srademacher

Kim, I remember going through a period shortly after Gary got home from rehab, where we lost numerous cousins and Aunts and nothing seemed to be going well, dishwasher leaked, had to replace whole floor under it, hot water heater sprung a leak, etc. I made the mistake of asking "what next?" and it was never long before I got an answer. I learned to quit asking. LOL Sarah

Vi, I like the idea of using the hot roll mix instead of the more complicated scratch recipe from my Mom. She used to make kuchen often for when company came and serve it with coffee. We usually had the kuchen with the plain custard filling (recipe attached): Custard filling - 10 Tbsp. sugar, 2 Tbsp. flour, pinch of salt - mix together - Beat 3 eggs, 3/4 cup canned milk, 1 tsp. vanilla and mix together - divide among coffee cakes. Bake at 350 for 20-25 min. I've also used a can of applie pie filling for apple kuchen. I think that is my favorite one. Sarah

After reading your blog, you've convinced me that I need to have the store assemble a grill for me if I get a new one this weekend. :happydance: I'm having a 60th birthday bash for Gary next weekend and I had to chose between trying to clean up an old, smaller grill or getting a new one. I definitely have decided a new one is a better idea but now will be sure to have it assembled first. :happydance: Sarah

Ann, I guess you know they have to cover their A***s just in case. It sounds similar to our hospital and the neuro trying to blame us that we didn't scream louder or make more of a fuss when we knew Gary was stroking out in the hospital room late in the afternoon. Our attorney then asks, "what were they supposed to do, call 911 from his hospital room?" Makes no sense, but it's David vs. Goliath all the way. Sarah

Sue, It sounds as though your trip was about as painful for you as our trip to Vegas was for me. We cut our trip short by two days as my back couldn't take any more of pushing his wheelchair on less than adequate surfaces. I've come to the realization that there are going to be some trips that just aren't possible with Gary in the wheelchair, but I'm not going to let that stop us from taking the ones that are possible or taking someone along to help with him. Is it possible for Ray to get a motorized scooter so that you don't have to push him. In Gary's case that wouldn't work out in public as I would have to operate it since he has double vision, but if Ray can see okay and use one or the other of his hands, I would think he could operate a joystick to control a motorized scooter. Although, getting one of them stuck in mud and muck wouldn't be much better than trying to push the other kind through it. We've been on several trips where I had to sit back with Gary because it was impossible to get his wheelchair into places we would have previously gone together, i.e. climbing the steps of a lighthouse, sitting in a separate room off the side of a church for a relaltive's funeral, riding the shuttle around the track at Daytona. These are things that we can no longer do, and I totally understand how that makes you feel isolated. We've learned that popping a good comedy video into the DVD player at home works just as well for both of us as trying to get out and become frustrated or disappointed in dealing with places and things that are no longer accessible for us as a couple. I've also had to come to the realization that because it's impossible to get Gary into those kinds of places, that doesn't mean I can't go without him. Sarah

Sue, I can't offer much more than a virtual hug :hug: and a gentle reminder that all those times that you felt like you were alone when you saw only one set of footprints in the sand, it was HE who carried you through. As long as you are here, you will never walk through this alone. Sarah

Ann, I know all too well how frustrating it can be gathering medical records. I finally ended up buying a copier to make all the necessary copies for lawyers, and now almost 3 yr. later am being asked for information which I know I've already sent. Unfortunately, those people have no idea, or they just plain don't care that you're plate is about as full as it can get. Some days it feels like their only purpose in life is to make yours more difficult. If all you can get for "me" time is a nice warm bubble bath, do it. Just a few minutes to soak in the tub helps me tremendously. I've had the ups and downs with the bp also and when Gary was still in rehab, I had the chest pains that landed me in ER and an overnight in ICU. They ran all the tests, but figured it was just stress at the time. Stress can do that to you, and if you end up in the hospital overnight, who will take your place? Sarah

Fred, I am so sorry for your family's loss. You will all be in our thoughts and prayers. Please have a safe trip to Houston and back. Sarah

