swilkinson

Tracy I have no advice for you. As you know I belong to a Stroke Recovery Group and each individual is that, each with a unique set of deficits and a separate set of problems. What we share is a willingness to listen, to empathise, to hug each other with compassion when Covid restrictions get lifted. Thats all I can offer to you.(((hugs)))

Oh so sad for you Janelle, so hard to lose a fur baby who has become a true member of the family. The pup will grieve too. When we lost our little dog many years ago our neighbour's dog used to sit on our verandah and howl like a banshee. I felt like joining her. It took weeks for her to get over it.

Janelle I am on the side of a small hill so well above flood level but the ground is very soggy and I have buckets in my back room to catch the drips. There has been so much rain that the ground is saturated and there is news of landslides on the road that goes parallel to the Hawkesbury River. I have to meet a friend tomorrow so have decided on bus travel as I don't want to drive on this weather

Thanks for the update George I did wonder how the two of you were doing. I've got lazy during this Covid quiet time too. Of course here in Australia we are just leaving summer behind, we are right in the middle of what looks like two weeks of rain so little opportunity to plan trips etc. I'd like to include a few weeks in Queensland to warm up my winter but will wait and see how things pan out. Just back from a week away so can't complain. Hugs to both of you.

Good you managed to break your fall, saved more medical issues. I look at tiredness as something to do with my age. If I have had a satisfactory day then the tiredness is okay. I do try to have a day at home occasionally as a catch up day too. Keep your pace steady and when your Spring comes you will be ready.

I have been on Strokenet a long time, since May 30th 2005 and less than a year later I was a chat host first in a general chat and then in Caregiver Chat. Somewhere along the way I took on the job of Blog Moderator and some years ago finished doing chat. All those years I have thought of Steve Mallory as my Boss. I guess that makes in even harder to say goodbye. 😢

I am beyond devastated to see this, finding Strokenet made such a difference to my life as a caregiver and so I remained on here after Ray' passing as a widow because I had made a lot of friends on here over many years. Yes there should be a special place in Heaven for people like Steve who have benefited so many. I will pray for his family as they mourn this truly special man.

Like you I have walked all four paths, of course I am much older than you. Learning to go with the flow probably took the longest, but if I look back over the years I see the path I followed and it has led to many good changes in my life. I have you to thank for some of that. Keep up the good work.

I had my annual PET scan last Friday, then on Tuesday I got a phone call from my new Melanoma specialist, could I go and get another more specific CT as there seemed to be an "anomaly" on my liver! Well panic stations for me as I contemplated what would happen if this was related to my original melanoma. So I hurried into our nearest town and had the extra CT. As usual the staff there were very kind, used to assisting people who are expecting bad news. But they are not allowed to tell you anything, that is up to the specialist. Wednesday was my specialist appointment so Shirley came down on Tuesday night and Wednesday we went down to Sydney. Well the news was good, no sign of the dark spot seen on the previous PET so no worries. My body was scanned by the oncologist for anything that might be a cancer precursor and again no bad news - everything was okay. Then an extra source of good news, I could have an appointment with the lymphoedema therapist in the same building in the early afternoon so if Shirley and I went for lunch I would see her after that! I was so pleased, in the three years so since getting the lymphoedema I had not seen anyone other than the nurses from the local clinic. The amount I paid was more than twice the doctor's fee but well worth it as the consultation lasted an hour and every question I had was answered. AND I am now allowed to fly as my condition has been declared stable as long as I exercise for four minutes every half hour. I can walk in the hydrotherapy pool as new research says as long as the water is not above blood temperature it is okay and swim without the stockings on. How wonderful it will be when I can also take the sockettes off for a brief time to wear something more glamourous than slacks. And she also suggested fake tan on the lower legs and nice sandals. Wahoo! Glamorous sandals! I'm estatic! On the downside a couple of new problems have shown up but will be on a watch and wait basis so another PET scan in August to see if they are still a problem. I am happy with that outcome, I didn't want any more operations for a while. And maybe there won't be changes and no need for that after August. I needed that sense of freedom, I want to travel, I want to go away from here maybe even finally visit friends, that if Covid restrictions allow that to happen. And that is the problem, we still have borders closing every time we have a new outbreak of Covid and that makes travel uncertain. But that's llife all over the world isn't it? Life as we have lead it for a year or more. So I can fly but planning a holiday is still risky. But that is the story of my life really. I do know I am blessed, by present day good health, by good friends and particularly Shirley and her family. I had Christopher here last week for a few days to do some of my jobs that need someone taller as I am now in the shrinking time of life. I have my ups and downs as we all do but on the whole am copimg well with no reason to have to sell. Let's hope that lasts for a while. Life ahead is unclear but when I look back at my life I guess it always was.

