jriva

Stroke Caregiver - female
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    2,003

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Blog Comments posted by jriva

    GeorgeLesley

    Posted

    .

     

    I am convinced that just as we are all trying to reteach our brains to do physical things, we must also teach, or reteach it positive thoughts. The words self fulfilling prophecy come to mind. Example: if you constantly think woe is me, poor me, why me, etc, guess what! Woe is you, poor you.

     

    I couldn't agree more! And I think this applies to non-stroke survivors as well as survivors. That's not to say that none of us 'positive thinkers' ever get down days or depressed. However, it's the pro-active way of looking for the good in situations that helps us find our way out of depression and down days.

     

    Jean

    Guest

    Posted

     

    .

     

    Mel,

     

    Although I believe in forgiveness, I sure don't believe in forgetting. If we forget we're either setting ourselves up to be victimized again or letting history repeat itself with our own actions.

     

    Whatever you do, I hope you find peace and whatever else you are looking for....

     

    Jean

     

    .

    Al2006

    Posted

    .

     

    Man, I wish you lived near me. I'd enjoy watching those trees grow. I want to plan some pines around our place. I'll never live long enough to see them get big but someone will enjoy them and appreciate my efforts---and you're too. You go, guy!

     

    Jean

    Guest

    Posted

     

    .

     

    Oh, yes, Ann, I totally agree that living life is different that reading about life. In hindsight, I am glad my parents didn't have traditional role model mothers because they didn't raise me like the other little girls I knew. They supported me in all my non-traditional goals and my dad didn't treat me any differently than he did my brother in what he taught us. I got none of the 'girls can't do that' stuff from my parents and they even fought to help me be the first girl ever in our high school to take shop and mechanical drawing classes. I wish at 20-30-40 we could all have the insight that hindsight gives us at 50-60 and 70. :)

     

    Jean

    Guest

    Posted

    .

     

    Ann,

     

    They say that divorce is often harder on adult children than on the little ones, especially for our generation where women were better at pretending that everything in the marriage was okay---at least in front of the kids. I've heard it said that adult kids, in this situation, feel as if their whole childhoods were a lie when they find out that their parents stayed together mostly for their sakes. Do you think there is some truth in this for your situation as well?

     

    Mother and daughter relationships are so complex! My mother loved me but both my dad and mother had no mothers in their lives from age 7-8 years old so she had no real role model to pattern motherhood after. My mother was farmed out as a laborer by the time she was nine. I do think in our pain to over come our own often dysfunctional childhoods that we forget that our own parent/s may have had very good reasons for turning out the way they did. Learning to see that is key to finding the forgiveness needed to break the mold and not keep passing on the dysfunction that unresolved resentments makes us do.

     

    Jean

    Guest

    Posted

    .

     

    Mel,

     

    It sounds like you have good reason to feel detached from the news you got. Mothers who cut themselves off from there adult kids who they can't control with an ultimatum are to be pitted for their short-sightedness and lack of faith in their kids. I guess the saying 'what goes around, comes around' does apply, in a way, to your situation.

     

    However, I'm a firm believer that the hostility and lack of forgiveness that we hold in our heart towards people who hurt or wronged us does US more damage than it does them. I also believe that when someone is dying it is good time to make that one last ditch effort for a reconciliation. Again, I don't think we make that effort to help the person dying but rather to cleanse ourselves from any regrets or after thoughts that will come later on when it's no longer possible to say our good byes and/or offer forgiveness.

     

    Each of us carries baggage from our childhoods but we can't let it control us or carry over in how we parent or how we relation with others who come into our lives. Forgiveness is therapeutic. Your mother was a poor mother and that's a sad fact that can't be changed. But you can change your reaction to that neglect and set a better example for your daughter to follow. A person can carry so much pain around from their scared childhoods that they have a hard time trusting, keeping or relating to friends later on if they don't deal with the baggage.

     

    Jean

    Myfatherskeeper

    Posted

    .

     

    Welcome to the blog community. It's a good place to work out your emotions as a caregiver and caring daughter in the process of accepting the role reversals that come. I went through this with dad, too. You'll get through this even though some days you might not think so. It's why my signature mantra is 'caregiving is not for sissies.' I used to repeat that to myself a lot.

