doreen payne

my aunt Robyn died on 19 June (day after my birthday), her house is being sold soon and it has been in the family a long time. my grandparents owned it. been sick with 2 chest infections too which sux. I have major depression and dr don't care. meant to go to the specialist at the end of November but can't afford it. money is really tight at the moment. I am feeling really bad at the moment and alone. been drinking a bit too. think I will just get drunk at Christmas as it will be bad without my aunt.

I love the golden girls! people still treat me different now and I had my strokes dec 2008 and march 2009

since my strokes (dec 08 and march 09) my emotions are affected. I get angry easily and cry at the drop of a hat and stuff like this. it's so frustrating for me and my family. my mom and daughter - steffi is 18 - blame me for everything. apparently they are not to blame at all. I'm just sick of it and wish they would leave me alone or something. sent steffi to my mom's house tonight cause it was too frustrating. everything can't be my fault. my family don't care about learning about strokes or anything else. at least Lily still loves me! Christmas is not helping either. they can just rack off for Christmas too - I'll just eat alone. more peaceful. :whack:

all is fixed!!!!! mom and I are talking again. I apologized. it was like she flipped a switch and she was normal again. I hope I get enough warning next time to run to the hills. the kittens are home - 2 of them anyway. the other 4 found new homes. my girls are well and I am too. it's a lovely Saturday afternoon here.

I apologized to mom. You didn't offend me. she needs her knees done (both of them) and she refuses to do it. I need help with Lily and she's sick of helping I think. I try not go places unnecessarily and stuff.

no improvement with my mother so far. she still hates me.

everything is going wrong at the moment. my mom has the shits with me for some reason. she started being feral yesterday and today she more feral. I don't know why I'm in trouble again. this happens every few weeks lately. mom is fine with everyone else but me. mom told me that my friend is going to laugh at me and not help me, I'm a bad mother, etc, etc. my friend is taking me shopping today as mom normally does it with me. I guess no exercises tomorrow either. my mom seems to hate me at the moment.

thanks for replying Sue and Asha. Hopefully all is well at Rosemary's house. I've calmed down thank goodness. I was disappointed that's all. Sue, there is nothing much in the way of outings, etc. I go to church, exercises 3 times a week grocery shopping on Thursdays and that's about it. there's no stroke support group near Forbes. they had one at Orange but I can't get there.

Rosemary didn't turn up or call or anything. I tried ringing but no one answered. I don't know what happened. I'm peeved though. Jan (my other friend) lives in Trundle and her doctor thinks she's going to have a stroke or heart attack. She's worried and so am I. she's on medication now. It started with her arm going numb all the time. Jan has to have more tests, etc.

this is really good and I couldn't stop reading! "One thing I have learnt is that I have no understanding of time." me neither now

yesterday I helped with Operation Christmas Child. There's a link. About OCC Operation Christmas Child is a unique project of Samaritan

Leo (she's a girl) had kittens 4 weeks ago. last Saturday she had go the vet - she was sick. she's got antibiotics, etc. Leo is recovering really well. She was rundown and she had fleas. The kittens are going fostered for the next 3 weeks. I've missed the kittens but the vet tells me they are in a good hands. The foster mom is keeping one of the kittens. We are keeping 2 of them and the other 3 have homes when they are old enough. I've got a pic of them with the mom. Chat was good today - I enjoyed!!!!! Went to exercises and that was fun too.

I can't wait to see pics!!!!!

I do most of the things because I hate getting email with stacks of email addresses on them, I don't like 'Send this email to 10 people and you'll see something great run across your screen.' , etc eother.

thanks I needed this!!!!!

I found this on the internet. The whole story in in the link. Link here

I feel better now. I had a big sleep and that helped. Didn't go to exercises as I have the flu and sinus affection. I told my cousin about this site as she had a stroke 6 months ago. Hope she pops in! Steffi is asleep and Lily's not here at the moment. She's in Eugowra for the school holidays. It's my anniversary for the 1 st stroke in December. So much has changed!!!!! I'm glad that I'm alive and have the girls here with me. I remember after the 2 second stroke I couldn't figure out what the remote controller was for. It took me long time to remember how to work it and watch tv. Lots of things like that happened. 1 st stroke only affected my arm while the 2nd stroke affected my arm, leg and mouth. the second stroke was worse than the 1st one. They didn't pick up the 1st stroke and the 2nd stroke my dr looked at me and a few tests but I wasn't diagnosed until 3 weeks later at the specialist. I wasn't very happy about that. after the specialist I was in hospital for 2 days only and then sent home. I tell everyone about the warning signs now. I was at the hospital, drs, etc everyday (asking them to help me) between 1st and 2nd stroke because I knew something was wrong - they didn't listen to me. Thank God the specialist listened to me!!!!! Hey I'm glad I'm still here and I can be here with everyone.