mrsamymichelle

Stroke Survivor - male
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Blog Entries posted by mrsamymichelle

  1. mrsamymichelle
    My daughter asked me yesterday to be the first mom/car in line to pick up after school. All the cars wait in a big string of cars and my baby wanted her mommy to be first in line. I guess to a five year old that says something about you/or your mom.
     
    Well, yesterday I got there 35 minutes early to pick up, and was the 4th car in line. I was crushed.
     
    Today I plan on getting there an hour early to pick up, and hopefully, by golly, I will be the first-if not,at least I tried.
     
    If I don't try again, then the day she is graduating from high school, I will be crying watching her walk across some football field thinking,"I would do anything to go back and be the first car/mom in line-no matter how long I had/have to wait."
    She is only in Kindergarten once. Okay, I'm shutting up b4 I start crying.
    -Amy
  2. mrsamymichelle
    Last night my hubby, daughter and I went miniature golfing. It was fun, but challenging to hold the putter.
    I could hold the putter with my effected hand if I held the putter straight up, them let it down easy. My wrist needs to work on Range of Motion. I finally got the hang of the game, and had a lot of fun. I did come in 2nd (and I wasn't wanting us to keep score.)
    -Amy
  3. mrsamymichelle
    Okay, post stroke I have changed a little. I used to be high strung and cry very easily. WEll, last night that side of Amy came to visit.
     
    For no known reason I had this feeling like I needed to cry. I don't know why, but I called my hubby to see if he could come home, I couldn't cry until he was present. I started talking to him, and an emotional release happened. For no reason. I don't know when the last time I cried had been. He asked me if the old Amy was coming back. I told him, "Got I hope not." I felt a big relief after I was able to have my crying/can't talk release. My hubby was just sitting looking at me, and thinking," I haven't seen this number in a while." My hubby thinks I am recovered now. LOL!
     
    Just something weird that happened.
    -Amy
  4. mrsamymichelle
    I made the call, and told my OT I was doing home therapy for a while.(Yeah right) Gosh, I feel like such a quitter but I really am happy with where I am in recovery. I wonder if my OT saw it coming or not? I feel the out-of-pocket, $50.00 a month for OT can be spent for something different like my new medicare not covered Rx drugs, which I am scared to death about.
    *Blog subject change*
    I am very scared to be on Medicare, and not my old BlueCross Blue Shield. Gosh, the decisions about Medicare are hard. I am doing Medicare part A and B for sure, but I am waiting on the other paperwork for the next move. If you have any positive advice I would like it on what moves to make. I feel this is the last leg of healthcare until death sees me out the door. God, that is disturbing to think about.
     
    Okay, no more coffee for me this morning.
     
    Today is the first day my kiddo has been to school. I feel lost/depressed without her.
    t.v. here I come.
    -Amy
  5. mrsamymichelle
    Every now and again, I have deep burning stroke effected pain, on my whole left side, and I have always relied on a RX pain to ease it, but to my amazement I tried Extra Strength Tylenol and it worked!! The sun is shining a little brighter today!
    -Amy
  6. mrsamymichelle
    My kiddo and I juts got back from her doctor's appointment and it was proven she doesn't have the flu.Thank God, and it is only a severe virus. I will sleep better tonight knowing her ears,throat and lungs sound healthy and it is only viral.
    -Amy
  7. mrsamymichelle
    I think I have come to a place in my recovery that I thought I would never get to.
     
    I think I am happy with where I am in occupational therapy recovery. I don't care if my left hand ever paints/writes again.
     
    I can make do with my right hand. I have grieved my left hand's death. My left hand is functional for gross motor. It makes a good paper weight. I am tired of working to make it perfect again, when I know it will probably never be 100% again. That is okay by me. Is it okay to settle where you are in recovery?
    Is it fair to do that? Maybe I need to talk it over with my OT?
    Has anyone else gotten to this stagnant area of recovery? Or am I an Olympic drop-out?
    -Amy
  8. mrsamymichelle

    TGIF

    By mrsamymichelle,

    It is Friday!! My hubby's truck is fixed, and I will get the car back. :big_grin:
     
    I just went 2 days without and walked to take and PU my daughter to school Thursday. I shouldn't complain, I can walk, but my gait isn't correct and it makes my foot painful. :head_hurts:
     
    I have withstood all the pain my left foot can take for almost 3 years. My left toes(except the big toe gets tired easily and can't do their job, so I end up walking on top of my baby toes. It didn't bother me when I couldn't feel them, but having feeling back, makes it painful.
     
