Grannyjudymac72

Thank you Betsy for your input. That is why I came back here, to listen to others and what they feel and experience. Listening to both sides of this journey. Thank you for allowing me thoughts to help in Raymonds journey. I do need to allow him hope of something other than what I feel. Raymonds stroke was June of 2014. Sometimes caregivers get in a rut and you have allowed me thoughts other than mine! Thank you again

Thank you Sue. Its really good to be back. I just finished the past couple of hours out in the garage doing mens work. I am very tired and it was hard work but I feel very accomplished. I am too old to be doing this stuff, but it needs to be done and I hate asking family all the time. Yes I know I need a life too. And my daughter is starting to take one day off a week from her job to take her father to his appointment that day to give me a break. Last week was the first time and I stayed in bed all day hahahaha. Thanks again for the comments.

Its been a long time since I wrote. Life seemed to be just too busy to sit down and write thoughts and feelings. A lot has happened since I wrote last year. I just went back and read my last blog in March of 2015. A lot has happened and a lot has not changed. Raymonds condition has gotten worse in a way, but his life style is pretty much the same. We stopped acupuncture once it stopped working. His yearly therapy money ran out for a while and we got through the summer, which was hard in a way. He wanted to do things outside that his body couldn't do so I had to do them. He would be angry if things didn't get done, so I did them. I am not a man, but I did a lot of mans work. Until I couldn't and I hired a lawn service which is wonderful. We have five acres and the service takes care of our lawns, our trees, our gardens etc. The fee is not as unreasonable as Raymond thinks, but he doesn't like to spend money. But we now have a yard service. Many people have asked, why don't you move. Raymond loves all of his barns, shops etc. He has many buildings full of his "treasures" including three Corvairs which have been restored for the grandchildren. Even though they are just 8,10 and 12. All of the "things" that hang out in all of his buildings are his soul, so getting rid of anything or moving is out of the question. He cant have a normal life anymore, so I won't take his love of his treasures away from him. Because he has fallen so many times and because walking has become a huge problem we are in the process of getting him a power chair. It takes a long time to get one through medicare, but hopefully in another month he will be able to get around easier. I have to hold onto him at all times when he walks. One great thing that has happened to me is I can now "sleep". They found out that I have sleep apnea and I do sleep now with my Cpap machine. Best thing ever! Getting 6-8 hours of continual sleep is a miracle. Raymond still sleeps most of the time, other than when we have appointments, and I have given up on trying to get him to move more. My sister-in-law said something this morning that never occurred to me. Sleeping is an escape and I never thought of it that way. He still thinks either a doctor or a therapist will "Fix" him and I cant convince him otherwise, so I just let him think that. He thinks someday he will just be better. Is that common? Well that is pretty much it for me now. I hope this wasn't too long. I hope I can come back to you all and share. Hugs, Judy

Well hello there dear friends. It's been a long time since I sat down here to write. I received two emails today telling me Happy Anniversary. A year ago I signed up here and was pretty faithful in reading and writing. But then I got all caught up in life and recovery. It's been a long year!! Some highs, lots of lows, but life it good. As you see we both survived this past year. I have learned many a thing in regards to life and learning. I became the man of the house (a shock) at how much our husbands do that we take for granted. Good grief, just the little things that I have had to take over that I had no idea was so physically intensive and time consuming. I have always taken care of the home, the cooking, the bill paying and when Ray needed an extra hand outside I was willing to give him a hand, as it was only for a small amount of my time and energy!! But boy has that changed. I won't even go into detail about the man things I have learned how to do around here. Out in the barns and shops and gardens have become almost tolerable for me now. When I first had to go out into the shops and find things and move things and maneuver him around so he wouldn't fall I was very uneasy physically out there. Oh boy yes do I get tired and wish magically there was a man person who could come out there and help me. But that hasn't happened too much yet, so I just take it one day at a time. One of the main things I have learned is to give a lot of it to God!! And most of all I have learned to allow Ray to heal or improve at HIS own pace, not mine. If he wants to rest instead of exercise I let him. That was a big step for me. I am learning to take one day at a time now and if it's a good day then "yeah". If its a bad day, then it's just another bad day. The main thing is that Ray is alive and I love him so much I will continue to take one day at a time and be his soul mate!! And to continue to pray for his recovery. I have babysat three of my wild and woolly grandchildren a lot this summer and they do tire me out. It seems as though they are hungry every hour!! Hahahaha. But Ray gets such pleasure out of them being here that that's worth the tired I get. They bring him Joy! And a man recovering from a Stroke has very little joy. We had to take the summer off of physical and occupational therapy due to a cap in Medicare, but hopefully in a month or two we can start again. That will be a big help. So my friend I say "hello" again and know that I am doing okay. One day at a time, one step at a time (whether it be one step forward, or one step backward) its still one step at a time! Hugs, Judy