I understand a day dominated by food, one of my kids family is like that, and theirs is not low fat. We all need that feeling of excess sometimes so don't be hard on yourself. Just enjoy the moment.

The stuck in a life of crime echoes wth me from a previous time in my life. I think we who have sufficient can turn a blind eye to the suffering around us unless we have a compassionate heart. I am sure your clients do value your help even if they can't express that. Hope you heal quickly and can return to work soon.

Nancy caregiving does cause physical problems. Since I turned 70 I have had several remedial procedures for problems caused by me lifting Ray off the floor etc. Please be very careful with what you do and how you do it. Glad you have the support team to help you during your recovery.

I think you are doing very well Kevin, and with the new outlook will accomplish some amazing things. I guess summer will be interesting with longer days a test to your stamina. As we say here: "good onya mate".

ASHA, as usual you encourage me to look at life with a different perspective. I am thankful too for the direction my life has taken. So glad your December epesode was not a stroke and no further problems detected. Enjoy life with your family.

Kelli, I hope this is the best option and your body gets used to it do the side effects disappear. I used to have chillblains as a small child. Very painful.

Nancy, glad your sky is blue. We had a brief respite from the rain today so the sky was briefly blue. Of course in order to have rain inland we get twice as much on the coast. The year so far has not been as good as we'd hoped but we have come through so much that we can weather more I guess. So I guess it is blue streaked with grey for me.

Good to hear you are learning French, hope it comes in handy one day soon. Hope you're snacking is on something healthy. I need to go on a stricter diet as it is blood tests next week and I will be seeing a new doctor so good results are the aim. The following week is the PET scan to check for signs of melanoma, fingers crossed for nothing new showing up.

So beautiful, when I go out west to Trev at Broken Hill the sunrises and sunsets are spectacular. I will try to take one next time I am out there.

I wonder if I gave you a blank sheet of paper and told you to draw me a picture of your world using colour not lines what it would look like? Perhaps you could do that today? Some of you would ask for a coloured sheet because to some people that flat white sheet looks threatening, not like their life feels like at all. A friend of mine is going through a bad time and I think her background colour would be grey. None of us want black because that can be threatening too, because even at the worst times life is not black it is spotted with blue and yellow and red and green and every shade of every colour all mixed and blurred into colours we could not name. A person from the beginnings of my time on Strokenet called Pat would post me a reply to that paragraph saying " stop being so philosophical" and I get that, for some people life is primary coloured, they cannot see the shading. They know life is tough and hard and REAL. And that is how we all feel when our lives are bad and filled with pain. That is how I felt after each of my operations, living in pain and doubt and anguish. But it is not how I generally feel. Mostly I try to reflect on what is happening to me and make some sense of it which is why my blogs are in a sense reflections not stark reality. So what is happening in my world? I am a little lost right now. I guess I built life up to be better in 2021 so I can see now that is a false hope, life in 2021 is much like life in 2020 with Covid still here, masking for shopping, church etc. Life is still about not having plans to travel, only five visitors at a time in your home, not going to certain places because they are hot spots. Life is still restricted. So the meetings are again small, everyone is cautious, there are many still who hardly leave their homes. What a pity. I think that as an older person I have less to lose now, after all I have lived not a good life but an interesting one and having had a really bad virus in my 40's maybe I am less frightened of hospitalisation and the dreaded image of being on a ventilator. Been there, done that. So back to keeping busy again. I had Trevor and Alice here for twelve days and that was hectic, full of fun and laughter but also awareness that we are not really a family now but people who have common memories. During the time they were here we had interaction with the other cousins, lunches of seven or eight people had to be in public areas as we still cannot have more than five people in our homes in addition to the family who live there in my case just me. We did go to the beach and to the local saltwater pool, the Ocean Baths. Yes I did get sunburned again this year from standing in the water talking instead of swimming. And we did go next door for one of Brett's roast nights. The visit always comes to a sad end as Alice loves being on the Coast. This year she even got to spend time with her cousins who are the children of her mother's sister, she loved that day. Cousins are important to me as mine were all in England or Canada and I have only caught up with them in the last 20 years or so and then infrequently. Alice's generation shares their lives on Facetime and other media platforms, so they are still in contact but not in person. Trevor has two more of her cousins he wants her to meet maybe next visit to the Coast. The time they spend here flies so fast, we never fit in all we had hoped to do and as their first week was fairly wet the beach visits were only possible the second week. When everyone has gone home or back to their normal life is usually my planning time so out comes the calendar and I mark in regular committments, Lions and other meetings, then school holidays, birthdays, possible holidays etc. It is an exciting time seeing the expected highlights in the months ahead. I am not sure I can do that this year. Already there have been losses among my acquaintance group, already there are notices of meetings cancelled and major events postponed. I hate living in fear and to a certain extent that is how we are living right now. I really don't know if there will be family celebrations, morning tea is still not an option at church, Friday coffee group and Playtime is still not possible. Where are we to join in fellowship now? Colour me grey on that one. I am busy with crocheting the cat mats for the RSPCA, two mother cats and eight kittens were handed in last week and they all need transition mats to take to their forever homes. Doesn't take much to make me feel guilty does it? I should be filling that order! And so life goes on. Plenty to do, finding the energy to do it is a other matter. I love the sound of parrots outside, the roar of traffic diminished by their bright voices. The little tawny frogmouth (owl) chick should fledge soon so I am keeping an eye out for that. The garden needs weeding and watering, and there are replies to write to some of the Christmas letters so colour me busy!!!