    Today I knew I couldn't do both, walk in the a.m. and p.m. to school to PU my daughter. :nuhuh:
     
    My husband asked his mom to pick me up to take me to PU daughter today it made my legs day, so much brighter. I came close to falling 3 times this morning walking home. I am getting good at catching myself now.
     
    My weekend plans you ask? I don't know, to tell you the truth. Sleep late, rent a movie, visit in-town relatives, family time, the fun things.
     
    I don't have to cook 2night and we are going out to eat. I get real excited about not cooking and eating outside of my home.
    Hope you all have a great weekend.
    -Amy
  9. mrsamymichelle
    Yesterday was an expensive day. Hubby's truck had it's brakes worked on $250ish.
     
    The heating sensor stopped working, on our house gas heating. Repair man to come to our house to dust it off cost, $100.00 (And we were told we would probably have to replace it soon.)
     
    Today? Hum, my tooth started to hurt as I type. My husband's truck goes back to the dealership to get 'something' checked out requested by our mechanic.
     
    Let's give life a hand, and watch money flutterby that the IRS hasn't given us back yet.
    GO TEAM!!!
     
    *I'm in a SA mood sorry.
    -Amy
     
  10. mrsamymichelle
    I love Sunday nights t.v. line up on ABC. I seem to really enjoy watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition.
    It shows a real life family/person going through their own struggles. Watching it makes me realize that other situations could be worse than my own."Misery loves company."
     
    Then my favorite no brainer t.v. watching after that show, Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy.
     
    Nothing to blog. Our snow/ice is melting!!!!!!
     
    Yea!
     
    *Amy
  11. mrsamymichelle
    It has been a slow last 2 days around here in camp 'Shut-In.' Hubby our entertainer is out working, the snow/ice comes and kiddo and I are here at camp'Shut-In.' Mommy is too scared of falling to be a fun parent outside. I try to play with my kiddo but there is only so much'pretending' I can do. Especially when my kiddo is changing the rules every second.
     
    I dug out some expired bird seed from the my classroom graveyard in the garage. I teach a mini lesson to my kiddo, to build up the excitement of birds eating our food, then we sprinkle it out on the patio,(forget about it). Then I see flocks and flocks of birds, outside our back door. She got so excited standing there with her nose pressed up against the glass window.
     
    I got filled with joy, I had to fight back a few happy smushy tears.
     
    It hit me today, that I could see myself liking watching/feeding the birds. *Shudder* A good stagnant hobby to have.
     
    Actually today I have had my nose in this "Square Foot Gardening book" I caught the ol' Spring fever Monday when it was 70 degrees here. I am really good at starting projects, but not good at finishing.
     
    I think it would be fun to try to harvest a few veggies this summer with my daughter.Dunno? Just throwing the idea around.
     
    I would say that our excitement of today is feeding our feathered friends.
    *Amy
  12. mrsamymichelle
    *Warning blog has nothing to do with stroke.
     
    My new vacuum cleaner is the best present ever. I would never use anything else besides a D**** now.
     
    My sister knew how much a wanted a XXX vacuum. I couldn't really see the need to get one with my own $$, since I know happiness cannot be given to me through a vacuum.
    I was wrong.
     
    Any who, I feel very rejected at how my old vacuumb/c it pretended to do its job, when really I was wasting my survivor energy pushing around a fake. My new vacuum has a weird handle that my stroke hand can clutch and push it around. I have been neglecting my other B-day presents and I have been vacuuming the past 3 days. It is very addictive, I can see me getting OCD with this baby.
     
    If/when this one breaks I would beg,steal, or borrow, 4 a new one. I owe this present to my sister who put the bug in my mom's ear to buy it for me.
     
    I faithfully changed my old vacuum bags and belts constantly. It just couldn't pick up the dog hair I guess. I got so much gross s*** out of my new vacuum canister I dry heaved when I saw it.
     
