swilkinson

The greenhouse looks wild! The late frost is a downer but happens to farmers everywhere. Glad you found a comedy you liked, Aussie humour isn't to everyone's taste but if you get it you get it. I must look up Douglas. I think all cope with the Corona with a routine, ours is disintegrating now as we are relaxing the restrictions but so far going back to our old routines is not possible and I am not sure I want to anyway.

Home grown tomatoes, ripened to perfection are so special. Congratulations both for the produce and your other achievements. It's terrific that you can stand up without support and put your pants on. Bravo!!!'

You have a great man there, wish him a very happy birthday from me and give him an extra hug because he is so special. He has been your champion as well as your mentor and that is better than any other quality you could wish for. Congratulations to you both for raising a great son as well.

It is the second day of winter, it is cold with a bitter wind, it is raining.I have enough of this already. I was planning on shopping today but can't see the logic of that. Life should be opening up for us now here in Australia, the numbers of people in hospital or locked down with the virus are very small, hardly any new cases, so we can go to cafes or to the BEACH (really? In this weather?) so we should be grateful. But because of the contrariness of life it is also the beginning of the snow season. So time to snuggle down, find some soothing music and let the time pass is my thought, or maybe become a cave bear. On the whole life is going on in a way I can cope with. It has been nearly twelve weeks since our lives changed. The first few weeks were really hard but somewhere along the line most of us probably felt we could live with the changes, well I did anyway. When you are an older widow you are mostly alone anyway. So I have been working on the cat mats which are going to the RSPCA. A cat mat is used for transition, it is placed in the cat's box when it comes into the Shelter, then when the cat is rehomed it goes into the carry basket, then to the new home. The cat looks around and everything is strange.. but wait a minute, what is that smell? It is my MAT. So the cat settles down, well that is the theory. I wish there was a cat mat equivalent for us in our loss and grief moments. I wish someone had given me a warm rug with a warm hug when Ray died and said "This will bring you comfort" but that doesn't happen does it? On the 11th of June it will be 9 years since Ray lived here. On the 19th of September it will be 8 years since he died. I guess those two days will always have significance for me. I don't dwell on them, my life has moved on from there but on a day like today I remember. But truthfully I also remember that life was not good the last three years of Ray's life and so a lot of my memories of him are as an invalid rather than the strong man he was through the early part of our lives together. I'd turn the television on but it is all doom and gloom, we might have the virus under control but much of the world has not. The news is focussed on bad news not good. Seeing the riots in the USA makes me aware that by comparison my life is good, peaceful, stable. Seeing people sleeping rough on the streets of our cities makes me glad I have a roof over my head, seeing people caught in the never ending droughts in Africa reminds me I have a roof over my head and food in my cupboards. I am so blessed and here I am feeling sorry for myself. I need to be thankful for what I have. It is my birthday on Thursday. I know I have a present coming from Broken Hill as Trev rang to tell me it probably wouldn't arrive on time but it was coming. He said it was an odd shape and the kind lady at the Post Office took it apart and rewrapped it. Seems like he has that talent from me, I never could wrap a parcel without it looking like a football was inside. I had one present come last week, two lovely scarves from my man friend in Armidale, it snows there so he knows about the need for a warm scarf. We talk a lot on the phone now, which is good for both of us. We have been friends for many years. It is a friendship that we both need in our "twilight years". Lol. Or that is what I tell him. The rest of the family are well. Shirley is doing far more in the Aged Care facility than her duties as a Chaplain but that suits her temperament. Like me she likes to keep busy. She has some stories to tell. Working in a facility which is for Dementia patients and people with mental health problems is hard but full of interesting situations as well. She finds it intense at times I know. My family down south I don't hear from much but the grandkids should be allowed to come up to their mother Pamela for the next school holidays in July. I hope so because she has not seen them since the end of January. This Covid-19 has split families apart, in some cases the closing of the state borders has disadvantaged a lot of people. When I was a young woman I loved winter, it was quieter than summer. In summer with three children the days were long and busy. In times when we lived near the beach it was sand through the house, swimming after school, always erratic meal times. Often Ray would be away camping with his job, me at home trying to be mother and father. As the kids grew and we moved back here it was taking them to sport, Scouts and dropping them off at various activities. I welcomed winter as a less stressful time when we were at home together more and I could enjoy their company. Now I am alone all that has changed. So whereto from now? I wish I had a crystal ball or a road map to the future. I wish I had a magic wand and could whisk away all our problems and bring about world peace. I think sometimes the hard times are what teaches us to appreciate the good times. In the meantime if you are a praying person pray for us all, if you believe in some other form of seeking goodwill do that. We need a LOT more love in the world. We need people who act with thoughtfulness and selflessness. It is a big ask I know. But we, who have come through so much can at least show some compassion for others. Just my thoughts for today. God bless.

