swilkinson

Unfortunately this seems to happen after every stroke, so each time Ray has a stroke it seems as if we have a year out of our lives. We just get over that and are out and about and something else throws him for a loop!!

Keep as on the ball as much as you can AJ, caregivers do fade away if they don't see you putting in an effort too. I know for me it is sometimes hard to see all this as "worth the effort" too.

Sue.

Butch, how are you and Lisa going?

We heard so much from you before I became very interested in your life.

Now I guess no news is good news eh? And golf is the main topic of conversation not stroke recovery?

Sue.

Mary

Skiing in July/August is very popular here in the Snowy Mountains and the Victorian Alps. Our daughter and family have a little cottage down in that area and do have a holiday for a week in July but as Ray can't walk on level dry gound well I think icy roads would be too great a risk.

I think I'll stick with the mild climate of our seaside suburb through winter. And enjoy the last of the warm sunny days before the cold winds come and blow us into winter.

Sue.

In small country towns all over Australia the families all come back for the annual festival, usually called the "Show" and it is a grand place for seeing those girls you went to high school with etc.

I hope you and your family have the BEST weekend. My favourite food on a stck is corn -on-the cob. Sunshine and corn and sweet smelling flowers are all signs of spring for me. All I've got to do is get through winter and rol on September!

Have a lovely time, Amy.

Sue.

Mary, what a lovely thing to do. I minded my grandaughter one day a week but now she is at school. I really miss, colouring and cutting out, bubble blowing, scarf dancing and the trips to the park and Granma's turn on the swing.

Being with little kids keeps you young but living with critical teens makes you feel old. Guess we have to learn to let the criticism float away just like the bubbles do.

Sue. :bow_arrow:

I do think there is a place where you need to say enough is enough. Early in Ray's recovery I told Ray his mother didn't live here anymore. He would have to use his savings and hire a nurse if he wanted someone to run around after him all day. I then walked down the road and sat in the bus shelter for an hour. Cold, wet and miserable nights are not really the right time to run away from home.

By the time I get back inside he was kind of apologetic. He has never been as demanding since. I think husbands, like toddlers, try you to see how much sh** you will put up with sometimes.

I think bipolar seems the behaviour pattern so maybe consult his doctor about his meds?

Sue. :friends:

Ann, your Bill and my Ray are both "nurse pleasers" so will say yes to all the questions. It is okay, the therapists can TELL if Ray has been working so I don't have to tell them Ray isn't doing the work.

I have an ambivalent feeling myself most of the time. Should I stay and put up with the work, stress etc or go and have to live with the consequences of that decision? Some people see this as a acceptance issue, but I don't think it is, it is more a choice issue to me. Making it a choice gives me the feeling of freedom in the situation.

So today I choose to stay and I might make the same decision tomorrow....if he is lucky.

Sue.

Memories are wonderful. I am gad Greg took the photos to reinforce them too. Told you you would have a brilliant wekend and blow the blues away. Sometimes you need those crazy, laughter-filled times to unwind and learn to love life again. Great that your sister felt the same.

Australia has some good wines too so try some of them some time too. Best tried at the cellar door so start saving.

Sue.

No more oysters,

No pearls of wisdom.

Sue.

And I thought the answer was :"I found a Fairy Godmother."

Sue.

As we say here "DENIAL" is not just a river in Egypt.

Of course there is nothing wrong with Rob, Ray thinks the same. To appease themselves they put the blame on us.

Hugs coming your way. :friends: :friends: :friends:

Sue.

:happydance: And we are glad to see you back here too. :happydance:

Sorry to hear about all your troubles :bouncing_off_wall: but do come on and get the support you need.

There is so much a caregiver has to do and it does make for a crazy ride sometimes.

Sue.

I agree with Asha, nothing stops a stroke, but it would be nice to know it has happened and get some rehab right away.

With Ray's last one - they sent him home, we went to the doctor almost a fortnight later, he arranged a neurologist's appointment, the neuro ordered the MRI and now, almost twelve months later I am still going through the"If only I had INSISTED' regrets. Ray is getting bits of rehab that are picking up some of the differences. I do wonder if it is all too little, too late.

BUT life goes on.

Nice talking to you tonight Ann.

Sue.

And you look so young!! I would never have guessd you were a senior.

Really glad things are getting better for you. Keep up your good work of encouraging others too.

Sue. :friends:

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: Three cheers for women like you who manage to be strong when they feel weak, brave when they feel shaky and a great example of the inspiration that comes from doing everyday living well.

I have read most of your blogs and think you are a remarkable person. Sure you have weaknesses but it is your determination to make the most of life which shines through.