    TG, I never borrowed my sisters, inlaws or mom's XXX vacuum, b/c I couldn't of slept good knowing what my old vacuum didn't pick up.
  13. mrsamymichelle
    Okay, so 30 is no big deal.
    I thought I'd never see 30, 2 tell U the truth.
     
    My 20's were okay, but a lot of tragic things happened:heart surgery/stroke. One blessed thing did happen, my daughter was born. When I am 40 will I still feel 30? I still feel like I am 25 somedays when the pain is gone.
     
    Being born on Valentine's day isn't very fun.
     
    #1 I was born with a congenital heart defect
     
    #2 I have to share it with my B-day. Yes, my hubby has to do both presents. The first year we were married. I got really sad for him combining presents. I guess Christmas babies or right around Christmas feel the same way.
     
    In high school I had no BF, so I used to put a bug in my hubbies ear to send flowers 2 my work. Now that I am home all day, I do not have anyone to show them off to, so I didn't prompt him this year.
     
    WE are celebrating my birthday dinner with the rest of couples who decide to go out to eat 2night. I dread the crowd and hope we can get a good seat to sit on while we wait.
    TTYL,
    Amy
  14. mrsamymichelle
    Today was an out-of-the-ordinary day today.
     
    My old college roomie moved back from spending 3+years in Costa Rica. She moved back with her dog, who is bilingual. Yes, he understands English and Spanish. It was so weird to hear her speak to her dog in a different language, and I had no idea what she said, when the dog did.
     
    I got out of my 'routine' so my tone increased a bit, and I felt more damaged than other days. It was fun taking a trip down memory lane of our care-free college days and looking at old pictures.
     
    I so enjoyed my college days, but I really like my new life now as well.
    Gonna take nippy nap,
    Amy
  15. mrsamymichelle
    This blog comes from one deep inside my brain, that I have never taken the time to think about until now..
    I will have to jump down memory lane for you. Remember I am only 29 years old,so college/high school wasn't to terribly long ago.
     
    High School Amy:
    "I'll be happy When..."
    1. I'll be happy when, I can drive.
    2. I'll be happy when, I have a boyfriend.
    3. I'll be happy when I wear a size 3.
    4. I'll be happy when I get out of this cowboy town
     
    College Amy:
    "I'll be happy when..."
    1. I will be happy when I have a healthy relationship with food.
    2. I will be happy when I finally graduate from college.
    3. I will be happy when I get married.
    4. I will be happy when I start my career.
     
    Career Amy:
    "I'll be happy when.."
    1. I'll be happy when I transfer schools.
    2. I'll be happy when I have a baby.
    3. I'll be happy when I have this heart surgery behind me.
    4. I'll be happy when I make more money.
    5. I'll be happy when I lose this baby weight.
     
     
    Who knew my happiness would start after my stroke? I had to have basically almost everything taken away for me to realize happiness comes from within. I always had heard that, but never understood it.
    I can truly say,"I am happy to be a survivor. I enjoy the simplicity of life. I enjoy being out of the rat-race of working society. I now understand why the elderly drive slow" They are enjoying every moment of life.
    Current Amy:
    1. I am happy being a hemipalegic.(with one fully functioning arm.)
    2. I am happy earning a minimum wage income.
    3. I am happy being a stay-at-home wife/mommy.
    4. I enjoy the little things of life.
    5. I wish I could of found this knowledge earlier in life. Stroke does teach some hard lessons.
    6. I am happy living frugally.
  16. mrsamymichelle
    I have a cute Kindergarten story to share, if you promise not to tell my daughter I told you.
     
    They were playing the rhyming game at school, since they are learning rhyming words. The teacher so happen to ask my baby, "What rhymes with Bell?" She replied with"Hell."
    Bless her little heart, she came home and told us, and hid her face thinking Daddy and I would get mad, but you almost had to pick us up off the floor.
     
    She doesn't want to talk about it, she says. So here I am broadcasting it into cyberspace. (Not a very respectful thing to do, huh?)
     
