swilkinson

Ruth, keep on posting as the weeks go by as you are still a caregiver only in a different way now. We need to see that people can survive this transition which we will all make "one day". It will be very hard for you at first, particularly when you hit certain milestones and it clicks in suddenly that this is a "permanent" arrangement as opposed to you having some time off as you do in respite periods and Dick coming back home again. I follow another dementia board and that has been helpful as I see a lot of people have to eventually put the person they care for at home into permanent care as the 24 hours a day burden gets too much for them. I need to constantly read their stories to assure myself that this too is part of the progress of the disease that started with a single stroke. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

Fred we pay about ten times what you do for petrol (gas) and our government exports oil to small Pacific nations and imports it from the Middle East. The retailers pay a heap for it because of the costs involved in storage, transport etc, And we the customers have little or no choice. Each country has goods that are cheap and goods that are expensive. We have lovely fresh produce, home grown meat, wonderful flowers - guess you can't say the same for the countries that have the cheap oil you've quoted because they don't have the fertile plains we have. Guess it is another case of appreciating the bounty that God has given us and not wanting what everyone else has instead. Sue.

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Ruth, care homes are rated for a reason, here they have to pass accreditation. The reason I am wary of some is that size does matter in staff ratios, what they supply in PT, OT and other services like podiatry and hair dressing. Some contract all their services from outside, some use regular contractiors that come in weekly or fortnightly. Look at what his TOTAl care needs are: what you do every day, every week, every month. See how these will be addressed at the new facility, if there are hidden costs etc. Remember you can't eat scenery! Compare this place with other places you can easily access, they should let you have an inspection as a potential client. I waited eight extra months for where Mum is now because it had the facilities I wanted and a good reputation, quality trained staff and ongoing care (which means a resident goes from one level of care to another without additional payment). If they need a special bed etc the nursing home covers the cost and if they need a doctor after mid-night they call one. How a place handles emergencies, the death rate, any adverse reports on them etc is all to be taken into account. Good luck with it all. I know you will do what is best for all. Sue.

If Ray and I argued I would do some listmaking. What do I want this marriage to be like, what am I prepared to do to have it that way? Guess that is why it will be 42 years for us in July, somewhere along the line we learned to compromise! I'm with Fred, find some things for you and hubby to do together, you came together for a reason so try to recapture some of that first fire. Life is about compromise, whoever you live with, wherever you live, life will never be oerfect. You just have to settle sometimes for "good enough". Sue.

Debbie, I don't have any wise words for you except to say that life goes on, things change but somehow we survive and thrive. We are all left with some regrets, just have to learn to live with them I guess. I know that feeling of going off to bed choked up with tears when the important anniversaries roll round and Ray no longer remembers. All I say to myself some days is: "Just survive this one and you get a better one tomorrow" and mostly I do. It is sad you didn't get the wedding you planned on, but Bruce and you are still together and that counts for a lot. His faith is still in you and you are his best friend and constant companion. Good for you, you are worth more than rubies! I live with a lot of disappointments after ten years as a caregiver but there is still a lot of joy in life. See you Tuesday night in the sparkly top for the caregivers BIG NIGHT IN! Sue.

Just as well no-one was here this morning to see me shaking the living daylights out of the laser printer trying to get it to cough up one of my answer sheets! I'm guessing the wet weather has dampened the paper. I had to get the other printer going and that one ran out of ink...argh! Still most of my assignment work is done, just have to get Trev here to realign the laser again. Always something to have a tizzy fit about eh? Sue.

It is raining here and I am getting sick of being alone and looking forward to having Ray back home on Monday. It has been lonely without him. I have had a chance to catch up with my studies and providing Trev

Yes Ruth, life does go on. It was hard for me to read this blog as I know I will be where you are in making the decision one day. I pray not for a while. Here I am coping as long as I have the respite and the help I get now but I'll know when the time comes and I can't cope any more, I did with Mum. Hopefully, like you, I'll be strong enough to live with that decision. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

Good for you Debbie, I've done that with Ray from time to time, backed right off and said "Okay, it's up to you now." With ten years of caregiving and a lot of stopping and restarting of physio, OT etc due to falls, breaks and additional strokes our relationship really suffered each time I have had to become the one who told him what to do. Now the shower nurses help him with his physio exercises three times a week and the rest is up to him. My wish for him is to stay healthy and stable, nothing more. That way for me is the way to go, too many years I had to be "Attila the Hunny" so now I don't. Yes I would like him to improve, no I do not see the likelihood of that now. So I will be content for him to stay at the present level for as long as possible. Sue.

All things happen for a purpose Gary, nice that you got the milder winter in Canada and the most Olympic Gold medals too. Just goes to show you CAN have it all. Here we've had a milder summer and further south they had all the heat in Melbourne so the world is still well balanced. Our winter is mild compared to Canada but I still hate the short drizzly grey days so am not looking forward to it. Guess it will come anyway...lol Take care, Sue.

