swilkinson

Ruth, life is so hard for you right now. Although our husbands have similar deficits I don't have the added responsibility of raising teenagers at the same time. I can only tell you to hang onto your sanity with both hands. In our dementia support group we have been taught to anticipate what will send our partner off, so controlling light, loud noises etc, keeping regular mealtimes, shielding them from others agendas are all part of that anticipation. I wonder how you could set up your household to minimise stress? Is there a finacial planner in one of the neighbourhood churches who coud help you maximise the money you have left? I know people here talk about getting free meds, getting help from churches etc with daycare plans. Perhaps there are still other avenues you haven't explored yet. I hate to see someone in such a desperate situation. Our kids are Captains in the Salvation Army and I know they help out in families with disabled kids so try your local Salvos as well. I am just sending you (((hugs))) as that is all I can do. Sue.

Good for you Kim. Whatever you do will be a new Personal Best and the benchmark for next year. I really admire the way you attack life. Have a wonderful time and bring us back the story. Sue.

Sherry, we knew that was you!! How could you ever even doubt that? Sorry you have had another stroke. I don't know what that feels like as a survivor, only as a caregiver. It means get out the pom poms, put on the uniform...cheer, cheer, cheer until the person you are looking after gets back on track. Recovery should be an Olympic sport..the same effort goes into it but there are no crowds, no sponsors, no medals. I hope you and the face in the mirror finally go back to being one and the same. As the saying goes - it will not happen overnight but it will happen. (((HUGS))) from Sue.

Janice, we had a momma cat once in my teenage years. I got so attached to the kittens, they were so much fun! But my Mum wisely made me give them all away, which I managed to do. It is like having a small family of your own isn't it? Glad you and Joe are getting on okay and you are back here blogging. Sue.

Ken, you are a LEGEND!! I know Life Mmberships are not given out lightly so to get one you really have to be exceptional. CONGRATULATIONS. From Ray ( 25 years of service) and Sue ( nine years of service). Also (((hugs))) from Sue.

This is a blog about Ray and about me as the two of us are never seperated even though there is distance between us. Those forty years are the glue, our memories, our family, our network of friends, colleagues and supporters all combine to bind us together. Ray has been in hospital a week now. The chest infection is just about cured although this one does seem to have a cough that lingers. Ray is looking much himself again. At this point of time it would be usual for the doctors to push for him to come home but he still needs some attention to some of the other underlying causes of his falls and increasing weakness so those are being looked at now. Yesterday I signed consent forms for him to have whole blood products in order for his anemia to be treated. I don't like blood transfusions as a rule but the iron tablets haven't made a difference and as he is loosing blood "somewhere in his tract" they need to give him a boost to make him stronger for whatever lies ahead. That may be a "look see" to pick up where the problem is in his system. An endoscopy may be a problem in itself of course. The doctors also want him back on warfarin (coumadin) again so in order to do that they need to find the leak or he will bleed to death. The choices are never good are they? Ray just sits in his chair by his bed and looks out of the window. It is sad sometimes to see him in that absent staring mode. I remember how animated he used to be, I remember the stories, the jokes, his quirky sense of humour. I remember the interaction between him and his mates, the rallying, the joshing, the male forms of teasing. Now all the mates are gone, as they can't handle the changes and as usual I am his main visitor again. It is quiet in his room, four people in beds but all of them old, in poor heart, in low spirits. The spouses and daughters come and go, the talk is quiet, it is a long way from what other couples in their early sixties are doing. I don't need "real age" charts to tell me Ray has moved a couple of decades away from where he should be right now. But like veryone else who reads this I also have those in my circle who have lost daughters to breast cancer, sons to automobile accidents, small ones to those diseases our society still has yet to conquer, simple things like ashthma attacks or viruses of unknown origin, so I am still aware that we are lucky to have come this far. In years past Ray's conditions like diabetes and osteoporosis would not have been so well controlled. The medicine available to us is improving all the time. We are not there yet but we are getting there. The next generation may not have to sit and watch their partners deteriorate the way I am watching Ray today. I sure hope not. I think my chest infection is almost done. The coughing through the night is the worst aspect of it as it is so disturbing. The sore throat, runny nose etc is just like any other heavy cold. The whole deal seems to have made me feel very weak so all I have been doing is a little housework and driving to and from the hospital. I haven't visited Mum at all in case this is something she can catch. And I don't want to hasten anyone to the grave by my need to see her. There will be more tests for Ray this week, hopefully some physio and maybe by mid-week he will be up on his feet and home. I am expecting contact from the continence nurse as obviously his incontinence is still going to be a problem. I chiefly need help in making the bed in a way that ensures a quick change and also setting myself up with the appropriate linens, pads, aids etc. The problems sometimes march across my mind when I wake up in the night: Ray's slowness, his memory lapses, his confusion, his lack of co-operation, his loss of continence. I can see Ray as a problem and not a person. And that is not good for our on-going relationship. Here on this board we all have problems. The problems vary to a greater or lesser degree and with some similarities. We all struggle in our own little world. But happily we can all be part of a loving and supportive community. We just all need that extra dash of goodwill to do it.

