HostAsha

Ruth : I am so sorry for your loss, you both have been through lot together, & what I have seen from my blog window perspective you have done your best & you are amazing caregiver. Not every one is that lucky, so many marriages break apart when going gets tough. I am glad your bond strengthen, and you had enough supportive friends to get you through difficult phase of your life. I am so happy William got closure with his children. Knowing you & your journey was great privilege. Hope days ahead You create lot of happy memories for you. Asha

hey kelli : good luck on your new job adventure, it will be hard in the beginning, but never give up or quit, once you stick it out, things will start to get easier. God always help out in many different forms. So give it a shot, you never know what you are capable of until you try. Asha

Ruth : you & William are in my thoughts & prayers, I am so glad you have friends & hospice to help you out in this difficult time. please know you have done amazing job as a caregiver. We all have been witness to your journey with William. you have tried your best. I know Death is never easy & loosing your loved ones is never ever easy. Ruth just heard dr.JB Millar on oprah's supersoul where he talked about create flower-petal moment, when person finally leaves his human body decorate with flowers surround him & share stories of him with your loved ones, it will create beautiful memories which will last you life time. I know you must be going through difficult time right now, but be strong & be present in now with will. hugs, Asha

Tracy : exercise is good suggestion. try to do every day atleast 10,000 steps, go out for walk two times for 30 mins & you will end up with 10,000 steps. I noticed when you do exercise it makes your body also tired so sleeping comes easy, & also wake up in the morning by 8 & start your day, have a routine in life, that will help. These are steps I took accidentals which all helped me, hope you try too & see power of it. Asha

Sue: so sorry to hear about your aneurysm , you are taking it right way, none of us like bad news but I m glad its not cancer, just take one day at a time. glad you had good time with your daughter to these doctors appointment. I feel even though all disease are bad, but with cancer & some of other disease you get chance to say proper goodbyes & tie loose ends so that when you are gone no one fights over anything & there are written instructions for everything Asha

I am pretty much go with flow personality, & had never known some of the other good qualities about me which I was not sure of before, & now learning about me every day & always think damn my husband is so lucky to be married to me 😄 maybe I should also tell him that. Anyways what's new with my life recently our kido had severe allergic reaction to soy protein powder he had which he had after his exercise. usally at home he takes whey protein, since he was at college & didn't have that, he decided to take his friends soy protein & he had bad allergic reaction, he calls us telling us to get benedryl & he will be fine after he takes shower & med. after e came home, one look at him & I told him lets go to ER after you take benedryl. he had hives on his body & eyes were all swollen. luckily his throat was fine. So after few hours at ER & some miraculous med we came home. l am glad it wasn't worse off than what it was, & it became good teaching moment for all of us. I keep on telling him get your vitamins from food & not from this processed powder we don't have any control over it, finally it sunk in him that MOM is RIGHT. Anyway going to ER make me realize our son has become mature adult, he handled everything by himself, we were just concerned parents sitting on sidelines & feeling proud of our future doctor who will learn to become compassionate by being patient himself. What else is new in my life, recently we decided to convert out half bath to full bath, so that our both floors can become livable & I don't have to go upstairs for any reason in case I end up having surgery for my torn miniscus. I realized I really underestimate myself in lot of things. I never enjoy designing process cause it is hard for me to imagine how things will look with particular design. but I do realize I do have good taste in things, & now that our bathroom remodeling is done. I love it the way it turned out. So another lesson learnt, I am PERFECT the way I am & whoever people are in my life willingly are lucky to have me in their life 😄 Asha

Tracy : I am glad your dad is doing well & you found some medication which might help in your emotional liability & anxiety issues. Try meditation & cognitive therapy which might also help. Asha

Kelli : I am glad you got to bottom of that smell you used to complain about. we have worry free contract from PSEG for all of our appliances, its big peace of mind for us when none of us are handyman. Think aout abundance in life & you will attract abundance in your life Asha

Ruth : I am so sorry you have come to this part of your journey with William, glad you have your paperwork ready, life with us survivors is not easy one for sure Asha

Nancy: I think right now you are looking with different angle & thinking of taking care of him at home, you forgot how taxing it was on your mental health when you tried to do it all by yourself. Caregiving is not easy job. If you decide to bring him home, think about hiring full time help at home, so that you don't get overburdened Asha

OMG Tracy : you guys are going through some really difficult period will be praying for you & your family. Hang in there, & lookout for few things to be grateful for every day. Asha

Sue : very thoughtful blog, you seems to be handling all your lows quite head on now, seems like you are going with flow now instead of resisting it. Asha

wow Kelli : Its amazing what these doctors can fix, looks so complicated, glad all went well & you are home resting. hope to see you soon grandma lol Asha

Tracy : sending you hugs & prayers, just keep your head above water, nothing lasts forever, this shall pass. Usually things are never under our control, its how we will respond to events, make them dreary or good. I know it is easy to get frustrated over toilet seat never put right back down, I know I yell at my son all the time about it & tell him one day he will have to pull me out of toilet with me being stuck in toilet lol & it won't be pretty sight. but does he listen? no, but does it matter? no. I put toilet seat down & move on. my condolences for you, life & death none of us have any control over it, how we lived each day is only control we have. praying for happy days for you. Asha

Kelli : don't be afraid to try because of failure of trying. mind is beautiful thing, you will never know what you could accomplish because of fear. once you try, you realize you are much more capable of credit you are giving yourself. you are survivor after all. This is yet another boulder to push it to top, and you can do it. I am betting on it. Asha

