srademacher

Annie, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all the cr**p with the insurance company. I've had my share of battles with medical personnel and insurance to the point I told them to discount the bill as though insurance was paying it, then send me a final bill. I had one bill adjusted from over $1,000 to $109 and paid the darn thing rather than continue to fight after 9 months of battle. We currently pay $583/month for Gary's retirement insurance and our medical bills are much less than that per month. I chose to keep him home and do his therapies here as much as possible rather than raise my blood pressure dealing with the medical community and insurance company. We have one outpatient p.t. that he sees 2 times a week and so far no hassles over the past nine months, and he's making progress in that area. It seems others in the past since his being released from rehab were only in it for the money and when I saw that they were billing insurance at $150/hr. and not doing near as much as we were doing at home, I cancelled them. I hope Bill can get the therapies he needs without any more hassles for you as you need to be mentally and physically intact in order to be his main support. :friends: Sarah

I think I've been using that comfort food since Gary's stroke - but with the change in weather a good bowl of five-alarm chili sure hits the spot! LOL Sarah

Sue, If I can't be here for you, to listen, understand and support, and you for me, then what are friends for? I can't begin to imagine how very difficult your job is after so many years of doing it and then having things spiral downhill. I've said many times, I fear that we won't see the light at the end of the tunnel until it becomes the final light at the end for one of us. After we chatted last night, I went to bed and tossed and turned for hours, even had chest pains, and wondered if I'd wake up today in a better place, but that didn't happen. So here I am doing the same thing as every day in the past 2 years. Some days easier, most days more difficult. But we have each other to support and care for, so life goes on. When I get to the point of total frustration, I lean on my guardian angels to help carry me through ......most of them are right here on this site and I thank God every day that I can turn here for help. Sarah

Sue, Enjoy your time off and we'll look forward to hearing from you when you return. Thanks for letting us know as I, too, was worried when you weren't around for a few days last time. Sarah

Kim, I, too, am happy to see you blogging again. Just a note to encourage you regarding the paralysis. A gal in our stroke support group shared that she was 9 years out from her stroke and finally able to move her fingers enough to hold onto a can of soda and pull it to her mouth to sip it. Never give up on trying to get movement back in the affected side. The person who emailed me about the herb that helped her father to move his affected limbs after three years remains a mystery to me, as I can't remember her name, but she changed Gary's ability to move those affected limbs to the point he can lift his right leg enough that he doesn't have to drag the foot when we walk him. He also can pull that right arm up to his chest enough that if we can strengthen the fingers enough to hold a spoon, he will again feed himself with his right hand. We constantly strive for more improvement, but have to be willing to accept that this may be as good as it gets. Every day is a challenge and even though I sometimes get depressed and want to give up, I know that if I give up, he will quit trying also. This is the most difficult job I've ever had in my life, but one that brings many more rewards than any paycheck I've ever received. Hang in there.......and do whatever you have to do to take time for yourself!!!! Sarah

Sue, I can't begin to imagine how frustrating all this has been for you to deal with. I know I fear leaving Gary with his regular sitter even for just a few hours while I run errands. She's just a short, skinny little gal and I know if he tried to get up by himself she wouldn't be able to handle him. Even on our trip we had one fall with my sister and I trying to help Gary up stairs - he forgot to plant his right foot before lifting the left one and when he went backward, all we could do was guide him to the ground....neither of us could hold him up. It makes life very difficult when you have to deal with all the issues you are dealing with, and yet you want just a little bit of freedom from the daily routine. I just want you to know that you and Ray are in our thoughts and prayers daily. He's a lucky man to have you caring for him and I hope he understands and appreciates the enormity of your devotion to his care. (((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) Sarah

So happy for you that things are looking up ---keep the faith!!! Sarah :Clap-Hands: :cheer:

Amy, I hope you have a great vacation and be sure to post some pictures when you return. Sarah

Sue, I have a lot of those days also where nobody calls or comes by and I feel totally isolated by the world. Maybe that's why I'm so determined to get Gary out and do things and go places, no matter how difficult it is. I refuse to let the world forget about us ----I'm just a stubborn ass when it comes to that sort of thing. How other people choose to treat us is their problem, not ours. I refuse to give in to ignorance and intolerance. Sarah

Sue, I would have stopped in, but 8p.m. Eastern time is 6 p.m. here in the mountain states and that's usually when I'm feeding Gary his dinner. It just doesn't seem to work out for me for the planned chats but I try to get in when I can. Sarah

Sue, I haven't traveled by train yet, but when traveling on the airlines, I pack two carry-on sized bags, that I stack on Gary's lap until we get to the ticket counter where I can check them. I also carry a tote bag that I can hang over my shoulder along with my purse, and that frees my hands up to push him in the wheelchair. I have to admit I do probably travel lighter than you, but I always pack throw-away underwear and socks (the old stuff that's ready for the rag bag anyhow) so bags aren't as heavy on the way back. As long as it's clean, who cares if its got a few holes in it..... LOL Sarah

