HostTracy

Kelli you are the sweetest. Sorry about the dog poo! 💩😷

😁Kelli it's a club...a special club.

Since my stroke I have changed tremendously. I was always the extrovert social butterfly. Easily talking to anyone, making friends easily, sometimes dramatic lol...I enjoyed expressing myself. Today I am not that person anymore. I'm skiddish, awkward, easily startled, get stuck in silent mode when spoken to or stutter, a loner, don't like noise or movement or lights or the dark or people. 😧 I do love when my kitty is around me. I enjoy talking on the phone sometimes. I manage to enjoy my local stroke group meetings with about 15-20 others. I occasionally go out to eat with my mom and step dad and usually with a small group after support meeting. I don't "hang out" though, visit others, "go out", only shop for what I need at smaller stores (no mall visiting). I don't really have "friends". I'm the epitome of anti-social. I stay in my bedroom with the door closed a lot (I live with my dad and stepmom while going through the disability process). I am often silent. My dad says I should get out, have some fun, meet new people. I told him I don't want to go out and be around people or noises. I like being alone. It's easier that way. But something happened lately. A man in my stroke support group sent me a pm on Facebook. We have exchanged pm's quite a few times since that day. He knows my sister and he knew my brother that passed earlier this year. He and I know many of the same people. He even asked my cousin (we both have her as a friend on Facebook) about me and she said I would be a great person to talk with. He is funny, handsome, had his stroke 5 years ago, goes to eat with us after our meetings, grew up in the exact same area in Nashville that I lived and worked in for 10 years. We have a lot in common. 😲 I am socially...weird, awkward, terrible at, clumsy, terrified. 😐 I say things that are goofy, in my opinion inappropriate (not in a bad way just bad timing). I told him last week that I was Facebook stalking him, laughed and then said not really I'm just looking at your pictures. 😫 Who says that? It's like I'm an immature 15 year old tripping over her words. He has not answered me since I sent a message on Friday. So my head makes up all these scenarios to worry about...he just talked to me in a pm...what scenarios 😬... he didn't ask me to go out. I'm freaking for no reason other than my brain making a mountain out of hill. I talk to myself saying Tracy he is just a nice person who talked to you...he's a friend...relax. 😭 This sucks!!! I feel like a dork or at least a social dork. 😟 I just needed to vent and practice my social skills lol. Thanks for listening.

Thank you guys. I feel the same way as you. I feel better already making the decision to go on a journey with no pressure. Just for me. 🙂 When I get going I'll be sure to share with everyone here. I'm not going anywhere. Hugs!

LOL Janelle I have no idea but that is an excellent suggestion. I think I am going to begin this new journey as a journey and not an income source. I already feel the pressure and I haven't even started. If it becomes more then great! I am going to look into the Dummy book! Thank you!

Well said...congratulations on your 5th stroke anniversary!

You're much braver than I feel I would be. I've said it before...you are an inspiration!

Wow Pam that was excruciating to read. Put through the ringer not once but 3 times? Sending you hugs...you are brave my friend. After all of this I still am so excited for you. I pray that this zapper does better than even studies expect. For you! 🙂 Keep us informed! 💕

Thank you so much Kelli! I feel like I can express myself so much better writing rather than talking. 🤓 I spoke with another very nice lady who reads and watches a blog and vlog that I also read and watch. It is about planning, being productive, and how to use a planner to help you. She has ADD. I thought about you and I. We both had ADD before stroke...having ADD after stroke well I've said it before...ADD on steroids. I talked to her about how my 2 speech therapists worked with me to utilize a paper planner and that planning month to month was not going to help. It needs to be a daily planner. In my case, hourly. We very much related to one another. ADD and ADD/stroke that caused loss of executive function. 😵 At this point I have no idea why this thread made me think of this lol. I'm not sure what my point was. So instead just thank you!😁

Thank you Heather. I can only imagine but understand what you are saying about your mom. Bless her. I think it's a few things ingrained in our lives that keep us from asking for help. I wish I could say that I had the ultimate"aha" moment. But I am pretty familiar with me lol...but you are right learning I can ask for help and it's not an imposition. I think I will remember this. 🙂

😂You guys are the best! Nothing like a dose of good humor early in the morning!

You are welcome Sue! 😁 You know what is funny is that I can't remember what I said or when...I was ready to say absolutely agree with your post Sue. LOL It must be that I have shared this with you guys. I also think what you will be doing seems really cool! I love it!