Hi Kimmie, Glad you had a good week except for the surprise from the malpractice suit. There should have been something in your original contract with your attorneys that stated if you were going to get stuck paying costs whether you got a settlement or not. Our original contract with our attorneys says they get costs (which are well over $40K now and building daily until we go to trial in May), plus a percentage of settlement. I have been prepared all along that if we lose the case, we will have to pay the lawyers costs and court costs, so we are hoping and praying daily that the jury will rule in our favor. If that doesn't happen, it will take the last of the equity from our home to pay off that debt. Sarah

Phyllis, I'm going to stick my neck out here and make a few comments. You said in your post "The thing is, the few times I have been in the group with her and when she called me to discuss something, I wanted to tell her to shut up! She really got on my nerves and I am only in her presence an hour or 2 at a time. OK, perhaps she doesn't realize she is doing it. They have been married a zillion years and I guess he understands. " I think the key word here is "FEW" times and I'm wondering if you're making an assumption that she always speaks for her husband, even during the many hours that you're not with them. Is it possible that she works daily with him trying to help him with speech, and when they get out in a public setting, he allows her to speak for him rather than being embarrassed or frustrated when he can't get the words out properly or others can't understand him. As a caregiver to my husband who also has speech difficulty, I find that when he tries to speak to others, they end up turning to me to ask what he said. I'm with him 24 hrs./day and they see him maybe an hour or two once a month. It is understandable that they have difficulty interpreting his speech, and when that happens he gets very upset and ends up crying. He has gotten to the point that he won't answer people now when they ask him questions, he points to me instead to be his voice. So, I guess I would appear as the caregiver who does all the talking and won't give my husband a chance. As caregivers, we find ourselves in the position of being damned if we do and damned if we don't. If I told my husband to answer someone's question since I know he can, then I would appear as bossy and cruel (believe me, I've been judged more times than I care to think about). I think that making polite suggestions to get the husband aside and talk one on one with him would be nice and she would probably appreciate the break. I would be on cloud #9 if all the people who thought I wasn't doing things the right way, would take turns taking my husband away for the day and working with him one on one. Wouldn't that be a nice break for the caregiver? I'm just giving you a look from the other side. Every stroke is different and every recovery is different and no two people react the same to stroke or caregiving. Sarah

Sue, As always, you and Ray are in our thoughts and prayers. I know you will find a way to keep from going mad with this new restricted routine. If I can do it, you certainly can. You are a much stronger person than I will ever be. Sarah

Sue, I am so sorry to hear about this set back. I can't begin to imagine how frustrating this is for you. I can only offer ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) and more prayers for both you and Ray. Sarah

Way to gooooooooooooooooooo!!! I'm glad you're getting around more walking. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have to sit in a wheelchair for long periods of time. I try to keep Gary moving around from recliner to wheelchair to sofa, and can only walk him from the toilet to the shower by myself, or along the stair rail or deck as long as he can hold onto a rail with one hand. Sarah

Kimmie, I have to agree that the whole process is very educational. We attended a settlement conference a week ago and I heard some things about Gary's stroke that I was never aware of before. I guess the lawyers are paid to go through the piles and piles of hospital records and review them thoroughly before proceeding on any case, so they can become the experts. We didn't reach any agreements, but the court date is still set for May. Sarah

Kimmie, I hope you are able to get some resolution soon. I know how frustrating this can be waiting for all the legal stuff to drag on for years. We're going on 2.5 years and still no resolution, and dreading the thought of going to court, but will do what we have to do to make sure it doesn't happen again. Best wishes! Sarah

Cam, The only thing worse than a bad cardiologist would be a lawyer who represents them. I guess you can be thankful you weren't sent in for unnecessary heart surgery that was meant for the other person with the same name. YIKES!!!! I have a friend who's husband was given medicine meant for another patient with the same name in same hospital; the last two digits of their room numbers were 89 and 98, but luckily it was an antibiotic and he wasn't allergic to it. Frightening stuff!!! Sarah

Sometimes it takes a smart comment like that to get people to "see the light." I should have done the same when we made our trip to Vegas last May and they put us in a handicapped room on the 11th floor. I asked how we were supposed to get out in case the fire alarms went off and elevators shut down and they tried to tell me that two security guards would come up and get us...................I couldn't see that happening if 15 floors full of other guests were all headed down the stairs. Bottom line, they didn't care!! Sarah