suzie-q

Stroke Survivor - female
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Blog Entries posted by suzie-q

  1. suzie-q
    I love spring...the weather gets warmer, the flowers bloom, things turn green, and the people go nuts. I have determined that all the people surrounding me have a wicked case of spring fever.
     
    I believe several people commented on the fact that we are the ones with brain damage, which begs the question, "What is wrong with everyone else?" I mean I am seriously concerned about some of the people I work with. I am not sure if they are going to make it to summer vacation.
     
    :Rant-On:
    I hate my stupid insurance company. While this may seem silly to some people it is really *beep* me off. I have been taking Effexor since my stroke. I find this drug to be necessary since the part of my brain that controls that particular emotion is damaged. However, my insurance company decided that it is no longer on their preferred list any more. Now I ask you... preferred by who? Becuase if they asked me, I would say, "Hey! I prefer that drug since it took me forever to find something that worked for me. Or does that matter?"
     
    I mean really who do these people think they are...God? Now after all this time, I have to try to find something else that works because they have doubled the original cost, and that is more money than I have to spend on that stuff. I will be paying for the medical expenses until the end of time, and now they want more.
     
    I am telling you...I am really mad about this!!!!
     
     
  2. suzie-q

    The Bank

    By suzie-q,

    For about a month now, I have been going round and round with the bank over my bank card. I got a message from my cell carrier around the beginning of July that the card I was using to pay my cell phone bill was about to expire. I called the bank to see why I had not recieved my new one and was informed that they had tried to send me a new one about a year ago because of something that happened when I used it at Taget. They sent it to the wrong address and it got returned. I didn't know about any of these things, and went right on using the card. Well when I called to ask about the card, they sent me a new one, and then cancelled the one I was using. It has been a month now and I have just gotten the card today. When I went in to talk to the bank, the lady told me all this happened because they thought that someone was trying to steal my identity because someone typed in the wrong birthdate on one of the screens.
     
    The really scarey part of all of this is the fact that I actually had to go the bank to get money. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I had to ask the woman behind the counter how to do it. In my life the only thing I have done at the bank was put money in, and even that is rare since the school system directly deposits my check for me. I just go the atm on the rare occasion that I need to actually have cash is this credit card world.
     
    The truth is, I am just relieved to be carrying my card again!
     
    susan
  3. suzie-q

    Ready for a break!

    By suzie-q,

    I love my teaching job; however, I am really tired. I am ready for a break from these children and from some of the wackos I work with. We just had Spring Break which was great fun. I visited my mom, and then went to California with a group from school. I wish it was longer. Now I am suffering from some serious jet-lag. Between the jet-lag, my job, and the fact that I just stay tired due to my stroke, I just about fell asleep in my own class today. Wouldn't that have been embarrassing? Geeze! :blush:
  4. suzie-q
    It has been about a week since I passed the big one year mark! Hurray! :bouncing_off_wall: I haven't really had much to say since then. It came, it went, I am still here. Not really sure what I was worried about.
     
    At any rate, I am beginning to notice that I might the only sane person I know, and that scares me because I am the one with the brain damage. I am always amazed at how much some of the adults I know behave like the teenagers I teach. I mean, am I the only one that is super happy to be sitting on the other side of the teachers desk now? Anyway, I digress.
     
    My students often complain that we treat them like little kids and they hate it, and I always tell them that if they want to be treated like adults, they should start acting like adults. The thing is, they probably are, and that says a lot.
     
    On another semi-related topic:
     
    I have always been amazed how life can kick the sh** out of some people and they smile like nothing has happened. The would around them could be crashing down and they go right on. Then there are others who have something minor happen to them, and you would think that the world was at an end. A woman I work with is going through rather difficult time right now, and has decided to make herself (and everyone around her) miserable. She barely speaks, and is outright mean to people here who have been very kind to her in her time of need.
     
    The reason I am thinking about all of this is that I have decided that no matter how life treats me, I am alive! And I am pretty happy to be that way. I survived a stroke and am 95% recovered! LIFE IS GOOD!!! :happydance:
  5. suzie-q

    The Countdown...

    By suzie-q,

    In the last several days, I have been thinking a great deal about my one year anniversary that will be here on Monday. I am not sure how to feel about it. In some ways it is a celebration of being alive and making progress. In other ways, it is a day of mourning. I am taking the day off work, and am going to do some nice things for myself (ie manicure, pedicure).
     
    I sort of feel like I am in a countdown to the big day, and for some reason, that strikes me as weird. Don't ask me why, for I couldn't tell you. I guess the bottom line is that I still struggle with believing all this has happened to me (except for when I am paying the bills, then I know it is real). I think the mere fact that I have this kind of anniversary is still very odd, as I am the only person I know who has one.
     
    I wonder...is it always going to be this way?
  6. suzie-q

    Today...