Can't understand why more people don't use a blog as an online journal. You can have it private or public. I am glad yours is public and we can all see your growing crop and the effort you put into everything you do.

I must admit that I was once like you striving for higher goals. Then Ray had the strokes and life was more about survival under the new circumstances. I wanted life to improve, Ray to improve, wanting the best life possible. Then he had more strokes. Then I realised life might be worse tomorrow not better. It was then I began to journey towards looking at each day as a possibly "happiest day of my life" and life improved because happiness was my goal not success. Great blog ASHA.

I can't believe that an active mind like yours will be bored for long. I am bored too so looking for new projects to do. I am sewing up a single bed size rug made up of 36 large crochetted squares so that is two or three hours work. Then back to pruning and weeding garden beds. So finding something worthwhile to do is the next step. If you have that interest time just flies by.

Isolation is hard, I have been home for most of the past nine weeks. I of course can go out into my garden and shopping once a week and cannot imagine how much harder it is for you with just a room. The attitude of the nurse who refused to help you does show how scared some people are of this virus. It is hard on you that she wouldn't help you, she should have stayed at home instead of coming to work and NOT working. Glad you spent that time with your son on the phone, just to hear a human voice makes so much difference. I hear the four kids playing in their yard next door and that lifts my heart. One day this will be over and another chapter of our life will begin.

Thank you Pam, I do,wonder if I want to go back to that busy life again. But there is always work to do in a church and too few hands to do it so that doesn't change or my involvement in Lions. But in a way I have enjoyed leisure to direct each day in the way I want to and that has been good. I know you do not have that option and admire you for your courage in living your life within its restrictions. Keep safe, be well and keep on doing what you are doing.

Heather, a lot of younger people I know are working from home, the ones finding it difficult are the ones who are home schooling as well. The main exercise around here seems to be walking the dog although my next door neighbours on both sides use the beach for exercise, one surfing, one running. I am glad you still have rehab, that is important. The groups I miss most are coffee and chat groups so that is not happening, hard with only ten people in coffee shops and no sitting in the food courts until stage three. All we can do is keep busy and keep going. I zoomed with two different groups yesterday, not as good as personal contact but better than nothing.

Hi everyone, how are you doing? I am trying to keep busy but I haven't got much to do now, except those fiddly jobs I don't really want to do. I do talk to a lot of people, by phone, on Messenger, even by Zoom now and everyone is struggling during this Pandemic. My friends are divided, some are just carrying on, we will get over this and come out stronger they say, some are frightened, they are alone and who will help me they ask. I have always tried to help people but I'm in self isolation so that is almost impossible, all I can do is be ready to listen So my Lifeline telephone counseling skills are coming into play again Every day our leaders make speeches, some days full of promises, some days full of warnings. I listen and they all seem to say: "You have to do this, you have to do that." I think this is resulting in a different attitude to what they are expecting, an attitude of rebellion. It is a natural reaction to feeling out of control, pushed around by external circumstances. I do understand that, I need to know how I can put that feeling to good use. Rebellion is misplaced energy, part of the fight or flight syndrome. Someone pushes me, I push back. Unfortunately it doesn't help matters. We need to do something constructive, not destructive. Hence the phone calls, hopefully cheering people up. I have just received my Mother's Day flowers, a week after they were ordered. Trevor was pretty angry when they didn't arrive on time. Understanding that the floral services were stretched to the limit, angry that the promised tracking was not working, feeling helpless and sad that my present didn't arrive on the promised day, he felt cheated. Living at Broken Hill, so far from here is hard for him on special occasions, birthdays, Mother's Day, Christmas. He enlisted what help he could and eventually the flowers arrived and by negotiation were free. They are beautiful but he said would have been more special if received on the day they were supposed to be delivered. Just adds to that feeling of things being out of our control. I am listening to a lot of podcasts, watching church services on YouTube, reading thought provoking comment, searching for wisdom to help me through. My usual source of wisdom is missing, my church is closed and my friends are on the same quandary I am in. But each day there is a new beginning, sunrise tok sunset with a little sunshine in between and I have to be content to let the days go by. One day someone will say: "What did you do on the 16th of April?" and I will say: "Had lunch." because I have lunch every day. The rest of my time is a mixture of cooking, crochet, the essential housework, reading, gardening on the good days, shopping once a week. I am basically filling in time untilI Iife goes back to whatever the new normal will be for me. So friends, how are you doing? I've heard from some of you via Facebook, I have read your blog if you have posted one, so I just wonder how the rest of you are managing? I have been on this site for many years, longer than most people. I stayed on after Ray died to be a Volunteer, firstly as a chat host then just as Blog Moderator. I have a lot of people who I think of as friends here. It feels like a good place for me to be. I am sad that so few people who have had strokes or are caring for someone who has had a stroke find Strokenet. We all need information, support and the friendship offered here. Self help groups and support groups are needed more than ever during this crisis. Just recently I spoke to my partner over several years in chat here on Messenger. Sally and I have kept in touch via Facebook for a few years now. I was tired of typing and pushed the phone icon and she answered! It is a small miracle that suddenly we were talking, Sally in America, me in Australia. Modern communication made it happen. I could feel myself tearing up. I don't know why we hadn't done it before, the opportunity is there, we never accessed it What other opportunities have we missed? Time to explore some of those options. So friends this is just one of those blogs about nothing. What can I write that you are not thinking for yourself? We are all just marching on the spot, waiting for the whistle to blow that says this is over, you are free to go, do what you want to do. And one day that will happen. So take care of yourself, and those you love or have responsability for. Keep in touch with those people who are significant in your life. As my Grandad used to say if you can't do good do no harm. Live as good a life as you can manage. I want you to be here when this is all over.

