HostTracy

Yes i can completely relate to that. Scott I'm glad you didn't either I think I have PTSD from stuttering LOL I am terrified of doing it again,

SweetMom you arre going to have such a great time. Scott it was as nice as it gets except the river was low so we had some real shallow spots getting through those channels. You couldn't beat the weather it was awesome.!!!!!

Thank You guys it is exactly what I needed we had a really nice time.

We spent a lot of time relaxing. Ate some really good food. Enjoyed a couple of days of boating. Got a little sun. I had the best time with my sister's boxer Marian. She slept beside me every night. So sweet. My mom and sister and I got to talk a lot. I am so glad I went.

Fred I just might get to do that. My step dad loves to fish it's his thing. I'm sure we could get into something up there. Thank you!

Asha I am going to! I even have the female issue for over a month now and this is the first time all year thta I haven't been anemic. I'm having surgery finally on Sept. the 21st and getting my blood tests again next week to make sure i'M not way down again and have an infusion early enough if I am. But I'm wearing my bathing suit darn it and I;ll sit on teowel and I'll just say excuse my wings.

It perplexed many of my therapists Sue. That when the sun goes down my deficits are 3 times worse. Because I had a stroke in my cerebellum it didn't work to balance my body. Balance happens in the cerebellum so I learned to compensate by using my eyes...that is one part of balance. So when the sun goes down I see less. In fact if you take me out to the country at night I can see only for so far and then it fades to nothing. It actually took me a long time to help them believe me. It was a new thing for them too. Weird huh? 

Thank you Asha thank you for your insight!!!

Tracy

I think maybe I didn't have a tremendously hard time in that area a lot of my deficits were timing , coordination, set shifting, memory, and higher learning cognition. I probably just stumped her. I have heard even from you that occupational therapy helps tremendously. I ciould make the toast maybe but couldn'y stand up to do it and would forget to get outor forget to turn it on, those kind of things lol. Sue I appreciate your support and I really feel for you with being right there watching your husband climb his way up and as he did another landslide would happen. I know you were such a blessing to him.

Tracy 

I so understand that. I mean my Doctor says that is the #1 thing to focus on: not having another stroke. I really do the best I can do which is everything. Without finding a cause to why I really have nothing in particular to make sure I always focus on that. It's hard sometimes...but I am scared to death of ever having another. I'm so sorry your husband faced multiple ones. I do consider myself blessed at this point. It must be so hard to see your husband go through such trauma. hugs..

Tracy

I feel that frustration Sue. My hospital was a stroke trained hospital with recognition and they stopped at the CT with no neurological exam. It upsets me especially when I told my daughter it was something big either a heart attack or a stroke and she relayed that to 911. I got to the hospital less than one hour after I collapsed. I think the hospital failed me. With the kind of stroke it is hard to tell but a neurological exam could have diagnosed it and MRI would have confirmed it.

Scott I'm really happy that you found something like this.I agree...what an oppurtunity to help maybe yourself but also many others. I applaud you! Keep letting us know. Thank You

Tracy

Thank you Lin and thanks to all of you for encouraging me to continue I think it's very therapeutic.

Tracy

Pearl you are very welcome I'm glad you've enjoyed reading them. It helps me as well to go back and read for the same reason. I can gauge better how far I've come. If it can encourage you then all the better. Thank you so much for your comment you guys have all been so supportive. 

Scott I can promise you that you are not boring I don't know if I know anyone who is. Like I was telling Fred 100 is just a number. I really struggled myself with 100 so I would never want anyone to be frustrated at trying, any number is a good number. :P You try whenever you feel you would like to I certainly want judge either way. I'm just curious about people. I like people. Even the ones that think they are boring. (Secret is I'm boring too LOL)

Bucket lists are perfect Fred! I don't want that to sound weird at all but I think that is a perfect way to get to know someone from the inside out. I'll be your cheerleader and 100 never has to be a number that anyone has to post! I was getting pretty sure I wasn't going to think of enough stuff about myself at #30 LOL. 

Tracy

Sorry for such long winded blogs but I hope some of you learn a bit more about me.

You know that I would love to read your lists even if it takes a really long time to finish. So please please share. I think it will be great!

