jriva

Sarah,

Asha will have to throw you a puppy shower here in the blogs when baby Ponsonby gets here. Your household will definitely change and the classes are a great thing to do. Check with a vet or a book on bull dog puppies and makes sure that the baby doesn't leave his mother too soon! We had a lot of trouble with Cooper because the breeder was in to big of a hurry to get him placed.

By the way, I agree with you about the mail order/internet puppies...too chancy that you'll get one from a puppy mill and you'll end up with a puppy with major health or temperament issues. Although I'm sure a lot of reputable breeders also sell this way.

Jean

Sherri,

It's easy for me to be both happy and sad at your decide not to spend as much time here as in the past. Happy that you don't need us anymore and very sad to lose someone with your strength and will to take back your old life. We need a good percentage of our 'graduates' to stick around to give the newbies hope and support. But I do understand that some people can't keep a foot in each world so you have to do what is best for you. Just remember we love to have our 'graduates' stop back around all the holidays to update us, if you can. The coffee pot and welcome mat are always waiting. Even infrequent updates like that can be a great payback in itself, showing the newbies that life goes on. Wishing the best...

Jean

Jan,

Welcome to the blog community. I'm glad you mentioned the Rose Bowl. I completely forgot about it and I really enjoy watching the parade. I don't follow football but I think the world would fall apart if some people didn't get their fix.

We have some school logos in Michigan that people are always debating/campaigning to get chanced to something 'politically correct.' So it doesn't surprise me that some people there in Arizona wanted their sun devil logos covered up for the Pope. Why did he go to Arizona State in the first place? I can't picture him as a football fan.

Did you and your husband meet in college?

Jean

Hi Ann,

I don't have time for a long comment---though I wish I did---but I wanted to tell you that Aircept worked a lot longer than you were told for my dad---years,not months. We could always tell when a dose was missed too. Keep the faith.

Jean

Sue,

Since you are getting respite a couple times a year now, would it be possible to set yourself up to do something truly special during those caregiver breaks? I mean do the spa thing or take in a bunch of shows or take a mini vacation---whatever turns you on? The point is to have something in the future to look forward to and plan that would more than just a 'break,' it would an adventure. We are always so good about planning the care of our husbands, why is it so hard to plan for ourselves?

Happy new year, Sue. I hope it holds good things for you and Ray.

Kean

You know what, Asha, I never thought I'd be a good caregiver either. I think many of surprise ourselves when we look back at how far we've come as caregivers...just like survivors progress, so do we in our coping and caring skills.

Sharon, thanks for the compliment! You ARE a strong woman, too. Look what all you've dealt with since your stroke. We can be strong and still need other people in our lives to help from time to time.

Jean

Mel,

It's good to hear from you again! We've been wondering a lot and worrying a little. Wow, you had a lot of stuff to catch us up on.

I took a arthritis water exercise class last summer and can't wait to start it again after Don's speech classes end in the the spring, it really did help all aspects of my life. Hope you find it works the same for you.

Jean

Robyn,

You're a super smart and caring woman. You'll work it out. Whatever happens I always tell robins who fly away from here to stop back at all the holidays to say hello. If you don't come back any more often than that....at least do THAT much, okay? The welcome mat and coffee pot are always waiting.

By the way, I never meant to suggest in an way shape or form that you didn't try to "get it." I know you did. Your pain in not being allowed that opportunity was very clear and heartbreaking to watch.

:friends: Jean

Hi Robyn,

Nice to see your update!

What happened in those 48 hours that changed things for her?

What happened in those 48 hours is that the full impact of Jane's stroke probably caught up with her and that knowledge turned her life upside down, changed her perception of herself and everything she'd known previously.

I get the impression that you are still looking for something that you could have done or said differently that would have saved the relationship or, at very the least, you are seeking the knowledge of what went wrong so you can prevent the same thing from happening in a future relationship. Robyn, I hope this doesn't sound harsh but I don't think you ever really got it---the extent in which a stroke effects a person's life, both physically and emotionally. Relationships almost always go on the back burner for the survivors.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is to quit doing the postmortem. It's not your fault. It's not Jane's fault. The Jane you knew before the stroke is not the same Jane she became after the stroke. Whatever emotional baggage you say she had pre-stoke may or may not apply to the new post-stroke Jane; she could have added new baggage and/or let go of some the old. Often times family and friends can come to know the new, post-stroke person and sometimes that isn't possible. Given the long-distance between where you two lived, the relationship didn't have a chance from the moment the stroke hit her. That is your postmortem. Plain and simple. What happened had nothing to do with commitment issues so don't let it effect your future relationships negatively.

Jean

Julie,

Strokenet can be like coming to a AA meeting. Truly, it can. We form friends here on the message board and in the blogs by posting or blog problems we're dealing with and also learn to give support back when you're able. We also come here to celebrate the little changes that others don't always understand the importance of in our day-to-day world.

Anyway, welcome to the blogs! We are like a little family back here.

