HostTracy

Just makes me smile! Fur therapy is so under acknowledged...I know from experience that my kitty has been a huge part of my recovery. We all need that unconditional love and a way to smile and laugh and lighten the heart. Congratulations on Leila...I know how much love and affection will grow. 

That happy feeling of accomplishment is such a huge motivator for the next time! Congratulations!!! You deserve congratulations for so much paperwork Asha and doing it with gusto!

Always an inspiration. I really understand those mid winter blues. They come around each year like the holidays. The good news that I continually tell myself is it will fade with the winter chill. Asha has a great point...going with the flow instead of being mad at it.  Some things are always easier said than done but you always seem to defy that. We stroke survivors are lucky you still hang out with us Sue.

Thank you Heather . We will be welcoming baby Harper.

Pam you make so much sense to me. I can just simply relate to you. Thank you for validation and reassurance. It means a lot.

Pam I feel the same in many ways like a bi-polar yoyo. I go from happy/inspired/positive to sad/angry/depressed/feeling worthless and negative in the snap of a finger. I never know when something may switch my emotions. I wonder how many go through something similar. Not that I am not so grateful to be alive or don't see what is positive in my life and love to give my support to others....it's just emotional diarrhea. It really is exhausting.

BTW it's a girl!!!! 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

Kelli I feel so much more ok when you talk about the same issues I have too. I would never wish them on anyone but I feel understood in a way most can't convey. It's like when I tell my parents or my family that I am really tired in the middle of the day...it's not me being lazy. I am exhausted at times. Like tonight...its midnight and I have a horrible headache and I can't relax. But I have been away from my quiet room at my sisters since July 4th until yesterday evening and today I went with my step mom to my nieces gender reveal (she's pregnant) and I am literally spent....probably for 2-4 days. Thank you for getting it.

I concur Pam! Thankfully, I fell asleep just a few minutes after I wrote my post until 5:30 when I went home. Slept in my own bed, got some kitty love and yes found quiet peace. Thank you!😊

Edit: I am so sorry I meant Sue. 

Wow Kelli it sounds so so I don't know a good word...scary but I don't want to pass that feeling to you. I will really be thinking about you and praying for positive outcome...and for coffee again.

Asha you absolutely didn't offend me at all. My emotional lability is a physical response I wish I could control better is all. Being rational should be a well learned thing for me but sometimes my physical reactions seem so irrational. It's frustrating is all. I hope I didn't offend you as well. 

Thanks so much for all the positive vibes guys. You're the best! Pam I do feel like I don't belong really. It is strange...I feel like a guest at times just daydreaming about going home. I wouldn't tell my Dad or Stepmom for the world. I am blessed to have family that gives me a place to live...it's hard for me to admit that sometimes I really do feel like I don't belong. I would never want to convey those feelings to them. It was a "little" thing to them and that's ok. It did crush my feelings for my excitement to be dismissed...I sorta feel like things haven't been really exciting in a good while...I just wanted to enjoy that. I am so glad that I can make it through these challenging moments without completely falling apart at least after a good nap lol. I look forward to the future. Having my own home and parking place ☺️. Getting excited about something and enjoying it. I have faith. It makes me smile. It makes me realize how much I love my family. It helps me to dream, plan, and look forward to things. Thank you guys again...I'm getting all mushy philosophical lol. 

I think that is so true Asha. I don't remember everyone who helped me after stroke but I have made it a point to continue to see the ones I do remember and my Psychiatrist is phenomenal! This makes me think do I thank him enough...or can I thank him enough. I sure want to let all of them know how thankful and grateful I am that once I was diagnosed they all stepped up to help me. Feeling grateful.

Kelli, I feel the similarities in how we are affected by the world around us. I know you understand...you experience this too. I know you understand how hard it is for it to make sense to anyone else not experiencing things like this. LOL I laughed when you talked about bird poop...My mistake Asha that was you and it made me laugh at the thought of bird poop importance...so true. I took a long nap and feel lots better now. It's ok wherever I park and bird poop and dirt can be washed away.  This is just another day in the life. Hugs!!

Asha I truly appreciate and look up to your positivism. You are very right. What I write about my experiences are how I no longer can control my emotions in such a situation due to the stroke. Rationally, I know the same that what you are saying is true. I felt the same way rationally but my reaction was anything but rational. People around me also don't understand why my reaction may be so intense...as well as others who may be stroke survivors that don't have these type of cognitive affects at times. I'm aware...but I can't always control it or even understand why myself. To many it seems childish and I wouldn't disagree. My behavior and reaction is a direct affect of my cerebellar stroke and Cerebellar Cognitive Affective Syndrome. There's a simple explanation/definition of the syhdrome if you Google the full name. I hope to clarify that I really understand that my physical reaction and emotional reaction doesn't fit the situation. My frustration is that I can't always control those things no matter how much I try or understand or am medically treated for that exact moments experience. Unfortunately, this is an ongoing affect...it's just not physical like one sided paralysis or not being able to move or feel areas after a stroke. This is what is so different about my stroke compared to so many others. None of them are any less devastating but in different ways. I feel guilty or have at times, that my body was spared the paralysis and similar problems that so many experience. However, I can attest that affects in cognition, emotion, affect, and many other psychological issues can and are real, painful, frustrating, as well as not accepted by others or judged inappropriate. I don't argue that just know I can not always control it. I'm sorry, I don't want to come across in a bad way and please know that is not my intent if I am. Thank you so much for your encouraging words.