Thank you for your input my friends. Today is an especially bad day for me. I am really having difficulties trying to deal with my feelings about Rays recovery. He has been to a lot of therapies and doctors and they work on him, then he comes home and either just sits in his chair or lies on the couch. For a long time I accepted that he needed extra rest due to the fall, and I didn't say anything. I just took care of him, took him to his appointments and dealt with his resting. Well lately he has been improving so I have tried to push him to do exercises at home. He is so good for the therapists and is such a good patient, but here at home he is just {sorry to say it} (lazy). I do everything for him and he just rests and of course when I mention it, he says he is tired. I tell him thats because he doesn't move around enough. If you lie around and sit around all of the time then of course you are tired. But he gets mad at me when I speak up. Well for a long time I just decided to let it go. But often I just can't. And I need help on this. What do I do?? Should I just let his recovery be his responsibility and if I do that he will continue to do very little here at home. I took him for a walk today and we went onto the deck and I asked him if he thought that the acupuncture was going to make his arm and hand just start moving again. He said "yes". He believes that all of the doctors and the therapist are going to "fix" him. That one day things are going to just start working. I do try to be positive and for the most part I am. But there are times like yesterday and today that its just not working for me. Well thats pretty much it kids. I had to vent and I have been on the verge of crying today so I decided to come here and talk to all of you. I need advice. Thank you and Hugs, Judy

Hello Everyone!! How shameful of me to get so far away from this site!! I used to come often and read everything I could. But then I just got extra busy. A lot has happened since my last blog in January. We are just now coming to an end to some of the therapy and we will have to wait for about five or six months to start another round. There is a cap on money through medicare and the therapists told me last week that the money is coming to an end for a while. So we stopped PT and Speech and Pool Therapy but will continue Occupational Therapy until the end of April. We have also started Acupuncture and it seems to be helping with movement of the left arm and hand. We struggled through a few months at the beginning of the year. Ray was back in the hospital for 6 hours but I wouldn't let them keep him since last time he was in the hospital they wrecked him. They didn't get him out of bed for a week and they gave him the wrong meds. So one Sunday his blood pressure just wouldn't go down so I took him to ER. We were there for 6 hours but his BP would not go down but I would not let them keep him. He was vomiting terribly and one doctor ordered an ultra sound and they found a mass. We saw a surgeon last week and he said it was most likely a stone and he did not want to put Raymond under and remove his gallbladder. He has improved over the past few weeks and is not as nauseous as he was for a while. His Stroke doctor put him on a probiotic and he is also eating much better, so that has helped with his being sick. We also found out the last bad fall affected his eyes and ears. HIs eyes are not working together and he had to see a specialist and now has two pair of glasses with prisms in them. He has to do eye excercises. It also affected his middle ear which made his balance terrible. I have been paranoid about him walking unassisted since November and finally in the past two days I am letting him move a little by himself. I am terrified, but with God's help I am trying to let go and let God help me!! I did have a lady come in a few times and it was wonderful just being able to get out by myself, but she got a regular job last week and I am on my own again. But it will work out somehow. It has been almost 9 months since Ray's stroke and I can't believe how the time has flown. I think no one is prepared for the length of time that it takes to get through one thing at a time. I have let go also of some of my frustrations. HIs TV watching used to drive me up the wall, but now I just let it be. I do encourage him to get up more and move around, but its still a struggle. I also let go of the constant taking naps. I know his body and brain need rest. I have a hard time just sitting still and I tease him about he does enough resting for both of us. As we all have learned and are learning...This is a long journey!! A journey none of us are prepared for. NO instructions! So now I take one day at a time and deal with it. My bad days are far and few between. I miss being here and will try to come more often. Now that our therapy is less I will have more time. Hugs, Judy

