swilkinson

Fred, we were taught to pray for our nation, our nieghbourhood and last of all ourselves. Prayer in the Old Testament is something we do for others and others do for us. So like you when someone on here asks for prayer I get to it right away. With our time difference I pray through your night, you pray through my day, between us we should have it covered. I know not everyone believes in prayer or requests prayer but I never let that bother me...lol. And in some ways when we pray God changes us. He sees life so differently to what we do, he sees a thousand years at a time, a plan so big none of us could comprehend it. So my little prayer is a drop in the ocean, but an important part of my relationship with God and those around me. I know when I pray for someone I am giving them my time and my love. I hope that shines into their lives and helps them through. I like the way you post Fred, don't always agree with it but in this case - totally do. Sue.

Take what you can get and be thankful is a good summary of a caregiver's life. Sue.

Good for you Wesley. So good you have your life back together and are able to work full time again. Enjoy your daughter's year, take many photos, she is so special so make sure you don't miss out on all the things parents can join in on this pinnacle year. Sue.

Loved the pictures in the Gallery. That Tootie is so special. She and her parents and her grandparents. You are all special. Sue.

We are enjoying the last warm days before autumn turns to that colder period that heralds winter. I have loved the last week with its mild days and cool nights. It is good weather for Ray to be out on the verandah and for me to be in the garden in front of the house pulling up weeds and tidying the place up, it is good to feel the weight of blankets and snuggle in at night and yet still be out and about in the afternoon in a short sleeved top and skirt, feeling like summer still lingers. On Thursday I had my hair cut, it is short and shaped as I got sick of it being squared off at the ends. This is a style cut I have had many times before but this time it looks different, maybe because more of the gray shows and that is the predominant color now. I went past a shop window and saw my reflection and the word

MC it is hard to have our children put so much ahead of us in their lives, I saw one son who lives only 20 minutes drive away on Christmas Day and then at the end of March so I know how you feel. The young adults these days seem so driven to conform their lives to work and other committments that parents seem to be right on the bottom of the list sometimes. I am sure they think of us often, just don't translate the thought into actions. However we can't remake the times so I guess we keep ourselves busy and fill our lives with other things as they do and make the best of what life has to offer. They say if you are lonely look around and find another lonley person to visit. Friends are often more reliable than family anyway. Sue.

Bruce, you have a very sensible approach to life. I think you are wise to leave it in the hands of the experts (and God if you think that way) and just get on with life. Hope it all turns out to be easy to do once the right "experts" look at it. In the meantime there is plenty to do so just take it a day at a time. Sue.

The thing I love most about the "100 things about me" blogs is that I can always find at least 15 things I have in common with anyone! What a great blog! Thank you so much. Sue.

Debbie, I thought it was always women who were into shoes? Your Bruce is the first man I've known with a shoe fetish. Yep, I was feeling down tonight so I blogged as well. See you in chat tomorrow. Sue.

I used to dream one day I would leave, walk away, never come back. I would get in my car and drive, far, far, away. I used to have that dream early in my time as a caregiver. I think it was saying that I had the choice; I could leave any time I wanted to. We all know that is not the case; life is far more complicated than that. Ray used to work at a mental hospital; he carried a large bunch of keys, door keys, cupboard keys, ward keys, safe keys, keys to padlocks and keys to openings and gates all over the large mental hospital. He used to say:

Kevin, Ray went back to work six months after the 1990 stroke, his remaining deficits from that one were anaesthesia (lack of feeling) down the left side, slurred speech when he was tired, dragged left leg when he was tired. He was a carpenter but found if he paced himself he was okay. However he had MASSIVE fatigue issues and slept almost as soon as he got home from work, Saturday afternoons and Sunday afternoons. I was here to back him up though I would not have thought of myself as a caregiver back then, that came after the two strokes in 1999 which retired us both, me to look after him. He got by in his job by organizing himself well. He sorted out what he had to do for the day prioritised the list and just plodded on until it was all done. I can't say he enjoyed work as he had done before the first stroke. Although I worked and I organized our home life, I also took over the house and yardwork. You might have to organize some home help when you go back to work as doing it all is too much. If you need to go back to work see if you can find an Occupational Therapist who can look at the tasks you will have to do and sort out what it is you can easily do, what will be harder and what you need either some help with or retraining in. An expereinced OT can do this for you and make your return to work easier for you. Sue.

