HostAsha

Sarah : hope things cool down at home too fast & you get good respite care facility for Gary, taking care of someone is most difficult task if person is uncooperative & unable to understand plight of others. Asha

I am realizing I am becoming like my mom & old person, while watching all these new Indian movies I can't understand lyrics of songs & getting scandalized by amount of less clothes actors are wearing while dancing to these weird music whose sound is catchy, all pretty people but can't understand a thing they r singing & it is supposed to be Indian language I should understand. I need someone to tell me what did he sing lol. now I can see my parents reaction when they used to see movies in my college years which was in 90s. & complain about what the heck they are singing & where is story here. I feel same way now when I watch movies of 2019. So table has turned now I have become that old person lol. I couldn't resist writing it down here, oh and other front I tripped & fell recently landed on my good leg knee was worried since I was still recovering from my bad foot sprained ankle & now this, luckily icing & ointment I m not hurting & able to walk still thank goodness. life is full of adventure, kido is doing great too at his college, he loves the college & friends he is making there, so I am one happy mom, he has been learning about anatomy of human body & was all excited about neck & anatomy of human brain, I told him I don't mind donating my brain for kids to learn from, but only condition, they have to be very respectful of my brain & not make any fun of it, while learning about it, hubby goes oh you got o go wow this is amazing brain, this person must be so intelligent just like Albert Einstein lol.

I do have happy blissful life, though God don't want me to be cocky so have to throw in some discomforts in my life just to test out whether I have mastered my own spiritual mambo jumbo or not lol. Anyway I have not, I am still in work in progress, & I have to whine my sorrows & joys all here, on Weekend hubby & I gone out for walking in woods near our home, unfortunately there was big party in park & hubby had to park car in field & somehow I missed hole in the ground & twisted my ankle there, though I as able to catch myself & walk home without any pain, so did not think of much of it, now today its hurting while even walking to bathroom. So I guess few days of icing & I should be back to normal. or whatever normal is, today I decided to use cane but have you ever walked with cane when you have access to only one good hand, life becomes so complicated with no hand Anyways like I have learned in my all spiritual books I read & ponder about, I should try to see what lessons I am suppose to learn from this incident in my life. my bhagwad geeta classes are going on good, though lot of time teacher spends in rhyming in difficult indian langauge(sanskrit)which I am not familiar with so goes above my head, but I love the discussion part which comes in when he is trying to explain meaning of each verse, thats where I get my AHAs, though it does go through lot of boring BLAHS before AHA comes along, but hubby says when you are digging for diamonds in mine you got to go through lot of coal before you find your diamond, that is part of life, this is where I will develop my patience & not giving up muscle. So I am going to follow advice of my spiritual guru my hubby & stick it out. Asha

Sue : I am glad slowly you can start doing more, you just came out of major surgery, you can slowly start rebuilding your strength & start having fun along the way. I also believe in going with flow, I plan little but then don't worry about how chips unfold. every day above ground & we got to sunshine & inteact with our family is good day. Asha

I guess I attract towards spiritual teachings of all religions. recently in temple near our home they started discussion & lecture series on hindu religion's most sacred book Bhagwad Gita which teaches you how to live limitless in this limited world. It was quite a interesting session, where you meet very similar thinking people and trying to find contentment and deeper meaning in your life. Gita's teachings revolves around doing your duties according to roles you are playing in your life mother daughter, friend, wife whatever role you are playing to best of your abilities without any attachment to any results. you just do your duties without getting attached to results or thank you in return, you do it as your offering to God, & another interesting thing which we will be discussing in our next classes is how we human beings are limitless & not be bounded by this external limits we put on ourselves oh I m not tall enough or pretty enough or smart enough limits but knowing we are enough & all what we need is all within us will be our class discussion. So I am looking forward to all these intellectual stimulation for my mind & soul. Asha

wow George : good to hear from you, I am so happy for you, you are having great time in this second shot at life with mum & Leslie, & 500 peaches wow, Its so nice to have family vacation & get things off our bucket list. Asha

deigh we do have daylight saving time but it does not happen till november. safe thing is to do is always login to chatroom# 2 & coffeeshop on friday to see if there are people there. only downside is if you don't find people there then just have to log off no big deal. Asha