I share my produce unwillingly with possums and brush turkeys, cockatoos love the orange trees and various nectar eaters and parrots devour any thing that has green tips. So I throw shade cloth and various forms of netting available over whatever is edible. As Heather said we are all shocked by the horror stories. Hard to believe in the goodness of the human race when the bad people get all the publicity. Lots of wonderful people in the world, including yourself, concentrate your thinking on them.

Asha I am glad your kiddo makes you happy and proud. Being a doctor will enable him to make a difference but don't forget your part in bringing him to where he is today, you are a very special mother.

We mothers are far too busy to rule the world Bill. Thanks for the kind thoughts though.

Kelli, my daughter-in-law is a shift worker (police assistance line) mostly nights and she has that problem too. Even on her days off she sleeps odd hours. But she does craft work when she can't sleep, something soothing rather than stimulating. We all have life patterns, eat, work, eat, sleep, the trick is keeping control. Good luck with that. (((hugs)))

I'd love some asparagus, mine is the house with the elephant. Seriously so happy to know you are improving. Now Spring is warming up you are noticing the difference. Ray always seemed better in Spring, the warmth loosened his muscles I suspect. Take it easy with the heavy lifting, that's my downfall too thinking I am stronger than I am.

Sounds to be a very suitable tribute Janelle.

Janelle, just joined Zoom and Kids Messenger so some new ways to connect. Helped my grand daughter in Broken Hill to do her spelling today - so good!

I am glad you were invited. There will be a lot of memorial services and other forms of remembrance after this is over but to be asked to the funeral is special. 51 is certainly young to reach the end of your life. I hope his memory will be kept alive by those who love him. My condolences to you and your extended family.

Love the look of your home grown greens, I grow a few in plastic troughs and it is so good to go out and snip some off and include the handful in salads. I do envy your hoop house, once I would have tried to erect something similar but scaled down on my small residential plot. But that is a pipe dream now. So enjoy your healthy meals and your horse riding and other activities.

I set off up the back this morning with my mobile phone in a small pack so IF I encountered difficulties I could alert my next door neighbour who I know is home this morning. I think if I am sensible I will be okay. I discussed the situation with Trevor last night and he felt guilty because he would have done the jobs I need doing. Blaming the C-19 for the fact he wasn't allowed to come down to me last week. ASHA, what will be in your future none of us know. Do your "going with the flow", enjoy the present and let future take care of itself.

