heathber

that sounds like all the more reason to go to therapy/psych together. That way there are no secrets and there is someone else to help you both understand the others issues and find a path forward.

Sue Hugs! - you've had brain surgery you'll probably have quite a few of the things that we stroke people know all too well. So fatigue and headaches are probably normal. Try not to put deadlines on yourself. These things take as long as they take and talk to your GP about extending the homecare services if you need to, you probably qualify on age grounds even without your recent surgery. The other thing is "don't sweat the small stuff" do what you can do, and try not to worry about what you can't do yet. Admit that if other people do it, it won't be to your own standard or in your own way. One of the hardest parts about being on the other side of the event. You have lots of experience with being the carer, now you need to learn to be cared for, and it's not as easy as people think! Fingers etc. crossed that you start to feel more normal soon. but if they told you 6 weeks give yourself the full 6 weeks, don't borrow trouble and all that. Takle care -Heather

Hi Jim, that is so hard. I also was refused treatment with Saebo for hand function because of insufficient shoulder strength. Being told no can really knock you down. In my case it made me more determined with my leg. Please do not feel guilty that she chooses lack of action, that is not your fault. It's that old saw "you can lead a horse to water..." the machine you couldn't remember the name of is eStim which is a particular style of TENS machine that actually initiates muscle movement. If she refuses to help herself all you can do is look after you. Work on your own self confidence, health, happiness, etc. you too are allowed to have a life.

It does sound like she has given up or is depressed, or a combination of the 2. I suspect waking you up is partly jealousy related. she can't sleep and resents that you can. Stroke can do all sorts of funny things to your brain and your impulse control, and even without stroke brain time goes awfully slowly in the night if you're awake when others are sleeping. Days of inactivity won't be helping that either. She needs to find her "purpose" I'm not sure this is something you can help her with. But she probably needs to talk to someone.

It sounds a bit like she has some emotional lability or Psuedo Bulbar Affect (PBA) Look it up on here, lots of stroke people have it. It can be reduced with medication but you'll need a psychologist to prescribe it (well in Australia you do). I understand from what you wrote above why you would be wary to try that route again, but I think it may help you both, maybe ask for a shared session so you don't get any surprises.

Hi Losthubby, I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way but given what you've told us also not very surprised. You can't change her, she has to do that. But you can change you. Start by deciding to be happy. Take some me time and look after your needs. Make sure you have at least 30 minutes a day where you do things for you, simple things like going for a walk around the block can make a huge difference. Consider starting a GLAD diary. https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2014/10/do-negative-thoughts-consume-your-mind-try-this-technique Take control of both of your diets, cut down the carbs and empty calories. It's amazing how much eating well can make you feel better. Hopefully as you start to take more care of you some of the attitude will rub off on her too. Talk to her about getting into a rehab/physical therapy program and doing some regular therapy. I suspect that she is just as unhappy as you if she used to be active. Physical Therapy will probably not get her back to what she had pre stroke, but it can still give improvement on now, but she will need to be willing to work on it. Also some of her inaction is probably related to stroke fatigue which is a real thing. Fingers crossed you can both make a new start on beating this thing and forging a different path for yourselves.

Unfortunately Sarah it does eventually get to the point where you have to be realistic about what you can manage without more help. You have done so much it's really hard to have to admit that you can't do it alone any more and there are limited options for getting what he needs. Try not to feel guilty, you did so much for so long, but you are also just one human being. I do hope you can find what you both need. -Heather

Hi Asha, hang in there and "breathe" there are days where everything you touch falls apart, and fighting with company governance processes is one of the things that sets me off almost every time. Right this instant I came onto stroke net because there's something in the work interfaces I'm trying to get setup and everyone is sending me around in circles with "that is wrong" as the only feedback. How do you fix it when they won't tell you what they actually need you to do 😵 I guess what I'm saying is sometimes it all gets too much for all of us so back off, think about something else and tackle it again when you are calmer. There will be an answer and you will find it or the person who can help. Life is like this sometimes you don't have to be happy and grateful all the time. Like Sue said, take some "me time" meditate/pray look for what you CAN do and make some new plans. Is there a community centre near you who would have groups you can join. Something like a chatty craft circle, or book club...