Deigh I worked as a Customer Service Manager at Harris Teeter which is a grocery store. The month I came back after I broke my fibula in January I think was April. The very day that the news released that Harris Teeter (there were 4 in Nashville) would be closing all the remainder of the stores in Tennessee and Nashville was the only place in Tennessee that had any stores. So all of the Harris Teeter's in Nashville were closed by June 15 of last year. I stayed until the end and did my part. The last two weeks there were just 2 people working in the store each day...the Pharmacist and a manager. So me and about 5 other people. It was boring and I played a lot of cards and watched tv lol. The last week I worked we had half of one aisle just half way filled with product we had condensed from the entire store. This was a big grocery store in fact it has a different grocery store in that building now. Sorry I am rambling...but that is what I was talking about. It was July 5th that I had the stroke the last day the store was open was June 15. Hope this helps a little.

Tracy  

Kelli I did the same thing just a couple of days ago. Thankfully it was just a tiny nick. I was trying out my new mandolin...I think I will delegate this job for now. Whew it really hit me that I could have sliced the whole tip of my finger off with the onion. I am really glad you are ok. Dumb mandolin %*^&^

Tracy

Asha I think what you said is very true. I think in a way I feel the same as you. When you can't see past the now or eve see the now then God has a way of opening your eyes. What I am writing right now is memory and I don't feel the same way about myself now...this is just my journey. I struggle with choices a lot and am getting better and better at seeing the now especially the things that touch me inside. Like today I noticed that my potted flower is attracting beautiful yellow butterflies. I really enjoyed watching them go from flower to flower. Thank you.

Tracy

Sue you are so very welcome. The first person I might add that needs to hear this and be reminded of my own words is me. I'm great at dishing it but I am determined to get just as good at scooping it up.

Tracy

Sue I think you have a very important point. If I had just taken a moment and took care of myself. What I have learned "the hard way" for lack of better wording is that I can't do it all. It is too much weight for me to carry. I shouldn't have then and I can't allow it now. Remember that old "women's intuition"? My body was telling me to stop, slow down take some of this weight off your shoulders because I'm sinking. I heard it but chose to ignore it. All the while I was sinking further and further. I should have made myself go to the Doctor and say can you help me and I should have told my family that I needed help. Wonder woman only existed on the television. So many women I feel find themselves in this same scenario just different circumstances more and more. It's no wonder why the rate of women having strokes has increased as well as the age is lowering. Today's circumstances predict that we as women must work outside the home to make ends meet for our families a lot of the time. But many of those same women also do the majority of the work inside our home. This is by no means saying anything derogatory toward men at all. I just realize that men and women are different and always will be. Society tells us we should be equal but I think for a very long time and even now that women give themselves so much less credit than we deserve. Being equal has nothing in my opinion about being to do the same exact things its just how you rate "these things" importance. I hope that made sense without completely getting off track.

Tracy

Kelli I can't even imagine how painful this is for you. I don't know if you have but maybe try to put together a "Son Book" Pictures, let other loved ones share things by writing in your book, and I really understand the "all about me age" but maybe when he feels ready he can write memories for you as well. Maybe even do a pen pal thing. As a mom I know all of those memories are so important to us. It may also let him see that your love for him is important to you and that may grow in him as well. Lots of hugs and blessings my friend.

Tracy

I have wanted to do this but have shied away from doing si because I was afraid I wouldn't keep going with it. I have given myself permission to do this out of joy and release. If it's slow going then that is what it is or if I feel like writing often then I'll take that too. Both are good! This is me being my own cheerleader for a moment. Sue, thank you and yes I feel the same way about the day before and of my stroke since it happened so late in the day (11:30pm). So unaware, just doing my day to day stuff...sometimes running around like crazy which was normal to me and I'm sure I complained many times about it. Who would have ever known...definitely not me. Fred, thank you so much it always helps me see my own strides when I hear of others struggles. Reminds me that I am blessed like we all are in our own ways. Asha I'm going to remember your comment first for all the positive you have gained that is an inspiration to me...second because I can go back and read my own words, actually see and feel my progress, and to remember because a lot of memory goes away for me. Thank You guys.

Tracy