Kelli when you are budgeting leave a little aside for treats. Our financial advisor at Lifeline said people break their budget if it is too tough. I made bargain hunting into a game when we were young and poor and congratulated ! myself on every saving. Do what works best for you.

Wow an hour speaking French would be a challenge for sure. You might need to design an indoor workout for small movements, thinking shoulders, knees, ankles. I know Ray used to stiffen up in winter. And there are a lot of ways to improve writing and vocabulary on the internet so plenty to keep your mind improving.

I am a very fortunate person, I love life, I have been lucky with my choice of husband, and with my three children. I have six beautiful grandchildren. That is the way I like to look at life. But of course there is much more to my life than that. And if you have read my blogs from the early part of my journey with stroke you will know of my struggles with the journey that Ray's series of strokes took us on. My experience with the caregiver life along with the experiences I got on this site have really stood me in good stead during the past year. The isolation of the lockdown was nothing compared to the isolation that the strokes caused. The instant changes of yet another set of regulations was very like the many changes with Ray's treatments. Life had prepared me for this. What it had not prepared me for was the loneliness but widowhood had. I was used to being on my own. I was very fortunate in January, February and March before the pandemic hit. I got away for a few days early in January, went on the second last cruise of the Ruby Princess in February and on my return had my thyroid operation. I survived lockdown, I always had plenty of food in the freezer, always seemed to find what I needed in the supermarket, including toilet rolls. How silly was that episode in Australian history? We have an epidemic and we make a rush on toilet paper? Really Aussies what were you thinking? Well you should have at least a year's supply if the media reports are correct. It was great each time the regulations were relaxed and I could meet up with friends in small numbers. Most of the organisations I belonged to met with some restrictions or Zoomed or sent out bulletins by email. I missed the fellowship, the fun and particularly the hugs as we practiced social distancing. Drinking coffee with a mask on, recognising smiling at people isn't effective of you are wearing a mask and so there was a gap between people caused by that too. I found that was hard to get used to. In March began a relationship that I had never expected. A friend I had known for thirty years decided he would ring me every second night, just to make sure I was okay. This improved my mental health and through our talks our relationship developed. We first met early in the '90s when I started theological studies when he became my mentor. Through Ray's long journey with strokes, fits etc he became a family friend and we became Aunty Sue and Uncle Ray to his two disabled grandsons, going on picnics and day trips around the Central Coast. Them he got married but the marriage was short lived and he moved away to start a new life. I don't know if this will be more than an extended friendship, I feel a little old for romance but as we live six hours drive apart a week here or there is a break for us both. If friends and family are shocked so be it. Nothing untoward has happened so far. Funny to say that at my age this is a very unexpected result of the Covid journey but who knew that absence of the routine that had filled my life prior to Covid would open my life to a new relationship. Peter was here for our Christmas lunch and the sky did not fall in so obviously my daughter was okay with him being here. It was his daughter's idea as she and family were going to the other parents this year and did not want him to be on his own. But life goes on, I will not see him in person again until after the end of March as he is doing the last dissertation for a Master's degree in History, yes he is a nerd. So I will go on here with my normal routine, church, Lions, pastoral care, meet ups with friends as permitted, I am okay with that as it has been my life for the past eight years. I am a widow but so far have managed to live independently and with continuing good health should be able to do so. I have a good friendship base here so moving is not an option, too hard to replace the lovely people who have seen me through so much. I thought it was about time I confessed to this change in my life. It doesn't matter to me if people accept it, I know some won't, they have got used to me being a woman on my own and in reality that is what I still am. I just have a special man in my life and that is nice.

You are good at acting on what you see as a challenge. Stay safe and continue to be strong.

ASHA so glad your family got you to hospital to be checked out. As you know Ray had many strokes each different in onset and the deficits that accompanied them. Never ignore strange signs, as we know here fast action is the surest way of stopping brain damage. Glad all is well now. (((hug))).