Sometimes we just have to leave people behind, it is not because we want to but because nothing we do can make them see life as we see it.Tough decision, but one we sometimes have to make.

Sue.:friends: :friends:

Vix

Make this a "hey! Look how far I've come" celebration. You've overcome a lot of obstacles, returned to work, even got married. You are a married woman now not the girl you were a year ago, you are so much more.

Enjoy every moment of the time you spend with your sister and Greg will have a great time watching you have a great time.

Sue.

"A time for every purpose under heaven" I loved that thought once, in that old Peter, Paul and Mary song. How life has sped up since then and now we are impatient for time to go faster and faster and we are trying to get over things we have not yet come to grips with.

Good for you Mary, you looked at your seeds and found a pearl of wisdom instead of a green shoot.

All things happen in their own good time. Just relax and enjoy the garden,

Sue.

I'm with Kim on the health insurance front but would emphasise NEGOTIATION. I certainly couldn't do a full time job in a supervisory capacity and look after Ray as well. I think you could try to fully explain that to your boss ( if you deem it appropriate) and see if he/she is prepared to make you an offer.

We are lucky here we have the carer's pension but it is a very low income and you have to make a lot of sacrifices to manage on it. For instance I look at every trip I make in the car as a luxury now with such high petrol prices. I phone instead of visiting people, I send cards with best wishes instead of visiting etc. Eating out is a luxury and holidays we go now once a year instead of twice a year and make a saving wherever we can. Not an easy life.

It is hard to make life balance out to get what you want. Good luck.

Sue.

Hi Ken

Glad to hear your news was good. Ray goes to the neuro on Thursday, don't expect much feedback from that but who knows?

Work as hard as you can at O/T. Ray did wonders for a while and it is good to walk independently for as long as you can. He has gone back to having me support him more since the last stroke.

Sue.

Kristen, from sitting on the Lifeline Counselling phone for eight years this is not an uncommon story. You just start by avoiding a truth, like losing your job, and then just go on from there, spinning the lies out as needed. Unfortunately someone gets to bear the cost, like Cody did and Josh's parents will have to. Sandy will probably tell us this is a mental illness of some kind.

We live in a world where we get to know too much about other people's lives. Not the village style where everyone knows each other from everyday contact and can help, but in the shadowy life of mass communications where we often "know" but can't help people the way we would like to.

I too hope that all concerned can come out of this without too much trauma.

Sue.

Pam, hard for me as a caregiver to listen to any of this. I SEE the result of a mjaor stroke and deal with the problems it creates BUT don't have to EXPERIENCE IT and LIVE WITH IT. Ray is the one who has to do that.

In Lifeline Counselling Service we used to have a training exercise with a ball in six colours, in six equal segments. A person doing this exercise was asked to take a glance at the ball and say what colour it was. Some people only saw three colours, some saw four, and some "guessed " that the ball had more colours than they could see.

In real life some of us don't see much past our own case and our own problems. Count me there sometimes. Other times, when life is just flowing I can look with compassion on my fellows and recognise the suffering and maybe try to help alleviate it. Interacting with others helps me get some perspective into my life.

I know some people appear self-centred and need the reminder that on the scale of things their stroke was slight. That is true and for us caregivers, well we ARE, in the main, able bodied. So I guess the answer is for us all to bear our burdens as bravely as we can, sharing what is helpful with one another?

Sue.

Learning to deal with life is a pain. Seems to go on and on, same ol, same ol. BUT there are subtle changes, a lesson here and there is being learned. Like the dog you will one day look around and training days are over.

I still mourn what might have been. Seven years today since the first of Ray's major strokes changed our lives so radically. It hasn't been the best day (see my blog) but tomorrow still holds a lot of promise. So on we go.

Thinking of you both, Sue.

Go Party Animal Go!! With today's dancing styles I don't think anyone would notice if all your body parts were co-ordinated. Seems everyone has their own unique style.

Main thing is that you are out and about mixing it with other people your age.

Sue.

Bit erratic the weather your way Gary?

Don't like to boast but we had perfect autumn (fall) weather here over the Easter break. Ray really enjoyed the picnic lunch yesterday on the shore of one of our small local lakes.

But it is cloudy and windy today so winter is on it's way.

Sue.

Couldn't agree with you more on this one Rod. I was in the "comforting the dying" business for a while and when relatives INSIST that dear old Mum or Dad be kept alive for the next few weeks or so while they get used to the idea I think it is morally wrong. To put people through more suffering because some pampered "child" is not ready to let their parent die is ridiculous.

There is an optimum time to die. Different for each of us. So it is natural to die, natural to mourn but part of the life cycle for us here on Planet Earth.

Cheers mate, Sue.