Some of you know that about four weeks ago I had a fall. I fell about five feet onto cement pavers, gashing my head, a wound requiring six stitches. Luckily it was on the opposite side on my head to where I had the aneurysm clipped last July. In falling I also hit my right shin and my left shoulder both of which were giving me a lot of pain when I arrived in the hospital. So I had x-rays on shin and shoulder, a CT of my brain to make sure I had not had a bleed and after all that was clear, the stitches. I was pretty weary by then, as this was the beginning of the COVID19 scare I didn't have a bed to lie down on, just sat in a chair much like the ones I have in my lounge room. The nurses were kind but brisk, obviously I was not ill or in need of help with just a minor wound to be stitched. I didn't actually fall, I slipped. I was doing something really stupid, cleaning out the rubbish from under my orange tree on my hands and knees. I stood up and turned around but I had a plastic tub in my arms when I turned to go back to the path and suddenly my right foot went over the bank, I slid over the retaining wall and the rest of my body naturally followed. The fall resulted in me coming to with half of my body under the BBQ, a really difficult place to extract myself from. But apart from the head injury I was remarkably lucky to sustain as few injuries as I did. Only the large amount of blood pooling under my shoulder alerted me to the fact that I needed to make a move, go into the house and find something to staunch the blood flow. I was hysterical for a minute or two, then I realised I had no help close by and when I'd managed to get inside, I phoned a friend who told me to call an ambulance, and so I finished up in hospital. Five hours later I had to ring my daughter Shirley to come and get me as she needed to stay with me overnight in case I had delayed concussion. That is the downside of being alone, you can hardly ask a neighbor to come and stay the night can you? And so it had to be Shirley. It is a situation where the fact that I live independently is a minus rather than a plus. I am like so many other older folk I want to stay in my own home for as long as I can but I know that is not going to be forever. Perhaps that can happen for some time yet, but in a different way. If I can't stay safe and rely on continuing to do my own housework etc I am going to have to have some assistance to go on living here. I have had the stitches out now and thought I had dodged a bullet until today. Today I went right up the back of my yard to clear out leaves, small branches etc that had accumulated due to some wind storms. It is a job I do once or twice a year. I took a bag with me this time in place of the plastic tub. On the way down to the bin I felt myself starting to slip. This time I was close to the fence so I reached out and managed to stand upright again. I was still shaken. Two falls so close to one another would have called my safety into question. And I don't want that to happen. I know my kids love me to be independent, the old "Mum can cope" thing, but I am aware of how much my body has been through in the past three years. I know part of the problem is the cut muscle behind my left knee that happened during the Melanoma operation which has made me feel less stable. I had thought I was over that but the fact is that like stroke damage once the damage was done all I could do is learn to live with it. I now need to recognise the dangers in some of the things I USED to do and either compromise on what I need to do and get someone in to do it or restrict the area I need help with. Knowing that is the choice doesn't seem to help but I DO know in my mind that this is what I have to do. Don't you just hate that? The uncompromising nature of life? Being isolated at home during this Corona virus scare has given me too much time to think, it has made me look at my life in a different way. I can usually keep myself busy and ignore what is happening, keep thinking that I am coping well with life but in the end I have had to realise it is really about the consequences of ageing. It is a bitter pill to swallow. And so I now have a fear of falling. Sometimes our fears keep us safe, hopefully that is what will happen in this case. I will look at what needs to be done and how I can do it safely. I will take my mobile phone with me to call for help whether I need it or not. I will wear gloves while gardening to avoid being bitten by ants and spiders. Really I am not that fussy fussy kind of person. I am impulsive, spontaneous, busy, probably a little too careless if the truth be known. But I need to also be safe, safe in the house, safe in the garden. There is a lot of self isolation ahead of us and I want to continue with this yard clearing, house cleaning, climbing up to do the tops of the wardrobes etc.jobs. I need those kind of jobs to keep me busy with worthwhile projects while I am confined to my house and yard, being careful of course but still achieving something worthwhile. It would be different if I had someone here to help me or just to be available to ring an ambulance or bandage me up when I need it. But I don't. This is the downside of being a widow. Bah humbug.

Asha, this isolation has given us a lot of time to think, for some people this has meant new revelation for others it just makes them troubled. It is a real opportunity for us to change and reassess our thinking and apply that to our lives. This is what you are doing in this blog. Good job!!!

Pam, we are living in a strange time when the younger generation thinks the Covid-19 is just another old people's disease. And some of them think it is okay for old people to die and the future they want is just being delayed by this virus for no reason. I guess they don't know the history of pandemics and their ignorance will produce a lot of problems that will come back to bite them later on. We who are older are also much wiser. Sorry to hear you are unwell again. For now keep as well as you can, as safe as you can and as mentally active as you can. I want to know you will still be here when C-19 is just an unpleasantness in 2020, a glitch in the system better forgotten.

Heather I am okay most of the time however I did have a couple of down days. I was complaining that I have no family close as family members are allowed to call in to check up on " elderly relatives". Of course my children all live a distance away so that rules them out. So I called my ex daughter in law who lives a couple of suburbs away and she came around for a short visit ( couldn't stay longer as she is currently on night shift). She says of course we are still related I am the grandmother of her children! Of course I am. Pam has been very kind to me the last few years and I appreciate that. It was nice to talk to someone in the same room at least.