A word to the wise that is what caregiver chat is all about. Speaking about any issue on caregiver chat we are discussing what our lives are like now and how we can move that forward in a practical sense. Ray and I are going away for a few days, Trev and Edie will be using our house as they move into their new rental a few houses down. It has been chaos here for three days as we have all muddled in together. Yesterday when Ray went off to Daycare Lukie and I went out in the car and did a few things, shopping, visiting his Nanna, and taking a birthday present to my old friend Claude who turned 92 on Monday. We also went to an old bargain store and he roamed around and we bought $3 worth of bargains for him. All kids like a new monkey, a coloring book and a video they can see over and over again at Granny Sue

Katrina, track your progress, it may not seem much but the opposite it not to stand still, it is to go backwards. With each one of the five strokes Ray went back to the beginning, started exercising all over again, fighting to regain what he had lost. It is hard, I know as I was his driver and his home therapist, repeating each day the new exercises he got each week. Imagine being always the way you were when you first stroked, bedridden and paralysed, no-one wants to be back there. So please enjoy the progress you have made and find something to rejoice about in each new day. Never give up on your exercise, exercise does work, it does make your muscles stronger. I know you wish for a miracle but instead have to accept the inch by inch progress of every day life. It is hard, disappointing, frustrating but it is your life, so live it to the full. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

Facing reality is always tough. I have been doing it a lot lately as I have realised that I am not as strong as I use to be and some of the heavy work I used to do is now not possible. That includes picking Ray up off the floor. Each time I have a massage the masseuse asks me if I know how bad my back is? It is not bones it is the muscles I pull from lifting Ray, they don

Leah, you are making light of what must be terrifying for you. You are a brave woman, I have known that from your blogs. It is not easy to overcome all that life throws at us but you are an overcomer for sure. Sorry to hear you have been in such pain, I hope there is a manageable solution and you are over it soon. Please do keep us up with what is going on in your life as we DO CARE about what is happening to you. Sue.

Nope, went back to the usual rubbish today. But still hanging in. Sue.

Ruth, so far, so good. Statistics tell us here that you spend an extra 20 hours a week caring for someone in your own home and 9 hours in a nursing home. I certainly did more than that when Mum had her hip operation as I spent three hours every day for three weeks feeding her lunch and driving back and forth to the hospital. Here the care home's responsibility ends when you leave the facility so it was as if she was back in my care again. Most weeks it is four hours of visiting plus shopping, form filling, phone calls etc. I'm glad so far the transition has been good for Dick and for you. Try to get the girls, his friends etc to keep him in the loop so he still feels a part of your lives, with Mum that never happened and for years I have been her only visitor. And that is 8 1/2 years, a lot longer than I anticipated when I put her into care in 2001. She could easily outlive Ray and maybe me too...lol. You sure you will not use those cowboys boots, how abut at the next Caregiver Boot Scootin' Chat party? Don't be a stranger now, keep in touch. Sue.

Tonya, boys always respond well to treats, applies to humans and dogs...lol. I had an Aussie silky that hated his nails clipped too, should have got an Oscar for his distressed dog performance. Welcome to the therapeutic world of blogging. Writing what is bugging me down, getting it out, helps me to sort it all out. So I have a blog that goes back four years now. It also helps me see that I can overcome a lot of things with the support of these kind folk here on Strokenet. No advice on recovery after divorce as I have been married 42 years. I am caregiver to my husband Ray who has had five strokes and many other illnesses. So we have been stroke survivor and caregiver for the past ten years so between us have lots of stroke stories. It is hard coping with all the changes but so far we've survived it together. Sue.

hey Stessie, my that was a close call! I don't think I have seen BP readings that low either! So glad you got to hospital and some treatment started the BP back up again. You are sensational, and as brave as a Lion, no doubt about it. I am so pleased you are going to continue your work with US, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you now. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

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Janice, nothing much has changed since you went away. We all come on here and start out venting about what life has done to us, how unfair life is etc and then gradually we come to terms with all that with the help and support of others and work towards acceptance. I have been on this board going on for five years, looking after Ray ten years and much of our life together is same ol', same ol'. But when things speed up and become dramatic I look for support and start the cycle all over again. I find with Ray it is not the butt wiping, it is the whole clean up process, bedding, floor, walls, whatever he has been in contact with. He makes much more mess when he is being good and trying to clean up and can't see what my problem is! So much of my stress comes from that. He is not baby sized, nor will he grow out of it so it is a cause of frustration for me. But I do it as that is part of a caring relationship. Guess only those of us who do it know what it is really like eh? Welcome back. Sue.

Congratulations...for hanging in there...for making a difference...for thinking of others...for all the BRAVERY you show every day. (((Hugs))) the robust kind, from Sue.

Yes Lenny, grandchildren are a special blessing and add a new demension to your life. Ray has had that experience too, you think you love all your heart will hold and then one more is added...lol. I am glad you have a special caregiver in Darlene. Give her a hug from me, us girls gotta stick together...lol. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

We had a lovely time in chat today, we shared our problems and as the saying goes: