swilkinson

K, lucky for me, as blog moderator, that I have lovely people like you coming back and blogging again. I have been a fan of blogging for five years now and when I am blue I read back to old blogs. From those four years back I can see how it has changed some of my thought patterns. So this might be part of your solution for word finding etc. putting your thoughts down in the form of a blog. I am a caregiver with no expereince of aphasia so have no recommendations to address your problems. Except that with everything else it is repetition so I guess rote learning (saying something over and over again) might help. (((hugs))) from Sue.

Nice one Bruce! Three cheers for any man who remembers Valentine's Day! I got Ray home and he is sleeping the afternoon away as usual. I needed the break but I need him to be here too. Happiness is often in the trivial things. Sue.

Moses, this is some achievement. You should be proud of what you have done. Coming back from a stroke to doing a stresssful job where quick thinking is needed is great. :congrats: Also welcome to blogworld :Good-Luck: and :You-Rock: Sue.

Jeannie, you are a genius! I couldn't do half of what you do. If my computer has a problem I call my boys and one of them comes over and fixes it. I have been doing some jobs today so I am hoping my brain found it all fun. Exercise is best when it is fun as well. Sue.

Kelli, so pleased you could give that woman some reassurance. I know the stroke was a dreadful experience and you still fight the deficits. But it has made you a wonderfully strong woman and a true mentor in generously sharing what you have learnt with everyone. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

Happy Valentine's Day Ruth and William. You two certainly know how to find good food. I went out with my two sons, two daughters-in-law and four of the grandchildren to lunch today and had a nice meal. The two little boys are finally getting better table manners so not as much mess as usual. Good to spend time with them all. Now I have to prepare for Ray to come home tomorrow, just pack up a few things I've had out that would be obstacles to walk around. Then back to the same old routine. Sue.

Jeannie, my thing to leave on was always the iron as I did last minute ironing before we went anywhere.We had to turn back a few times to come home and check it was off.We can all leave things ON, we are human. We have friends who think we are their guardian angels as we arrived at their place just as the tomato soup was catching fire! We extinguished it and found them doing some fencing. The kitchen was a bit wet but we made sandwiches for lunch instead. Forget it happened and don't let it bother you too much.But just check off the lights, oven, stove top and iron before you go out. Sue.

Jeannie , as a caregiver pushing a wheelchair I always wear flats. The first few times I tried heels I slipped or twisted my ankle, I once lost control of the chair and managed to do the splits. None of that looks attractive. So I threw out all the unsuitable footwear and learned to ignore what the current fashion was. I would rather be safe than sorry and in a plaster cast. It is hard to make the changes permanent but I realise that a lot of people are having to make those same decisions. Ouch! Hope Thelma and Louise recovered...lol. Sue.

I had a lovely ten days with my daughter and her family. I was “obedient” and stayed at home and read and relaxed and didn‘t worry about anything. I talked to the two grandchildren before and after school. I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner which someone else had prepared, I watched television and played on the Wii with the kids. Everything was nice and easy to do this time around. Trevor watered my plants but some of them went “crispy” on a day where the mercury hit 42 (105 degrees). At Shirley’s on that hot day we went to the Municipal pool at 4.30pm with half the population. At least we were all staying cooler together. As the nearest city depends on steel, or used to, and attracted a lot of migrants to the area we were a United Nations all cooling off together. I told Trev it was okay about the tomato plants and I will replant again when it is cooler. It was a great pity that the tomato plants had just started fruiting but that is what happens when you go away in summer. The rest of the garden is okay, nothing a good drink of water won’t fix. One bit of sad news I came home to was that my Mum’s step-brother John who lived in Queensland, her only relative outside of us girls now, died last week. He was aged about 74 but had had much sickness the past couple of years and he died of a massive heart attack in his wife’s arms. They gave him a private family funeral, I would have loved to have been at the funeral to represent his only sister and her family but it was too late by the time I found out. I did ring his wife tonight and caught up on all the news, his wife seemed fine but we all know that can change for a caregiver as the reality of the loss takes hold. I had a lot of phone and email messages so I will work my way through the return phone calls tomorrow morning and the emails tomorrow afternoon. I did miss a few meetings so will have to put in late apologies there too. I try to notify a few people before I go away but don’t want the whole world to know that my house will be empty for that time. I guess I am starting to worry about that kind of thing in my old age. I have just about caught up with the blogs and will eventually write a report. Thanks to all who wrote them, you are my treasures. Next week Ray will be back home and our life will go back to what passes for normal here. I have had a good break and hope that that will make caregiving easier to cope with for a while. It is true absence makes the heart grow fonder and so in a way I miss Ray while in another way relishing the peace and quiet I hear around me. The crickets are singing, the wind is whooshing and I am not lonely, just happy to be home. I am having dinner with an old friend tomorrow night. We might take a dip in her swimming pool in the late afternoon, as it will be another hot day. She has finally got back into her pool, the first summer since her husband died seven years ago. She says she is enjoying the water and can’t think what was holding her back. I guess we all change after a bereavement and feel “guilty” about doing things our partners once enjoyed. I think that is the way it was for her. So…I’m back….did you miss me?

