swilkinson

Hi Simleman

Lots to see here, plenty to read about and add your reply to.

Glad to see you in chat already. Stay on this site for a while and get the support you need or give others a help in their time of confusion.

And you started a blog too. Good work

Sue.

Good your mother is getting back to normal again. But as you've learnt time is important in strokes, as the blockage continues ( or the episode of extremely high blood pressure) more brain cells die, more is lost.

I guess we are all wise after the event, Ray had two TIAs we now know before his first stroke, but we put them down to his diabetes. Always best to get something checked out. We do now.

Welcome ot the blog community, it is a great place to get life in perspective. And to look back over past blogs on anyone's blog archive will help you maybe see where you are going too.

Sue.

Hey Kim

I sing all the time, often spontaneously, I find the words of the song I am singing aren't relevant as a whole but a phrase in the song will have REAL SIGNIFICANCE. I think this is what you have hit on here.

In your world yo can "never leave" no matter how much you want to leave the stroke behind you can't. But you can redesign your own world, we all can. So sit down and think what you can do with what you've got ( including home, family, time etc) and see if you can make it more like what you want it to be.

Interpreting dreams and visions in your head is a very old problem but an interestiing one. You might even be able to find someone to help you with some relaxation techniques that will help slow your thoughts down so you can "see" them more clearly and work on what you REALLY want to do.

Good thought just having a stone massage....mmmmm :I-Agree:

Sue.

Why are you waiting dear one? I hate to think of you waiting till J comes home to see if you need medical help.

Will be thinking of you. Let us know as soon as you have been assessed.

Your worried friend Sue.

Sometimes us mothers smother our children with suggestions. In our bid to take the pain away we just make it so much worse. My Mum was full of suggestions like yours. We used to say: "Yes, Mum." smile and walk away.

Now she sits silently at the Dementia Lodge and I sometimes wish somehow I could have all that old chatter back.

Hope you get into a good sleep pattern soon.

Sue.

Hi Lynn

Good to speak to you in chat today. I just love flower shows too. We have a regional Springtime Festival in our local area (Gosford) in September, we go every year, it is like paradise to me.

Wherever you go there is a chance of meeting a friend so the more you go out the more likely you are to make a friend.

Speaking and writing about plants is a great career move, there are so many organisations wanting guest speakers, we belong to our local Lions Club and when we invite someone it is a free meal for person and their partner so there is another place to meet people.

OOh how I wish you were here!!

Sue.

Steph, don't stress over what you were. You had strokes and missed some of your life, that happens. Now you have a lot more time for your kids and can make up for some of that.

Sometimes choice in what happens just isn't there. Sometimes we choose unwisely but often there is an opportunity to makeover the present and make our life count for something. I am a firm believer in redemption. And while we can never lose the past to a certain extent we can make up for it.

Plan to be there for your kids and with your kids. There are a lot of good times ahead for you and Dave and the kids. Enjoy it to the full.

Sue.

The alternate would be for your doctor to say "excuse me" and pop over to the other office and ask the neurologist himself surely? He might even be able to give you an educated opinion then.

It's comic that they need to pass you bodily from one to another when a quick chat, phone call or email would have done the trick. Scooterman is right, it is about who gets paid.

Sue.

I also feel vulnerable as I did give a friend the address to look up information not thinking that he could also view my blog. Iwill have to make it more generic and less personal. Don't want to offend anyone. Or give them too big an insight into my life either.

Sue.

:I-Agree: my rose coloured glasses need renewing now too.

I am a caregiver not a survivor so don't have the health issuess but other problems at the moment are getting me down.

I haven't had a massage for years, maybe that is what I need too.

Looking after yourself and doing something positive can really lift your mood.

Hope tomorrow is a better day.

Sue :friends:

Seven years post major strokes Ray still has no empathy. He lives a bland life mostly. Some little outbursts but nothing I would describe as beyond mild affection. I don't know if he doesn't feel anything much. Or just doesn't have the ability to describe what he is feeling.

Sandy, I talk a lot about not being able to deal with something but find, given time, that I deal with it just fine. I don't want to, but do have the ability to. It's a matter of choice.

Sometimes I discuss Ray's inability to show feelings with friends and in their own circumstances say they would prefer it that way!!

Can't give you any advice so :friends: will have to do.

Sue.

Blogging about nothing is good.

I find sometimes I have so much I want to say that I can't say any of it. Kind of like now when my mind is overloaded so I just repsond to other people instead of trying to work on my own confused thoughts.

Glad Joe is feeling good enough to join the "guys" again.

You take care of you now, watch all those old movies and have a sit and relax for a while.

Sue.

Fred, I do a lot of similar things, I just put it down to being a dizzy blonde with grey hair.