Sue: I have same issues with my husband, I know he loves me dearly & shows his love through his actions, of-course not all actions shows that, but that applies to me as well none of us are perfect human being, We all can do our best & need to accept each other the way we are instead of trying to change one another. So from time to time my discontent shows up, I just wanted to write it & get some wisdom that this is all normal & get over with it. Thanks for thoughtful comment, it helps me settle down Asha

I do have love hate relationship with my husband, in some things he is angel & I love him for his behavior & in some cases he will act so indifferently that you wonder does he really likes to be with you or not. like I say he is great dad & husband in taking care of his responsibilities, you feel relaxed because you know he will make sure things gets done. but ask him anything I would like to do like go on some fancy vacation or going to restaurant, he will be least interested & you wonder whether he likes to spend time with you or not. but he does not stop me from planning it, but he is least interested in showing any enthusiasm for it. So I feel I m dragging him & that reduces my joy, though after every time we go on vacation together because of my nature of going with flow we end up having lot of fun. So I hate that part of him, anything I want to do his first instinct will be to say no & then he will come around saying yes which reduces my joy. finally after my stroke I have learnt only I can control my happiness & not give any button of my happiness in other people's hands. But I hate that feeling as if you are living unattached single person, cause I would like to feel as family who takes care of each other joys & sorrows. Just writing down my own thoughts & confusion about life, love & family

Tracy : you & your dad will be in my thoughts & prayers. Hope & pray everything goes well for your dad. keep on being strong for him. Asha

you write quite well, it does provide good window to your life. I feel We all go through period of ups & downs in life. I love online courses too keeps your brain cells quite stimulated. In Yale university they have required course happiness, which has become quite popular with all college freshman kids & professors alike, professor who teaches course was on CNN today. What she says & I believe fully having routine in life is must which brings happiness in life. I know that is true statement for fact. Right after my stroke when I was highly depressed & with no routine in life, I did not see any point of getting out of bed. once I forced myself to have routine it made huge difference in my mental outlook on life. So I feel few things are must do 1. have routine 2. exercise for 30 mins a day 3. try to be self sufficient do whatever you can do so that it is one less thing for your family member to do & you don't feel like burden on any one. Belated happy birthday,life is too short enjoy every day to fullest. Asha

Tracy : you can post all your feelings here, but also keep open mind & ready to ignore people's comments, if some you don't like, rather getting upset about commentspeople post. I don't believe any one have bad intention of hurting any one, they just give feedback based on their life experience, as a blogger you take it or ignore. So Just saying because I know how I operate when giving comments to bloggers here. So If I offended any one in my comments then please forgive me Asha

Sunday is my super soul Day, I get AHAs by dozen & it is fun to see my whole journey getting validated by so many others who have walked on similar path of suffering I had been through when I felt such a huge loss of my dream of how things should be shattering into pieces, but realizing in midst of all that suffering not everything was broken, even though I was all broken open. I am so blessed to be married to such a great guy along with my sister reminding me to notice those positives when I was so much surrounded by all the family & friends 24X7. I couldn't have asked better family than my own. Anyhow back to sermon I got today on my super soul Sunday where Mark Nepo was pointing it out that realizing this in midst of suffering that not everything is broken in your life even when you feel like there is nothing left gives person strength, I know It did help me when I was surrounded by so much love even when I felt like my life was ruined & I didn't have any reason to live. Asha

hey George : Welcome back, wow what a trip, I saw pictures of your trip its so beautiful. We have done Alaska by cruise 10 years ago & it was beautiful, but I don't think we covered all of it. Its amazing you saw wild life from so close. Hope Mum feels better soon. you guys are making some amazing memories Asha

hey Tracy : Pam nailed it. I think sometimes it is good to remember every one is fighting tough battles in their life & give concessions to them because they are our own family. your Dad is going through his own struggle right now so might be at the edge & took out his frustrations on your cat & you. Things wouln't have mattered to you, but our unconscious mind weaves some weird stories based on our own uncertainties & feelings at the time, & we end up making mountain out of molehill. I feel right now is the time to be at your dads side & not add any more stress by fights & arguing about small things. At the end of the day in big scheme of things these are all small things. So don't get stressed by these things acknowledge feelings & move on. Asha

Tracy : that is tough news though I know two family members who are going through lung cancer treatments & giving brave fight & doing amazing recovry both of them had signed up for some research program where chemo treatment is not as harsh & one can still have qualty of life with the treatments, both of them I meet at various functions & seems to be doing great. I will keep your dad in my prayers, Also oinstead of getting all tensed about it, try doing research & you may find some good alternative treatment for him. Asha

Usually every two years I go & meet physiatrist to fill up paper work & see if he has any good idea for us to try. After 14 years of visiting him, he has become friend to us so meeting him is always pleasure & fun, he gives me hard time & reminds me to wear my AFO as I might not get lucky in my future falls, as according to him & hubby I am not getting any younger any more lol. They both know booboo I have accumulted so far So I better wear my AFO. It's always fun arguing with him about my reasons & ofcourse meeting all those young doctors also fun I enjoy teaching them they are affecting life of real people here & they are making huge difference in quality of life of people by doing their job & also seeing our son in them makes me so happy. Recently I had to fill up some government paperwork for getting indian visa & I decided if my brother can do it, I can do it & start the process, man it took me solid few days to finally everything filled up correctly, I feel I deserve vacation after accomplishing that job & feel so smart now. I think my IQ level must have doubled in doing that exercise lol. Anyhow when you accomplish something in life it does make you feel happy. So I am happy camper right now Asha