I guess you can not have all good days every day sometime have to have down days, when you question every one's love for you & think you are all alone in this wide world, and should just quit trying & go & live life without interacting with any one. ok so I was mad at hubby & brother thinking no one loves me or appreciates me & only give me hard time even when I am working my butt off stepping out of my comfort zone & sill all they do is point out my shortcomings, maybe I should just quit & live on my own, kido is now on good path & will be ok if we are together or not, ofcourse now I am back to my old self fights with hubby & brother all are done & I am back in love again, but man I should read my own blogs & learn from them. all is well now in Asha-land, kido is enjoying his stressful & intense medical field where he has already learning about human anatomy & dissecting cadaver (human dead body), I was telling him about girl fainting in my 12th grade biology class when frog we were dissecting jumped off the table lol. It seems no one fainted in his class while their anatomy class,All are very smart dedicated kids who are there because they want to be there. I am so happy & relieved for him, he chose the path by trials & errors, he did not enjoy work which did not have human interaction, he did not enjoy engineering or accounting field though he tells me he did not know what engineers did all day sitting behind their laptop, I am glad he did not meet all these NASA engineers, and thanks to my illness met all wonderful doctors & could see their impact on patient outcome. I guess I still like to take some credit even when I know I was just dog under bullock cart, bulls(kids)do all the work dog just keep them on straight path, this is analogy used by my hubby in describing parent's role in raising their children, & my brother says oh man your husband calls you dog & you don't even realize its verbal abuse & say it proudly hehehe. (lol). Now you know why I love my family & will be so lost without them in my life. Asha

As you guys know I am sucker for Oprah's super soul Sunday series, & learn valuable life lessons from it. As I have mentioned before I feel loved by feeling of appreciation expressed by my family members. on yesterday's show guest said something very important, whatever we always wish for is usually never enough, so if you wish for more money, however amount of money you get its never enough, same way with all other items, if you always feel loved by words of appreciation its never going to be enough for you to feel loved. which I totally get it, I am writing it down so that I don't forget this valuable lesson. I should know by now through all action of my family & extended family & friends, I am enough & don't need anything more to be loved . Asha

losthubby : is your wife able to login here, she can start blogging here on site or come to our live support group where we meet every afternoon M-F from 3-4 EST& on evening 8-9EST on M,W & F. all daus we meet in survivor room #2 on Friday though we meet in coffeshop where every one is welcome to join. Stroke affects whole family, & sometimes hearing advice from your family or doctors does not help as much hearing from other survivors , since you know they have been through the fire & came out alive to share their story, & you find value in it. I know that was case for me. if doctor tells me life will be better , it was hard to trust him on that, but when it came from other survivors easy to believe, & learn trick or two from them in finding their new normal which is satisfactory to all parties involved. hope to see you both around often Asha

I am so relieved my illness did not screw it up our son's life. I stroked at age of 34 when our son was just 7, and I went through severe depression for a year, luckily hubby held our fort till I picked up pieces of my shattered dream & broken life & started building our new normal with help of my family & friends who chose to stay in & some new friends came in. our son saw up close & personal how doctors helped our family rebuild our life together. kido shadowed lot of my doctors during his high school years which helped him decide what he wants to do in future. our son is all-rounder, he is very bright in studies but equally passionate about video games & playing outside with his friends, and quite procrastinator, so I always worried about him. I always told him he has potential to get into top ranking colleges, if he plans & study properly instead of doing things right at the last moment. though I have noticed with him, if he wants something in life, then he works very hard to achieve that dream, & getting into medical college was his dream, so he worked real hard in his undergraduate years, passed with highest honors in his department , aced in his medical entrance exams, & excelled in personal interviews, & finally got into multiple medical colleges, he chose one of the top ranking medical college. I am so relieved my illness did not screw up future of our only child, I feel all credit goes to my hubby's strength, had he given up on us I would have royally screwed up kido's life. so very thankful to how things have unfolded in my life. My mom's only wish in her life is one of her children should become doctor & now her grandchild is going to fulfill her wishes. she is on cloud 9 along with all of us. Now we pray he becomes best doctor & make a difference in people's life. Now that he is becoming doctor he is already commenting on my food habits lol , but oh well I got to take something good with something annoying things too Asha

Sarah : I know how hard it must to feel, you have been doing this for past 15 years, care-giving is one tough & thankless job, I pray you find good solution where you can hands off heavy lifting job , though you will be overseeing others who will be doing the job, praying for good solution you can find which all of are content in it. Asha

I am usually upbeat person, but last few days have thrown me off the track & I am not feeling so great about my life in general. ok now where do I begin, It started with my PMS, my blister which makes it harder to walk & trying something new at work & royally stuck because I don't know where to turn for help. Now you got gist of my confused life, I still have lot to be thankful for amazing family spouse, son, brother, sisters, mom, nieces & list is endless but I still feel lonely, miss having best friend with who I can yak & tell all my troubles. Anyway I will stop complaining, I do have lot to be thankful about life in general

Sue : so happy you are back & all is well in your world other than just bruising. I am sure all your family & friends now can breath sigh of relief Asha

prayers for your son & daughter in law Sarah, I know it is so hard not being with our kids when they need us most but God will provide them support through good network of doctors, nurses & friends & other family members. we all are paying for your son's family too Asha

