swilkinson

paper trail

I am not the girl I once was, nor that comfortable middle aged worker, nor the Caregiver for Ray, I am an ageing widow. I can admit to that, especially when I try to do something I used to do with ease and oh! those aching muscles the following day! So it will come as no news to you all that not only am I ageing but so are my friends. I had lunch with a dear friend I went to school with today and she told me all about the assisted living village she and her husband are soon to move in to. I held my breath because for a moment I saw her competing in our school sports carnival and running like a deer and here she was talking about her creaking knees and her other problems and reality crept in for me. We were both old now! I don't mind ageing, but I don't want my friends to do the same. I am back in the funeral season. It is in Spring rather than winter that occurs. Maybe we are programmed to do that. It is sad to lose those a year or two ahead of us but tragic to lose those younger ones. Here it is often to heart disease or cancer. Strokes are rare as a cause of death because when you pass fifty the doctors are more careful with blood pressure medication and stress tests and other tests to find out what they can do to keep us fit. I am going through a series of tests at the moment related to those things my parents suffered in their later years. It is good to have the results of blood tests come back negative to some of them. Not all of them so some new medication is coming into my life. I expected that. It is part of being the age I am. As long as it doesn't affect my driving, or cause me to have a more restricted life. I still attend the Stroke group Ray and I belonged to. There too I am seeing and hearing about the age related illnesses as opposed to the stroke related illnesses. Some widowed members still belong as I do so we often sit to one side and tell each other what we are doing and how we are getting on, on our own. Of course those who have wealthier lives are doing the travelling and cruising and the rest of us are a little envious. But, like me, many of the widows are just socializing, gardening, doing those things that cost little money but give us some enjoyment. And where possible keeping up with their children and grandchildren. All of my travelling is to go to visit either my younger son or my daughter and her family. The almost adult children of my older son I see when they come up to visit their mother on our part of the coast. That is just twice a year now but that is okay. I am still doing various forms of voluntary work. I was waitressing at a funeral tea at our church this Monday past. I suddenly realised I was a waitress at 17 and here I am cleaning tables at 77. I said that to one of my friends and she said it sounds like the circle of life is now coming full circle. I'm guessing it is lucky for me I can still do things to help others which I intend to do for as long as I can. I still crochet rugs for nursing homes, small ones to use in a wheelchair, the nursing homes seem pleased with them. A brightly coloured rug keeping your knees warm is always welcome on the colder days. I guess they will be put away in a month or so as the days warm up. My friend I lunched with today makes teddy bears, small enough for a child's hand to hold for the Childrens Ward at our two local hospitals, if she makes enough the Ambulence drivers get some too. I'm sure they will miss her when she moves north. I am still doing a lot of volunteering at church. We have a new lady minister, a friend of mine from a long time ago and she always has a few little jobs for me to do. I don't mind as it fills in my time and working or serving others is one of those things that keeps me going, keeps me interested in life. There are other women who also volunteer so we often work as a tag team. It can be quite a social occasion after funerals or before we do a setting up job in the back hall so again a plus for someone who lives alone. I know not everyone can do that but I am glad I still can. When Spring comes I can do gardening again and that will be good. We had a lot of rainy days this past month so not a lot could be done. I love being outdoors but not when it is windy and wet. There is something flowering in my garden year round so I am lucky that way. I know we all lose friends, but it does put a real hole in my life when someone who has meant a lot to me dies. At the funeral on Monday we were farewelling a man who was our church treasurer for many years. His wife was supported by the volunteer workers from our charity shop as she was the manager there for many years. It is those moments when I do start to miss those people who have been a big inspiration in my life, those good friends who have gone and I know they will not be easy to replace now. Of course, I do still have some friends but they too have problems, and I must say medical appointments rather than coffee meetups are in the front of our minds now. Which is a pity but probably part of that ageing process. And as the saying goes "that's life".

desert island

locked cabinet

tennis mstch

test Cricket

Sounds horrible. I had a brain operation seven years ago to clip an aneurysm and had headaches for a while. At that time I smelt sweet smells too. Maybe that can be a part of brain injury. I don't have that now.