Kathy, you have come a long way from that traumatic post-stroke period. I know from Ray's recoveries that it is a lot of hard work that makes it happen so kudos to you. Your bucket garden sounds great, I am doing more of that mainly herbs and this years spinach so next year the garden will be on the back patio and woe to any pest that feel like eating the plants before I do! Congratulations on your independence, enjoy your girl time with you sis and your mom. Sue.

This was supposed to be my break while Ray was at Camp Breakaway but instead Ray is in hospital. He went in on Monday from Daycare where he had had a fall. Maybe he just collapsed, not clear on that one. Their reaction, definitely the right one, was to call an ambulance and send him off to hospital. He had had a temp the day before and a couple of falls but said he was okay to go and I took his word for it. They are doing a lot of tests to see if they can find out what is causing his current problems. There is never a simple answer but it seems as if the meds for arrythmia are not working and it has progressed to A-Fib. That has been complicated by the chest infection that he has so he has more weakness and his legs won't hold him up. The answer at the moment seems to be bed rest. It can be really boring sitting at the side of the bed of someone having bed rest I can tell you! I know if he were healthier with the problems he has they would be talking about a pacemaker but the nurses just tell me that they are working on the problems and when his temp comes down they will get him out of bed and the physios will start working on his walking again. In the meantime a heart specialist is going to look at his meds with a view to changing some of them ( have I heard this story before???). I went to the doctor Tuesday and got meds for my chest infection so hopefully I will soon stop barking like a dog and sleep some at night. I need to get back to health before I can have Ray back home again. We've all tried it the other way and know that it can't work if the caregiver is ill. You need to be 100% fit to look after someone 24 hours a day, and yes his incontinence is full on now. I did still go on the day trip I had booked for yesterday. The "Aged Concerns" nurse told me to go as it would be mostly a day of tests so I wouldn't be able to be with him much anyway. As it turned out he did have a couple of visitors from our Lions Club so that was good timing. I kinda enjoyed the day, it was to an area attached to one of the Sydney Museums where restoration is done and there were also some past exhibitions on display, included was a "back rooms tour". Of course the widows of the dementia group are the ones who can go on these tours so I was the youngest by a few years. I guess you could say it was a distraction for a while. I have that real lonely feeling again as the day comes to a close and I don't know what even the immediate future holds for Ray and me. I always face the world with a smile and try to keep upbeat but boy! at times like this I wish I could find a warm cave and sleep away the rest of winter and half of spring before I came out again. What a contrast with the way I was feeling a few short weeks ago. Just as well no-one has a way of seeing into the future or we would never keep on going. Thanks to all of those who are praying for us. It helps to know we have so many kind folk thinking of us, both near and afar.

Cathy, nice to see your update. We "old timers" do wonder what is happening to our friends who disappear from blogworld. In your case it seems to be all positives which is great. Do enjoy your singing, and the move out of Sunday school into adult classes, it is nice sometimes to make a change to your routine. Hope the "Granma" news comes real soon! Sue.