    All I have to say is this.......thank goodness she didn't get the word "Duck."
  17. mrsamymichelle
    Ding, Dong, our taxes are done. I did them, this year w/ out my husbands help. Last year I messed up our filing kind of bad, but this year, no "Could you help me where I got stuck?"
    I am sure my neuro psych in rehab would shudder at the fact my damaged brain was filing taxes.
    Oh well..Another one of my therapies,I call it.
    -Amy
  18. mrsamymichelle
    When my left eye had no peripheral vision I really had no clue. You can't miss something you don't see. My daughter was standing in my left peripheral vision this morning. I said "Hi, baby."
     
    "How could you see me,Mommy??" (totally shocked at the fact I could see her.)
     
    When my vision was giving me problems, she could run in the room I was in and out, and not get seen by me.
     
    She thought it was the funniest thing, when her little game was found out with me seeing her.
     
    When I am typing on the computer I crack a single blind open to stimulate my left peripheral vision. My blind cracking has become my husband's pet peeve of mine, along with all the others.
     
    My vision isn't back to normal I would say, but I try to do things to help. Like my made up therapy"cracking the bind." I can catch a car going down he street sometimes, and it is a good feeling.
     
    I have a lot of other 'therapies' I say are therapy, when maybe they are not really.
    -Amy
  19. mrsamymichelle
    Yesterday I set out for the big Wal-Mart to do the weekly grocery shopping, and get a new watch battery.
     
    The lady working at Wal-Mart in the jewelry department, gave me a knife like object and asked me to take the plate off the back of my watch. I told her a short version of why I couldn't. I said "This arm is paralyzed, and I have only one arm to use. I cannot do it." She seemed miffed at the fact she was the one who had to take the watch plate off. Isn't that what her job is for? Taking care of customers?
     
    I am taking my watch battery business elsewhere now.
    (Like $6.00 for a battery is going to hurt the business.)
    -Amy
  20. mrsamymichelle
    I saw the most wonderful sign of spring, while checking my mail this week. The daffodils have sprouted out by my mailbox. It also brought back a bitter sweet memory of my grandfather planting the bulbs before Parkinson's disease ate his personality and functions away.
     
    I know stroke and Parkinson's disease are not the same, but I wonder, how my Granny may of felt being a full-time caregiver to a non-verbal almost non mobile spouse?
     
    Changes are coming our way soon.
     
    Hubby, got a job promotion and will no longer work nights! Another step up on the 'ol corporate ladder. It will be an adjustment for our only child to have to share both parents at once. AS well as for myself, I will have to share daughter with my spouse also. *No longer the girls sticking together.
     
    I am looking forward for the changes that will happen. WE will get to spend more time together as a family. :happydance: I will have to adjust to cosleeping with my spouse again. Being one-sided makes it difficult to snuggle. We have not shared a bed simutaneously for two years. WE may be ready to trade our bed in for 2 twins. Just teasing.
     
    I have already been preparing daughter at night for our big 'lifestyle' change. WE have coslept together for 5 years and I have cut another apron string.
     
    She is sleeping in her own bed for the first time in her life with no problems. :yikes: She has actually stated she likes it better, b/c Mommy doesn't hog the covers. She knows our bed is open anytime if she is scared or needs us. It will be nice to have Husband home at night to defend the family if need be. :bop:
     
    Must go attend a metting at daughter's school.
    Have a good one.
    -Amy
  21. mrsamymichelle

    Funny incident

    By mrsamymichelle,

    I could blame it on my damaged brain, carelessness, but something funny happened the other night at the grocery store.
     
    My daughter and I set out to make a quick run to the local Wal-Mart. WE usually never go at night/dusk, but for some reason we needed to go. I always make a mental not to remember what # row we parked, b/c I have lost my car in the parking lot before. It was dark, so I had to make a mental map note.
     
    We did our business and came out the door. I spotted our car fast, but swore I had parked 2 more rows over to the right. I was tired and just glad to see my old trusty car waiting patiently for us. The car magnet should of been a giant red flag, b/c my car doesn't sport any magnets of any kind. This is bad... I tell my kiddo to go ahead and get in the car, I am still putting everything in my purse perfect... Kiddo jumps in, then jumps out with a terrified look on her face. "Mommy, our car smells funny!!!" "Mommy there is a purple jacket in the back seat too. Mommy, our steering wheel looks funny also."
     