    By suzie-q,

    I love a cools sunny day! Things here seem to be rolling along nicely. I turned 30 this past Sunday, and while most people seem to see that as a big deal, it really isn't one to me. I guess since I could be dead, I just think that 30 is another year that I get to be alive...it doesn't make me feel old or anything. I hear people say they feel old at 30. I just feel old because I had a stroke. The date looming on the horizon that has me a little more anxious is the one year anniversary of my stroke (March 27). I must say that I feel a good bit more anxiety about that date than I did about my birthday. I have taken the 27th off so that I can do something fun and relaxing because to be very honest, I don't know how I will feel that day. It is hard to believe that it is almost here. 6 months ago, I wasn't sure this day would ever come. I guess I just kept thinking that I was going to wake up one morning and things were going to be back the way that they were and that my body would be like it used to be. Then one day, not so very long ago, a friend of mine told me that I was going to have to accept a new normal. While that is easier said than done, it is the mantra I repeat to myself whenever I feel frustrated with my situation.
  7. suzie-q
    I woke up this morning and rolled over to find my dog staring at me from the pillow beside me. Even though he is 3 1/2 pounds at 6 years old, he thinks he is a person. Life is really funny. Yesterday afternoon, I came home after work and therapy, and found that the little booger had escaped from his kennel again. I don't know how he does it, because when I checked the kennel, it was still locked from when I put him in there in the morning. This made made me laugh and took my mind off the fact that my Orthopedist faxed another order for another week of PT on my foot. This is my second round of PT. I did it for a while immediately after my stroke, and have had to start back because my right foot is not working correctly. This is a never ending journey sometimes. Just when I think I have taken a step forward, I end up taking another one back. Couple this with how easily I fatigue, some days, it is all I can do to get by. It probably doesn't help that I am a teacher, and even before my stroke, those teenagers were wearing me out and making me a little crazy. Now I fear I may be totally over the edge.
     
    I am doing a little happy dance because we have Monday off, and I really need it! :happydance:
     
     
  8. suzie-q

    Yes!!!

    By suzie-q,

    I got my new couch on Friday!!! I am very excited to have it in my house. :bouncing_off_wall: My mom came to visit and was there when it was delivered. She said they had a great deal of trouble getting it in the house, but it was all worth it in the end. I have a brand new red couch in my living room.
     
    Yippee!! :happydance:
  9. suzie-q

    Stuff

    By suzie-q,

    I haven't blogged in a while...of course I haven't had much to say, write, fuss, or whine about. Today is no exception really. I am actually having a pretty good day today except for that tired all the time thing.
     
    I am actually pretty happy because I have been assistant directing a community theater play and it opens tonight. :bouncing_off_wall: The reason I mention this is because it has been one of the things that has helped me through me post-stroke depression. It is exhausting, (especially after working all day) but it is soooo much fun. The irony of it all is the fact that I was stage managing a show during the time I had my stroke. I like to kid the cast members that they gave me the stroke. One of very closest friends is directing this show, and I owe her a great deal. She has really been very supportive of me through all the frustration of this situation.
     
    I have always believed that it is the little things that make the most difference. Today, I am getting a brand new couch for my birthday from my mom. I can't wait to get home and take my first of many quality naps on it. I know it is just a couch, but it is very exciting. :bouncing_off_wall:
  10. suzie-q

    The Killer Gatsby

    By suzie-q,

    I have discovered my little (3 1/2 lbs) dogs secret to escape. I came home the other day to take him outside before I went out for the evening. When I put him in his kennel, he immediately began his escape. It was by far the scariest thing I have ever seen him do. There is a two- three inch space in the front of the kennel where the bottom tray slides in. He manged to slide the tray forward enough that he could contort his body through the space. I watched in complete horror and amazement as he completed his escape. I was horrified to realize that it was entirely possible that he could get stuck like that sometime and well...I don't even want to think about it.
     
    Needless to say, he got a new, hopefully escape proof kennel Friday night.
  11. suzie-q

    Nothing much

    By suzie-q,

    I am so glad I have started this blog. It feels so good to be able to vent and most importantly to have contact with people who understand. In fact, it has made my day today to hear from people who are encouraging me especially from people who don't know me. I finally can see some light at the end of the tunnel I feel like I have been in. :bouncing_off_wall:
     
    I have physical therapy today which I am not usually very thrilled about, and I am not dreading it today. This is a very good day. Thank you all very much!
  12. suzie-q

    Going crazy

    By suzie-q,

    Here I am...only 11 months post stroke, and I still feel like it is simply a bad dream. This couldn't have happened to me. I am only 29. Strokes happen to old people. And then I wake up :yikes: and it is very real, and strokes don't only happen to old people. I am tired all the time, my brain sometimes doesn't work, and my foot is killing me. Then I remember that there is a part of my brain that will never be the same and I get mad. Really mad. The part that is so crazy is that no one around me can understand. Then I am glad that I can come here and post and read and know that there are people out there that do.
     
