heathber

Hi Pam enjoy what you have now for as long as it lasts no point in borrowing trouble you have plenty without that 😘

Yes they are doing you a favour, right now, by letting you have a room. but as Pam said that doesn't make you Cinderella. Don't let them guilt you into thinking you must repay them with household chores. 

Hooray for the crazy cat ladies with only one cat!

Living alone is great Tracy. OK so the neighbours think I'm the crazy cat lady. Who cares!  Yes there are some things where I get stuck and have to ask my sister to come rescue me, but that goes both ways.  I hope you have someone you will be able to call when needed, but right now it sounds like you are on the give end of the equation all the time and that wears even the fit and healthy down.

Extra hugs coming your way Tracy. My back went "out" for the first time in my life last Monday. So I now know what that's like. I've been battling to keep moving and finding a spot were you can be comfortable for more than a few minutes is so hard. How you managed to look after others while coping with that I don't know. My hat's off to you.

Fingers and toes crossed that you get good news from your disability hearing and are able to get out of that environment soon. It isn't good for you.

Hugs again

-Heather

Oh Pam HUGS. I'm sure your son would not be so mean as to cut off your phone, give him time to calm down and then try to explain to him that pain brings out the worst in people so no matter what you said/say he needs to know you love him and appreciate his help and compassion.

I do hope this can be resolved for you. and know that we love you too and would help more if it was possible.

-Heather

Janelle time for a vinegar clean of the microwave I think.  https://www.practicallyfunctional.com/how-to-clean-a-microwave-vinegar-steam/

smells like that get into the pores of the seals etc. so something like this is needed to get them to dissolve.

Step 1 of change see something and decide to do it differently.  Being able to see yourself from the outside view is not easy.  I think it is a milestone and like all of those celebrate it and make the change you want.

Hey Kelli, I'm rooting for you, yes those first 2 weeks are going to be killer. I do hope you've managed to organise some extra help at home or at least got your meal prep done and in the freezer.  You'll want to be able to get home eat and crash and proper nutrition will make it a whole lot easier to cope with. It will get easier once you get into a pattern with it.

Sue it's hard news but we all have to go sometime and it's not something you can change so as you say try to ignore it as much as possible. The reality is we all live our lives with death only a moment away, but we mostly manage not to think about it. That's certainly harder to do when it's called to our attention.  So enjoy each day and make the most of opportunities as they arise.

Sorry I don't have anxiety so feel free to tell me to stuff off. Have you tried "working it off" a night walk might be a bad idea but what about sit ups or sit to stands or any other core exercises you can do those without disturbing anyone else in the house. If that doesn't help then maybe try mindfulness meditation. I'm sure with your google skills you can find a guided mindfulness meditation track that will help.

Nancy you need to do what is right for you.

If you are going to have to move anyway what about a retirement community with an attached care home?  At least that way you will be living close enough to visit easily if/when he moves from your "house" back into full care, it would also give you access to in home assistance before then.

Whatever you choose, take your time and don't be guilted into anything. It is sad when his current home can't see the funny side of you pointing out crazy things that happen.

My goodness Tracy no wonder you are on edge. A heap of hugs being sent your way. You will all get through this. Breath deep and try to take each minute as it comes. You are due for some good news, I do hope you get some.

phones and laptops need to be removed from reach while you are drugged! Glad it went well. Hope the incisions heal well and quickly!

For unplanned hospital visits you expect a certain level of medication chaos. It's when you go in for a scheduled procedure and they won't let you have your meds even though you bought them in with you because "the doctor has not written it up yet" It makes me cross as, thankfully mine are not pain meds so it nuisance value only. You'd think they are more careful with pain meds as timing is so critical with those and you need to have them before you get breakthrough pain as it's so much harder to solve existing pain than to prevent it occuring.

Pam you got through this and you will again. I just wish you didn't have to suffer. But the world is full of silly people who can't or won't plan ahead.

More Hugs here Tracy. Hang in there you will survive this. So sorry to hear about your brother. It is about time the world gave you a break, but that's not always how it works. Just remember to breath and count to 10

it's pretty scary the first few days in an office. But so long as you pace yourself and do things like half days at first, you should be able to do this and the pocket money helps a lot.

Don't forget to factor travel time and energy into the calculation.  When I first went back to work I was only doing half days from home and it was only once I was acclimatised  to that that we got brave and converted 3 half days at home into 1 full day in the office and 2 half days from home. A half day in the office used the same energy as a full day because I was not allowed to drive at that stage. 
 

Fingers crossed you get the job and can make it work.

That's great news hopefully you will also soon know what it is as well.  Good luck to your Dad for his treatment.

I can understand how that would wear you down over time. I don't have any advice I 'm single. But wanted to say "I hear you"

-Heather

"I could NOT say, however, that life is actually "enjoyable," beyond the occasional brief, yet transient moments that flutter in and out of my awareness like a feather in a hurricane."  I think this is pretty normal actually.  Living in a constant state of enjoyment would be very tiring.  I think the key is to be aware of and note the enjoyable moments. 

If you are going to take a tumble outside 1 am sounds like a good time to do it (no witnesses  )

If the chemo only increases his chances by 5% then if he doesn't tolerate it well you can stop it, My Mum ended up doing this with her cancer as the chemo knocked her around so badly. 

One thing they are saying now with cancer treatment is that exercise greatly increases your chances of beating it and helps you feel better during treatment.

http://theconversation.com/every-cancer-patient-should-be-prescribed-exercise-medicine-95440

Well done on knitting at all. My mother tried to teach me, My Gran tried to teach me, my sister tried to teach me and that was all 40 odd years ago. I never could remember from one session to the next.  My great aunt taught me to crochet with no issues I just had a blind spot for knitting.  I'm still amazed when my sister knits and watches tv at the same time. Mum gave it up about 20 years ago when the arthritis got too bad.

Monday knitting group sounds like fun!

Best of luck with the part time job 4-6 hours is a start, you can build on that.

Hi Tracy, yes the blog is the safest place to let those feelings out.  While I don't experience your emotional roller coaster I can sympathise and appreciate where it comes from. As a child I too was the master of the quick nasty response, that really hurts someone. It took many years to learn to bite my tongue then and I would hate to have to learn it again now. The main thing now is to not beat yourself up (too much) when it happens.  Trying to have sympathy and understanding of your Dad's current issues does not mean letting him turn you into a doormat to unload his own crap onto.  I hope the cat has recovered from whatever triggered her to throw up.

That sounds much more hopeful, Well done  One step at a time is good.   When you can't change things you have to just roll with it.

Oh bother Tracy, I do hope you made it through the day without a melt down!  Any bug/illness knocks you sideways after a stroke, your immune system just doesn't cope.  But as you know life goes on and the jobs still have to get done. This is where living with other people can be hard, you don't want to let them down and they have their own issues so they are much less likely to notice you are not well, and you don't want to "burden" them with your current weakness.  But you are allowed to say to the girls "I'm not very well today and neither is Pop, so try to be helpful today".  Can you get them to help you with cleaning the kitchen or doing the washing, or taking the trash out. I'm not sure of their ages/skills but I always found that was the best way to deal with my nieces and nephews when their Mum was not well.  My sister could never understand why they would do things for me that they wouldn't do for her, but I think it was that I got them to help me rather than just asked them to do it alone.

I hope you feel better soon and that the Docs can sort out your throat.