Janice Getting old SUCKS but it is not so bad when you consider the alternative! I'm glad you are both working on the flood restoration work and you will have a "cool quiet room" to enjoy next summer. Sue.

Janice, don't we spend a lot of our lives wondering why people make the choices they do? Good for you for trying to help this smalll creature to have a better life. Sue.

Hey George. I second what Asha said. The reason I love your blogs is because you treat every day as a good day, it is full of your country life adventures and dog tales and you are just getting on with life. We have a lot of people reading these blogs who need to know that you are able to do what you do and if you are sore, so is the other fellow, it is life-related not just stroke related. I also like to keep up with what Lesley is doing as we are both Antipodeans. Wish I could reserve a couple of loaves of bread and pick them up on Saturday. If I could teletranport I would be right there...lol. Thanks for blogging. Sue.

Yes, it is the little things you miss. Ray was Mr Fix-it and a leaking tap, squeaking door or sticking drawer, once discovered, would be fixed as part of his next Saturday morning chores. Now the place is slowly falling down and I don't have the expertise to fix it nor the money to pay for it to be fixed. I think it is so sad to live with the body of the man you love in the house but the mind elsewhere. (((Hugs))) from Sue.

People keep telling me I should do something with my time off other than visiting my Mum, shopping etc so I decided to do a course that was advertised as being free for Carers at one of the local technical colleges. The course is for seven Mondays from 10am - 1.30pm which means I can do it while Ray is at Daycare. Today wasn't day one as I had thought as there was an interview day last week, but I missed that as I had the visitors etc. But today was the first full class and a very interesting one too. It is being paid for by our Federal Government's Department of Health under the Mental Wellness Scheme. Most caregivers would agree that caregiving for long periods of time does send you mad so I can see the point in funding a course designed to take some of the stress out of caregiving. Today was story telling day. There were 17 participants so I heard 16 harrowing, hair-raising, sometimes very traumatic stories. Sixteen carers, most of whom were caring for more than one person, with a mixture of physical and mental illnesses, some of whom are life time carers as well are a powerful group to be a part of. A mother of a daughter and a father of a son had both cared full-time for their child for over 30 years! Makes my effort with Ray seem puny by comparison. The course conductor has been a hands-on caregiver for her mother and only recently returned to teaching so she has a wealth of experience also. I am expecting to get some good information from the group and maybe learn how to obtain the help I will need for Ray, particularly as the dementia progresses. I think in any support group I have belonged to there is always a wealth of knowledge. Today was a pretty harrowing day with all the sad stories but I could tell that a lot of people in the group will be able to offer help and advice based on their own experiences as it is needed. You do learn so much on the caregiver journey and it does feel good to pass that on to others. Another woman from my dementia support group was there too so we will be able to talk over anything we learn on the course. She cares for her mother and like me is going through the process of trying to get a balance of in-home care and Daycare that will allow her to have some personal time. Even the lunch today was paid for. Our course conductor joked that she must be the only person who starts the course with a party but she got some funding from the Minister for Health personally and spent it on food for us. It was nice to gather around the table and have half an hour of informal chat with coffee and sandwiches at the end of the storytelling. I think it was what we needed before we went home to pick up the threads of our own households again. In my friends case I am hoping that her dear Mama has been good for the professional carer today as she is a feisty old lady and a bit of a handful by all accounts. Last week was a bit of a let-down after the party was over, the visitors had gone home and the house was quiet again. It was dull, overcast and quite cold towards the end of the week so I got that "can't be bothered" feeling that seems to come along with that sort of weather. I need to go on with my cleaning, sorting out etc though. It is good if I can clean room-by-room when I have a week when there are not too many outside the house appointments. Of course we had all the usual happenings plus Ray's cousin's wife's funeral on Friday and that seemed to take most of the day. I do have to take Ray to the doctor's tomorrow to get his scripts updated and re-issued but nothing else major in the week. Touch wood..knock knock. Ray has been "invited" to go to Camp Breakaway again. He will be going from 12th - 15th August which is next week. At the moment I have no plans for the time but might go to the movies, out to dinner etc if I can find some companions to do that with. I'll ring a couple of older widowed friends and see if they are busy. I can't visit my daughter like I did a couple of years ago, not worth going all that way for three days. But I am sure I will find something nice to do. I keep thinking four more weeks of this weather and then things will slowly cheer up for Spring. I don't mind the short cold days but until the days draw out a bit I don't like the long cold nights. That is when I miss snuggling up with my hubby. We used to spend evenings just chatting and drinking hot chocolate and watching the old sad, sentimental movies together. Well I used to watch the movie while he fell asleep in his armchair. Now I find watching the movie by myself as he heads off to bed early isn't nearly as much fun. But I have to remember to be grateful for what I've got, which is much less of a burden than some others have to bear.

