HostTracy

A hug for all the pains big, little, inside, outside and an understanding of why bitterness finds its way into our world.  Pam you keep inventory of what, who, or how brings you joy on the inside no matter where it comes from and you go to those things as much as you can. Not to forget or take the place of...But just to allow you joy, a smile, a moment to remember, a piece of positive, a warm hug, some peace within. I hear your words. We can't ignore all that brings us pain but we can aspire to our piece of inventory that brings us moments to rise above. I hear you.

Positive vibes. Thank you.

Nancy you are such a gem. Being one of those stroke survivors that go from no common sense lol to quoting from a health manual, I can totally appreciate your plight. I shock myself sometimes...how can I not handle this circumstance and then 5 minutes later I'm giving a solution to a more complex problem. To me I feel like it goes back to how we remember and file our memories. All those files are still there but our brains can't find the right file cabinet sometimes. But then other times we stumble on an important file cabinet and we explore for a while. Yes, confusing. I'm glad Dan decided Tylenol was doable and I hope it's helping.

Asha I would say all good parents find themselves in the same position at times. It's a part of growing as a parent and a child. You're doing great.

OMG Kelli your sound thingy scared the poo out of me it was so loud on my phone ! I am so glad your "me" day really made a big happy splash Pam!

I second everyone. From all your posts you have raised a great son. No matter what lies ahead or any bump in the world he will navigate. I think you and your husband have made some pretty amazing wings for him to fly. It may be his own way but enjoy watching him fly.

Great words Heather!

Yes rest!!!! My mom also swears by saline nasal spray and after she can blow her nose effectively when sick. She has tried a Nettie pot and can't stand it. It is a good way to help clear nasal passages and breathe better naturally. I sure hope you feel better soon.

A very nice fuzzy story that I very much enjoyed reading. Thank you Pam. 

Sue I can totally respect where you are coming from. I know I have let the mean thing out of me and I don't always feel bad about it. Some of my deficits make it difficult to advocate for myself in a way...When I find myself in a spot like that I can be like a bomb. Sometimes people bring it on themselves...I know I'm pretty patient and know I have empathy toward others but if someone blatantly disregards my boundaries and lacks this then self "advocating" is the answer...then so be it. This Is my nice way of saying I am not always nice...Lord knows that I always try. Pam if a CNA said that comment to me in your situation that could be one of those moments where I might not be nice. So hugs again with Sue because I hope they just help you feel better. Some people are just not cut out to be what their profession is.

Pam I can't even imagine myself and how I would deal with some of these things. I do know that you are a person who deserves nurturing and dignity. That being said, I understand that this has fallen short for probably many reasons...some innocent and some not depending on each person...which is a shame and unacceptable. Your voice and experiences I hope can be a shield for these types of insults. People....People are so different in what they are educated on, what they feel, their perspective, their reasoning, their approach...everything. it is my belief that you have to learn you and then learn tolerance at times. Pray, educate, and learn about others and what may affect their choices and behaviors in life. Hope that your experiences afford you those moments. And yes, advocate for your own rights. I feel everyone should be afforded the same. Really take the good from those experiences with others that inspire you so as not to forget that there are others who love and inspire. Boundaries are imperative and self preserving...so important. I am so sorry that there are times when these things do not help and insults happen. I know it must feel really bad...wrong. I am sending you hugs Pam and hoping that my good thoughts and hopes reach you. 