Hello my friends, Today is the first day of 2015. It is a quiet day around here and I have been doing a little of this and a little of that. I read a few blogs and there are so many things about strokes that we know nothing about. Its kind of scary. And with that in mind I have a couple of questions to ask and see if I get any answers. I mentioned in my last blog that Ray took a bad fall in November and since he got out of the hospital its like starting all over again. One of the new things since his fall is dizziness and so much more unbalance. He walked better when he got out of the hospital the first time in July. It seems as though he had more energy, and was more cognitive in the beginning. Ray has fallen 4 times since his stroke in June. All of them he hit his head in some way. But this last fall was worse, as he didn't remember the fall or even getting out of bed. Lately it seems as though his brain is worse. He is a wiz at math and yesterday he couldn't figure out numbers. He insisted that he was 21 years old when he got out of the Navy and since then we have been married for 62 years. I told him that would make him 83. He is 75. He thought and thought and could not figure it out. He has always been so good at math, in fact whenever I have had a math problem I go straight to him. Is this extra dizziness something that others have experienced? I took him to a Neurologist and he couldn't figure it out either and he said since Ray said he feels goofy and dizzy and gets sick to his stomach that maybe he has inner ear problems. Another question, is it common to have headaches? He always gets headaches. Is this a stroke related thing? I believe its called "The practice of medicine" because they are always practicing. There are so many unanswered questions. There is so much "unknown". I also came here to wish all of you a Happy New Year and lets all hope that this year brings us peace, joy and recovery! Love, Judy

Well boys and girls, its been quite a while since I have blogged! I believe the last time my frame of mind was not good. I had to go back and read what I had written last time. well since my last blog Ray took a bad fall. On Nov.17th I woke up at 3 AM to a loud "Thud". I looked over and Ray was not in bed. I couldn't figure it out because he wears a condom catheter at night, so I never worry about him getting out of bed. I found him face down in the bathroom and after working very hard I got him to his feet and got him back in bed. I called the Doctors office first thing in the morning as Ray could not remember what he had for supper the night before, he didn't remember getting out of bed, or falling or me putting him back to bed. He remembered Nothing! The doctors office said take him to the hospital now. Which I did and they said they were going to keep him in the hospital for observation and to run tests. Well after sitting in the hallway for six hours, they got a room for him. And he was in the hospital for a week! They had to keep him one extra day because they gave him the wrong meds the day before and they had to observe him extra. There was actually three med mistakes. So after a week of lying on his back (they only got him out of bed twice) he was very weak when I brought him home. They found no reason for his fall, but they think he got a concussion because he couldn't remember anything about falling before or after. Since he has been home he has gone backwards. He is more tired, and weak and I will not let him walk unassisted, because both times I did, he fell bad. His strength is awful and he is so unbalanced. I can do nothing about the care he received at the hospital but since he has been home, I have had a change in attitude and my goal now is to forget my thoughts and work hard to help him recover some of what he lost before this last fall. Ray has fallen 4 times hard since his stroke. This one was the worst. When a mans body falls face first it hits pretty hard. He had marks on his face which took a couple three weeks to heal. I am a softer woman now for some reason. I no longer want him to do what I want him to do. I accept what he can do for now and try to encourage at least some movement. He goes to therapy twice a week and I try to walk with him a little in the house on home days. I have come to realize what I am capable of doing to recover is not what he can do. Yesterday my son-in-law kept Ray for the day along with three of the young grandchildren. My daughter asked me to go Christmas shopping with her, so my son-in-law offered to take care of him. It was the first time I have left him since he got out of the hospital a month ago. It was very hard letting someone else take care of him. It was like leaving your child on his first day of school. I gave my son-in-law such instructions to never let him get up alone. He must have thought I was a little over protective, which I do have to admit I am very much so. So my friends this pretty much is my update on life here. I am happier now and not so frustrated. I do try and get more rest. Ray has also started to realize some of this limitations and doesn't ask to go to the shop as often. It's also pretty cold to go outside. So I send my warmest Christmas wishes to all of you. We will all start a new year soon and I hope each of us has a better time as we move through each day. Also I wanted to add, this week was Rays sixth month since his stroke. I again thank you for being here for me. Love, Judy

