HostTracy

I cant eben type. I just hate ethis.

I am just trying to get back here.

Yes i can completely relate to that. Scott I'm glad you didn't either I think I have PTSD from stuttering LOL I am terrified of doing it again,

SweetMom you arre going to have such a great time. Scott it was as nice as it gets except the river was low so we had some real shallow spots getting through those channels. You couldn't beat the weather it was awesome.!!!!!

Thank You guys it is exactly what I needed we had a really nice time.

When I started stuttering at that very moment it's like a switch had been turned on or off. It was so difficult to get out what I was saying. I would just get stuck usually bad on the first syllable. My husband, he is a bit clever, came up with a way to sorta get me through what I needed to say sometimes. I would get stuck on I. I-I-I- and then he would say dun nuh duh nuh duh nuh (Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne (Black Sabbath) - I've always been a big fan. So it became sorta of a game. Each time We would go back and forth and it would make me giggle and then I could get it out. There were days my family was dumbfounded as to what to do and they could barely get what I was saying. I was so frustrated at times I could really hit something (totally a not me thing). At night it was so bad that I usually just ended up in tears and went and laid down. I don't think I have ever been as frustrated as I would get at those moments. Then one day my 19 year old daughter made me so mad...it was something about the kitchen and she made fun of me and I snapped! I instantly got out very angrily what was going to happen no if and or buts. After a week of going back and forth of stuttering a little then not stuttering. It stopped. It was weird like the switch had switched back. I still stutter sometimes but if I stop breathe and start again I can usually control it. Life happens in weird ways sometimes...

We spent a lot of time relaxing. Ate some really good food. Enjoyed a couple of days of boating. Got a little sun. I had the best time with my sister's boxer Marian. She slept beside me every night. So sweet. My mom and sister and I got to talk a lot. I am so glad I went.

Here are some of the pictures I took. It was so relaxing. My blood pressure was better than it has been in 10 years.

Fred I just might get to do that. My step dad loves to fish it's his thing. I'm sure we could get into something up there. Thank you!

Asha I am going to! I even have the female issue for over a month now and this is the first time all year thta I haven't been anemic. I'm having surgery finally on Sept. the 21st and getting my blood tests again next week to make sure i'M not way down again and have an infusion early enough if I am. But I'm wearing my bathing suit darn it and I;ll sit on teowel and I'll just say excuse my wings.

I am so excited to say that I am going to the river with my mom, step dad, sister and her new husband. We are staying at the lake house and I am so excited just to get out into some fresh air and quiet. Hubby and daughter have to work. I have never been able to go on the kinds of small getaways because I worked like a mad wo man. We get to get out on the river in my sister's pontoon boat and a bit of tanning for me! YAY!!!!! I'm just so excited I had to share.

As I went along my weeks of therapy I didn't even miss occupational therapy. It honestly was just my anxiety...change. I worked harder in Physical Therapy and got my daily walking up to 25 minutes per day (doesn't seem like a lot but for me it was a milestone) I was balancing better than ever, doing the challenge courses all set up so much better. I was feeling good. That is when Barbie told me we were going down to one day per week instead of two. Again, there goes my anxiety when I should feel really good that I am doing well. Once again in speech therapy I was a crying mess. No matter that I knew it was a triumph it came out as anxiety and tears. This was December 2015 and I left that day ready to take on and accept my new changes. This was sometime in the middle of the week and on Friday, Adrian and I were driving my daughter down to her Meme's Christmas Party. Her dad would be there and she had not seen him since she was 15 (18 last year) and she was a bit upset and nervous so we decided we would stay close in case she needed to leave a bit early. It was dark when we began driving (remember I don't do so well in the dark and we had already realized that physical therapy was really not changing that). It started raining as we got out of Nashville. We were headed south for about an hour to get where we were going. My anxiety was already raised due to dark and now the rain and then all the sudden the rain came down so hard that I couldn't see anything in front of me and it sounded like bullets hitting the windshield. I closed my eyes and covered my ears and then started having a very very bad panic attack. We had to pull over at the first exit we saw and drove into a lighted covered area at a gas station. I could not stop...I was inconsolable, I couldn't remove my hands from my ears and every word that came out was stuttered over and over and over again. I finally got myself to stop crying and laid my seat back and just closed my eyes until we could make it into town. We dropped my daughter off and Adrian took me to Quiznos for a sandwich. I wouldn't get out so he went in and got us something to eat and we just went and parked in an empty but lit parking lot. After eating, I just laid my head on his shoulder and cried myself to sleep. Once we arrived back at her Meme's party I went in (Mistake#1) to get her because I had to use the restroom. My ex was there right as you come in the door....I had just met his new girlfriend who has a 1 year old (not his) outside and as soon as I tried to say a word (I was trying to say I have to use the restroom) all I could say is I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I and I stood there bawling and sucking in my breath between wails. I freaked everyone out. My ex mother-in-law came over and hugged me and took me away from the excitement in the living-room and I got out that I had to use the restroom. I quickly did and excused myself and Hailey soon followed. From that moment I stuttered non stop for almost 2 months...