Ruth, I missed two chats being away at my daughter's place so look forward to you being there next week. Sue.

Jeannie, I loved your blog as usual. Your childhood and mine in England up to aged seven were similar. In 1955 I came to Australia, no snow here and summer lasted five months and was hot, hotter, hottest especially out on the western plains. I love autumn (fall) here, milder days, cool nights. Thanks for reviving the memories. Sue.

I remember Ray helping around the house about a year after the 1999 strokes. I had my hands full with my dear demented Mum and desperately needed his help. Then when he had the 2001 stroke that took some of that thoughtfulness away, he only got about 50% back but still could do a few chores. Then whoosh! the 2005 took the rest. Keep him at the housework if you can, make it HIS domain. Sue.

Just want to say I agree and leave you a (((hug))). Sue.

Heather, this is a hard situation and I too would recommend Marriage Counselling. I have always had friendships with males, females, couples and families. But although our sexual situation is not as it was have never considered going outside of marriage to look for companionship. We each need to find a path to a "new normal" but it has to be one that is acceptable to both partners in the marriage. Sue.

I am adding my welcome on this blog. Usually I am here to read them all but have been away for ten days so just catching up. Wow, you do so much and seem to be able to ignore the limitations. Good for you. Sue.

Welcome Pat to the blogworld here on Strokenet. I ventured into blogging here in 2005, like you tentatively at first but now the people here are just a great part of my life. I will enjoy reading your blogs and getting to know you better. Sue.

Kelli, I am in the middle of summer and last Tuesday when it was 42 degrees (about 105) I would have swapped you the day. So think MILD summer's day..lol. I think it is common to not really remember your life before stroke and so much healthier than moping about the past. Sue.

Yes Lenny, it is good to have good friends and I agree with the others - have a Happy St Valentine's Day and party to your heart's content. Sue. :forgive_me?:

Karen I have been away for ten days and you have been constantly in my prayers.I am so glad that so far you have managed to take over the caregiver role. You have big shoes to fill. Bill will need so much TLC ( tender loving care) from you an d the family but it will have to be gentle and unobtrusive so it does not undermine his confidence in himself. I wish I was there to join your "team". I was thrilled to read the church has given you the practical aid of a food basket. You need to be fed as you wait, watch and pray. Give them all a hug, lots of healing in food prepared with love. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

You do a brilliant job looking after William Ruth so "back again Ruth" is a name you can wear with pride. And he always enjoys getting lunch out as his reward. I had an old friend who was an ex-wrestling coach and he was at the pool and saw mothers letting their children have ice cream or chocolate as their reward. He said that was all wrong. It should be carbohydrates before exercise and protein afterwards to build muscle. So the pizza and Chinese Chicken sounds just right! Sue.

Kelli, just be the best version of you you can be! Don't answer questions people do not ask, they will ask you what happened if they think they need to. Otherwise just think how lucky they are to have you in their lives! Yep, it is anniversary blues, gets me every year when I think of what we have lost as a couple since Ray's major strokes. But then I just have to rejoice in what we have left. You do too. (((hugs))) from Sue.