"The north wind doth blow and we will have snow" said an old poem I learnt in my kindergarten year in England but in Australia it is the southern wind that brings snow. I Iive over 60 miles north of Sydney and snow doesn't fall here so far north of the Snowy Mountains but it has still been colder than I'd like it to be. I hate the rugged up to the ears look and the sheer volume of winter clothes, and how dreary they look. I do look forward to Spring. Just had Trevor and Alice here for a week. Alice is twelve now. Can you believe that? She is taller than me, not that that is an achievement and like my mother before me I am now "little Granma". We enjoyed our time together and of course I am finding it quiet since they've been gone. Despite the fact that it is mid winter we went to one of the local beaches and yes of course Alice got "accidentally" struck by a wave. Luckily she didn't get any after effects from that. While Alice and Trevor were here we also saw oldest granddaughter Tori and her mother. Tori was on her three weeks break from University. Her brothers both had holiday assignments so didn't come up. It was good to see her and Alice getting together. One of my regrets from migrating to Australia was missing out on bonding with my cousins, though those trips Ray and I, then me on my own made to England did make the relationship with them much better than I could have hoped for. I went to my daughter Shirley's in Kalgoorlie in April and it was lovely to be with Shirley, Craig and Naomi again. I really miss them and was pleased to catch up with what is happening in their Salvation Army Corps. It is hard for me to have them so far away with a whole continent between us. While I was there she put me to work on the Red Shield appeal annual fund raising drive, sitting outside one of the local supermarkets. It's a good way to get to talk to a lot of the locals so I quite enjoyed it. My life rolls on with my usual involvement in church, finding plenty to do within the programs we run, community lunch, Bible study, Coffee, Craft and Chat etc. I like to keep busy but am happy to be home afterwards, working in the house or in the garden, crocheting and knitting, being on the computer. Occasionally I manage to catch up with Ann Rogers whose son's wedding I went to in Norfolk, England many years ago. We were hosts on Caregiver Chat in those days, both having husbands who'd had strokes. Silly I suppose to wish those caregiver days back again but there were good times as well as bad. Some of the chat days were hilarious, moments when we forgot how hard life was and just enjoyed each other's company. We all had so much in common despite the distance between us. Would I have ever thought such friendships were possible before Ray had his major strokes? No I would not! But those precious people, men as well as women were my mentors and friends, the people who really knew what I was going through. I will always value the time I've been on Strokenet, particularly the late Steve Mallory, it's originator and all the wonderful people I have met on here. In my winter it is hard to imagine my American friends in the warmth of summer, something like you all trying to imagine my summer Christmas I suppose. But wherever you are, however you are feeling right now, remember my wishes for the best possible life for you is what I am wishing you right now.

fitness test

annual holidays

My late husband Ray was diabetic. He used to call me the "food police" as I was constantly watching his diet. He loved sugar and his sugar reading would rise high whenever he got his hands on sugary foods. Dieticians are good at explaining what you can eat and what you need to avoid so consult one of you can. A good diet will keep your diabetes more under control. I recently did a six week course designed to improve my walking and help prevent falls. If you hear about one near you it is worth taking the trouble. I had got to taking small steps and then trying to speed up. Now I can take a longer stride. My problem isn't stroke it is surgery on my left leg which has made the tendons behind my leg shorten. Hope you can find some easy solutions to help you to get through this stage. Life is good when you can move around more easily.

Egg cup

Chocolate egg

hopping kangaroo

Weather report

Cup holder

TV special

Beef Burger

Good on you Deigh, maybe you could become the chat host and hep newcomers feel at home.

piano teacher

I 'm not sure how it works now. Many years since I was a Chat host.

bowling score

Heather my handicap now is my left knee. Five years ago I had a melanoma behind my knee and a specialist in Sydney had to take it right down to the tendons to make sure she'd taken enough to make it safe. So the little tendon that controls moving to the left doesn't work as well as it should. Now I have to stop and think before I make that move. I've had a few falls because of that. I am 76 now so I am finding myself much slowed down but life must go on. Like you I try to grin and get over it as quickly as I can.

Rose bush

Sometimes I wonder how I got to be 76. Why it just seems like yesterday I was a young Mum with small kids and a hectic life and now I am an old lady sitting three times a week having coffee with a bunch of old people I call friends and we discuss various health complaints that slow us down and make us look...well..old. At least we have that is common. We may not be young and maybe sometimes feel sad about that for a minute or two. But then we laugh and say: "Well I'm still here." And that is where I am right now. The summer is over here in Oz and we've just gone off daylight saving so it's going to get darker earlier now. It's a relief really as it's been a hell of a summer. It was not so much the heat but wearing waist to toe pressure stockings meant the humidity made life very difficult. I seriously neglected the garden and am only just starting to get it back under control. Weeds really love humidity and parts of it look like an overgrown jungle. I haven't kept up with a lot of my older more distant friends so that is on.my "to do list" too. At my age there are so many funerals of older friends that that is my major source of socialising...lol. So I seriously need to pay more attention to the.living. Trev and Alice will be here next week for the week and I need to put time aside from them. Alice is 11 now, 12 in June so has some sort of media on the go most of the visit with breaks for meals. Love her heaps and as long as she's happy, I'm happy. Church has taken up a lot of my time this year. Our main minister retired in January leaving Kathy, our part time minister to do everything so I've been filling in the gaps. I find that a bit more tiring than it used to be, don't seem to have that second wind when I need it. More rocking horse than race horse these days. But at least my days are fully filled and I have little time to feel lonely. Loneliness is the curse of old age here. I read Kelli's blog so it's nice to see someone is working behind the scenes on Strokenet now. I think those of us who have stayed on need that reassurance. I love the interaction that being in here provides. Okay it is a long time since I've been a full time. Caregiver but those experiences do not fade with time and I'm here if anyone needs that support. Seems a long time since I hosted Caregiver Chat but there are still people struggling out there and maybe we still have something we can do to support them. It's getting dark outside so I best go and look to see what I can miracle into "dinner for one" tonight. My next door neighbour has been away for a few days so I've just been over to feed his cat. It's another one of those odd jobs I do. Keep smiling and keep well. That's my long term plan too. I'll be thinking of you all, reminiscing is one of my occupations now. I'd love to hear from those I know and a big "hello" to all who remember me. Sue.