Sue.

Maybe you are just having a fit of honesty?

I've been thinking along the same lines. What is making me feel grumpy? For me it is life changing and me not wanting it to.

Sue.

In the meantime :friends:

Sue.

Miss you but I know how work can keep you busy. Remember all work and no play can make Kristen liable for illness too so be very aware of your energy levels and your sleeping.

Sure you'll get back your normal life one of these days.

Sue. :Cheers:

:Good-Post: Okay, I'm glad that is off your chest. We are all entitled to bad days, mad days, blah days etc. No little Susie or Simon Sunshines here.

About those hugs, I could airmail you a big bag of them but they might get lost in transit. So I'll just send you three to go on with. :friends: :friends: :friends:

There should be daffodils or snowdrops up soon and you could send me the first rose of summer because by then I will be complaining about the cold here. I think sending virtual roses are okay. the real thing might be misconstrued. :thankyou:

Cheer up Gary, and yes, sometimes we fat people are also jolly but may not always be. :Argh:

Sue.

I agree Sandy. Given Ray's level of care, I "qualify" for two lots of three hours a week but there is only so much care funded. This is an ongoing problem as it is allocated Veterans first, then Aged and Frail then Under-aged Disabled which is Ray. So every time someone is interviewed who is more "qualified" than I am my name goes down the list rather than to the top of the list. So I have to have someone keeping an eye on it for me. My current social worker should be acting as my advocate but isn't. We don't have elder attorneys, social workers are allocated caseloads and should do their best to see their clients get a fair go.

I don't think it fair that it is all so competitive, and given that I have coped for seven years, while Ray has had his last four strokes with no care except the five hours on Mondays I think the government is getting a very cheap deal.

The four paid professionals running the course are very well paid and not paid on results, just on running the programs so no-one feels responsible or is accountable for my dilemma.

It is true that some of them fill their paper bags with "hot air" rather than helping with the problem.

I also found out today that the social worker had put down one of Ray's goals as "doing carpentry - children's toys etc" not bad for a man who has one hand and no balance. If you hear someone yelling:"Keep away from those power tools Ray." that will be me. If I haven't gone mad and jumped ship by then.

I guess this is the reason most neuros and stroke doctors won't give a prediction of recovery rate and err on the gloomy side. Our policy here seems to be a summary something like:"We can't tell you what your progress will be, different people recover at different rates." While that is frustrating it doesn't build up false hope.

Hang in there, you are very determined so with reap the benefits of your efforts.

Sue.

My mother-in-aw used to love crab so Ray would buy it for her occassionally. She used to make a creamy gherkin relish to go with it.

Some things from the past I wish I could go back and say:"Give me the recipe for that please."

Sue.

At one stage we had three generations here. Mum and Dad moved in because Dad was not coping and Trev was with us for a while. We managed by respecting each others space, but there were times when we were all out of sorts with each other, I guess that is natural. Each generation has their own needs and their own values.

I know Ray has sensory overload sometimes so I allow him to go to bed when the littlies are here and tell them not to disturb Pa when he is resting. Mind you Tori occassionally creeps in and says:"Are you asleep Pa?" and when he opens one eye yells:"Granma, Pa's not asleep."

Maybe Rolly needs a "shed", a space of his own, a man sized space, a private spot. We all need a space which won't be invaded, violated, and specifically not cleaned up by someone else.

Kids need schedules too so you know where they are and can avoid them sometimes. Good luck with negotiating that one!

Sue.

That "always someone worse off than me" thought only goes so far. When you are having a bad day you just need to let off steam. Being here gives you permission to have a bad day blog whenever you want.

But sorry to hear of your friend Colleen's husband's death too. Bad things do happen to nice people and we can only stand by as a listener and comforter and give them a hug when we can.

Sue. :friends:

Pam, glad you have the confidence now to be who you are. It is good for the young to know how it is for a survivor. They also have a better chance of adjusting to the world as it is if they realise it is not perfect and S**T happens.

I think acceptance like progress back from stroke is an inch by inch thing too. I don't take my acceptance of Ray's stroke for granted, I know sometimes I am okay with how he is now and somedays I am right back to "I want my old life back."

Sue.

We don't actually haggle on household goods, but different stores do offer discounts so you have to find a bargain where you can. Just like you go to outlet stores or bulk buy.

I am stll not sure about the car buying but my boys are feeding me some ideas so I am praying all goes well.

Sue.

No tears, dear one, just cheers that you are here, a bright and cheerful person holding down a job, with friends, a new husband, a lovely sister, all the things a young lady like yourself needs.

We are glad you are still here too. Thinking of you tomorrow on the 1st anniversary and wishing you many, many more.

Sue.