swilkinson

Caregiving is a day-by-day activity. Some days you wake up strong and can take on the world, other days you wake up and want to shut your eyes and make it all go away. I've been doing it for over six years now and it is like a rollercoaster ride.

But if you can use humour, silliness and fun to keep you going it does lighten the load. You have to be serious most of the time but that inner child needs to be let out to play too.

Keepongoing is a name I could have called myself too.

Sue.

So much food!! Wish I could just "drop by".

We have nothing like Thanksgiving in Australia. The first settlers were convicts, soldiers and the original inhabitants who got rapidly decimated. The next wave were free settlers and political refugees then other migrants. In the 1850's the gold rush brought people from all over the world.

Our holidays are Australia Day, Anzac Day which falls close to Easter, Queens Birthday weekend, Labour Day weekend, Christmas, Boxing Day. Family celebrations are birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day.

Enjoy all your get-togethers.

Sue.

Stan

A day is not a problem, it is when they want to move in for three months!!

Seriously though I usually make as much time as I can for friends and family but sometimes someone calls when I am fully timed out myself, and they must think I am not much of a friend then when I say "no".

We just all do our best, well those of us who come here anyway.

Sue.

Sorry you are having a "down" day, I think they come with the territory. Be glad Rolly still asks what he can do, Ray never does now, just assumes I will do it all.

Put on your red hat and have a special dessert, whatever usually cheers you up.

Sue.

Hamburger (or what we call minced meat) also come in chicken, pork, veal as well as beef and that gives you more variety too. Do you have ideas about what you would like to eat that would be easy to prepare and simple to write down step by step so you could teach her how?

We like some foods our children eat but not others. Difficult for our son who lives here but I compromise, sometimes I cook what he likes, sometimes I cook what I like and sometimes I cook two different meals.

His contribution is the BBQ which we have with hot or cold side dishes.

Coffee anyone?

Sue.

While I now live in place where cold is just sweater weather I was born in England. I remember snow as something cold and wet and after being out in it taking a long time to warm up again. I have driven over icy roads during our time out west but not snow-covered roads.

I think you are very brave to do such a long trip under such bad circumstances to help your husband in his recovery.

Bravo.

Sue.

Hi Mary

The struggle to recover is hard. I too sit here crying some nights, not from my own struggle but looking after Ray. I too have a son that ignores me when I ask for help. But that is normal. So he is treating you as he would if you were well.

Time to pin the list on the wall! Floor washing - Wednesday-Jimmy.

Take courage. Life isn't perfect. Sort out what is manageable for you when you achieve more pat yourself on the back, when you don't, relax. The world is going to go on spinning anyway.

I think you are doing great.

Sue

Sandy, don't worry about how life is going to work out if John becomes more dependent, it may not happen.

And do you have any thoughts on how you uncombine your life again? That is beginning to worry me more.

Sue.

Good on you Vicky, not only for being hoe alone but in striving to achieve all you do.

Hope this time of making you own decisions and doing your own thing leads to new confidence.

Sue.

Kim

Sorry to hear that life is tough for you right now. I know that "Oh. Not another problem" feeling well.

The housework? Organise, do the minimum. Pack away dust catchers (or ignore the dust). Ray and I are not as "houseproud" as we used to be. I need to rest to be a caregiver when it counts.

Sue.

Ray 'gives up" from time to time. I try to motivate him out of it but it is something he has to do himself.

With Chris's lethargy, is there low oxygen in his blood? Is his skin clammy? Did they try him on oxygen? Of course sometimes it's viral or swallowing problems may cause aspiration and a low grade fever.

Unfortunately not everything shows up in the tests.

Don't think of the rehab a ONLY one week, think of it as SEVEN days. And tell him it is like a shot of rocket fuel, compact but powerful.

We'll be praying for you both.

Sue.

I used to love the merchandisers on Thursdays at my local shopping centre. Now it has gone all "yuppie" and the merchandisers are no longer there so no free snacks for Ray or me. I have to save the shopper dockets for half-price coffee and cookies instead.

