swilkinson

As person with a mum in the end times of Alzheimers and a husband in the early stages of dementia I sometimes think I am going mad myself. This morning I was the other kind of mad, cranky as all get out. Ray and I get up at 7am, he goes to use the toilet, he comes out, I shower him and help him dress, we have breakfast etc. On the days he doesn't have a shower nurse come this is our routine, on the days he does have the shower nurse he has pull-up trousers on and gets dressed in clean clothes after his shower. This morning for some reason Ray turned off the alarm and went back to sleep. I slept on oblivious to the passing of time and woke up with a start at 7.55am. I got Ray out of bed and he went off to the toilet. I knew we were okay for time as our shower nurse on Thursdays comes at 9.15am so we have plenty of time. Not so! At that moment there was a loud banging on the front door. I answered it in my night attire and there stood a lady in uniform who said: "Hello Mrs W, I am XXX and I am here to shower Ray. ARRGGHH!! I said: "Oh no you are not." Actually what I said was not as polite and lady-like as that but in the end I did let her shower Ray as he began undressing as he does when the shower nurse arrives so there was no point in stopping her. As soon as the Nursing Services's office staff were there I phoned them and they got my honest opinion of their service etc. Of course it was "all a huge mistake and we are so terribly sorry" which is always their standard reply. Hey! they know I will pay for the service, they will make me promises and that will be that. I don't think our service providers have any idea that it is routine that helps us through each day. To a lot of them we are just names on a page. Mr S 8am, Mr W 9am, Mrs T 10am. We are not Sam and Jill, Sue and Ray, Grace and George. We are not real people, we are a "breakfast" a "shower" or a "trip to the podiatrist", we are just a job. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are carers and care recipients, the carers trying, with a little help to keep the one they love at home for a few more days, weeks or years. And a change of routine puts us under more stress and stress kills. That kinda spoilt my whole day. I had planned to visit mum alone in the hour while the shower nurse was supposed to be here, then come home and take Ray to do some shopping before our luncheon date. That didn't happen so I took Ray with me to visit Mum. Most of the ladies were sleeping although one of the aides was attempting to entertain them. Mum was making a moaning noise, not really distressed but as if she was half-singing. Apparently she does that now. That is the thing with dementia, new behaviour appears all the time. We didn't get as far as the shops but we did have lunch out which was good. Ray and I enjoyed the company of a handful of the people who still meet together from our old church. One of the over '90s is in respite care, she really should be permanent care though as she is certainly frail and confused. A dear friend had gone and got her so she wouldn't miss our company, which I thought was a kind guesture. He has lost his own mother and adopted this neighbour as a temporary substitute I think. We talked a lot about the good times we all had together over a period of twenty years so Ray, low on short term memory but okay with some of the past can still join in. They all make a big fuss of Ray which gives him a boost too. I appreciate these kind old friends who have known us for so long and are still willing to share our company today. Old friends who have stuck by us are very precious. Outside in the carpark I went to get my carkeys out of my pocket and out came a handful of stars and drifted down to the ground. I had swept the star-shaped sequins off the table after craft at Kid's Club yesteday afternoon but everything had been packed away so I was told to throw them into the bin. But my Scottish ancestors screamed out in fright at the idea of such waste so I instead I put them in my pocket. I told you I was going mad didn't I?