Betsy thank you for all of your thoughts and suggestions. It is good hearing from a stroke survivor as none of the caregivers really know what is going on inside of your heads. I will think strongly about getting someone to help, but thats a hard one for me. Actually not hard for me, but hard for Raymond to deal with. Since we live so far up in the mountains its harder to have access to people who maybe could help. I also think my husband is slightly embarrassed by the mess in his big buildings. There are tools, parts and things all over the place. He is sort of a hoarder and he is also a mess pot. There is one man who does come over and helps with the restoration of the truck he was working on before his stroke, but he won't help Ray as far as walking with him or physically being there. He has his own physical issues and mostly is volunteering to help to give Ray more incentive. I could put Ray in a chair up in his shop while the man works, but Ray immediately wants to get up and help. That is what happened last time. So I am forced to stay up there and watch him and be the helper man. Hahaha, I am a seamstress, not a machanic. And of course now that the cold weather has set in, and we got over an inch of snow two days ago. We now have ice outside, so even going up to the shop is a no no. But I do hear all of the things you are saying. And I will try harder to get more help for me. And I will try and include him more in a safe way. Thank you so much for all of the suggestions everyone. It helps more than you know. Its a busy day for me, but I wanted to respond to this last post.

Another thing I wrote about earlier and lost is the fact that most people have no idea about a stroke. When they see Ray they say, oh he looks so good. But they don't see the broken parts inside. They see no blood, no bruises, no bandaids, not scars. They don't see the inner turmoil. They don't see the pain and the work. That is why I love it here. Because you all do know what we all know and see. So thank you for being here for me as my stroke family. Love Judy

Thank you Sandy for the info. I will try to rewrite some of the things I had said earlier. I had addressed your questions about Rays situation. Rays deficits are he cannot walk unassisted and his left arm and hand are not functioning. He can see on his right and left but only if he turns his head in those directions. He is completely dependent on me and like your situation he can eat what I put in front of him. This is still early in our journey so hopefully things will improve. One of my biggest complaints are is lack of motivation to exercise. He only does what the therapist have him do, but at home he mostly sleeps or lies or sits. Also some of the people have mentioned for me to get help. We live up in the mountains and there are only 24 homes up here and most of the people work. There is not anyone who can help me at this time. We have one young man who comes over a couple of times a month, but he has a part time job, goes to school and now has a girl friend. I am sure things will work out. The past few days have been a little extra hard because due to bad weather I have had to do a lot of jobs outside that Ray would normally do. Like get gas for the generator, start the generator, clean up things around the outside that the high winds have caused damage to. So many of the man things around the house are things I am learning to do. I am a 72 year old woman and becoming the man of the house at this stage can be overwhelming. All of the things I am writing this time are not what I had written earlier hahaha. Anyway I really appreciate being able to come here and pour my heart out. You are all my family and I do depend on your words and caring. I will now try to post this

How come everytime I write a long blog it seems to disappear hahaha. This is the second time I wrote a long comment and when I clicked on add comment it went away.

I wish I could just sit down and cry. Maybe a whole river of tears. To wash away the feelings that are roaming around in my head. Feelings of frustration, anger, tired, overwhelmed, etc. At first I was more patient with things. I took most every day in stride, for the most part anyway. I did have very tired days, but lately it seems my days are more full of frustration and anger. I don't want to feel this way!! One of my friends gave me a book of daily devotions and I have been reading it for 5 days. Today I am suppose to get rid of the negative feelings and give them to God. I have been trying to all day!! Some times it works, sometimes it doesn't. At this very moment I am simply tired. My therapy is work and keep busy while Ray rests and does his daily what ever he is going to do or "not" do. Today we had company and I had to take him out to the shop where he rebuilds cars and the man who was visiting removed the windshield of the truck Ray is restoring. Ray wanted to be out there working, but he cannot and we battle whenever he wants to go to the shop and work. He still can't walk unassisted and I so worry about him falling in the mess out in the shop. Its full of (equipment Ray calls it) I call it CRAP!! But of course I am wrong, it is his"stuff". Anyway going out there always tires me as I have to do all of this stuff he can't do. I become the "man". I don't like being the "man". But I also don't want to upset Ray for fear of another stroke. Anyway I am learning that in order for me to get rid of, or at least to try to get rid of the feelings is to come here and talk to you. You are my shoulder, my hankie, my leaning post, my place. Here I can shout, crab and just feel! I don't like the way I feel, but I do feel this way. It is almost 5PM, so hopefully in the next few hours it will be time to sleep and maybe tomorrow I won't feel this bad. Thanks for listening and thanks for being here for me to "vent" Hugss, Judy