Doreen, I don't have any idea of how you can get Bill to "agree" to go into respite. Ray was a bit of a problem the first time but I told him it was a choice of two weeks or the rest of his life so he agreed to two weeks. My Mum on the other hand really played up every time I mentioned respite so I booked it anyway so Ray and I could have a holiday. As time got closer I panicked a bit so the day before I went to see the Director of Nursing. She asked what time Mum was usually picked up for Daycare and to have her ready at that time. At 9am along came a worker in a car and invited Mum to go for a drive with her, off they went in the car. Apparently the girl had some errands to run and took Mum with her, then went back to the Lodge and settled her in to morning tea. After morning tea the Director explained to Mum that as we had gone away for a few days she had been given a room there and would just join in with everyone else and have a good time. But Mum did have dementia and not much short term memory so I guess that helped. I think it is wise to book your respite period now, whether for a week or two weeks and just tell Bill as you get to within a few days that he is going into respite and that is it. Would one of your children come down for a few days to supervise him going there or is that too much to ask? Because they will often do something for another person that they wouldn't do for you. I know that is true of both Mum and Ray! Dear friend you do need a break and whatever it takes to get you one just has to be done. As you have rightly pointed out if anything happens to you the choice of where he ended up would be in someone else's hands and it would be whatever was available, not necessarily the best possible placement for his needs. Sue.

