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DeanS
Stroke Survivor - male-
Posts
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About DeanS
![](http://content.invisioncic.com/o322659/monthly_2019_03/369780994_darkblue3dhorizontalbuttonwithtealbackground_sm_survivor.png.4f3e68ae47d2ebbfd9c3b7871e8990e0.png)
- Birthday 09/02/1958
Shared Information
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Stroke Anniversary (first stroke)
03-13-2013
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Stroke Anniversary (second stroke)
11-01-2013
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Stroke Anniversary (third stroke)
15-04-2014
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How did you find us?
Website Link
Registration Information
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First Name
Dean
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State
Saskatchewan
DeanS's Achievements
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Associate Member (2/10)
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AJ Things have improved infinitely since i quit the meds. Most of the time i feel almost normal again and it is a new world! I find myself in the midst of a complete re-evaluation of my life before versus what it can be, or rather, what i want it to be having regained it. I am sure you can imagine. The meeting was eventful. I haven't been cleared for work yet and not likely to be ti the cardiac issues are resolved (3 to 6 months hopefully). My medical care is much less chaotic now that my head is clearing and i am present enough to be actively involved in it. I really appreciated your advice re: the cardiologist and i took it, although i can't afford a second opinion. I started the Crestor and by day 3 i felt the effects. It was enough for me.... At least i don't feel guilty about my deal with the cardiologist. Thank you for asking. Dean
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AJ After my first stroke my doctor told me not to drive for a couple of weeks, this after having driven myself to the ER. It was advice that i neither wanted to hear nor payed much attention to. In retrospect i have to admit that i probably shouldn't have been driving as i felt completely insecure and inadequate, akin to a novice. But that is only in retrospect. On this last friday i had an appointment booked with my brain case workers (that sounds funny doesn't it). It was a very important meeting with 4 individuals to whom i had been referred for physical, cognitive, speech, and vocational therapy as well as an intern. As you might imagine, getting four rehab specialists together at the same time is nothing short of miraculous. When i got to my car, just as i opened the door, i noticed that i had a flat front tire. I had left myself lots of time so i thought i would simply change out the flat and be on my way. Needless to say, i couldn't get the spare detached from its hanger (broken). Fortunately, i managed to teleconference with the group and all went well... but, before my brain engaged and i arranged the conference call, i felt completely hopeless and utterly helpless. What i really wanted to say is, while I can't really imagine the physical barriers you face i can imagine the sense of loss and the feeling of increasing dependence you are forced to accept. I am sorry my friend..., I wish it were otherwise. Dean
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Glad to see you are okay. Best wishes... Dean
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Good to see you back Tony! Keep us informed of your progress Dean
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Hi Sassy, You are correct..., i did learn something from both. My next appointment is to a fortune teller (just to make sure i've covered all of the bases!!! I know woowoo and i know science and you know what...? We just don't know what we know (i love that one... one of your politicians wasn't it?). The last year was pretty much a write off for me but... ultimately, it did lead me to this point and that is good. I actually don't think that science and mysticism are necessarily in opposition to each other. i really like the 1st law of thermodynamics as it might relate to the energy of consciousness. Google it. You have a ball! Your point regarding Elliot is particularly significant to me as it reminded me of something i told my grandmother when i was 3. She asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up and i told her i wanted tp be a fireman. She exclaimed that the last time she asked me that i said 'doctor'. I replied, without hesitation and quite sincerely, that i would be a doctor in my next life. Hmmm.... Anyway, i am thinking about what i want to do with my life (now that i feel i have one again) rather than what i must do. And this is good too. I don't want to grow up (know what i mean?) By the way... i really was sincere when i said "don't try this at home". I got lucky
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Hi Lisa, I swear i've given pints by now. I think i have all my ducks in a row.... but i'll mention it to my neuro next time i see him. Thanks for the tip! and welcome to the board!!