Hi Geiorge and Lesley, thanks for your update, I love to catch up on your lives. I bet the bread is fantastic, so good luck with the dieting if you are enjoying that! Hope for your sake spring comes fast. I hate winter and get one every year whether I like it or not...lol. Sue.

Lenny, being a semi-desert nation with very little snow even in mid-winter we were not expecting medals so it is good we got two golds from our girls. Better luck next time boys! Thanks for the links you have posted, I have had a look at them and enjoyed that. Glad you got to take your grandson and watched the mens skating together, a happy memory you will long share. Sue.

Just back from my weekend away, it was so hot! And sleeping in a long low building with bunkrooms on these humid nights was not so much fun but it was a change, and a change is as good as a holiday, or so the saying goes. Pity we were kept so busy but I did get a walk along the lakeshore this morning so I mustn

Angel, there is a lot to read on this site. Read the posts from survivors and also the Bios which are in the Gallery and that will give you a good idea. If you see a person's name who has a good story that you would like to know more about click on their name, go to their profile and send them a message. People here are willing to share a lot about their lives to help others. No-one knows what the recovery time-line looks like. Brainstem stroke survivors have had miraculous recoveries in the past, but not all do. It is a "wait and see" situation but the more you help and encourage the better the recovery is ( well I think so anyway!) We are not docotors or experts, we are just ordinary people, caregivers helping our survivors or survivors on the road to recovery. Welcome to the blogworld, hope you will find the hope and support you need. Sue.

I got up full of energy this morning so decided once I had showered Ray etc I would make us a quick breakfast and tackle the front garden. I did an hour

Ray and I watched the race Lenny as an Aussie won the silver medal, he won the gold at the last Olympics. We are cheering the Canadians too as I have some Canadian cousins so are second family Canadians...lol. The Olympics Games brings so many countries together. As a hot sumer country we are better at swimming than skiing so have a lot of summer gold medals and very few winter golds. Sue.

Wow Lenny, fancy you being there right beside the track on such a great occassion as the Olympics. Ray and I are watching the Games as time permits and are really enjoying what we have seen so far. I am glad you were able to have Christian with you too. Whether he will remember or not I don't know but you will have those pictures to remind you both that on that special day you were there! :forgive_me?: for you and your wife on Valentines Day. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

Katrina, good to hear you are getting more of a work/life balance. All work and no play can make Katrina a very sad girl. We all get caught in that trap from time to time so you are just human, like the rest of us. Do have some "sister" time, some family time ( make phone calls if you can't visit) some time for something of a spiritual nature, some soul time. We all need balance in our life, to broaden our horizons and allow ourselves to grow. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

Stessie, thank you for sharing that. I have shared the journey of friends with different forms of cancer and none of it is nice. Some of these bouts of chemo have a happy ending, I hope and pray yours does. Whatever happens in my life I think of you and others who have their own struggles and I tear up. Why is life so darned unfair in that good people go through so much bad stuff? You are a wonderful woman and it is a privilege to know you. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

Lately I have been fending off people who tell me it is time to put Ray into care. Largely it is because they like me and want me to survive being a caregiver. I know what they mean about the chances being loaded against the caregiver and the posibility that the caregiver will die first. A lot of caregivers do here. And those who outlive their care recipient often don't go on to live a good life as their health finally breaks down from the stress and strain. I'll go on looking after Ray for a while yet, with maybe three breaks this year as I can afford to fund them. I used to save money each year to go on holidays, now we don

Learn an instrument, make a movie, trace your family tree, get your photos in order, write to 10 friends who don't have computers, paint a picture, read the biographies of all the Presidents of the USA. Start there Ethyl and then make your own list of things you can do while you watch your husband getting better and better. I've always thought we used the "I work full time" thing to mask the fact that we don't really have the inner resources to fill in 24 hours a day so now is the time to learn that skill for yourself. The pioneer women had to do it and by heck! we can too. Seriously, please look at the wonderful job you have done over the last twelve months and give yourself a break. You are a wonderful woman and your hubby should value you above rubies. (((Hugs ))) from Sue.

Katrina, you are a genius. You have a fine inventive mind and you don't let your disabilities define you. You work out how to use tools to make your life easier and I think the whole bandaid process was very clever. What makes you so sad is comparing yourself to others. I know because that is how I feel when I compare my life to the lives of my women friends who have able bodied husbands, I feel envious and as if life has dealt me a bad hand. So I need to stop doing that and glory in every good thing that comes my way instead. Count my blessings, and really there are a lot of them, children, grandchildren, a good roof over my head that doesn't let the rain come in. Don't let what you don't have take over your life, rely on your good brain to help you get the most out of life. Spring will come soon to your part of the world and you will find ways to overcome problems, present and yet to come. (((Hugs)) from Sue.