I went to the funeral today, it was a lovely day, clear blue sky and the sun had some warmth in it. There were crowds of people at the church and most went on to the internment afterwards. So between the church and the crematorium, about a twenty minute drive, I had a chance to think about life and death and many other things. At the end of our funeral services, however strict and formalized they may be, we have a song, chosen by the family, to fit the style of the person whose funeral it is. This is known, naturally, as the "last song". Now most do not have religious connatations although the person may chose something old and familiar like "Amazing Grace" for instance or "Abide with me". But I have been to funerals where the young person has chosen something manic and noisy and very heavy metal by a group I have never heard of but the song still reflects some aspect of that person's peronality. Most churches just ask that it doesn't contain profanity or have an "X" rating. Today's funeral had a country and western song "Leave him at the long yard" a song about a horse past riding who is to receive an honorable retirement and I think that was appropriate. I can never hear the song "Tears in heaven" without thinking of a friend of our boys who died young and I have other songs I think of in association with the person at who's funeral it has been played. So when I listen to a music program on the radio it can stir up all sorts of memories. So I started to think of songs for people I know, what I would have chosen for them if their funeral had been today. "You are my sunshine" was one of Mum's favourite songs but I wonder if that represents who she is? I always sing "My little Margie" to her as her name is Marjorie. For Dad we did have a hymn, one of his favourites and I like hymns too. Dad had sung in many choirs in his lifetime and I know he always loved to sing with a swell in his voice at the funerals of his old friends. Ray and I met at a dance. Ray was a good dancer and had at one time been a dancing instructor as well as a boxer so he had "the moves ". In those days the dances finished with old wartime songs like "Goodnight Ladies" or "Goodnight Irene" but then along came the song "The Last Waltz" so maybe that would be a good song for Ray. Our last waltz was actually at our daughter's wedding in 1994. The first stroke Ray had in 1990 actually stopped him from being able to turn around in a circle without falling over so we worked on that and he learned to do a four point turn holding onto me and that is how we danced. He danced with his daughter first , she had tight hold of him, then I came along and he changed grips and we danced about a couple of minutes but he was struggling by then. So sad, he was a divine dancer. I don't know what I want for me, my time isn't up yet ( I hope) and so there are so many favourite songs still to come. But for fun maybe one of those old music hall songs, like "Get me to the church on time" or "My old man said follow the van". Got to leave'em laughing. So what is your last song going to be?

Ray;s older briother just been diagnosed with heart failure. He is in remission from lung cancer. Bah...Humbug. Sue.

Winter is always a time when the deaths in the neighbourhood and among family and acquaintances increase. We have lost a couple of much older friends so far this winter but Friday night another one of our Apex 40 members died. Ray and I were both shocked as it was another of our younger members, not one of those frailer members who we would have expected to die this winter. But that is how death is sometimes - sudden, unexpected, unrelated somehow to what seems to be happening. The good and the bad can both die young. Lynn (male) had been a member of our Club for many years, a great storyteller he had run for office in state parliament at one time. He lost his wife to a toxic virus in 2005 and after recovering from his grief managed to travel and fulfill some of his dreams, albeit alone. Then he had a stroke, was in a coma, came back from hospital to rehab and eventually into a SNF as none of his family would be a full-time caregiver which was what he needed then. He had right side deficits, no speech, apraxia etc and a fierce anger over what had happened to him. He developed heart problems, leg ulcers and battled depression and his anger issues. Apex 40 Club members have gone out of their way to make sure they kept in touch with him to the extent of hiring a small wheelchair friendly bus so he could come to meetings before he was able to stand and transfer into his daughter's car. Ray and I have kept in touch and the last couple of respites Ray has been to the facility where Lynn lived and enjoyed spending time with him as a result. All in all his recovery had been good and he could speak slowly, understand most of what was being said and even attempted telling a joke a couple of meetings ago. But on Friday night he had a massive heart attack and went to meet his Maker. So early next week I will go to his funeral. Ray will be at Camp Breakaway from Tuesday to Friday and I was hoping to get on with some study....right. Not a good chance of that I'd say. But not going to the funeral is not an option. Both his children who live locally have been good to him, taking him out of the hostel for special meals and family occassions and just recently taking him away for four days to catch up with No2 daughter who has two year old twins who he adored. So it is special to not only say "goodbye" to our friend but "well done" to his children for what they did for him. We all need to do that, thank family members for the effort they have made. Which brings me to ageing. We are all doing it. Those of us with glasses can take them off when we look in the the mirror, keep ourselves busy and forget the wrinkles, lumps and bumps, under chin hairs etc. But sooner or later we catch a sight of ourselves and...who is that? Which explains why we post our friends pictures taken in 2008 and pretend it is today or take 10 lbs off our weight, or make out our children are younger than they are (I've got a friend who does that) everything except to be honest that we too are ageing. Which means we miss out on some of joys of life, ageing gracefully and enjoying the stage of life that we are in right now. I missed a school reunion while I was away, the next one, in five years time will be 50 years since we all left high school. Hmmmm...now how old will that make us all? I constantly get phone calls from friends saying someone is sick in their extended family. With less people involved in churches these days I guess it is getting harder to find someone who will say: "I'll add them to my prayer list." If you weren't a praying person yourself would you want that? Seems so by the number of phone calls I get. Not that I mind, praying for people is one of the things that I do. I try not to add too many people to the list though, I have burdens enough without taking on more people to be concerned for. But as I said the ratio of needed prayers to praying people seems to be increasing. So I think of myself as a prayer partner with a multitude of angels praying with me. Ray is well but had a few problems earlier in the week, the result , I think of a late night and some unwise eating. I wish I could eat some of the food he can, icecream, creamy sauces...yummy but not for me. Well not for Ray either in that particular combination it would seem...unless of course he had a tummy bug as he told people he did...lol. And Ray isn't good at doing without sleep. Too many days without a nice long afternoon nap and he becomes tired and cranky and unco-ordinated and then we have falls and spills. It is so simple...those fatigue issues never really go away. Mum is well, she was asleep when I saw her on Thursday. I needed to see her as she had had another fall and the unit manager always leaves a message for me..in case I want to see her. She appears to be okay, no visible damage thank goodness. I saw her Friday and spent about an hour with her. I sit and hold her hand, or sing softly or just relax and stay beside her for a while. Sometimes she acknowledges my presence and sometime she doesn't, it no longer matters to me. It is as if we occupy the same space but in alternate realities. I can't sleep some nights, I have her and Ray on my mind too much. Now where is that relaxation tape? I think I need a virtual vacation.