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So..., i wake each day with wondering if my mind and body will continue to function and improve or at least maintain. So far so good, my head is getting more and more clear (most days), my body is also improving, and i honestly think the fog (drug induced) of the last year has lifted. This is causing me to reconsider life, as i find myself in the position of having thought i had lost everything including the will to live, only to discover that all is not lost. The notion that i may be somewhat unique and phenomenally fortunate in this regard is not lost on me... because it could have been fatal. But, fully conscious of the potential consequences, i am choosing to live with mind and body, with a feel for life and living rather than live as a ghost of who i was, even if it means dying younger or sooner than i otherwise might. If i were hearing my story as though it were someone else's i would, i think, express alarm and concern. So i live on.... It has been about a month now since i started my experiment with medications and i have no regrets. My worst day since i quit has been leaps and bounds better than my best days in the all of the last year. I think, feel, articulate, and move almost as well as i did before the strokes. And i have to pinch myself to be sure it isn't all just a dream. I had two appointments this last week. One with a psychiatrist and one with a cardiologist. Each was enlightening. The psych doc took my history and asked what my biggest concerns were and i told her that it was primarily my sometimes chaotic thinking that i was most concerned about now (which was different from what had brought me to her in the first place). I made her aware of the three strokes i had, the utter desolation and deterioration that i had suffered over the last year and the seemingly miraculous turn around since i stopped taking meds. I had seriously considered cancelling the appointment because i felt i had recovered so much that it would be a waste of her time and mine. Well it was a waste of time. Knowing my history and about the strokes, she prescribed Trazadone to help me with my sometimes chaotic thinking. I told her that i was very hesitant to take any medication considering my ever improving condition and that i would take the script but that i needed to research the med first and that i might not fill it depending on what i found. As it turns out trazadone is not recommended for anyone with cardiac, ischemic, or stroke issues and should be administered only under close medical supervision or in hospital for people who have a history with such issues. Needless to say, i didn't fill the script. The visit to the cardiologist was no less interesting. Long story short, he asked why he should should treat my case when he didn't feel comfortable that i would follow his directions regarding meds. Through reasonable discussion, we agreed that i would follow his advice and start taking a statin for at least 2 weeks to see how it affected me. In return he would order the diagnostics that he felt necessary in attempt to discover the reason and source for my strokes. While i took the script from him and assured him that i would give it a try i feel very, very reluctant to do so. And now i have been classified as a non-compliant patient which doesn't bode well for anyone. Yet, thinking about it, maybe it lets him off the hook. I swore to myself that i would never again take a statin. I am very grateful that i may have dodged the proverbial bullet and it has caused, or perhaps allowed is a better word, a re-evaluation of my life before strokes versus how i would like to live now..., and that is where i am today, To be continued...
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I didn't think my heart could break any further but it just keeps on breaking
DeanS commented on SassyBetsy's blog entry in SassyBetsy's Blog
Hi Sassy, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. There are so many things you said that were meaningful to me. I remember your welcome to me after i had introduced myself to the board and it was something along the lines of "welome to the world where one pill makes your happy and the other pill makes you sad...". Since then i have followed your travails or journey thru purgatory with much admiration for you strength, wisdom, perseverance and especially your humor and quick wit. There are many philosophies one could use to rationalize our situations but none of them seem appropriate at the moment. Suffice to say that it is hard to watch life pass you by and feel like you are only a spectator and can't take part. It is a crisis of the soul. I am familiar with the feeling and can empathize with you. It's as if the universe has played a very dirty joke on us.... But you are a survivor as am i and for what it's worth, you have helped me survive the same dirty joke. That is 'meaningful'! Perhaps the universe is saying your life dreams aren't good enough for you..., you can and were meant to be more and this is how.... And, though it feels like loss it is an adventure (painful as it might be) and you have and are in the process of discovering what that is and we get to share it with you. While you can't minimize what the stroke has done to you physically, it has left you with your mind and wit and these are very powerful tools! Its not time to give up. You have too much to do and share with the world and we are all the beneficiaries of your journey! Dean (beneficiary) -
These last few days have been so interesting. I'm finding myself with ever increasing mental clarity, memory and, relative to where i was, seemingly boundless energy. After all but have given up on any semblance of life i find that all i am doing is looking forward with enthusiam and hope. I have resumed the renovations on my house that had been stopped in their tracks over a year ago. I find myself making plans for the upcoming year instead of dwelling on where i had been. It feels like i have a life left to live rather than existing in the zombie state that i had been in. I am a little sad for the year that i lost (all because of a few bleeping pills) but the experience and gift of a new lease on living a life worth living more than makes up for it. I fully intend to take advantage of it! The only concern i have going forward is my heart and the cardiologist. I have an appointment with him to check out my enlarged atrium and the possible (or likely) connection between it and A-fib being being responsible for my strokes. I have a lot of fear that treatment for this may send me back to the way i was, lifeless. I am reconsdering the procedure that we are meeting about. He wants to implant a cardiac monitor in my chest to determine the frequency of the A-fib and from there take an appropriate course of treatment. Considering the nature of my last year i think i am a little gun shy regarding medical intervention.... Anyway, that is my only concern at this point. I would be grateful for any opinions or advice that people might have. I am looking forward to returning to work hopefully late january or early february (unless the cardiologist says otherwise). I am certain that i will start slow (half time) and we'll see how i fare day to day and week to week. I feel like i can but don't want to push myself. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.... Anyway, i'm feeling great! and wishing everyone happiness and progress in the new year! Dean
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Sandy, thanks for the input and i'm glad to hear that your husband is coping well with his meds. I didn't mean to suggest that meds were bad, they were just bad for me. I also show signs of white matter disease and i hope that i will have someone that is as caring as you to help me thru the decisions that will inevitably have to be made. In the meantime i continue to improve with the support of all of you on this forum. Thank you, so much.... Fred, you are amazing! Debbie, your words are good for me and always give me pause and thought. Thank you for this. I have had some withdrawal effects but continue to improve each day. Your advice was well heard and i am grateful for it. Christina, i hear you. If we can find effective alternatives we should pursue them. I consider myself unlucky to be among the few that are very sensitive to pharmaceuticals, but maybe lucky in that i caught it in time. Anyway, it feels like i am a little more 'present' each day with all of your support. I am grateful Thanks Becky for the reminder. As my mind and body faded so did my attention to anything other than, well i just don't know.... I literally couldn't see the hand in front of my eyes let alone think about what i was putting in my body (and it wasn't good)! My diet is getting greener and greener everyday. You caused me to remember that we evolved on a diet primarily derived from gatherers. Thank You!