On chat and in the postings on the board I encounter many caregivers who are new to the stroke scene. Like most of us they were previously unaware of stroke and the effects that it has on families. Anyone who thinks that a person in isolation has a stroke and it doesn't have any effect on those around them soon gets disabused of that theory. We are affected in proportion to our liking or involvement with the person who has had the stroke. How deeply we are affected depends on the depth of our love and affection and attachment to the person. But we are all affected in some way. More so if it is a spouse, a child or a parent, someone who is important in our lives. Sometimes when I rush in to post a reply to the newbie I make statements that come out of my own experience. Sometimes it is not something they are going to understand or accept right away. Sometimes it isn't what they really want to hear of course. I never thought I was a fairy godmother and could wave my magic wand and make it all go away. I am on the same journey they are on, just further down the track. And maybe from that perspective I can offer support and advice and be a sounding board for others. I hope that is how it works out anyway. That is why I am a chat host and post whenever I think I have something relevant to say on the newbie caregiver threads. I have been on the caregiver journey for nine years and have gone through so many stages, loss, grief, denial, bargaining etc, I have done the reseach, attended the meetings...and do you know what? it still throws me for a loop sometimes. I go right back to the beginning of the cycle with each new thing that happens to Ray, if he has a fit, a seizure, what seems to be a TIA, another fall, all those things will recall the earlier events and I will for moment or two feel unable to cope, uncertain how to go on etc. I guess the difference for me is that I soon go into thinking mode again and work out what to do. On the whole we do very well with Ray's deteriorating condition. He doesn't have a long attention span now and his short term memory is not good but he can enjoy the moment and that is what counts really. Of course I am struggling with his erratic BMs and his slowness and his unwillingness to co-operate some days and his sneaking sweets that send his blood sugar readings sky high etc. But that is part of our realationship, we are a married couple who 40 years ago said: "for better or worse, in sickness and in health etc" All of this is just part of the reality we live with every day. My Mum, who has been on her own journey with Alzheimers for the past nine years, has now been in her room in the Dementia Lodge six years and is the longest resident there at present. To me she is just a walking empty shell now but I visit her twice a week and relate to her as much as I can, talking to her, telling her stories, even sometimes jokes just to see if she will smile or laugh. Sometimes I just sit rubbing her back or holding her hand. I take her magazines and read something to her or just turn the pages until something catches her attention. She may have macular degeneration and be half blind but without her being able to speak cannot be tested for that now. I sing as we walk around the inside walking track at the Lodge. That is so she knows I am there and looks at me from time to time. The staff are used to it now so pop out of rooms and say: "Hi Sue" as I pass by walking round and round with Mum. I try to fit in with what is going on at the Lodge as that is Mum's "home" now and the other residents and staff are her neighbours and her family for this part of her life. I have found through all this experience that life is what you make it. If you drop the "poor me" attitude and realise life is what YOU make it, there is still a lot of good in life. It is a new day every day of course and if Ray is unhappy and unco-operative not such a good day but today he was content to do whatever I did and that worked well as I had a breast screen appointment and then we had some lunch and a wheelchair wander around Erina Fair. So a good day. Now he is under his covers having a nap and by the time he gets up it will be dinner time. This is my life and there is no sense in wishing for another. There may be changes and challenges ahead but at least I still have enough intelligence to cope with it. And if the saying "two heads is better than one" no longer applies, one good mind thinking for two has to do the same job. Life is a journey and there is no sense in looking back along the way we have come and longing to go back to where we once were, nor is there any sense in sitting and sighing and saying: "Are we there yet?"

Wow, Sherri, that all sounds so different to my usual "local" job interviews, though I once interviewed for a job with QANTAS in what looked like a large barn with a thousand or so desks. I didn't take that job as it all seemed so impersonal. If this is your dream job I hope you get it. If not, I hope you get the job you are dreaming about. Sue.

Doreen, I know it is hard for a lot of men to accept a carer coming into the home so dropping him off at Daycare onc or twice a week is another option. Then you get to do whatever it is you want to do until you have to pick him up again. Sometimes Ray didn't want to go to Daycare at first but really he has no choice as that is one of the conditions of me looking after him, that I have some time off twice a week, Mondays while he goes to Daycare, Fridays while he has a minder. Of course one of the things I do in that time is visit my mum who is in a Dementia Lodge so I put that to him too...I don't go with him as he doesn't like it there, maybe because it reminds him of his own need to go into one one day... so it is better to go alone and spend some time with her. Our shower nurse/minder is a man in his fifties, very experienced, very good with Ray and Ray enjoys his company on Fridays and that is good for me. Sometimes we have someone else of course but I tell Ray that this is only a "one off" and Jeff will be back next week. The shower nurse also helps Ray with his exercises so that is keeping him mobile too which is another plus. I am so grateful for the services we get as it does stop some of the back strain if someone else does the bending and stretching for me three times a week. I still have to shower Ray but only four days a week. When the shower nurse is here for an hour Tuesdays and Thursdays I go for a walk. It is good to get out in the fresh air. If it is raining I might just drive over to the beach and watch the sea for a while. You need to get out and away when the carer is there. And let them make the coffee, not you waiting on them. And it does Ray good to realise that caring for someone costs money. Even if I don't get much for doing the same job. Sue.

