swilkinson

Thank you all, your support is so appreciated.

Ruth, your journey with William has been a long one and it is true you have done a great job, your blog attests to that.Yes the last few weeks or days are hard as you know the end is coming. You cannot plan a future, it takes a different shape to what you expect. So just concentrate on the present and enjoy the time you have left with him.

I did have anxiety attacks after Ray died. I went to a counsellor and she gave me some things to do. The most successful for me were clearing my mind (I made it into a blank blue TV screen)) and visualisation. I was alone I in our house when Ray was in the nursing home but never felt really alone until he died. Mine was situational anxiety so I eventually got over the worst of it. It still comes back from time to time. I know a night without sleep is okay, I read, play on the computer etc. Next day I am tired but that is okay.

Tracy, we are all so different but have certain things we share in common, worry being one of them. I wish you and I could sit up and have a good chat on the nights when we both can't sleep. 

Glad you got your son to ER, allergic reactions can be serious. He will understand now as a doctor when someone like me comes along g and explains about their allergies. I think you have raised a fine young man.

Tracy, just know I have been thinking of you and hoping things have improved. The meds sound good if they work and you can get them at a price you can afford it, better still free. I'm glad your Dad is tolerating the treatment. There will be ups and downs grieving for your brother, which will be different for every family member, just take life a day at a time, it is all any of us can do.

Yes Kelli household repairs and replacements are a fact of life. I had forgotten mold smells like cigarette smoke. I must have a look at my air conditioner I rarely use it since Ray died so it probably may need a service. So many things to do, so little time.

Tracy, just praying that the medication will work quickly, that you will get through this.Hoping that even without all the answers you andy our family find some peace. I hope the  coroner's deliberations will settle all your questions. It may all take some time but time we have. (((Hugs))).

Elizabeth, a retirement village is probably my ultimate destination but at the moment my house is adequate. I am not sure a villa in a village will provide more companionship as retirees are pretty mobile these days and like my neighbors here likely to be out and about as much as possible. But one day I will have to make a decision along those lines.

Ruth, sorry you have come to this point in your journey with William but glad you had all your paperwork ready. It is hard to have people in and out of your home but it much better than having to move William into a nursing home. Remember to take time out for yourself, that is really important as you know. Will keep you in my prayers.

Nancy, from time to time during Mum's 11 years in care with Alzheimer's  I decided to bring her home. Each time I saw the Director of the Dementia Unit she said: "Think back to when she lived with you." and off I would go and remember sleepless nights, Mum's constant denial of everything I tried to get her to do, the affect it had on family life etc. And I changed my mind. With Ray it was simply that a person who needs three people to shower him simply can't live at home. End of story. So just think of a typical day at home with Dan and see if you could cope with that times seven every week of the year.

Kelli, take good care of yourself, we want you back to full strength as quickly as possible. (((hugs)))

It is always such chaos when you go to the hospital, here too, and not having the right meds is typical. Sorry the home had messed it up too. Hopefully you will get the proper medication you need and be able to settle to a better life for a while.

Oh dear what a lot of pain for you to bear, condolences on the passing of your brother, prayers for you and all the extended family. More (((hugs))).

You are in a bad place right now, too much going on over which you have no control. All I can do is wish I had a magic wand that I could wave to make it all disappear for you. Many , many (((hugs))).

Hope you get the job Kelli, I know is you will shine at whatever you do. (((hugs))).

Very interesting. I have met couples who have chosen that life and at least one woman but that was in a caravan she had bought especially for that purpose. I think I am mostly content with my present circumstances and it is just that wishful thinking that if Ray had lived and was reasonably well we would have fulfilled our dreams of travelling most of the year.

I guess we all long for a carefree life. I do have dreams of taking off in campervan and going round Australia, that was our retirement dream before Ray had his strokes and one of the things I could not revive when he died. Like you  I enjoy the roaming life but as a widow that is not possible. So I live the reality of my life as it is and just indulge in the occasional daydream. Like you I know my limitations.

"Marriage is made in heaven but has to be lived out on earth" is an old saying Asha. We come together in marriage as human beings with faults. My Ray was not a great one for saying "I love you" but thought he expressed that in all he did for our family. I desperately wanted him to say the words but in the end decided that this was not his way. We lived in relative contentment for 44 years. I miss him so much still.

Happy Friday, hope the sleep made a difference. I have a few medical appointments too. Life goes on,just not necessarily life as we'd hoped it would be.

It is common that people in nursing facilities  take a while to find friends, I'm glad you have  made some. Sadly because your best friend is older your time with her is limited. Enjoy her company while you can.

I hope all goes well with your Dad's  treatment and he makes s good recovery. I think the anxiety attacks are fairly normal after a cancer diagnosis and should decrease as he gains confidence in the treatment. I am pretty anxious when it is test time again.

Kelli well done with the knitting. I knit and crochet through winter as to me it is like repeating a mantra, the repetition relaxes me. I am a plain knitter so mostly I knit scarves which I put in the homeless box. Good luck with the job application. We all need something that fulfills us, if this is not it keep persevering.

We used to call this "counting your blessings". I guess each generation has to find a different way of 

rationalising their lives, of surviving the ups and downs, and what you have described as "not everything is broken" is one of them. I always get such a boost from reading your blog, thank you ASHA.

Great photos George, such a wonderful clarity. It was unfortunate that Lesley's Mum had the TIAs and you had to come home early but those things happen. She and Lesley will be fine while you are away. Thanks for posting your blog, I really enjoyed it.

Tracy, sometimes life gives us a break, it's good when that happens.