Hello Friends, About 2 hours ago I wrote a long blog only to loose it because of my internet!! Talk about more frustration today. It's not a good day for me and I need to ask for advice and to vent at the same time. I haven't blogged in a long while, as my life is pretty busy and mostly because I just didn't need to for a while. But now I need to write!! I have a situation and I need help. I encourage Ray to do exercises throughout the week to strengthen his arm, shoulder and hand muscles. We have been using the e-stim on his shoulder and arm. It has helped with movement. My situation is I can't seem to get Ray to do exercises on his own. If I take him for a walk (which is not that often anymore) cause he is tired. I can get him on the bike on occasion (I fixed it so he could put his feet in the straps) I made a device to work his arms and hands and he will only do it if I stand over him and hold it for him. Today I asked him while he was lying down to try to move his arm which he did and I mentioned that he should try to do that often during a day while he is lying down. He said he would do it later after he rested. Bye the way lying down, watching TV is what he does most!!. He never lets go of the remote. When he does move to his chair, he puts it in his pocket so he won't forget it. That is nerve wracking all by itself. And when he did wake up, he didn't do anymore arm movements like I suggested. He has speech therapy, occupational therapy and physical therapy twice a week. They give him exercises to do at home and he just doesn't do them. He has never been motivated to do exercises. So I try and get him up and doing things, but he prefers to lie down or sit and watch TV. Today I am just at my wits end. I tried to get him to work with his arm, which he can now move a little. But he said I will do it after I rest. He slept for 3 hours. Then he is now in his chair and he asked me to put the e-stim on his arm so he won't have to exercise it. If the e-stim does its job Ray doesn't have to. I asked myself, should I just leave him be and let him deal with what ever it is that he doesn't want to do? I say no because he can not walk unassisted and whatever he needs or where ever he goes he needs me there to help him. I have tried to get him to get up and walk in the house a little. But nope, he sits or lies. I am his complete caregiver and I don't mind that at all. But I do mind that I can't motivate him to exercise. And also I am just tired. I have had help a few times, but he just sits and talks with the help and doesn't do anything else. What can I do? What should I do? I need someone to tell me how to deal with this frustration. As the ole saying goes, you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. And yet when he talks to people he tells them "I am greedy, I want everything back" Yet he doesn't do the work. I believe he just thinks it will someday just return. This is my second draft today, so I hope I don't loose it hahaha. I was just going to deal with loosing the first draft, but its been two hours now and I can't get over being frustrated. So here I am again. Writing to vent and to ask for help!! Thank you for being here. Judy

Thank you everyone for your encouragement. We had a little incident this morning. Raymond fell while attempting to go to the bathroom himself. I had gotten sick early this morning and had thrown up and had a bad stomach, so I had shut the bathroom door while I had the fan on. We had gotten him to the couch and he told me to go lie back down, which I did. But then when he got up to go to the bathroom, he had to open the door which is usually always open. He let go of his cane and lost his balance and down he went. He hit his head on a door jam but we got him up okay. We both learned a lesson through this. Things must always be the same for him in the house while he is working towards safely moving about on his own. I have to watch out for circumstances that would lead him to let go of his cane, and I will pay more attention to those things. I also told him that we learned he has to pay attention when something is different. Since this was only day three of him walking about by himself a little. I believe what happened, is during his urgency (which he has had problems with lately) he was in a hurry and was not thinking about safety as much as getting there quickly. This is a never ending learning process. One of my biggest fears has been him falling again. He fell on the cement floor in his shop once and from that fall I got overly protective of his walking. I was just starting to relax as he was getting better balance. I have to try and not let me go back to overly holding him back. We just have to watch out for problems. Again, thank you for your encouragement. Another day, another lesson!