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AJ, it seems that many of the things we learned when we were young we now have to unlearn or relearn. There was a time when when we could with faith and trust have some degree of confidence in the professionals we dealt with. There was an even earlier time at which humans were still human..., still interested, caring, and able to show genuine compassion for our peers. This, i think, is largely what we are trying to recapture in forums such as this as it is becoming increasingly difficult to find in the world at large. It is truly tragic the direction that we as a human society are taking. While the medical profession at large has perhaps noble intentions it is not these intentions that, today, motivate or drive the medical profession. I fear it (and we all) are ultimately driven by a system of governance that is the dollar (as you experienced first hand with the medical and the legal systems). Reputations it seems are not built on the quality of service one can provide rather they are built on whether that provided service builds wealth, power, and prestige. The fact that you did all of the homework and still were left worse off than you were before i think makes all of the above clear. It is not your fault! We are (or were)taught do trust those who are supposed to be in the know, experts in their field. I, like you have encountered doctors (or more often nurses) who genuinely cared but they are becoming increasingly rare. I feel awful for you. It breaks my heart that you, in searching for a better quality of life, should have such basic trusts broken and be left thinking that if only you had done something different things would be better. I too have learned this the hard way and am only just now recovering after been on the verge of resigning my life to an inevitable end. I feel immense gratitude and respect for your amazing strength, insight, and courage to be here and share your experience(s) with us. Your premise was sound.... Dean
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Well I did what is said I was going to do and wean myself off of all the meds I had been prescribed. I was feeling really very desperate because it seemed like I was only just living. There were only a couple of hours a day that I could remember and absolutely no physical energy at all. I was alive but felt there was no point to it. And…, it wasn’t getting better! I don’t suggest this for anyone and everyone should see a doctor before changing or deleting a med from their daily regimen but in my case, the possibility of death was sincerely a better option to how I was living. I hope this is understandable, I didn’t want to die if I stopped but was certainly going to take the chance that life could be better if I did. IT WORKED!!!!!!!!! I am off the bp meds, I’m off the plavix, and I’m off the cymbalta for pain as of yesterday! And all I can say is what a difference a couple of weeks make. I noticed immediately as I initially cut my doses of all meds in half that I felt a little better and better each day. I did it quickly (more than I should have) but I have always trusted my body to tell me what was wrong. It has been almost 3 weeks now and I continue to get better! Each day I wake with more energy than the day before and with more mental clarity and acuity. I am starting to think of the future again. I feel like I have accomplished more in the last two days than I had in the last 12 months and am no longer thinking ‘if’ I go back to work rather it’s when I go back to work! It’s just freaking amazing!!! My blood pressure averages 130/80, I’ll be monitoring my cholesteral, and as for the pain I will have to find an alternative if I can’t cope with it. I will never again take a statin! Right now, I feel terrific, clear, and blessed! I also feel a little, no I feel very angry! Our medical system is in shambles. Doctors are forced to treat a population, rather than the individual, and they are fed their answers by big pharma which only treats a population, forgetting the individual forsaking him/her for prescription dollars. I was told that I would have to be on these meds for life! They took away my life, or at least a full year of it! Never again. Why we have this implicit trust in doctors when we see the nature of medicine devolving to “Drive Thru” status I can no longer understand. After a 3 minute consultation with a doc, we walk out satisfied with a script for something that is supposed to make us better, yet is ineffective, counterproductive, or actually harms us. There is something fundamentally wrong! My mother tells me of a clinic of older doctor’s that has opened in her area and as their medical philosophy “ We Have Harmed Enough… No More” recognizing that our current system of medicine is fundamentally flawed. I don’t suggest or promote anyone doing what I have done but I do suggest people take the time to research the nature of their affliction and the meds (especially the negatives) of anything they are prescribed! Thank the gods for this board because it was largely going thru all of your experiences, travails, successes, and comments that I managed to discover my way. Bless You All! Dean
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Hi Asha, You are right in that i listen to the good advice of Debbie, thank you. I also think that if we pay attention to our bodies and minds (what little is left) that the two of them can tell us what we are doing right and wrong and i am just at that place where they are both telling me that i am scr***ed if i don't make some changes. I agree that we should be able to get all we need from good food, but as i have been falling behind on energy i have also been falling behind on remembering not only to eat, but to eat well. Debbie pointed this out too! When your mind is so foggy and you don't have the energy to think let alone cook... well something has gotta give. You also suggest CBT and that was one of the reasons i am doing this, like you (but it was truly out of desperation in my case). I don't know if i am capable of meditation anymore but am thinking that it may another one of those points of balance. I have little routine now excepting waking, eating, and sleeping. The blog is a routine that i am getting used to.... I would be pleased to chat with you about getting your medicines from food (in other words i could use some help). Thank you so much...! Dean
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