    I have never been a blogger, but I think I will like the fact that I can just vent and not have people looking at me like I am some kind of freakin' whiner.
  13. suzie-q

    Weird things...

    By suzie-q,

    I was reading some of the posts today and one of them struck me for some reason, and inspired this entry. A question was asked about people being more aware of their bodies since the stroke. In all honesty, I am more aware of everything my body does it seems, particularly on the right side of my body. I mean, how can I not be? I have most of my function back, but there is some weird s*** that happens everyday. For example, sometimes I have a large numb spot on my back, other times, my hand twitches out of control. This is just to name a few.
     
    Also on the topic of weird stuff, I live in a place that typically has snow in the winter. This winter has been unusually warm. So today, on the first day of spring, it is sleeting. How crazy is that? :silly:
  15. suzie-q
    I have discovered through all the stuff I have been through, there are days when things really get to me, and days when I am like I used to be. Then I remember what my neurologist and my regular doctor told me...I am going to have to accept a new normal. Sometimes, I am right there. Other days, not so much. As my one year mark approaches, I find myself really thinking about what happened to me, and to be honest, it scares me sometimes.
     
    Today is a good day. I don't hurt so much, I am not al tired as I usually am, and I am very thankful to be alive.
  16. suzie-q

    Tired brain...

    By suzie-q,

    I often forget how easily I get tired until my body reminds me. I will go hard doing my job, and all the other things I do, (that I should probably cut down on) and I finally get to a point where my body simply can't take it anymore. That happened to me yesterday. I was buring the candle at both ends, an it is the end of the school year. I was soooooo tired, and soooooo irratable...I had to take the day off work yesterday because my body said "Enough is enough. I quit!" :Tantrum: Then it did.:notworking:
     
    It was very frustrating :Argh:
  17. suzie-q
    Okay, I know I have written about something similar to this before, but I find that it still bugs me, so I am going to visit the topic again.
     
    My body is never going to be the same as it was before, a fact that I struggle with daily. I find that most days I am successful, then there are the other days that I get really kind of mad about it. The thing that still bothers me is that people assume that since I look fine, then I shouldn't be having any other difficulties thanks to el stroke.
     
    For example, like many of the people here I get really tired, really easily. Sometimes, I just tough it out, and others I am forced to give in because my body won't take anymore, and just quits. When I tell people that is why I am stopping, they just don't get it. And well, it still kinda' ticks me off.
     
    Alright, that is enough from the what it's worth department.
     
    I cannot wait for this school year TO BE OVER. These children, and especially the grown people, are driving me crazy.
  18. suzie-q

    Don't I wish...

    By suzie-q,

    In my last entry I mentioned that the friend I visited with in NYC and I had known and loved each other for over half of our lives. I wish it could be more than it is...but I will NEVER be his type as I am a girl. I love him, but not as anything more than my friend.
     
    I am so excited about the ending of this week. The semester at work is finally over, and we get to start fresh again in January with new classes and students. I love new beginnings.
     
    :Clap-Hands:
  19. suzie-q

    The Holidays and Bad Luck

    By suzie-q,

    I seem to have the worst luck around the holidays. Especially any holiday that involves visiting my mom's house. March 27, 2005 (Easter Sunday) I had a stroke. A few months ago, I visited her, and I got the worst cold in the world. Well, my visit this time was complete with a minor injury; last night as I was staggering out of the bathroom in the middle of the night half asleep, I kicked the door frame with my pinky toe and broke it.
     
    Other than that I had an absolutely wonderful visit with my family and a wonderful holiday! I hope that you all did too!
     
    :big_grin:
  20. suzie-q

    Almost Over...

    By suzie-q,

    I know that I shouldn't be so happy, but I am. I only have about four days of regular summer school left. This has been tougher than I thought it would be. Keeping the same students occupied for four hours at a time is a whole lot easier said than done!
     
    Anyway...enough whining about that.
     
    We started rehearsing for Tom Dooley this week. To see more information about the story behind the song, go to www.wilkesplaymakers.com I always look forward to Tom Dooley, but this year, I am really nervous about it. I am playing a part that is slightly different than the ones that I have played the past three summers. First of all, one of my best friends is the author of this play. I am playing the part she played last summer. The woman I am playing is her great great great grandmother and the person playing my husband is her real husband. No pressure there. Not to mention, on top of that pressure, is the pressure of being entirely outdoors. It is a whole ballgame when you are in an 850 seat ampitheater. To make me more stressed, I came down with some sort of stupid sinus infection over the weekend, and have been really sick all week. It makes me so mad to be sick!
     
    Anyway. That is enough from the whining about the trivial department!
     
    susan