It's been a while since I have blogged, and not because I haven't wanted to, but mostly because I have been too tired. I think the past three months finally caught up with me this past couple of weeks. I am usually not tired more than maybe a day here or a day there, but this past week I have been exhausted more than usual. I believe it's a combination of being a caregiver and doing much more than I have been used to and also not eating the right foods. It's funny because I make sure Ray gets the most nutritious, fatigue fighting, energy building foods there are! And he is slowing regaining his appetite and a little more energy. He no longer spends half the day sleeping on the couch. Even he has mentioned that he feels better. That is a biggie! What's new is I finally realized that I was doing "everything" for Ray and not only tiring myself out, but not allowing him to grow in his strength and capabilities to learn how to do for himself. For the past two days I have allowed him to walk across the room to a different chair or to the couch. I have watched from a distance as he walked alone to the bathroom. I leave the room when he tries to dress himself, as its so hard not to help him. It has taken about three weeks, but he can put his shirt on pretty good and his pants are coming along. He got used to me doing most everything for him and after my right hand got to where even moving it was so painful, I realized I put all of my strength into him, and he needs to put his in. The therapists have shown him how to get up from a lying position using his elbow. He said I can't do it. So once my hand and back hurt so much I told him he had to try harder, because it hurt me to pull him up. So guess what?? He is getting up on his own now. It's a slow process but he can do it. So my new thing is letting go! That is soooooo hard for me. To let him relearn how to take care of himself. Even little things like getting ready for bed. I was putting his toothpaste on his toothbrush, pouring mouth wash into the cup. Putting his dentures into a cup and plopping in the denture cleaner. And now I sit on the edge of the bed while he does all of those himself. Gee, guess what, he does it weird, but he does it! So now I let him walk to the bed once he is finished and the one thing I do is put on the night catheter. He can't do that, but thats fairly easy. I tuck him in, said good night and go out to the living room to have "my quiet space" to watch the programs I record. I turn on the baby monitor and relax. It's the only me time I have. So not only stroke survivors have to rewire their brain, but caregivers do as well. I am learning the more I do for him, the less he will learn to redo himself! Gosh lightbulb moment So this is my contribution to the bloggers corner. My usually cheerful, I can do anything attitude is a little bit more on the "I am really tired here" and I think I am grumpy and need a break and some rest. I will find it somewhere. So hugs to all of you out there that are just here every day and who know how we feel and love us unconditionally. Guess what? I love you back!!! Hugs, Judy

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. How funny that such a small thing going on in ones body can be such a huge thing. We often take life for granted. Today I was looking at pictures on my computer and I was looking at some videos of Ray shoveling the snow out of our driveway. Wow, to just be able to walk, let alone hold a shovel. How such a thing is not recognized as a wonderful feat!!. I am grateful for anything now!! Thank you family for being here to share something good! Hugs, Judy

Hello fellow StrokeNet family. Yes you are now part of my family. I can come to you for all of my thoughts, my goods and my bads!! Well today I come with a good for a change. Yesterday a few minutes after I took the e-stim off of Rays arm, I noticed what looked like a finger moving all by itself. I said "did you see that!!" I was amazed, delighted and shocked! I ran to get my cell phone to take a couple of video's so I could share with my family and with Rays OT. He also managed to move the upper part of his left arm. It's like a miracle is happening. I so hope so for Rays sake. And of course I can't deny for myself. Last week a friend of his who has been coming over for moral support had read an article put out by the National Stroke Association and he had a heart to heart talk with Ray about his having to be proactive in the rehabilitation of his body. What ever he said to Ray, that afternoon he was willing to take a longer walk and he was willing to sit up more in a chair. That alone was a miracle. As he had seemed less interested in much more than sleeping or lying on the couch. I had mentioned this in my previous blog. I also had a talk with Ray about his recovery. It seems to me that he feels that between the doctors, the medicine and the therapists, that all of his parts will start working. He has not connected the dots that those things can help, but that he has to do the work. So the movement in his hand is marvelous! So today I am blogging some good news. He is presently complaining about how tired he is today, and that is okay. I told him how about you lie down for a while and then maybe we can take a walk. Also some good news in the fact that some of the outside jobs that I am not capable of, one of our camping club friends came over and got our motor home started and took it over to have the emissions test. It passed!! I don't drive the motor home, so getting it on the road again was marvelous. The batteries were dead and the jacks did not retract. So another thing checked off of my "how can I manage that" list. So family, I am smiling today, a tired smile, but none the less a smile. :lolu: Love, Judy

