suzie-q

Glad to hear that you are in Pittsburgh and settled in. I am also very glad you are back online! susan

Listen, if I had to apologize for ventin every time I did it, I wouldn't have time to do anything else. Venting is very healty. Sure beats keeping it in and making yourself miserable. Hang in there! Send me a pm if you need to talk! :happydance:

Good luck in your move! I will be praying for you both, and I look forward to your return!

This has a been a great summer, and I am so excited to think that I still have so much of it left to go! We finished our Production of Tom Dooley: A Wilkes County Legend this past Sunday. We had a very successful run. I think that I will be taking next summer off. It is hard to do a show four summers in a row. Gets to be a little redundant. Anyway...now for an explanation of the title of my blog. Like many of you, I continue to find life post-stroke frustrating sometimes. I already have one tattoo (a fact that surprises even the people closest to me...) I have decided that I want something that permanently reminds me to keep up my courage, and to not give up. I have worked very hard to maintain a fighting attitude through everything, but sometimes, I need a little reminder. I have decided to get a tattoo of the chinese symbol for courage so that I can see it every day and be reminded to hang in there. I know it may seem rather ridiculous to many of you, but I think this decision is a part of the "things I want to do before I die" list that includes a bunch of things that aren't exactly "me" or what others think of me at any rate. That is all from the what it's worth department!

It is with a very broken heart that I write this blog. Three students at the school where I teach were involved in a tragic accident last night. Two of them walked away without much damage, but the third one did not. They were on their way home from a friends pool party, the weren't drinking, speeding, racing, or doing any of those things that kill kids all the time. A deer came out in front of them. The girl driving swerved to miss the deer, went down an embankment, and hit a tree. Justin was killed instantly. I teach in a very small rural community, and this loss has been devestating as the loss of any child is. My heart breaks for his family, his friends, and especially for the young girl who was driving the car. All reports say that she is in really bad shape right now. I love my job, and I love these kids, and this is the one part of the job that is the hardest for me because it is so hard on them. I hate to see them hurting like they are. Such a sad, sad day.

It has been quite a while since I have been on here. Things were pretty hectic for a couple of weeks, but they have finally calmed down. First of all, I was saddened to hear about Diane's passing. My thoughts and prayers are with her family. Secondly, I am glad to see that my friends Asha and Donna are back in the blogging business. I really missed you guys. I was waiting backstage the other night, and realized I had no idea how the heck you guys were doing. I am so glad to have you back around. :Clap-Hands: Last week was one of those weeks I guess we all have, where we are just plain *beep* off at the world. I am over it this week, but I was so foul last week, people started to notice, and I am pretty darned good at hiding my *beep* off at the world weeks. I was just tired and frustrated. Thankfully, it has passed. susan PS-Donna, I will be thinking about you as you get ready to make the big move!

I know that I shouldn't be so happy, but I am. I only have about four days of regular summer school left. This has been tougher than I thought it would be. Keeping the same students occupied for four hours at a time is a whole lot easier said than done! Anyway...enough whining about that. We started rehearsing for Tom Dooley this week. To see more information about the story behind the song, go to www.wilkesplaymakers.com I always look forward to Tom Dooley, but this year, I am really nervous about it. I am playing a part that is slightly different than the ones that I have played the past three summers. First of all, one of my best friends is the author of this play. I am playing the part she played last summer. The woman I am playing is her great great great grandmother and the person playing my husband is her real husband. No pressure there. Not to mention, on top of that pressure, is the pressure of being entirely outdoors. It is a whole ballgame when you are in an 850 seat ampitheater. To make me more stressed, I came down with some sort of stupid sinus infection over the weekend, and have been really sick all week. It makes me so mad to be sick! Anyway. That is enough from the whining about the trivial department! susan

Let me assure you... I didn't like high school. It was a very overrated experience. I know I teach in one, but people make entirely too much of HS graduation. There is a much bigger life out there than high school. College is a first step in that direction. I really did blossom in college. I don't know what changed really except that it was a new place where no one knew me and I got to be the me I always wanted to be. I LOVED college! I loved it so much that when all my friends left I stayed an extra year. I missed high school for that first summer, but my first steps on the ASU campus gave me this feeling I had never experienced, it was amazing. I was finally free of all the baggage of high school! PM me if you ever want to talk! Susan

Here I was, enjoying my precious summer off and the phone rang. On the other end was a man from the district office wanting to know if I would come teach some remedial students from one of the other high schools for two weeks. I said let me think about it. He said you have one hour. We will pay you your regular salary. In a moment of weakness, I said yes. I have no idea why because now that I have done it for two days, I would like to take it back. Thankfully it is only from 8-12 still gives me some lake time before my rehearsals start. Anyway.