George, firstly hugs to Lesley and my fellow Antipodean, her mum. Then heart felt congratulations on sharing your culinary skills and hospitality with others. Whenever you do something that helps others it is worthwhile whether you profit from it or not. Even with stroke deficits etc we all have a lot to offer, our experience, our learning from those years, our new found maturity from the above etc. There are so many people in need of just a kind word sometimes. I miss Ray's working alongside me and his special knowledge and expertise and no longer have a "honeydo" list , no-one else to do it. The good thing is that Trev sometimes sees what needs to be done and just does it "no fuss". I'm glad you are keeping up your exercises, it worries me when people think that period is over and feel free to give up. I saw what happened when Ray did that. He does about ten minutes exercise now and is worn out. Sue.

Ray and I went to our Lions dinner last night. The Lions Club meets twice a month for a dinner meeting at one of the local surf clubs. This is a wonderful venue in summer, right on the beachfront, but a bit chilly in winter with the wind blowing off the sea. Last night we had all the usual business part of the meeting plus our dinners and then there was a guest speaker. Most speakers speak for 20 minutes so we are out of there by about 9pm. Last night it was actually a wine tasting, or rather a wine appreciation talk so those members who like wine much enjoyed the next hour and those of us who didn't or couldn't just hung around. And so the inevitable happened and Ray had an "accident" as soon as he stood up. He went off to the toilet and I waited until everyone else left and went into the men's toilet and cleaned him up. It is a very awkward situation really as I do keep a "kit" in the car but you really need a hand basin to do it successfully, so I did the best job I could and showered him when I got home. This kind of incident emphasises the difference between the carers and non-carers among us. A couple of the men realised something was going on and offered to stay but the five other women just walked out, not even thinking that I needed help. The person who stayed to the end was an off-duty policeman. I guess he is used to body fluids and knew he could help if needed. I am grateful to our Lions Club members for sticking with us for the ten years since Ray's strokes. To the best of their abilities ( which varies of course) they empathise or sympathise, visit or send a card when he is in hospital etc. They are just the normal "good people" you would find in any other part of society. And it is part of the Lions Charter that they help the needy and I guess to a certain exent that includes people like us. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for long term carers, luckily there are people holding candles to light our path. God bless them all.