So stoked for you and your family Kelli! I agree Sue, Kelli you do have a wonderfully adventurous spirit! Ok so a baby boy!🤗 I'm curious, what will the little bambino call you? 🤔 Let's see there is Granny, Nanny, Mimi, Gigi, Mima, hmmm my nieces and nephews use Gaga, Granna, Nana... There are lots more I'm sure! 😁

It's ironic...I write in my blog here but my hopes of beginning my own website and blog scare me to death. I've not studied anything about doing this before. I have made a Pinterest account where I am saving every idea and bit of information I can...to a locked board. I am averaging 1-2 new subscribers a day. I try to engage people when they are interested, follow back, pin back, and I try to pin with purpose. Honestly, I don't know what the heck I'm doing. It's still a personal account but I have plans to launch my blog and business account at the same time or close. I'm starting to feel the stress of not knowing what I'm doing. I have nothing to lose really but time and I will have to make an initial investment into myself and hopefully will be able to do this as time goes by. My goal is to learn how to monetize my blog and have it supplement my disability (all is still riding on the decision of that so far). I don't want to put myself in a position where I am in over my head and can't get to a happy calm place. Everything I read says I need a niche.😳 I don't have a niche or can't decide on a niche. I hope I understand what a niche is lol. I see many blogs that are started by someone in my position. Of course I only know of the ones that did not fail. FEAR FEAR FEAR! Why am I so afraid? What am I afraid of? Failure? So what if I do fail...try again? Am I making this idea too serious? I want to be passionate about what I blog. I want to want to keep doing it. I want to be real. I want to learn something. I want to share what I learn, know, like, what I am excited about, how I might can help someone...so many things. I have to be able to separate my personal from my business. I at least feel that way...I've always been private. Anyways, I just wanted to get out what's been going through my mind lately. It helps me have perspective. Thank you guys for listening.

Sue this is a lovely blog post. You are so right...we often forget how others have had much harder times in general, even we did lol. Remember when there was nothing you knew of internet or web, or a cell phone, a working bathroom? I do remember most of those days when I take the time to ponder them. All except a working bathroom. It's interesting, I grew up in a new house with at the time modern conveniences...be it the kitchen was a not so pleasing now mix between avocado and mashed green peas lol. I thought it was great at the time. We even had a dishwasher! Mobile of course...we rolled it over and hooked it to the kitchen sink when needed. My grandmother, however, was not as modernized. Her washer was a tub washer with rollers to remove the water. Her dryer was the clothes line. Her dishwasher was her hands, her hot water for the clawfoot bathtub was a water warmer that looked like a speaker that was placed in the bath water and warmed before taken out and us kids climbing in. She made the best biscuits I have ever eaten...every morning. She made everything from scratch. I hold those memories dear. I am a country girl. Live in the south (United States), grew up never seeing a neighbor's house unless we drove by it down the road, my mom worked 3 jobs to take care of us kids (she was divorced from our father), my aunt and uncle were like my second parents because they kept me all the time. They were older...no children themselves. I grew up around cows, chickens, a tobacco barn, swimming in the creek behind the house, making forts and houses inside the hay barn, canning, milking cows, working a vegetable garden, BlackBerry picking, and fields all around. I was little and life was simple. I feel so excited and curious to experience different places and styles of living. I really enjoyed your post. Thank you and best of wishes at your medical appointments. 🙂

I think so. Guess what! Today I had to go to my mom's and sister's office (real estate office) and I told them how I was feeling. My sister, the always ask one, just smiled and said you never say a word. I agreed with her, it's true. I told her I wasn't jealous or just out to get something because I feel entitled but I know I really need a bed, tv, etc. My mom said "You have a bed." I told no I didn't that I left it at dumb dumbs. She said yes you do, it is upstairs in my brother's house. She kept it for me. 😭It's a queen and will have to get new sheets but OMG a bed!!! <---- ugly crying. People can't read my mind. Have to make this a new truth for me. Why do I not realize that? Anyways, I just wanted to share my warm family moment today. 😊

I do too. The day after 4th of July. The anxiety begins to rise before and of all things 4th of July comes and so do fireworks! Yep by the 5th I am done for lol. It's like a week long recuperation. 😵

Ruth you are an inspiration for me and I know many more here...a blessing to William. I'm so glad you are finding peace...and rest. 🙂

Exactly!!!

Yep it does Janelle. I feel so much like I owe others something because they have helped me during this. I put on a pretty ok mask. I don't ask for things...even if I should. That IS my fault. I believe my mom and sister would help me in any way they can. I suppose it's a part of me that I hide...that I need help. I hate even saying it. I'm having a breakthrough...must make note to tell my Psychologist lol. You guys are the best.

Looks very effective. I gotta big butt so I guess that would be my question lol. But there are days when this looks to be perfect!