It has been a while since I visited my blog. Our students finished last Wednesday, and I finished with school one week ago today. I promptly took off Saturday morning to go and visit my mom on the coast with the rest of the free world who heads to the coast on Memorial Day. I didn't get back home until Wednesday and I am just now getting down to the business of my blog. My mom and I had a very good visit. She seems to have taken the circumstances of her stroke a little more seriously, and is not trying to do everything all at once much to my relief. I love summer. I get to do all those things that I think about doing all year long. Yesterday, I went to the lake and went swimming. It was so relaxing. I am going to do it again today, and maybe every day between now and August! :big_grin: Susan

Gatsby and I are thrilled to hear that Bud is getting better!

My dog Gatsby and I say congrats on getting better!

I didn't post this in my blog last night because I was getting really tired, and my own blog was wearing me out. Before my stroke, I was in the best shape of my life. My best friend and I would go hiking every weekend at one of the many cool places near where we live. After my stroke, I had so much weakness in my right ankle, that hiking was pretty much out of the question as my friend is literally a full foot shorter than I am (I am 5'11 and she is 4'11) and I couldn't see her being able to drag my sorry butt out of the woods if my ankle decided that enough was enough. I have worked a great deal in the last couple of years to get it back to normal. My doctor tells me that it will never be completely normal again and I will have to learn to live with it. I said okay and decided that I was going hiking. I did...with no problems! WOOOHOOO! I feel go good this morning, I can't help but smile! :big_grin: :big_grin: :big_grin: :big_grin:

It seems like a long time since I posted anything on my blog. Of course, it is the end of the year. We started exams on Friday and the students finish on Wednesday. I have to work until Friday. It has been a strange week. On Thursday morning, one of the friends I carpool to work with told us that her brother was really sick and had been put in the hospital on Wednesday night. They thought it was pancreatitis (sp?). She took her planning time that morning to go visit him. They told her then that it was the final stages of cirrhosis and that he probably wouldn't live for the next 24 hours. The next morning she called me about six to tell me that she wouldn't be at work that day because he was declining quickly. He passed away around noon on Friday. He was so young (fifty). His family is so devastated right now. I live about a block from my church and the parsonage. My minister told us this morning that someone had propped a trashcan full of water in front of his door so that when he opened the door the water dumped inside the house. This did not come as a surprise to me as we have teenagers wandering all over the place unsupervised. I teach teenagers, I know this isn't good. Anyway, while the police were in his dining room filliing out the report, a lady from my church who was visiting, noticed a man hanging around this corner near the church building. The police officer went out to check on the man and they talked for about twenty minutes before a struggle occured between the two men. It turns out that this man was planning to take his own life right there. If the officer had not been at the parsonage filling out the trash can report, he wouldn't have found this man and kept him from killing himself. I think maybe God was looking out for that man. Anyway. I think I have rambled quite enough for one night. susan

I have a wild little dog myself! They can worry you just like any kid would. Glad you found her!

I mentioned in an earlier blog that my mom was having TIA's and they were making her really sick. Her doctor finally had her get some extensive tests done. She got results yesterday, and it wasn't particularly good news. It turns out that she actually had a stroke about two weeks ago. She doesn't have any residual effects, but her doctor is really concerned. He has changed her meds and stuff. I am freaking out, quite frankly. Very little scares me more than me or someone I know having a stroke. It terrifies me and is part of the reason that I am on medication and probably will be for the rest of my life.

Amen to that! Less war, more health care!

There aren't many things that make me get on my soapbox...but this is one of them! I was standing in line at Walgreens to ask the pharmacist a question. There was a woman in front of me who was picking up her perscription. I was not trying to listen, but it was impossiblel to avoid. When the guy told her the total, she asked him, "Isn't it covered?" He told her that some things just weren't covered by whatever insurance it was that she had. She responded with, "Well, I guess I will will hold off on that one and get it later." She stuck her hands in her pocket and walked away. This makes me mad. Prescriptions should not be a privelege, and neither should good health care. Taking care of your health or someone elses health should not be something limited to people who can afford it. I have never understood how this makes sense at all! I teach in a very rural community. Many of students rely on us at school for their nutrition and their health care. These are the people I worry about the most. What are they supposed to do during the summer? I am just frustrated with the system of health care in america, and I have been thinking about it a lot since we were signing up for our supplemental insurance policies at work yesterday. Sorry...this was just something I had to get out of my system!