Happy demonstrating, Sue.

I guess the same applies whether you have had a stroke or not. Some days are good, some days not so good.

Hope tomorrow is a fantastic day, one for the book!!

Sue.

Thanks all. I see it as three fold.

Ray likes to please the nurses etc, to be a "good boy" so if they say :"can you?" he says:"Yes" meaning he's willing, not that it is achievable. Included in this is the thought that somehow this is a game that you need so many "yes" scores to win. This was really obvious during his three months rehab originally.

Ray has trouble formulating speech more now (dementia?) so he uses easy answers instead of long explanations. This leaves the health professional without some of the information they need to do the assessment. Usually I let him answer and then fill in the gaps. But I was busy with Tori.

The system we have means those who complain the most get the most attention, rehab etc. So easy-going guys like Ray get very little. The physio may have overlooked that if she had asked the right questions but he was sitting, gently smiling and saying"I'm fine." so I guess that is the end of that.

If you ask the wrong questions and get the wrong answers you, make the wrong decisions.We've all seen that happen in many aspects of our health systems haven't we?

Glad to hear today was not "one of those days". Ray is quiet, not abusive or angry, but passive and sometimes obstinate and unco-operative. Today was "one of those days" for us.

But tomorrow he will wake up sunny faced and expect me to be the same. This memory loss is a mixed blessing.

Keep your spirits up and hugs for you and Rolly

Sue.

Kim

Sue.

Amen, amen, amen to that. The small child image is good for when we feel weak and frail and just plain tired.

Mary, go gently, this is not a race, there is no time limit on what you do. Thoughts are like the seeds we collect, we can grow new ideas from them. And the renewal of our minds is as important as the renewal of our bodies.

I have days when I feel the weight of the world and like you know I do not have to carry it alone.

God bless.

Sue.

There are bad days, bad months and bad years. Hope yours is just a bad day.

Having young kids and elderly parents is a combination guaranteed to tire you out.

Can't help with the barn falling down, bits here fall off and I curse that my lovely handyman/carpenter had a series of strokes and can't help me now.

Life goes haywire sometimes so an occassional rant or pity party does no harm, so hope you smile comes back soon.

Sue.

I used to like hectic, and a busy schedule as you do. Now I lie peace and quiet and things happening at a pace Ray can handle.

Look forward to a photo of you in the tie-dye Tee shirts.

Sue.

"Till death do us part." Death of what?

A dear friend of mine had a brother-in-law who divorced his long-suffering wife, left his three teenagers and married his secretary. Five years later he had a stroke. After SIX days his new wife saw the doctor over seeing his case. "Make some arrangements," she said. "I haven't time to look after a hopeless invalid."

Pam, some things are over before anything major happens, just hanging together by a thread, and takes very little to break them. We don't have the wisdom to answer the "why me" questions except to point out that life is very unfair sometimes.

Sue.

Bonnie, I can SO relate to just throwing on old clothes when you have the BLUES. Add a smear of lipstick for me too. Good sign that I am not at my best.

I'm glad you are feeling better. You have had a lot happen in your life and have not allowed a lot of time to reflect on it. Like me you just keep busy.

Most of us carry unresolved grief and that fog you look through sure stops the sun from shining on your life.

Sue.

Susan

You sound like me a few years back:"Of course I am making a mess of it, it isn't my job anyhow." These days I realise i is all my job, some I just do better than others.

Ray was the driver, mechanic, builder, fixer in our family, I was part-time worker, homemaker, mother ,volunteer.

As I took over more of his jobs I did less of mine. It is hard to find a balance but with a sense of humour and not too high an expectation you can still live together fine.

Or come to Australia and spend six months in what looks like being a red hot summer.

Sue.

Hi Ruth

Another achievement. you are doing well.

I fell off the scales once but in the middle of main street in town when the big scales used to be in front of the pharmacies. I blamed slippery shoes not the shock of seeing what I weighed!!

Keep up the progress we'll all be cheering you on.

Sue.