jriva

Welcome back, Kim.

Have you considered adult daycare for a couple afternoons a week? If your husband truly is using the bladder control to 'blackmail' or 'punish you' for leaving him alone, you might have to consider other options. He may actually be afraid to be alone. Or Ann may be right about looking into the vascular dementia possibility. Just because your husband "admits" that he has bladder control that doesn't mean he actually does. He may just be saying that like a little kid that will admit anything just to get his mom to stop the lecture. Either way, it's got to be very frustrating for you. Take a deep breath and start mourning the lose of the wife within because, unfortunately, she is probably gone forever. Accepting that fact can make it easier to find the nurse within.

Jean

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:friends: ...not much to say except hang in there, your vacation will help a lot.

Jean

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Sue,

You will do just fine with your new adventure on your own when Ray is in respite. I'm happy you are getting this opportunity.

Jean

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Glad to see your best friend is doing so well and that he is getting you out for a little exercise. He does, in deed, look good!

Jean

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That's my worst fear...to be without a computer. Glad you're back on line.

Sounds like you've got some nice leads on housing. Good luck with that!

Jean

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An emotion packed poem. Nice work. Hope you get a handle on those migraines soon!

Jean

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The comparisons are what does you end sometimes. That's why we always have to be careful to measure ourselves against ourselves and not against what others have accomplished. Hope you feel better in the morning.

Jean

Fred,

You've sure come a long way in the time we've known each other. I hope you are proud of that.

Jean

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Thank you for letting us know. She will truly be missed around here.

Jean

Glad you and Ray are safe!

Jean

Ann,

Sounds like you had a great vacation. I know what you mean about never being far from the beach. I'd sure miss all the lakes if I ever moved out of Michigan.

Jean

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Karen,

I, too, am sorry to hear about Rob's set back. The way he works at his recovery I'm sure he'll be his old self in no time at all. Hope all the tests help figure all this out and offer some solutions to keep it from happening again. You two will be in my thoughts.

Jean

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Janice,

Sorry to hear about both your dad's passing and your husband's medical issues. I hope they get to the source of the pain and make it go away for good!

Hang in there. You are stronger than you think.

Jean

Butch,

It's great to get your update. The downsizing sounds like a good step that will work out great for all of you. I know it's hard and a huge decision, but once done you'll be better off...lots less work in a manufactured home. Be sure to video tape your old house inside and out before you move or sell off the furnishings. This will be harder on your almost adult kids than anyone. The films will help when they need to visit the memories of their past.

Jean

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That's why little dogs scare me. You can lose them or step on them so easily. I think in Snooty's old age, she'd gotten confused and she thinks that she's a cat, not a dog.

Jean

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Very interesting! I hope it continues to work for you.

Jean

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I don't understand people who go away from a campfire!! Even worse are the ones who start fires like this on purpose. You take care and know that the rest of the nation and your friends here cares....

Jean

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Glad Bud is doing well. I see from your photos that he and Cooper have something in common...they've both taken taken over our couches.

Jean

Ann,

I think I blogged sometime in the last month about having the same experience of having read the paperwork from when Don was in the hospital and being shocked to learn that I was being charted right along with Don. So, I know how you feel.

Sarah,

Someone here actually did do that...call 911 from their hospital bed. Strange world we live in now where you can't get people in a hospital to listen!

Jean

Ellen,

Don had a lot of trouble with the concept of money, too. What helped a lot with him was to do some light shopping on his own. We go to a super store for groceries and they have area for pharmacy/health/beauty products that has their cash register. I gave him a label off a product I wanted and enough money to cover it and I'd send him off to find and pay for it. Then I'd add two things to the list, etc. Then I added buying a lotto ticket each week. Just handling money again, making it a weekly project so to say---even these little bits---has helped a lot. At first he couldn't count past five now he's up to 25. Your idea of a pile of bills to practice with money and have a visual is a good idea, too.

If you want me to take look at your draft for a signature/profile, send it to me in an e-mail. If I can come up with something to add or expand on, I will. I think his blog will be a good example to the general population that aphasia truly is just a language disorder and not a retardation. For a profile I'd start with something like:"Denny is the survivor of a _____ stroke that left him with a severe language disorder known as aphasia. He struggles daily to regain his use of spoken and written words. He is a passion activist for causes like ______ and ______ and he wants to share his feelings in this blog." If you have a limited amount of space for a signature, go for something like the first two sentences above---anything that explains why his blog may not always sound like what he means to say.

Then give the address to his blog to some friendly people like me and others you know so we can comment and you can comment to expand on his thoughts if they really do need the "code" cracked for others.

Jean

Ellen,

Do you have as much trouble saying "no" to Denny when he wants to buy something you can't afford or don't really need as much as I do with Don? It takes him SO long to get his words that I usually cave in.

Denny's been watching a lot of TV lately I'll bet. The campaign for Green living has been all over the airways. I knew the minute you first wrote "red car" that's what he meant---a hybrid car. That is so cool that you have one!!!

For his community blog, maybe you could consider writing up a signature for him, or a little profile that explains his stroke related language order, and then just let him blog in his own why. People can be really understanding and supportive when they know what the problem is and he actually might get more people following his blog that way when people know his personal story.

Loved this blog! Love Denny's progress and your skill at figuring him out.

Jean

"It was all about maintaining the relationship, not stressing the patient etc."

Boy, Sue, I understand the not stressing the patient part---for people with dementia, change and stress doesn't mix well---but I don't see how a person can alway maintain their relationship when one of them developes dementia. For me, the daughter-turned-caregiver role was sure different than the daughter/father relationship we had in a prior life. For me, saying goodbye and mourning the old relationship was key to be being able to handle the new role. Did they give you an tips and advice for being able to maintain those relationships with someone with dementia?

Jean

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Congratulations, Bonnie. May you look forward to the next four years and beyond.

Jean

Ann,

And many of those girls are getting breast implants for their high school gratuation gifts.

Jean

Hi Sue,

It sounds like the parts of the trip you two were able to do were interesting and a great diversion from your the daily routine. Don would have been okay with me taking a quick look at the dogs doing their work, but that's just Don and I am grateful that he wouldn't deprive me from things like that. I think he actually enjoys a little alone time once in awhile because he really doesn't get much of that.

Since this is a WAGS group that organized the trip, you should speak up and ask the group to arrange for some electric scooters or golf carts for some the needy to use on these events. Or to ask for community volunteers to sign up to help with wheelchairs. You may have been the only caregiver pushing a wheelchair but it doesn't have to be if the group would make an effort to make the trips more wheelchair friendly and let people know that they are. Trust me, there was an army of volunteers who got Don and 16 guys in wheelchairs out to hunting blinds in the woods last fall to go hunting. People will help a good cause if someone puts out the call.

Jean