If you have never been in a high school at the end of the year...then you haven't really lived. You know how people seem to behave strangely when the moon is full? It is like a full moon every day. I swear, everything I had planned to do today has not worked out leaving me with very little time to find other options. AND my problem today has not been with the children, it has been with the grown people. I mean, how many idiots can you fit into this building without causing some sort of cosmic disaster? I just keep chanting quietly to myself, "11 more days, 11more days..."

It has been a hectic week around here! Gatsby is doing very well after his trauma on Tuesday. Thank you all for your kind wishes for him! He is pretty much back to his wild little self! I am relieved! I also have a request for you. On Tuesday two students at the school where I teach both lost a parent. Please keep their families in your prayers. Also, please keep my mother in your thoughts. She has had a couple of TIA's in the last several weeks. These are not her first ones. She had a couple when I was in college, and then they never happened again. I am very worried about her. She is going to see a specialist next week so that they can check her carotid arteries. She is playing it very cool, but that is just how she is. I on the other hand, am freaking out. I had one TIA and then four years later had the real deal. I don't want her to go through everything I went through. I also feel like her doctor isn't all that worried about it,and that makes me really angry because it looks to me like if you have a patient who has a daughter who had a stroke at 29, you might be a little more concerned about it. I have tried to tell her that she needs a new doctor, but she won't hear of it. Okay...enough venting.

I have a 3.8 pound, six year old, toy poodle named Gatsby. He is very sweet, and I think of him as my child. I know that it isn't the same as having kids, but he is the closest thing I have to one right now so... Gatsby has been loosing his hair the past couple of months and the vet cannot figure out what is wrong with the little guy. She suggested last week that it was possible that he was experiencing a hormonal condition due to the fact that he has not been "fixed." There really isn't a good reason for this except for that fact that at one point I was going to breed him. I decided not to, but it seemed like his being fixed wasn't a problem since he wasn't around other dogs. The vet decided to take care of things yesterday. While he was under being "fixed" she also cleaned his teeth a thing that the other vet I had always taken him to had never said or done anything about. When I went to pick up my sweet little angel, being fixed was the least of his woes; they had pulled 12 of his teeth! He was so pitiful once I got him home. He slept most of the afternoon yesterday and all night. When I woke him up this morning, he was less than enthusiastic about waking up. He got up, went outside, ate some yogurt, and then proceeded to go and hide under the bed in my guest room. I hated to leave him this morning, but I don't have a choice. I had already taken yesterday off to look after him, so I had to come to work. Hopefully, he will be be better this afternoon!

Wow...great poems! :Clap-Hands: Again, welcome to the site! You will find a great deal of support and love here!

Just some things I had on my mind about this site and how great it is! I LOVE THE PEOPLE ON THIS WEBSITE! Let me tell you why I am saying this... I was reading the post by CagedBird, and was moved to tears by what she said. I was further moved by howmany of you had written in response to her. I teach high school, and while I love teenagers, they can be cruel because of their own uncertainties and so I know it has to mean a great deal to her how much everyone has reached out to her. You guys are the best. You have saved me from being down in the dumps many times! Asha, I am going to miss reading your blogs, but I am thrilled to know that you are not leaving the site altogether! 17 more days until summer vacation! susan

It is offical...we have 18 days until summer vacation! WOOOHOOOO! I am warning you that this blog may contain may errors...I apologize. I am using a laptop at school today because they have taken my desktop to fix. The screen on this thing is tiny and hard to read. What is worse is that they have disabled the thing that makes is so I can make the display bigger. Ain't that something? I am very excited today because I am going to Merlefest this evening to perform with some folks in the community theater group I work with. We are performing scenes from three Wilkes County legends. Tom Dooley ( an annual production), Junior Johnson (Nasacar guy), and Chang and Eng (the Siamese Twins). I am playing one of the sisters who marries Chang and Eng. The people on Jerry Springer had nothing on those people. This has been a weird week for me. I am having some trouble with my arm. I knew I would have some residual weakness and pain, but it is a bit worse this time than normal. Things like that used to frustrate me a great deal in the early part of my recovery, but now, it doesn't. I just see it as something as normal and the fact that my foot is still weird too. I am just soooo very happy with the person I have become as a result of my stroke, that the physical stuff doesn't get me down. I think Tim Robbins's character in the Shawshank Redemption said it best, "You gotta' get busy livin' or get busy dyin'" I like to think that I am very busy living.

Thanks for correcting that link. Sometimes I get all twisted up typing fast. Especially on my right side. Sometimes that hand is just plain stupid!