Kim I'm sorry you had a bad day, but I totally understand how you feel. Some days you can't help but wonder just how their brain is working or how much they really understand. Gary has days where he also is very demanding. If I don't have a handkerchief or wash cloth handy for him when he's sitting on the sofa, he sits and pounds his fist and motions to wipe his mouth until I get one for him. I tell him over and over again that he needs to practice swallowing so he won't drool and then he won't need the cloth. It just doesn't compute!! The same goes with wiping his mouth with a napkin - he either waits for me to hold up the napkin or he leaves the napkin lay on the table and puts his mouth down on it instead of picking it up. I have days where I want to give up, like I'd get a better response from talking to a brick wall, but I do it over and over and over again and hope that one of these days something will "click" in there and he'll remember on his own. Sarah

Karen, I recently pruned back my rose bushes and they're starting to green up. I will have red and pink roses by June. Also my clematis vines are growing like crazy and soon I'll have large white and purple flowers on them. In August, I have the trumpet vines blooming with large orange trumpet shaped flowers. All of them are my favorites. I also love tulips but I don't have much luck with them. Sarah

Sue, Hooray for you and Ray. Now you can dust off that "Things to do for me" list and take some time for yourself. Doesn't a massage sound great? Or having your nails done? How about a looooooooong nap? LOL Whatever it is you need to do for you - DO IT! Sarah

Welcome Back! I've been really worried about you since I hadn't seen any postings beyond January. I tried calling and emailing, but didn't get a response. I'm happy that things are starting to go a little smoother for you and that you are all okay. Look forward to seeing more of your postings on here. Sarah

Lynn, Hope you don't mind if those of us who care and feel your pain crash your pity party. We can be a shoulder to lean on!! It's not an easy job, but hang in there and know that guardian angels are watching over you!!! Sarah

Kim, Since Gary and I eat out often, we have had more than our share of "bad" waitresses who are hesitant to return to our table once they've taken the order and delivered it. I don't return to those places that treat us as "undesireables." Gary usually picks up on it right away!!!! In fact, I've often thought about going back just for spite and request a "decent" waitress for a change, tell them I don't want the one with her hair hanging in my food, or the short, rude one who carries the plates out on her big belly that makes her look 12 months pregnant, or the one with gobs of makeup and greasy hair. I just want a waitress who will treat us the same as they treat their other customers......they don't have to stop to ask questions or visit, just show up once in a while to see if I need a refill on my iced tea or some extra napkins. Sarah

Mary, I can totally relate to how you feel about not being there for your Mom. I just went through a similar situation with my Mom going through surgery and now chemo and my older sister going through a stem cell transplant for her cancer. I thank God that my other two sisters were able to be there and I got past the guilt feeling. My oldest sister told me to keep them in my prayers and from where I am located, that's about all I could do. I'm sure your family understands and will keep you posted on your Mom's condition. Between email and phone updates, I was able to keep my sanity in my own situation. Tell them to keep you posted often so you don't sit and worry. Prayers go a long way toward helping your Mom....so keep them up. Sarah

I think trying to prevent strokes would be like trying to prevent lightning from happening. You've heard alot of people say they "earned" their stroke - by smoking, drinking, overeating, not exercising, not managing high blood pressure or high cholesterol. But, there are just as many who didn't drink or smoke, exercised regularly, appeared to be physically fit, didn't have high cholesterol, who stroked anyhow. Same goes for heart attacks. That's why we live each day to the fullest and appreciate the fact that we are alive, no matter what our limitations! Tomorrow I could walk out to get my mail and get struck by one of the speeding demons who drive 50 mph in a 25 mph zone near the mailboxes. We don't know when our number is up, so why not make the best of each day until it happens. Sarah

Marty, I have to agree with Sandy on that one. Unfortunately, most people don't have the common sense to not impose their phone conversations on others. The scariest thing I heard just today was that they were considering allowing people to use them on planes, during flight time. Can you imagine being stuck sitting next to some jerk who wants to yak away throughout a 2 hour flight? Sarah

Sorry about your friend's husband, but don't ever feel guilty for getting your feelings out about "bad stroke days." We all need to vent now and then. Sarah

Welcome Back.....Good to see you blogging again! Sarah

Sue, I think you could write a book on surviving caregiving. I feel your pain and frustration, my friend. Some days I think if I'm ever going to see light at the end of the tunnel that means I'm headed out of this world. We just found out last week that the new gal who's coming in to help with Gary has taken another job at night. She will still be able to come here two afternoons a week, but will not be available for overnights. I was trying to get her trained so that if I needed to get away for a day or two, I could get a break. Now, we start all over trying to find someone to do that, or that break will never happen. Sarah