....is what you get when you shower someone. So now I take off some clothes when I shower Ray. One day someone will come in and see me in action. What a funny sight . No wonder Trev says he has weird parents. Which is why I love Ray's shower nurses so much. They keep my feet dry! I am still having to go to the new place, Jasmine Court, where my Mum is now three or four times a week. I understand that because she now has no speech she needs someone as an interpreter. I can't understand why they don't just ring across to the section she used to be in so someone there can tell them her likes and dislikes, her ways of signalling how she is feeling, what she wants to do, when she is in pain etc. At the moment I am the one with the clues so it is me they ring. Then I go to "Jasmine" and have a look at her to make sure she is okay. So far she is. I went to for 20 minutes yesterday and another 20 minutes today. Yesterday they changed her room as another resident needed a room that was quiet (I'm guessing a relative complained) and so Mum is now in with three other ladies. I am not complaining as her room is now opposite the lounge area and that is where the nurses mostly are. So if she falls she should be visible! A nurse rang tonight to tell me her doctor has changed a painkiller to a heavier dose as they think she still has some pain in her hip joint from arthritis so she needs something stronger of a morning so they can dress her etc. Today I had an odds-and-ends day, which means I tried to get rid of a lot of small jobs I had been leaving for a while. I have a pair of jeans to put up but that will have to wait. I did do some of the other mending jobs plus some gardening, some ironing and I did think about washing windows....lol. That is as far as I have got so far, thinking about it. I also sat down and wrote some of those keeping-in-touch notes I write this time of the year to say we are still alive. Not everyone has email, particularly among our older friends, so I still send out some snail mail. I can't complain that no-one keeps in contact if I fail to do the same myself. Ray's three hour carer who was here today is a cheerful person who has little jokes he and Ray both enjoy. Today when I came home at the end of the time I was telling Ray about a young woman we know who had lost a baby at 20 weeks. The carer looked sad and said: "So did we." That is why you should be slow to judge, people are like icebergs you see only what is on the surface. Tomorrow is Ray's stroke support group's meeting. We will be able to go tomorrow and if Ray is feeling okay we will stay on to lunch. The meeting is held at one of our local clubs so the food is reasonably good and reasonably priced. If we can afford it we have lunch out once or twice a week. Of course that works better in summer as the fruit and vegetables are fresher and nicer. Frozen beans are frozen beans whether a professional chef cooks them or I do. So I don't want to pay a high price for a handful of cooked ex-frozen green beans on a plate. Trev has been particularly helpful the past few weeks and it seems as if he may have a job at last. Unfortunately it will be in Sydney. He will restart his cleaning business and sub-contract to a larger cleaning firm. He went down for an interview today and thinks all went well. I have enjoyed him being home and certainly in times when Ray has had a fall and needed picking up etc his help has been invaluable so I will really miss him if he has to move back to the city. I'll miss conversation too as Ray is not much of a talker but Trev makes up for that. I can tell by reading this blog that our life is on an even keel, no ranting or raving, no long explanations of how this or that is happening. Just the humdrum sound of everyday life.

Fred, I'm praying you get to walk in through my front door so this doctor had better be good! Make plans for between March and May 2010 and we should be right for the weather. Serously dear friend we are praying for you, particularly that the problem is just some lil thing the docs can see on the MRI and fix without any invasive surgery. There are some things that make for pain but are not real serious. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

Ken over a ten year period Ray has had so many ups and downs and I am just so grateful he is still going, still with me, still essentially himself. I know your wife and family feel the same about you. Walking would feel good for you but sometimes a wheelchair is not so bad. Without the wheelchair Ray and I would not have gone on all those bus trips over a six year period and seen so much of our lovely country. He accepts the wheelchair as part of our journey now. His is a quiet acceptance of life and I am able to cope with that. I think you should still strive to walk but arrange to do other things using the chair or a scooter if you can get one cheap and just enjoy life the way it is. There are so many opportunities for us to enjoy ourselves, so much living to do and we need sometimes to forget the past and just look to the future. I promise that I wll find time this coming spring to come and meet up with you and your family and will look forward to seeing you face to face. (((hugs))) from Sue ( and my snoozing Ray).

Vi, it seems as if we are all getting together at last, only in twos and threes but that is enough. Maybe one day we will have a World Strokenet Convention Day and all 8000 members will be there...lol. We were delighted to met Babs (BabsZ) and her husband Eddie in Sydney and bring them up for a night of chat and catching up. It was special for us to have guests all the way from Oklahoma City and we really appreciated them making the effort to see us. So if it's not too far to Sydney Australia, if you ever have the opportunity to come, we'll meet you there. Sue.