Hello Sue. I loved reading your blog this morning. So many of your Rays attributes were my Rays as well. The let me help you and then doing so much of the work himself. He has been the go to person in the neighborhood. And now oddly enough, not one of those supposedly thank you so much, what can I do for you people seem to just drive past our home. Where once they used to stop when Ray was outside to chat with him and maybe ask him for a tool or some assistance. He was there in a second. I can't imagine being without my Ray, so I can't imagine how you are feeling. But I am sure if you look hard enough and want hard enough, something will place itself in your path that allows you to fine a reason for you to find a new life to live. I send you warm loving thoughts and smiles of respect. You sound like a wonderful woman. You inspire me! Hugs, Judy

Thats fantastic news Rose. I am hoping my hubbys arm and hand start getting the message. He did move his upper shoulder and arm some this week in therapy. Keep on doing what you are doing. Hugs and smiles and of course waves so your left hand can wav back!

Again, thanks Ron. All advice and comments are welcome. I have read quite a bit about post stroke fatigue. I know it is a real condition and I will ease up on the worry for now. He is also on Cymbalta, in fact they increased his dosage since the stroke. He was on it before, as they were trying to treat his headaches with it. I will look into an air cast. Yes I do see him all of the time and I will listen to others. In fact my daughter just called to tell me she will be bringing him home soon and I asked her how he was doing and she said "he is ornery" Hahahaha, so could that be any indication?? But thank you and I will try to look at my journey through different lenses! This is just one day! Tomorrow is tomorrow. Thanks, Judy

Hello again Ron. The e-stim I spoke of yes is probably the same. Two pre-wired electrodes attached to his arm makes his hand rise and fall. He still has no use of his hand, but I have noticed a slight movement of his arm, which he doesn't seem to realize, but I do. He can push against my hand with his arm forward and pull back some. He could not do so before. Right now the main problem I am having is that he only wants to rest. The slightest amount of movement seems to tire him. I try to encourage him to push past the tired just a little. I even encourage him to move something while he is lying down or sitting. To move his legs up and down, or just any type of moving. He falls asleep the minute he is on the couch. And now his excuse seems to be he has a headache. Ray has had a few other medical challenges in the past and therapy has always been something he simply does not like to do. I am hoping that something or someone gets through to him, but I do worry that its not going to happen. I cannot will him to move, and if I could you bet I would! I am encouraged by all of the advice I get from these blogs and posts. So many nice people here, so much knowledge. My positive attitude about life is the major thing that keeps me going. I just wish I could help Ray. Hugs to you and your wife. And I loved how you described your wife's hand, straight and soft. And yes because my husbands stroke is still so new, I do hope there is light at the end of this tunnel. Smiles, silly giggles and "thanks" Judy

Thank you Ron, Wow how wonderful you made me feel. Both in remarking about my writing and also about your wife's improvement. Such encouraging words. I have read so many forums and blogs and get somewhat discouraged about Rays future. And reading your comment has given me faith in the future for him. I am on a roll today doing laundry, dishes, chores, etc. And I gave Ray a nice "fatigue fighting" breakfast. After breakfast I put the e-stim on his left arm, and I am also recharging the simulator that is implanted in his back for pain. So he is being stimulated hahaha. He asked me a few minutes ago if he could go lie down on the couch. I never say no, but today I did. I said you only got out of bed a while ago and you don't need to rest. You are watching TV and that should not be tiring. I said once your recharging is over I would like to try to put you on the exercise bike for a few minutes. Then you can lie down. Hmmmmm is that the right thing to do? Well for some reason I think so. He really does very little movement or exercise and for the past few days I have been encouraging him to at least move parts of his body. As the commercial says "a body at rest, stays at rest". Bye the way he hates for me to say that. So I don't out loud, just in my mind. So I will cheerfully encourage him throughout the day and if he wants to rest I will let him, but I would like to get a few moments of movement first. And Ron, bye the way, I have always wanted to write. I wrote short stories years ago but just tucked them away. So this blog gives me a chance to simply write what comes from my heart. Thank you for your kind words, your encouragement about our future and for just reaching out. Hugs, Judy