     

    Jean

    arogers

    Posted

    Ann,

     

    Thanks for blogging about Bill's experiences with his eyes. We all need to know what to look for and I sure didn't.

     

    We've been busy with a multitude of appointments, too. Most of Don's doctors want to see him either quarterly or twice a year and we rush to get them all in in the fall so we don't have as much winter driving but then again in the spring we have this month of doctors, doctors, doctors and labs! As you say, one day at a time and we'll all get through this stuff.

     

    Jean

    alpinejunkie

    Posted

    AJ,

     

    Glad to see you back! I was wondering how you were doing.

     

    As to your question about what you can blog here: the beauty of our blogs is we don't restrict topics to just stroke related stuff like on the 90% of the message board. You can blog about just about anything but porno stuff, racial or sexual slurs or flaming of other members and somehow I don't think it would occur to you to blog about any of this kind of stuff. So blog away.... :)

     

    MBA: Jean

    azrabbit

    Posted

    .

     

    Ellen,

     

    That list of Denny's words is a true 'love letter' if I ever saw one! You've got a right to feel good about being appreciated that way. Last month Don gave me a "good guy" compliment out of a clear blue sky and I was beaming over that. I'm betting if we turned all the lights out tonight between Michigan and Arizona I could see you still beaming....

     

    Jean

     

    p.s. Have fun at your get together....

    SURVIVOR112261

    Posted

    Sherry,

     

    I'm glad you've got your mom for your chief cheerleader. Never forget we're all here, too.

     

    Think about doing a some redecorating in that bedroom. Make it yours, not 'ours.' The project itself can help purge more than just his imprint on the space. Get yourself one of the 'body' pillows to hug at night. (They are six foot long and made for people who like to wrap themselves around something.)

     

    Jean :friends:

    l_klakring

    Posted

    Lucy,

     

    Am I understanding that once the teenaged son moves downstairs to your present room, that your son is implying that you need to find somewhere else to live? Or are there two rooms downstairs and you'd be moving to another? In either case, I can understand why you're so upset.

     

    I know it's hard to do but you've got to have faith that it will all work out for the best, even if you have to go through some rough months of transition.

     

    What was said about the down payment you put down? Will they be repaying that so you'll have the money to move on, if you have to? Or was it a gift you gave them with no strings?

     

    Jean

    Guest

    Posted

    Mel,

     

    Using the blogs to blow off steam is exactly one of the reasons why the blogs helps us all so much. I seriously doubt you upset anyone...least of all me. It's different than blowing off steam to the ones we live with day in and day out. So don't hold yourself back when you feel the need. I really do think, when we are blowing off steam, that it helps a lot to get feedback from others who are not closely involved in the situation. It helps us to see the whole situation from another point of view or just to get the hugs that come.

     

    :friends: Jean

    bazane

    Posted

     

    .

     

    Always good to see you back in the blog community. We've still got snow covering most of the ground so it's nice to hear about "all the green" in your neck of the woods. I can't wait............. but I guess it will be awhile as winter is on it's way back in a few days.

     

    Jean

     

     

    Guest

    Posted

    .

     

    Mel,

     

    I'm not sure it's safe for us caregiver/family members to venture into your comment section but.... I want to say something about these sentences of yours:

     

    "I just want to scream!!!!! It's like everything stopped while I was gone and they forgot that life still goes on and things need to be done."

     

    I hope you'll forgive and ease up on your husband and daughter for this because, for them, it probably did seem as if the world stopped when you went in the hospital. Life really doesn't just go on as if nothing happened when you're worried about someone you love in the hospital. They may know stuff SHOULD get done but stress and worry drains your energy and your time.

     

    :friends: Jean

    Dickons

    Posted

     

    .

    Dickons,

     

    Deep friendship and/or knowledge of the person with aphasia really does make a difference in figuring out the "aphasic language." Don and I can do what you and your friend can. It does take some practice, though, in the beginning.

     

    Nice tribute to your friend......

     

     

    Jean

    Budweiser

    Posted

     

    Bill

     

    .

     

    Bill,

     

    If having a hand-out would help, you could print out some copies of my review of Strokenet. It's also got some good facts in the article as well as instructions on how to get here. If you want to print out copies free of advertising just look for the line just below my avatar to where it says 'print.'

     

    Jean

     

    http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1...est_online.html