HostTracy

Happy Late Birthday Asha! I somehow missed your post. So very glad you and you family and friends have truly stuck together and that you had such a great Birthday!! 🎈🎂🎁 I am less and less concerned of what others think and it is the best thing! I'm so happy that you have fun...you should!!! 🙋

Words to live by Asha thank you. 🙂

Oh wow Kellie, way to go handling such a sudden and serious emergency! You do still have it and you should feel so good about it!!! What an inspiring experience...it sounds like you guys did everything you could have. I'm so sorry the outcome was so sad...but I agree if it was her time then it was her time. God bless you for taking the initiative and effort to help this lady. I'm so proud of you! You keep amazing me! 🙋

I am so excited and looking forward to hopefully having my own place. In the same token, I am scared to death to look forward...weird I know. I know I will get about 1/3 what I used to earn, maybe 1/4. My mom is helping me to utilize every available kind of help I can get. I'm thinking too far ahead lol. In the moment I am still praying all will be good. I also am over the moon! 🌛

Janelle I 100% agree with you. This is my new focus on me. I'm trying really hard to control any and every reaction I have with my stepmom. I have made a pact with myself that I will remove myself from the situation...go to my room and shut the door, spend the night at my mom's or sister's, spend the night with my daughter or spend the night with a former co worker who is my good friend. I may become a bit of a hermit but this is only temporary. BTW I had my disability hearing yesterday and my lawyer says he is more than 99% positive I won my case. He only says he will not say absolutely yes because the judge did not use that word himself but let my lawyer and myself know I would receive a written letter stating his decision in 4-6 weeks. My lawyer had been a social security disability lawyer for around 35 years. I'm still exhausted from my anxiety experienced due to the hearing but I really think I got it. 😄Thank you Lord. Thank you, thank you.

Oh my thank you ladies so so much!! I can't stay asleep - nerves - so I got to see your posts. 🙂 Tomorrow or this morning in 6.5 hours! I feel positive, anxious, but positive! Ok time to force the sleep! XOXOXOXO

Oh wow! Yep I am working on a book... The Musings of Tracy or should it be The Ventings of Tracy. 😂 Man I am sorry this was so long and honestly a bit choppy (sleep deprivation writings lol).

Thanks everyone all great points! Sometimes it's so easy to take something personal or to get my feelings hurt. But things are about to change and go forward! 🙂 That is the biggest gift I can receive. After thinking more and more about this I realize that my sister is super great at asking for things. I never felt ok with asking for things from others all the time. We are just different. Gotta pull my big girl panties on...I believe good and positive things are on the way. 🙂

Today is so bittersweet for me. The auction was almost 6 hours and now it's done. Only the house left and the things left in it. I locked myself inside while it went on...just me and the quiet. I'm avoiding people because if anyone talks to me I am fighting to not cry. I'm ashamed to say I still feel really bothered by what my sister is keeping. I am mad at myself for being this way. I don't understand my own feelings. 

Sue thank you for the great update. You are really a gem. So much heart and kindness for yourself and so many others. 🙂 Banjo I'm so sorry to hear the news concerning your son's girlfriend. 😔 Many blessings your way...to you and your family as well as you and your family Sue.

Thank you ladies! I build strength from the support here. 🙂 😺🐈

Oh my. Pam I am rooting for you...you're a real trooper. It will hopefully be nice to spend some time with your temporary roomy.

Pam you make me smile and giggle thank you! 😄Heather my mom, my step dad, my sister and several other family members are a huge support for me. I'm sorta where I am out of necessity (i could have a room) or it would be a bit different! I am already the crazy cat lady and I only have Kitty lol. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm anxious but I really am looking forward to and my plan is to live alone. My home will be minimalist style and I can close my eyes and see myself on my couch curled up with Kitty watching a lifetime movie and a spa like candle burning in the background!🤗 I will share pictures one day! 😁

Thank you for such support and for being able to stand my long rants! 😁 Sue venting helps me a lot! I'm trying to keep my vents to my blog now because it's of course not always giving a positive vibe. I am definitely one of those people who need to get it out. I think not so much before the stroke but now for sure! Heather I have everything I can cross crossed lol. 😅My Psychiatrist hears me say so often how much I look forward to having my own place! Alone! I've never lived alone...i suppose I've been scared to. I am ready!!!! My mom has included me in a prayer chain for a long while now and says her and my step dad pray about it every night. Me too!! 10 days left! 😜