Jean

It takes a very long time to trust a friendship enough to confide in someone. I personally think it's normal to have 1 or 2 very close friends who you can do that with in one's entire life time. Being able to have fun with your new friends is great and really is what counts in the real world. Go with the flow.

Jean

These are great photos, Mel! Thanks for sharing them.

By the way, your brother's got an impressive uniform!

Jean

Hi Pam 12/20/06 - Hear you bought a house, how cool is that.

Mary,

That should be an interesting documentary!

Jean

Bob,

I was off line most of last week, too, with computer issues. I went to the Foxfire browser, too, and love it. IE 6 was giving me trouble. The Nerds-on-Site guy said almost all virus's and trojans are written for the Internet Explorer so we're not as likely to get one with Foxfire. I hate computers when they act up!

I had to smile at your comment about the Dewey Decimal System and your library. I started that once in mine but quickly gave up---what a job that would be to do an entire library of books! We've got two twelve foot long walls that are covered with books from ceiling to floor.

Have a good week!

Jean

Ann,

That sitting instead of standing is HUGE in the caregiver world! Hope it continues and simplifies your life and saves the bathroom.

I wish I lived next door, I'd be looking forward to your baking. I've never in my life baked anything but ginger bread houses at the holidays. I wish we had some kids around now so I could build them again. I wonder if anyone has ever designed them for the birds?

I'm so happy for you that Bill is progressing. People we haven't seen in a long time do notice changes as if they are big changes, where as we caregivers absorb a bunch of little changes slowly over time. Glad Bill's doctor is pleased with the changes!!!!!

Jean

Your grand-daughter will always remember decorating the tree with you and the sleepovers. It must be a warm feeling to see your own kids in your grandchildren the way you've described. Very sweet.

It's still surreal to those of us on the other side of the earth to see you write about Christmas and it being summer in the same blog.

Jean

Diane,

When my husband was in in-house rehab, the occupational therapy department spent a long time teaching his class of stroke survivors how to use can openers, blenders, coffee pots, toasters, etc. It's like they have one set program for everyone regardless of whether of not they will ever use that stuff or need to learn it. It frustrated me to no end to have them waste therapy dollars on kitchen stuff he'd never done his entire life and hasn't since he left rehab.

We just paid $75.00 to have our carpet cleaned because of wheelchair "tracks" all over the house so I sort of sympathize with the cleaners. I always wash off Don's wheels in the laundry room before he gets to go into the rest of the house and the helps a LOT but it comes with the territory, to track up the places you go. You'll learn to go around the mud and water when possible. Oil on parking lots is the worst. Don gete 'yelled at' if he doesn't pay attention to the oil.

You are doing so well! And laugh all you want. Of all the stupid things to ball out a bunch of patients for!!!!

Jean

Hello and welcome to Strokenet's blog community. In no time you'll be running around this site like an old pro. If you have trouble, we have a 'FAQ' and 'Help' sections that you can access through the community links drop down menus.

Journaling can really help a lot. We get to know each other well back here and help each other too. What's your first name?

Jean

Sue,

Do you have a bed rail on Ray's side of the bed to help him help himself up? I don't mean the kind like they have in hospitals that go the whole distance along the side. Don had one that is like a U-shaped pipe with the two ends going way under the mattress and the U part is only a foot wide and comes up along side of the mattress and above it by about ten inches. With this, he can out of bed by himself.

I'm glad you mentioned the computer issue! Mine is doing the same thing since the trogan episode---acting weird. I just called a tech guy who comes out to the house and charges bid money to do it. Haven't heard back so I don't know if he will and how much it will cost yet. I hate computers when they don't work right! They are such a life-line to those of us who are home more than we'd really like to be.

Sue, I think when the holidays are over you'll feel better. There are so many reminders around now of happier times. Hang in there it will get better!!!

Jean

When ever someone asks me why we don't have a Christmas tree up I always say, "Well, we have a male dog...." It really is hard for them to understand inside trees, isn't it.

Glad you're daughter stopped to help you with your melancholy.

Jean

Hi Heather,

I just republished one of my old blogs about God. I hope you will read it. Making your piece with God will take some work but it's a worthy goal that can take away a lot of your pain. My God does not punish or reward....so if you want, read my blog because how you understand and define God is really important right now in your recovery process.

Jean

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?act=m...owblog&blogid=5

Phyllis,

I remember sitting on the dock at our cottage with my dad just after the first moon walk. He was born in 1910 and had seen many inventions and defeats of science take place in his life time. That space launch delighted him from ear to ear and every since then I can't hear about a space shuttle taking off without thinking fondly of that night on the dock, talking with my dad about the meaning of life. Thanks for the memory! It truly must be a sight to see what you Floridians get to see first hand.

Jean

Early Christmas presents are SO great! I'm happy you can close this chapter before the new year and I'll bet Robyn will be glad to get the luck back.

Jean

Bonnie,

It's 1:00 PM here and I'm not dressed yet either. It's a good day to be a hermit.

Jean