This is it, the holiday blog. We've been home three days and already the holiday feeling is disappearing and real life is taking the shine off of all those lovely memories. I am wearing a bracelet my grand daughter made 'specially for you Granma' and hoping that will keep them in my remembrance. Ray and I both enjoyed the holiday, it wasn't so hard to shower him this time as I worked out another way of handling the shower so it was quicker and easier. Not less messy..lol.. as one day I threw some warm water over him and it bounced back off his chest and I was soaked. So I learned I've got to watch the angle and pour it gently not splish!splash! The weather was 8 to 10 degrees warmer on average there than here but some days were overcast or windy and it was cooler then. But on the whole we spent plenty of time out of doors. We had a good deal of fun with the kids the last four days of their winter school holidays, a walk to the park, some games in the back yard, the usual colouring in with the five year old Naomi and appropriate games with the nine year old Christopher. Ray seems to pay them little attention but I think their parents had talked about that and they were okay as long as Granma was playing. Some of the highlights of the trip were: the first Friday we had a really full day out as we drove to the Daintree Rainforest area and went to the Discovery Park where there are abundant examples of the rainforest plants and interactive displays that show you animal habitats etc. There was a five story tower to climb to give that feeling of being in the canopy and lots of bush walks so Craig pushed Ray in the wheelchair and we got to experience the rain forest that way. The Cairns Show was on the second week so Shirley was busy ferrying her crew who collect money for their welfare charity budget at the gates, three hour shifts and mostly older ladies so she was very busy plus doing a couple of shifts herself. But on the Friday they took us to the Show and we had a great day out. I think Ray most enjoyed his hot beef and gravy roll for lunch and scones with jam and cream for afternoon tea. He watched the kids go on rides and stayed with Craig while I got to go on the ferris wheel, I did say "no" to the Dodge'em cars though, too many teenagers enjoying that one. On the Saturday we went to see over the naval vessels on HMAS Cairns base for the Open Day. There was unfortunately too little shade to put Ray in so rather than see him toasted in the sun we saw over two of the ships and then went in to get some lunch. It was staffed by volunteers from the Comforts Club and set up right by the water and cheap as chips so we all enjoyed that too. The kids ate loads as it was "junk food" like fries and tender strips of chicken and not a green vegetable in sight..lol... and we grown-ups were really ready for a cup of coffee to wash it all down. Both Sundays we went to their church services and enjoyed the difference between what they do and what we do in our more traditional service we regularly attend. There are a lot of Islanders there and the singing and harmony are really great. And some very enthusiastic teenage boys who love the drum set so pretty noisy too. And the morning tea to follow is a good time of fellowship for all. I liked the children's sermon my daughter gave, I think a lot of people get more out of those simple stories than the heavier sermon later in the service. On of the interesting things to come out of our visit to the Cairns Show was meeting a lady called Laurel who was on the Alzheimers Association's table. I stopped to look at the pamphlets and started talking to Laurel. She said her mother had recently gone into care, I told her my Mum had been in care for eight years and told her where. She looked at me and said: "I think that is where my mum is going too." It seemed unlikely but when I walked in to see Mum in her new "home" called Jasmine Court the person sitting opposite her was Laurel's mother. It is a small world indeed. I went in to see Mum today as I usually do on Fridays. She was transferred on Monday to another section of the nursing home to an area where people have both dementia and other affecting illnesses. It is a nice, bright area with two people to a room and they are up and dressed and walk around as they please all day long. She and about ten others had gone on a two hour bus trip so I went back later and just in time to see her walk in, not quite as confidently as formerly but definitely walking well. Thank you to all those who prayed for her recovery, our prayer have been answered. We finished our time in Cairns on Tuesday morning with morning tea at a cafe near a lovely stretch of tropical coastline. It really is spectacularly beautiful with its aqua water and silvery sands. We were at a table overlooking the beach so we could appreciate the beauty of the area and feel the joy of being with those we love so much.

