I was always raised to 'do your best' but I always had a hard time in school, for ADD, I always wanted to do a good job the first time doing something so I allowed my ego to dictate my life. 

 Now, I know that there are  somethings I can't do again, like I once did, I don't let my ego ruin my life. I truly don't care what others think, honestly, for at the end of the day, I am the only one that lives my life. In my head, I truly think this how snarky this is, I have elevated myself higher above others. Not in a 'I'm the prima donna' or entitled but I see it as I've beat death and I know that all of these petty things don't matter at the end of the day.

I remember reading somewhere about "it's all about you"  but reading your post made me think about how others must see me. It's like the misery needs company. Not saying you're miserable but I see it as trying your darndest to make everyone else to 'see' how we see the world.  Having your life change is a devastating thing and sometimes we, as survivors of any kind, are focused on ourselves for we are now on the outside of life. We are still there but when we were , say riding in a car and now a stinky bus, accustomed to a way of life and with the mental guardrails we had ,to better deal with certain situations in life , are damaged, we can't handle the BS that is flung at us.

Empathy , or lack there of, is often a 'stick in the mud' for we had/have to fight to better ourselves and when you see someone not wanting to better themselves just is so frustrating.

  Sensory overload triggers  are very prominent at your fathers house. 

I wish I could have a continued thought to write back but , it's not feasible so... there xx

Ruth,

I'm sorry for your loss. Please make sure you spend time with family and friends and know that you have been brilliant.  Surround your heart with the memories and love you have gained. Thank you for allowing us to share Williams journey with you.  Bless 

"A friend of mine told me that I should cross fold a sheet and lay it under him.  This would help me to turn him.  I will do that when I have the nurse come in today.

This morning he has been compliant and let me turn him by myself.  Maybe he is getting too tired to fight me.  I have scheduled a nurse to come out tomorrow and a CNA.  I will call them again on Monday to make sure that they have the same thing set up for the week.  Who knows.   I may still need all of that help."

 Might this help?