Sue : you will be in my thoughts & prayers for successful surgery & quick recovery time without any complications. you have lot of angels watching over you. Asha

Tracy : moving into new home is stressful, I am glad you are settling into it, & making your own now. Enjoy decorating, find your zen place where you can chill when world eels overwhelming, start having routine, go out for walk, nature is biggest healer of anxious mind, watch birds, read great books, life is wonderful once you start making routine & start following it. It takes 21 days to form habit Asha

wow : Happy strokeanniversary to Gary, I know it can't be easy, but as a team you guys did pretty well. Surviving stroke this long term without family support is difficult task. I am glad your daughter in law is doing better now/, prayers do work Asha

hi chris : stroke affects whole family, I feel its big adjustment for all parties involved, but together you can rebuild your new normal. I stroke at age 34 which left me paralyzed on my left side & retired me from the job I loved, I never thought I would find joy in living again, but together we have built our new normal, its different but still very enjoyable, you need to hold the fort till your husband find its footing in the ground, I am sure he would have done the same for you had role been reversed. Asha

I feel my hubby is very evolved in his spiritual growth journey, there are some things he is very good like taking care of his responsibilities, he is amazing dad, & human being but he is also very stubborn man & won't change his point of views to make other person happy, which sometimes does create conflict in our relationship, I love him & grateful for having him by my side, but my love is very conditional some times, I feel very annoyed when he won't do certain things which makes me happy. for example I feel we both have worked our tail off in achieving our American dream from day I landed in this country some 25 years ago, & after getting stroke at young age, I do have sense of urgency. I like to experience all finer things in life & I do feel I deserve every single bit of it. Finer things in life does make me happy though my happiness doubles if he also enjoys those things with me, versus, he does not care about it as much, he will be happy in all things, he thinks he gets equal joy from simple things in life & donate rest of the money away. versus my feeling is enjoy those finer things in life too. I don't want to cut corners on myself or my family to be donated away any more. I feel all my younger years i have made sacrifices & made peace with living in scarcity when I was young & able bodied person. Now I want to enjoy with whatever abilities are still left with me. I know I need to work on my own happiness & don't worry about whether he joins in or not, & he needs to learn to enjoy things which gives his family pleasure. he is very detached from us in that sense, his joy is not attached to seeing his family happy. So I am all torn & confused & still work in progress on my spiritual awakening path

oh man Sarah : hope his wife's parents can help them out till you get your caregiver back so that you can eventually help them out . Change is scary thing, but sometime really amazing thing comes out of drastic change in your life, I am so happy for your son, he got better opportunity & hopefully his wife will feel better soon too. Asha

Sue keeping you in my prayers, will have party in chatroom when you come home. Asha

Sarah : Gary & I are stroke survivor buddies in our stroke anniversary, I suffered stroke on Feb 8 2004 just few months before Gary suffered, We celebrate my stroke anniversary as our valentine date & always go out for Broadway show or some other fun activity on that day, since we started celebrating my stroke anniversary as our valentine day I have stopped dreading it though now I look forward to it, fortunately even though my stroke was massive, which left me paralyzed on my left side, but still allowed me to raise our young son with help of my husband & create my new normal. I bet Gary is able to live independently for so long is because of your support. Enjoy your party, I remember Jean riva whose husband was severely disabled had thrown party for her husband "thank god I am still here party". Asha

I realize God has been very kind to me in general. I am blessed to have amazing husband & very smart kido though he is very independent & hates me if I try to get him to do something. All through out his life he has been go-getter, if he wants something, he will work very hard & get what he wants. he is good in studies, sports & playing out with friends, he is not organized, will wait till last minute, which drives me to wall & stress out. since his high-school years he wanted to get into medical field which he could have gotton right after his high school, which he had messed up due to his not being organized in 9th grade & getting his grades slide a bit. Anyhow that taught him lesson so he did pretty well in his college years & applied to multiple medical colleges. Recently we found out he got accepted in few medical colleges. We all are so happy & thrilled about it, though what I am more proud of it was that I had asked him to assemble some cabinet I had ordered online, & he was givig me runaround for few weeks, fianally he came & did it for me in few hours. I was so happy & told him we will give him assembley money he saved us, & what he told me made me proud mom, he was like mom you are insulting me by saying you will pay me assembly money, we are family & we do things for each other. I was so happy told him, you know it really does not matter to me as much that you got into top medical schools or not , but what you said matters to me most. yes we would have been unhappy upset had he not gotten in medical school, but being nice human being who loves his family matters to us more. So I feel I got my mothers day gift already.