This is not my "all about my holiday" blog. This is a continuation of some thoughts I had when I was in chat with a couple of other caregivers. We were talking about family support, or lack of it, a popular topic with all of us. So I wondered...what if..... What if it was me instead of Ray, laying there in that hospital bed in Bendigo in 1999? What as a woman in her early fifties would my fate have been? Would a sister who is "always busy" have volunteered to look after me? Would my family have rallied around and looked after me? My Dad with bone cancer, a mum in the early stages of Alzheimers, barely coping themselves surely would not have been able to do much. So I guess my daughter and sons would have had to take up some caring role. Or place me in a facility. What if my sister had volunteered to look after Mum and Dad so they had been able to stay in their own home longer? Would Dad had died old and tired and feeling like a burden because he knew that I had enough to do just looking after Ray without looking after him and mum too? I always feel he gave up towards the end knowing that he was beyond being that strong, loving man he had once been. I had done my best supporting them for a couple of years at home and then having them live with me. But with Ray doing therapy etc it WAS too much looking after the three of them. But I still managed to keep Mum with me for a further two years. And I continue to look after her financial affairs, buy her essentials, to be her Power of Attorney etc and visit her twice a week in her nursing home now as in her Lodge for the past eight years. What if all those people we thought of as friends had rallied round and instead of vowing undying love had done something practical, like bring in a meal, or mow my lawn or taken Ray for a drive so I could just sleep and sleep and sleep? We have had some wonderful friends who have done some loving acts for us, taken us to dinner, joined in activities to enable us to go on doing what we were able to do. Like the Lions Club men and women, the Disabled Bowlers team who helped Ray learn lawn bowls and the great people from Camp Breakaway a lot of whom are volunteers, who give me that three day break three times a year. Not forgetting our friends from another organisation who put the shower room in that has made showering Ray so much easier for me. There are others who have dropped by, given us a cake or flowers or enthusiastic hugs on meeting. They, the people who still support us in our daily lives, are the true heroes who help me as a caregiver to keep on going. And some do go on loving us, Ray for his quiet acceptance of all that he goes through and me for my joy in life and quirky sense of humour. And then there are those of you here who support us and pray for us and love us even though we may never meet face to face. Unfortunately Ray's family turned their back on him and of his two sisters, one visits once a year and one never. His local brother has a really good job, nice house etc but is too busy to catch up with Ray more than twice a year and only by phone. His other brother was invalided many years ago so I try to visit them every second year or so in Queensland, about fifteen hours drive from here. My sister did sit with Ray for two hours or so once a fortnight for a while and I was grateful for that at a time when I was getting too little help. And she has had us stay there so she has done a lot to help in her own way. And another friend sat with Ray while I continued to do Scripture in schools for a time. And our son Trevor who has been so supportive for the past three years. And our other son too, busy with his own little family but thinking of us still. Hard not to feel sorry for ourselves sometimes and do the "what if's" once again. But it is a sad place and one we should not visit often. Life is for living and we all need to live it to the best of our ability, whatever our handicaps and disabilities may be.

Steve, it is a nice story about two great people. Nice photos of the dogs too. It is good to see happy stories about real life people just doing their best with what life gives them. (((Hugs))) to both of you from Sue.

Wow, you brought back some precious memories. I was associated with a Baptist chuch in the '70's and I was a teacher at Vacation Bible School. I remember making pastoral scenes with cotton wool clouds and flowers and grass we picked ourselves in a nearby park. And then next day singing songs about sheep and labelling each person a shepherd or a sheep and all the kids tearing about the place chasing one another until all the sheep were penned! Glad to hear someone had the sense to include special needs kids and make it easy for them and their family to come along and join the happy fun. Even down to your own personal parking space! Hope you and Tootie have a great time. Sue.

Sheryl, you are so right about the things you never thought you would do and now enjoy. Ray had two major strokes in 1999 and while he was in hospital our daughter came in to tell us she was pregnant with our first grandchild. We now have five grandchildren and her first is now nine so many happy visits have taken place since then. Never give up trying to make your life better. There is so much left to enjoy. Sue.

Wow, a baby boy in June! That is fantastic, fabulous, way over-the-top news! Speaking as a Granma...lol. Congratulations, on your progress, on ignoring the pain, on having a little boy and just for being who you are! You are awesome! I pray that good things will continue to happen in your life. Sue.

Ken, I was thinking of you today when someone was talking to me about my old Penrith days. I remember winter frosts and fogs and ground like stone. Do you think the cold weather may be affecting your muscles and making it more difficult for you to walk? Roll on spring eh? Sue.

Fred, it has been my privilege to be at the bedside of a few people's passing but no-one really close to me. It is a time of deep emotion even sitting beside a stranger. I feel we are like angels there with them when they are opening Heaven's Gate. Sure hope it was that way for you and your good mate. Reflect for a while dear friend on all that you have been to each other. Hug your wife and your children and grandchildren often for we never know when we might part company. I took Tori in to see my mum today as she said she wanted to go. The lady in the bed opposite was breathing with rasping breaths and I told Tori not to be scared. The lady's daughter shared an incident when she had sat with an old friend who had died and I called her an Angel and she was surprised by that. The lady's four daughters take turns and someone comes in to see her every day. What a testimony to the way they were raised. (((Hugs))) from Sue.