Oh how great is that! 🤗So many things you two can relate and talk about. Comradery!!! 🙌

You are so very welcome Pam! Deserving...all of you are! 🙂

Wow I can relate. In different ways but still the same. Sighs...I hate the understanding issue...there should be classes after a loved one's stroke. It is exhausting trying to always explain...I get tired of it, cranky, until I just don't give a ~°¢|[. I know...not nice...but I find myself at that position a lot too...hate it. The honest truth is I feel more comradery with you guys or my local stroke group. I don't like this cold wall it builds...I miss the me that could easily receive and give positivity. Pam I pray for peace in your soul...I see your strength, your pain, your hope, your dignity. I am grateful for you. Wishing you good vibes and understanding... you are deserving my friend.

Hugs, Pam...I know this must be frustrating and painful all at the same time. Time is your friend...unfortunately, electronic devices and social media sometimes are not. So many words are misunderstood... simpler times were sometimes kinder. I believe in the love of a mom and her child...time can heal many moments. 😉

Oh wow Kelli! That would have freaked me out...and those lights!!! I'm glad everything went smooth.

👍What Heather said!

Pam I smile and take note of the kindness of yourself and your son...something I hope will always be a part of me (kindness, giving, and blessing). Your friend is blessed to have you and you her. I love your heart.

None about my brother yet. Still saying it will take a full 6 months for autopsy results. We did, however, get resolution to the ex girlfriend crazy issue in court yesterday. I think we are all hopeful that he passed of natural causes...we can't imagine the possible other explanation. 

My dad has now completed his treatment and he still has another 4 weeks before a new scan to know if it was successful. He is doing well though at the moment. 

Me, well I still have not gotten the new medicine, Nuedexta. I have been approved and was told the medication would be sent and free but there is some sort of delay!? Not sure when things will happen. I have my Disability hearing on October 25. I have just been trying to think of good thoughts and spending a lot of time to myself in my room. Things have been very tense around here at my dad's house and I seem to be a target per se. I am praying to just be able to hold on until I can get on my on. Mentally it will be the best direction for me. Just looking for real peace Janelle. Thank you for asking. I hope things are going well on your end. 😉

Sue I am so very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you and your friend Lyn were a great support for each other. I truly look up to you and your selfless deeds. You are special Sue. Much love.

Pam I really appreciate your points of view. They are a great help when evaluating the me now. I do have a safe place to retreat to...My room. No one bothers me in there and I don't subject myself to unnecessary "stuff" when I choose to be there. I really am so grateful to my father and step mother for opening their home to me. I can't control others thoughts or actions...I can only control me. When I can't, I have my bedroom. As for its all about me...well sometimes it is but not because I chose that path. Oh my, I am falling asleep as I write this...I just dropped my phone onto my face LOL. Without the possibility of babbling I'll stop here. I am having to redefine me and not by choice. It's time I put me first and that's ok.

Sue that is what I'm trying to be. I really can only tell them how I would feel if I were him because I have been there. Looking back at my own story I would have been grateful for someone to be my voice. I am not trying to be 100% that...but I can say "When I was experiencing ____..." or "____ feels like ____ and makes me ___". You get the idea. I have also tried to explain why he is where he is therapy wise and having positive support is so important. What is CPS. That he is probably very aware and has his faculties his brain just is keeping him from communicating due to the damage. Explain why he may be agitated, confused, emotional, and feeling pain or that he is having pain. How to be good to themselves and recharge...validate their feelings/emotions during this hard time. I've even talked to my stepmom about sharing with her ex sister-in-law that their are resources that can help or find ways to get them help. I've been trying to be a positive voice for him even though I really don't know him very well. I mean I still fight with my own thoughts "I just want to be who I used to be". I know those thoughts are very fresh for each one of them. I hope I can share something that may help. I just feel so I don't know...I just see the misunderstanding and the pain of that for these two siblings. He needs her in a way she can't see and she needs him in a way that he can't be just yet. This is a long way of saying I really just want to help in some way for everyone involved. I know I can only do so much but I have to try.