We had a few busy days last week. I wonder why I always think it will be “quieter next week” as that never happens. Some of the busyness was good, like a picnic in one of my favourite spots on Thursday with a few of my favourite people, the Apex40 mob who have always been such great support to us, emotionally in the case of a few of the women and of course the men who built our shower room three years ago. The sad news is that two members are sick, one with ongoing heart problems and another who is probably in the last few weeks of lung cancer (asbestosis) and although wanting to be with us no longer has the energy required to leave his own home now. It is so sad that we are losing our old friends and I am unable to help because of Ray’s ongoing problems. In the past I would have been the supporter for the two lovely women who now find themselves in the caregiver role. We also had a barbecue with Trev and Lucas and Tori who was here for the weekend on Saturday night and yesterday after church a BBQ for 80 people for my sister’s 60th birthday. One of her daughter-in-laws expressed how good it was to have our family reconnected to theirs: “it’s as if we have gone from having a family of twenty to a family of thirty”. Unfortunately this does not include my daughter and her family as Sunday lunch time BBQs three hours from home are an impossibility for them as busy Salvation Army officers. Negative results from both of the “eating events” meant Ray back in high range of sugar readings and consequent uncooperative behaviour. Sugar in his system makes him cranky, wobbly on his feet, causes excessive urination, bad BMs etc etc. It does not matter how much I tell people: “Ray is a DIABETIC” people keep feeding him as they think it is a kindness to do so. No-one seems to equate kindness with NOT giving him sugar-ladened drinks or passing him that extra piece of cake. Of course if he asks for someone to: “just pass me a slice of that cake over there” (as he did a few times at the party) no-one says: “Don’t be silly Ray, you are a diabetic”. No-one but me that is! Giving sugary foods to diabetics is like bringing alcohol to alcoholics or packets of cigarettes to people with lung cancer. Don’t do it please! So I am off for a few days down the South Coast while Ray goes into respite. I need the break. I NEED THE BREAK!!!! But today we go back to the podiatrist to see if he can be fitted with the temporary AFO or if we have to wait a while longer. I would have liked him to be able to walk outside again instead of me wheelchairing him all the time but I know he needs the heel to be fully healed before any pressure is put on it. The rest of my plans for the future are setting about downsizing some of our house full of “interesting stuff”. I need probably to plan to do a room a week, something slow like cupboard cleaning, window washing, curtain changing etc. The dusty rain we get here in summer is a nuisance and the spiders are really busy this year so I will have to allow a week for the outside of the house too. Fitting that in with my every day challenges, doctors appointments etc is going to be a bit of a logistical nightmare but I have to be careful not to overdo things and do silly things like falling off ladders! And I need to fit it all in before the end of daylight saving at the end of March! My visits to Mum now largely consist of me watching her sleep. She is doing more and more of that. With extreme dementia and at 92 she is without a great deal of energy and her life force is slowing down. I monitor her needs, liaise with staff, just keep people updated with what is happening to her. It is all I can do now. I will have to buy her some new night attire soon…just wondering if she will need new winter clothes or not. I gave my sister a Flash Drive with 93 photos of Mum I have prepared as a funeral presentation. I hope she finds it therapeutic watching it as I don’t think she might realise how much she has missed out on by not visiting her. It is truly “out of sight, out of mind” and that is not good mentally. Can you be a good mother and grandmother if you have neglected your own mother’s needs I wonder.

I had a frustrating day today but it pales in comparison to yours. I could not do snow. I was born in England and remember snow but only as cold wet stuff that got in your boots and froze your toes. Silly Aussies go overseas to ski in it~! Sorry all this is happening right now, maybe give up your plans for a while and go into shut-in mode for a few days. You need a break before the next crisis. I should know about trauma as I have had a lot of them and believe without Mary Beth in your case and Trevor in mine we would never cope and our loved one would be in full-time care. Hang in there. Sue.

Karen, phew! Big difference in time frame there. Thankfully he will last even longer with our prayers and you will both continue to experience God's love. BUT still cherish each day, each moment. Live in the present, Bill at your side and let the future take care of itself. Sue.

George I second that. We need an update from time to time to be reassured you and Lesley are travelling along fine. As Blog Moderator I love it when the regular bloggers reappear. It give people access to all the past blogs and reminds us all of how far you have come in recovery. (((hugs))) for you both, Sue.