Asha I'm so sorry how this has made you feel. I am going to tell you about my own similar issues with procrastination or avoidance which may or may not shed some light. When I went to college it was the first time I was in control of my own motivation and experiences. Well that is just a part of growing up and becoming a successful adult. What I didn't know is that I suffered with anxiety (mine is hereditary between all but one of the women in my family but anxiety does not take genetics to show up). Coping with anxiety when you don't even know you have anxiety can lead to procrastination and avoidance. Dealing with life decisions is a difficult thing...for everyone. When people with anxiety are dealing with life decisions it may trigger that stress and it is natural for people to move away from something that gives us this "stress" like pain. I know your son is brilliant and success is in his future. What helped me was cognitive behavior therapy counseling. I was 33 by the time I sought help this is after I had done this same thing (avoid, move away from or just nothing) and was depressed and knew that I had disappointed my family (especially my mom which is in no reference to you at all) and some of them felt I was just lazy. My psychologist taught me how to recognize this anxiety I felt and in doing so taught me new ways of coping. If someone has this kind of anxiety it is something that can be helped by recognition and behavior modification. It can help those moments that may feel unbearable due to anxiety that may cripple our decisions and actions and you learn how to push through and succeed. That in itself is empowering and it's like a domino effect...recognize...accept...push through using new coping skills...succeed...build confidence...take on new or harder challenges with success. Anxiety is not something to be embarrassed about or judged it can get extremely better with a little help. When I finally went and acknowledged for myself what I was experiencing I truly worked with my therapist to build new better coping skills. I was able to use these skills in my own life and I conquered so many things because of that. Unfortunately, now with my stroke my anxiety does not react to my coping skills but that is another story lol. Anyways, this may or may not be something your son is experiencing and if he is know it is no one's fault and there is a way to help. Don't take my story for an answer just an example of why I was procrastinating and avoiding important life decisions. I wish your family the best and hope you get some answers for your concerns soon. Hugs.

Jay that is great news! I think your poetry is really uplifting and deserves to be published. Congratulations!

My father who is diabetic and has COPD is finding himself in a similar situation. He is having shoes fitted for him but can't until he gets swelling down. They prescribed compression socks and for a week his legs looked like twigs with softballs at the ankle. He is having to wear these for 3 months before they will make his shoes but will probably always have to wear the socks. I hope this gets sorted out and you get to enjoy your new shoes Pam.

My best of luck to you on receiving what seems to me a necessary. I wouldn't just take no for an answer. I so agree with the above posts. I would be worried about his skin and tissue integrity. You keep fighting. Good luck to you both.

A perfect example of making the small things county. I'm so happy these pencils give you joy and enough to pay it forward. My grandmother who passed away last year at 97 loved her adult color books so much. She had a whole drawer of them and a container full of many kinds of color pencils. I can't tell you how many times I watched her sharing color time with so many of her great grandchildren. She colored every day and it brought her infinite joy. This brings back a great memory for me.

Wow George it sounds like a wonderful trip and with wonderful company. That my friend is living. God Bless and welcome back to Tennessee in August (fellow Tennessean myself).

LOL I was suinging it as I wrote it

Thanks Yvonne. Tonight I went to my mom's and she colored the gray right out of my hair. 😃 I'm 45 and those little gray hairs framing my face stick out like glitter. Never hurts to feel younger lol.

What a wonderful Mother's Day present and what a true blessing this family shared with you. 🙂

Happy Mother's Day Asha! You're an inspiration.

I will put that up Heather! Tonight though is past the good hair day lol so I will take a picture soon and share. It's true I feel light...and cooler. This may be pretty good for the summer.

Yessssss!!!!!!!!!!

Update: To give some good news I spoke with the Financial Assistance department today at Vanderbilt and the only thing that stopped my approval was my lack of a 2017 tax return. I explained that I was unemployed the year of 2016 and am still going through the disability process so I didn't have a tax return for 2017. She said I just needed to send a copy of the disability letter about the ongoing process and a cover letter with the statement of why I don't have a 2017 tax return. She told me to take their letter and my disability letter to my follow up appointment on Monday so they would know where we were in application appeal. All good news. 🙆

Thankfully Asha I do have a lawyer now. It takes about 12-14 months in TN to get a hearing from the time you appealed which was in November. I am very hopeful and I think my recent depression has just brought back a lot of negative feelings and fears. Thank you for your positive words. I also feel like I have to do my part to help kick depression. Today I got my hair cut in a totally different style. I have had long hair for 20 years probably but I had about 10-12 inches cut off into a A-line Bob. I love it! It's what I needed today. Helps me feel good about myself. My mom is one of a kind...She treated me this fun day. So I'm not giving up don't you worry. I just need to get feelings off my mind/chest...It helps me to let it out.