swilkinson

The harvests are very poor this year, farmers hanging on as best they can. Just had some rain inland but without follow up it will just lay the dust. We grow very little here on the Coast where we have good rain and just see it run out to sea. Such a country of paradoxes.

Some of us have a sign over our heads that says: "Bring your problems here." And so we end up as caregivers. But that is a good thing as well as a bad thing.I have just explained to a friend that most of my remaining friends are from my caregiver days, most of my happiest memories too. You know what you have to do. And this time you will know when to hand his care on to someone else. But try to remember to look after yourself too. (((hugs))).

ASHA there is always a discrepancy between what we know and what we do because of what we know. It would be great if we remembered those great words that impressed us so much when we first heard them but alas! in our moments of crisis we don't. Hopefully what happens is that the experience softens us and we spend less time being angry and frustrated. And recover more quickly from our times of being down.

I was wondering why I hadn't heard from you for a while but I see now how  busy you have been. When trying to get respite care for Ray I had four goals in mind. Are they able to care for hiim medically? Do   the residents there seem contented?. Will I be able to get to him quickly in an emergency? Are the facilities well maintained and inviting to visitors? These were my main concerns when Ray entered care. Berkeley Vale Nursing Home ticked all those boxes. The last one was important as I wanted him to have other visitors beside me. The small group styles I wouldn't have considered. I knew he needed a large well run facility. And at twenty minutes drive from here I knew I could get there n an emergency. I hope you find the right place for Gary. And that you have confidence in the staff there too.

ASHA, we all cross the boundary between young and old at some point. I think Ray and I became old when he had the strokes in 1999 because we could never keep up with people our own age. We have to try to remain young at heart and continue to enjoy life.

A lot of our life seems to be about learning those lessons ASHA. Hope your ankle heals quickly. Good when your hubby and your guru agree on something. Both men of wisdom.

ASHA that sounds so interesting. I could do with looking at the limits I put on myself. I am finding it hard to let go of the fear that has been part of my life for the last two years. I need to do the "I am enough" self talk. You are always an inspiration to me ♥.

I have started to go back to my old routine , I am gradually getting stronger and maintaining my energy levels longer. There is still a time mid afternoon when I need to rest so taking those signs from my body seriously. If others do not understand that is their problem not mine. It is good to be able to do a little more each week.

It does give you a lift be asked out. Hope the casual chat does turn into a date.

We are cheering you on. I watched my husband struggle back from stroke after stroke, it was hard to motivate him because he knew whatever gain he made he would lose with the next stroke, it used to break my heart. But for you it is really worth the effort and I guess you gain strength of mind at the same time. Go for it!

I spoke too soon. Shirley and family didn't come to lunch, Naomi was sick this morning. I do set such store by their  visits though as they are rare and am very disappointed. Guess I will have to go out and dig the ditch down the side of the house as there is no-one but me to do it. Widow's luck I guess.

Fantastic blog, so glad you and Lesley have had an opportunity to travel and see some of small town USA. The arrangement for Lesley's Mum sound good, she has a rest from you and you and Lesley get to mark events off your bucket list, good arrangement all round. 500 peaches put away for winter! I am green with envy.

That was a difficult one for Ray. He was very lucky that he had some great Occupational therapist s who tried different methods until something made sense to him. Congratulations on a new and improved you.

They love you even when they show it in strange ways. Ray always said he wasn't criticising me just showing me a better way of doing things! I eventually learned that ifh he thought he had done wrong he did something nice for me to make up for it. He very rarely said "sorry".

Four weeks into the healing process and everything has slowed down. I still have the headaches occasionally and the tiredness hasn't improved much. The associate to the neurosurgeon said six weeks before I will feel "normal" but I think it will be longer than that. I still have some help in the house and the shopping lady but that finished in two weeks time so I am on my own from then. I just hope that I feel better soon as so much needs doing before Spring comes. Just thinking about the garden, the cobwebs and the fact that the curtains, bedspreads etc need attention leaves me feelng helpless as I know right now those jobs are beyond me. I just hope to get my full strength back.

Dear ASHA that is so profound. Sometimes I think I need a lot of reassurance and that is in short supply now, without a partner I rely on friends to give me support and encouragement and that does not always happen. I do have to realise that friends love me for many different reasons and will sometimes express what it is they think and other times will seem as if they are ignoring me and that has to be okay.  I need to be with people and that is difficult right now when I can't drive the car. Roll on September. 

Congratulations ASHA on raising a wise child. You have been such a good example of how to overcome adversity and have continued to be an example to many of taking a spiritual path throughout your journey. You have been an example not only to your son but also to many of us here. You and your husband have raised a fine son who hopefully will also make a great contribution to the community.

Oh Sarah there is no easy way of doing this. I still have nightmares about putting Ray into care but there was no other way when he became a three person lift.. we have to do what is best for each of us. I hope you find somewhere you are happy with.

My Mum used to try to get out of the car too. I think it was a miracle she never finished up in the roadway. We have compulsory seat belt laws here so I could hear the faintest click and knew what she was up to. I f I could I pulled over to the side of the road, put her seatbelt back on and told her she would not be riding in my car again. That was enough to do the trick for a few minutes and give me time to head back to her nursing home. Used to spoil the day for me though.

ASHA, life is full of frustrations and challenges and sometimes that outweighs our general contentedness. It can be harder challenges sap our energy and  produces a mild case of burnout so maybe pace yourself and  take some downtime as you need to. I look at this part of my life as a challenge and try to think what am I supposed to learn from this?

Is there among your family and friends people who could become a small group of women you can get together with occasionally? This might be the start of the kind of support group you are looking for. I have several groups I go out to coffee with and they provide me with ideas, albeit sometimes crazy ones, to look at when I have a problem. As we age our ideas need an update and different people come into our lives whose wisdom is relevant to where we are today. 

Tracy it is always good to hear from you and see into your world. Sounds like there are good and bad things about your relocation but on the whole you are happy there. Neighbors will always be a problem. The house on the west side of me was a rental for many years and some neighbors were wonderful and some I was glad to see go. Hopefully you will find some good people in your neighborhood who you will become friends with.

Tell Gary he is catching up to me, we are both 72 now. Tell him "Happy Birthday" and give him a hug from me. Yes he is a true survivor! And you are the one who made it possible. Many (((hugs))) for you my friend.

ASHA, sometimes you just have to be happy because he is happy. You can never have a 50/50 balance in a marriage, it is more like 60/40, with one or the other comprising. I wish it was true that we grow together and in some part of our marriage we do but we also need to be free to be individuals as well. He is a good man, you are a good woman, sometimes that has to be enough.

S ounds like something I would do though I do use closed toed shoes as I have dropped heavy items on my toes before now. Some products warn you to wear a mask too if you have allergies. I have used a product called ant sand which is probably something similar. My Mum used to use boiling water, also earth friendly.  Good luck with future gardening.

I did read the whole blog. I guess people who make you wait just don't realise what harm they are doing. That sort of thing happens in hospital and specialist centres here too. I have overheard many people complain about patients transport issues. I guess my advice is to just take every day as it comes. I am sure  your life has a purpose and maybe that is just to be a good listener. Everyone needs one of those. The scheduling system seems a problem here too, my last pre-admission clinic took five  hours instead of the proposed three. Maybe medical personnel needs to be better trained in timeliness and maybe be more thoughtful of wheelchair bound patients . But that is never going to happen is it?