Hi Sue HUGS and so pleased it all went well. Good luck with the face ache, I hope an ice pack is enough to relieve it.

Hi Sarah, nothing to say but HUGS. Hang in there Dan is actually a very lucky man. The way he behaves no one would blame you for just leaving him in the home all the time. -Heather

DLS has always done my head in one way or another. Stroke brain or not stroke brain.

James I often need to give myself this advice. knowing and doing are not always together in my own head. So hard sometimes to take your own advice. This is exactly what you need from family and friends, This was and is very much the approach taken by my family and I'm sure it's a large part of my "recovery" from this. That and being a stubborn b*&*%ch

That's cool Tracy, we love you too. and there's nowhere like home to be a blubbering mess. So glad that being in your own space is letting you do that much needed "spring cleaning" Hugs for you and Kitty!

yep you can't change others all you have control over is your reaction to them. By which I don't mean bottle it up and explode later, but as Scott says "be the duck"

Hugs and hope for a good result from me too. Take care and try not to be too interesting in the hospital.

Janelle you are definitely worth it, you have to believe that! This is one of those things where the self talk makes all the difference. When you fall off the plan you draw a line under it and start again. The past is done, keep going forward. Don't bother beating yourself up, that's a waste of energy.

I had something similar after my stroke, it wasn't medication but altered perception from the stroke. I lost quite a lot of weight while in inpatient rehab. But over time my tastebuds/brain realigned themselves and food tasted "normal" again and I gained back all I lost and then some. After an incident with my gallbladder last year I again lost a heap of weight and put it back on after the problem was resolved. I'm now on an eating better regime that has helped me shed most of the extra kilos. It takes being conscious of what goes in your mouth and making all the calories you consume "useful" so lots of veg, fruit not too often, good protein, good fats, seriously limit processed carbs (sugar/flour/white rice etc.) and don't beat yourself up if you have the occasional "lapse" from plan. Cook as much for yourself as possible, easiest way to avoid extra sugar. Once the body adapts to it having something "wicked" actually doesn't taste all that good. I was surprised at how quickly my body adapted (2 - 3 weeks of minimal carbs was enough to reset things).

Making going out a habit sounds like a good plan, even if it's just a quick walk to the end of the street and back at lunchtime each day. The house sounds wonderful, give it time and the neighbors situation should settle. They are just annoyed by change to a habit they formed while your place was empty. If you feel up to it one day, maybe call in and try to make friends.

Diabetes and stroke often go together. I have no idea which is the trigger for the other, but quite a lot of stroke survivors also manage diabetes after. Personally I'm not one of them "yet", I hope never, but I have a family history that also predisposes me so managing diet, weight and exercise are important. It sounds like you have a good handle on it. -Heather

Tracy's comment about the cinnamon reminded me the other thing they don't like is peppermint oil. It has to be the real stuff not peppermint flavour essence. I have it for chocolate making as anything other than oil stops the chocolate setting. I've only used it inside though. When they are coming into the kitchen I find the hole they are entering by and run a peppermint oil soaked cotton bud around it. they won't walk over it

When doing that sort of job remember before you start that Murphy loves an opportunity. So you have to be one step ahead of him. Like Sue when I lived in a house with pavers the "ant sand" and boiling water were my gotos when the little guys got too adventurous. You never completely get rid of them but they can be discouraged. That accidental finger up the nose does sound familiar too, and of course as you are in the shower (hot steam) it seems to go on forever. good luck with the next attempt.

Absolutely! keep on going. Hang in there, doing what you love helps!

Sarah you would love to be there and offer physical support, but it is not possible so send your love and best wishes and know that they know you would do more. But right now if you tried to go you would be more burden than help so don't beat yourself up.

Hang in there Nancy. Good luck with combating the "no eat" card and the Casino/slots. One time when being stubborn as a survivor is not a good trait.

yep everything crossed that the plans don't get changed