Kellyk

Well the holidays are approaching and it's so hard...it will be 4 months without mom and my family is still trying to find the "new normal". Unsure what the holidays will bring. Husband is being a jerk as he thinks I should be past the grief stage and I can't seem to get him to understand. The doctor and my pastor say this is normal to feel this way but it would be great to have something get a little easier. Even if it was just my husband to understand what I'm going through. He lost his father and they were very close but he really didn't show much emotion in front of me. Just hoping to find some Peace and Comfort to get me through the Holidays. Is that so wrong?

Kimmie I am so sorry you are having to deal with something so painful. Drugs/alcohol is the worst thing to try and deal with because the person never believes that they have a problem.....it's always someone else that's "done them wrong". It's always the drugs talking. Our family has the same problem however we have all reached our breaking point and have agreed that tough love is the only way this person will see the problem. It's just my opinion but I think you and your son Matt need to find a place that will make you both happy, if that means staying in Texas or moving back to Arizona you will have to do what is best for YOU! You need to think about you and how this is affecting your health. I was separated from my daughter for two years, not because of drugs but other choices she made in her life, so I know that it's not going to be a picnic but know that I will be standing beside you and holding your hand the entire time. You have helped me in so many ways please let me help you through this. I am just a phone call away. Love you always, Kelly

I just want each and everyone of you to know that even though my world and my family have been turned upside down and inside out I believe that this is my safe haven along with my church. You don't throw any punches as to what to expect because someone has already been through everything I'm experiencing. No matter what I say you don't judge me on the way I'm feeling and that is something that I truly need right now. I thank God everyday for each and everyone of you! I only hope that I don't become a bother because I feel I will be leaning on you more as my siblings throw more at me to deal with......Kelly

Everyday is a struggle, I know it will get easier but until then.......? The bickering has already started with my sister and my niece wanting specific things of my moms and I just can't deal with it yet. I'm seeing the attorney today to become the Personal Representative and I know that when this happens and it all is said and done my family will be torn apart because of greed. They just can't see that all I want is my mom. Her punch bowl from Sweden and her jewelry don't matter, those are just things that I can live without but it's so hard to live without my mom. Why don't they understand this?

Needing advise from someone who has some insight in how to deal with the loss of my mom. She had her second stroke on Sunday, July 15th which took the entire right side of her brain. I stayed by her side for 9 days until she passed. The nights were so bad as she was in pain, ran high fevers and even seizures but I didn't want her to be alone. I've been with her almost daily for the last 3 years and now I just don't know what to do. Tonight is the first night that we haven't had a bunch of company and my family has finally returned to their own homes so it's just my husband and myself. It's so hard she was my bestfriend and the greatest mom anyone could ever have and now I feel I have nothing. I know this was best for her as she lost all functions with this stroke but I'm not sure how to cope. My whole world has been turned upside down. Please help!

Thank you for all the support and encouragement. I've read and reread the entries as to how to handle this situtation with mom and have taken the "stand back and see what happens" approach. Mom is being well cared for, she is starting to eat a little, still pouts around the house but there has been some improvement. Tomorrow night is my night to stay with her so I'm not sure how to proceed other than to be "normal" in my activities with her and see how it goes. Next week will be the true test of how she does with all the new caregivers as I've had my niece filling in here and there until everyone was free to work their complete schedules. Mom seems to be making a connection to my niece and she doesn't want her to leave when the other caregiver arrives. I'm trying to convince my niece that the best thing to do is to leave and let mom adjust to the new routine but she finds it very hard to not be there for her grandmother. I'm hoping that she understands my concerns and steps back or this could be a long adjustment period. Again, thank you for all the support!

Labor Day 2009 mom had a stroke and I made about 3 to 5 trips a week to the carehome about 15 miles away. My siblings went over maybe 6 times the whole time she was there. In October of 2010 we moved her from the carehome back to her home and my daughter, one other caregiver and myself have been providing her with 24/7 care since that time. I have been putting in 92 hours a week (40 at my day job) and then 62 with mom. I have a family that for the past 1 1/2 years have been doing everything without me, no vacations, no birthday celebrations, no dinners out with just my husband. The Doctor put a halt to the hours of care that I'm able to provide as my health has been suffering and I just can't work that many hours any longer. So about two weeks ago I hired 3 other caregivers to help care for mom and she is not adjusting well. She won't eat and she's furious with me as her daughter for making these changes. My brother and sister have no opinion on this and that only makes it worse. She won't look at me, she won't kiss me goodnight......she just sit's and ignores me the whole time I'm there. I've tried to talk with her but she refuses to listen to the fact that my health is suffering. I have such strong feelings of guilt for not being there for her like I have been and I don't really know what to do other than pray that she gets over it soon as it's tearing me apart to have her mad at me. Please can anyone help?