I completely respect that Asha. It was positive for me to get positive feedback from this Neurologist. It feels good to have better answers than I have had before. With my type of stroke being just 2% of strokes today you can get truly conflicting information due to this part of the brain and brain stroke being studied the least. It was positive to know there is more research being done. Not just for me but for all those with posterior circulation strokes. Better knowledge means sooner and better options for rehabilitation. My need for better answers is not just for me but for those like me as well. All I can do is learn how to play cards dealt to me since I never had the options for the time sensitive treatment having not been diagnosed when I was rushed to the hospital but 2 months later when my PCP was shocked by my very abnormal reflexes and sent me quickly to a Neurologist. The Neurologist last night said it's time the neurological field get serious about cerebellum study and that was such a great thing to hear. It could help so many people in the future. Thank you so much for your opinion.

Sue I agree there will probably be no apology which is wrong. Patients handicapped or not should be spoke to with dignity. Mistreatment by a professional is unacceptable and Pam I am a l so glad you stood your ground. In this day and age (I'm only 45 so a weird thing for me to say but I see it too) a lot of this type of behavior is accepted and done without consequence. It's a real shame...on those who should be advocating acceptance and dignity to others and be a problem solver not a nuisance...including medical professionals. Be your own advocate because you can't trust that someone who should Will. Hugs for you Pam...you be your own advocate.

I so much agree ladies. You be your best you, learn from others misgivings, and never let them take away your sparkle. Pam you keep right on making those pieces of art or whatever you would like to call them. I miss doing things for others appreciation sometimes...not that I don't or they don't appreciate always...just seems less. That's when I made it a very real thing that I did things for me. Call it stingy or call it self love and appreciation. 

Sue I enjoyed having the girls here during the day last year. We had fun...sometimes it's fun getting to let your inner child out . Sue the heat is crazy this year! I read that the UV rays are stronger this year than in a very long time. Whatever it is I am forever thankful for the AC.

Thank both of you about the house compliment! Unfortunately that was my Nashville home with the butt Adrian. I loved that pink house though. That mulch around the shrubs was my do or die project and it took everything I had to do it...I can remember working for 5 minutes and was done for a good 2 hours. I was determined and so dizzy from vertigo that I basically lived on the ground in the dirt while I was doing this lol. I have never felt so accomplished as I did that day I laid down the red mulch. I took so many pictures and the neighbors up and down my street would stop and compliment my work. They knew I had been recovering from a stroke from watching me wobble down the sidewalk each day with my walker or cane. Kelli I'm afraid to tell you that this year has been a killer for me...I can not handle the heat it's been really bad!!! I don't know if I could do it again lol. 

Asha I really feel you hit the nail on the head. Having a stroke is almost or is a mourning process. We each mourn differently but one thing that everyone gets to is getting over that hump and coming down the other side. It probably changes us forever but I think so many can learn strength. Thanks for your point of view it is always positive and inspiring.

This was the hardest project I've ever done! It took like a month and a half and my daughter helped carry those bags of mulch. I was so proud when I finished.

Oh man have I felt your grief in the past 3 years at times. In fact I just wrote in my blog how I actually went to sleep and slept through the night like sorta normal except it was more like 12 hours. The last 6 months my sleep has been an entity of it's own. I also remember riding in I call them rolly carts...It meant some freedom but I still was a vertigo mess (lol I probably needed a license to drive one back then). I was a bit of a social butterfly before the stroke and went to a tortured place where I was afraid to leave my house and then to just specific places. It took a long time for me to venture out more and more (believe me I'm still a homebody after 3 years post). I did though, eventually. One thing that helped me I guess not be so hard on myself was finding projects around my house. I decluttered my entire home (this took me over a month working about 10 mins. at a time before resting or napping and then I'd get to it again). I also took all the grass out from around my front porch/shrubs and put down pretty mulch. OMG this took so much out of me. I worked outside for 5-10 minutes and then layed down or napped in between. It also took more than a month. I made myself focus on these things...I really did MAKE myself focus and it was hard but man I felt such accomplishment once I finished. Projects can be anything that you can or want to do within your current physical status but they still may be really hard but for me it helped to work on these. I also have a question since I read your post...have you had or do you have outpatient OT, PT, or Speech therapies? If you are just working on this yourself I know there are a lot of places (online or just from your Doctor) where you can get detailed therapies for where you are at in your recovery. I know sometimes people just can't "go" to these therapies for several reasons but if you can then I would in a heartbeat. I felt so defeated when my PT told me to go to the store and use a cart to walk behind not the rolly cart. She said only go as long as my body says ok and then stop and go rest. I hated this. There were many times when I worked on therapies that I hated it. It was hard. Stroke is hard when you are recovering and can be hard for a very long time for many. Just know you are not alone we are here and we hear similar issues many of us experienced or experience. Keep on ranting it's ok. Get it out. Tracy

Thanks Heather I have a good feeling. 

Sue I am so glad you got to get away and spend time with family! Getting away from home is a bit of a vacation. Does it get really cold there in the winter? I ask because it is summer here and the hottest I've seen in years...blah. I will live vicariously through you as long as it isn't super cold LOL. You enjoy those moments away and we will be your cheerleaders when you go for all those appts. and tests in the future!