    I wasn't listening well, and then I got it... This is the wrong car!!!! Of course we walked 2 rows over to the right and there is where our car sat. My kiddo was never so glad to get in the backseat of the car. For all I know, she may think all X colors of X brand cars have the same universal key, b/c she was very shaken up. It was cute/funny. I can laugh at myself and the mistakes. I am just glad, that there was no warm body in the car waiting on a friend/family member, b/c that really would of spooked her.
    When a situation like that happens, I think it makes her doubt my competency of a Mommy, b/c she tends to put on her parental ballcap.
     
    I did however, put her faith/trust back in me last night TG. I was in a wild/silly mood. She was standing on the bed. I backed my rump up next to the bed, and said "Get on cowgirl!" patting my back. She nervously climbed her 40 pound body on my back, with her arms gently around my neck. We trotted off to her bedroom, while my tongue/mouth made hoof sounds. My stroke hand was even pretending to help hold her under her rump. I got the best compliment of the year after that.."Mommy you are sooo strong." If she could only of heard my silent prayers that I was sending up..."Please don't fall, ankle support us.."
    If I didn't have my kiddo sometimes I wonder if I would have the will to live to get better??
    Having a young child sure does help with the pushing. It is very hard too, b/c my brian hasn't relearned patience.
  22. mrsamymichelle

    Photography

    By mrsamymichelle,

    I am fueled at one of our local town photographer. I think I am embarrassed and mad at myself too.
     
    If you want to read, here it goes. My kiddo had her picture taken at a function from a local photographer.
     
    Well, months passed, and I didn't hear from or get the pictures.
     
    I called today to check on them.
     
    They said that they were ready, and couldn't read my phone number written down, to call me to pick them up.
     
    WEll $hit I know I had a stroke, and lost my dominant hand, so writing my friggn phone number on a line big enough for an ant to sleep on, was kind of hard for me. I remember filling the form out, and writing as legible as possible. She went on and on about how they guessed at what the numbers might of been, and dialed that, ect. They tried all sorts of numbers. It was basically my fault I am just now getting the pictures.
     
    To top it off, the first/last time I went there to get my daughter's picture taken, it was so not handicap friendly. Homade rock steps that look very crummy.
     
    This is not a way for me to start my PMS off with.
    I am embarrassed to pick up the pictures, b/c I feel personally insulted at my ability to write legibly.
    TODAY SUCKS A$$ to be disabled.
  23. mrsamymichelle

    I am from...

    By mrsamymichelle,

    "I am from..." writing Assignment from Susan Slowes Blog
     
    I can remember being in the 4th grade when we were watching the space shuttle launch live on t.v. at school and not knowing why the teacher's were upset when the space shuttle exploded. I didn't know it wasn't suppose to. Did I just give away my age?
     
    I am from a small rural Arkansas town where I saw no diversity except when I was on vacation with my family.
     
    I am from the house of a homemaker where I thought everyone's mom made homemade sourdough bread everyday.
     
    I am from being raised 3 miles outside of town, where my closest neighbors were, my grandparents.
     
    I am from a family of six, including parents and being the 3rd child in birth order. I always had a weird fantasy of finding out I was adopted and finding my 'real family.'
     
    I am from a mother who encouraged perfectionism especially in looks and appearance, and talked freely about other people's flaws, especially overweight family members.
     
    I am from getting unwanted attention from being a redhead by weird uncles and family members.
     
    I am from a strict southern Baptist upbringing hearing hell, fire, and brimstone sermons 3x a week, and going home everytime from church thinking I was a bad person, and going to hell. I am now an adult Methodist.
     
    I am from a small rural Arkansas town picking/eating fresh garden vegetables every summer, and seeing/watching family members can veggies every late summer. Pinto Beans and cornbread were eaten weekly.
    -Amy Sullivan
  25. mrsamymichelle
    Well, I really didn't find anything out except "You seem to be doing well" and I have gained weight (I already knew that :blush: )
    They went ahead and did an echocardiogram-I'll find out in a few days...)
     
    I did however come to think....you know I could do open heart surgery again if need be. I don't know the life of my valve repair but one day it may have to be re-repaired. It is just a releif to have the appointment over, and hopefully not another one for a while.
     
    After my appt I called hubby-he was about to leave for his lunch break and I was in the town he worked in so we met at Subway and had a sandwhich together-that was nice!
    Time to go pick up my baby from school.
    ~Amy