I think it is time for a family conference. And a reminder to all the family that as a primary caregiver you need to call the shots and that means that they put their names down to do some of the caring and give you some time off or they pay a care worker to come in and relieve you. Those who are working can either give their time or give you some money to be spent on transport. Some could maybe pay a housekeeeper for a couple of hours a week etc. With all you have to do with your kids as well it is too much for one person to do. It is true that unless you make threats like you will drop her off outside a nursing home some people will just let you go on doing the heavy work and ignore their own responsibilities. We see it all the time here, one person with all the work but everyone coming running just before the will is read. Here in Australia we would be able, in some circumstances, to draw against an insurance policy to get the help a disabled person needs so you might contact the insurance company to see if they would allow that to happen so you can get a care worker in occassionally. With all your responsinbilities maybe a shower nurse two or three times a week so you don't have to do that yourself might help. Sue.

Well, what a day this has been. I had such a wonderful day...and if you take the good with the bad, the good far outweighed the bad. It was a perfect day weather-wise, after a couple of days of rain the skies were clear and blue and remained that way the whole of the day. The little hall we had hired for the occassion was a good fit, enough people for it to look crowded but plenty of room between the tables so I circulated with ease. Ray sat near the door so got a kiss from all the females who came by. You ought to have seen his grin! The BAD news came early, one of Ray's favourite cousins who was always the life and soul of the party lost his wife this morning. She had battled cancer for nine long years and this morning breathed her last breath. So sad. It meant another couple also didn't come as they chose to go to him instead. Very understandable. So early in the week we will have a funeral to go to, whatever else is on I will push to one side as this one is important to all of Ray's family as his cousin was also for years their next door neighbour. The GOOD was legion. Trev gets a gold star for all his work, he was magnificent, my sister also came and helped, her husband minded Ray while we girls decorated tables etc. Most of the guests arrived close to time, a few who had put in apologies actually came to the party so we had close on 80 people. And naughty, naughty, a lot of them brought presents although they had been asked not to. I have some magnificent flowers, enough to put a vase in every room, some nice keepsakes and some cash to spend on luxuries. I am so blessed. Of course we had enough food to feed twice as many people as came, that always happens so sent some home with family members, froze some and now have to face trying to eat the rest in the shortest possible time. But as we are going out to lunch tomorrow I guess that will take some doing. And the boys did the washing up at the hall so there wasn't a lot of dirty dishes to come home with us. Now that is a plus! Luckily one of Trev's friends rang up to say he had some friends around and they hadn't had an evening meal planned so we were able to send them some of our left-overs too. The Subway and sausage rolls were particularly appreciated. Now there are "thank yous" to send out and people to contact who took photos so we have some as I didn't think to take a camera myself. We had some lovely photo frames as presents so I hope to have some nice photos to go in them to remind me of this happy day. I think Ray had a ball as the cousins who were all at one table came over and walked him over to be with them. They were telling tales of school days etc so I guess he did remember some of what they were talking about. And the younger of his two brothers and his wife came for a while too so that was a bonus as they had originally turned down the invitation. Our three grandchildren played with the four of their second cousins who were down for the afternoon while the oldies were entertained by the "KB Singers" the singing group from our Lions Club. They put on a program of old time hits from the war years, the 50's and the 60's and most people were singing along. Our kids went outside for a talk while that was on. "There'll be Bluebirds over the White Cliffs of Dover" is a long way from their taste in music but those in their 70's, 80's and 90's and our 101 year old guest tapped their feet and sang along. A party can be a funny event in a way as it is often a roomful of strangers with only the celebrating couple in common. We had invited a lot of our old church friends and some from our new church, Lions, Ray's stroke support group and a few friends from outside of those clubs so there was a large cross-section of our lives in the one room. I did think sadly how much my Mum , had she still had her faculties, would have enjoyed seeing some of her old friends there, and of course her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. One of the things that surprised me is that a few people from one group recognised people from other groups, like we had some Presbyterians who were Lions and Apex 40 members, one lady who recognised one of the men as her son's former Cub leader etc. So the Central Coast area is growing but one is still able to see it as a part of a series of smaller villages. By the time we had cleaned up and packed up and were ready to leave we witnessed a beautiful sunset over the lake, a golden sky, a golden lake, the surrounding area also gold in the sun's last rays. It was our ruby wedding anniversary but it really was a golden day for both of us.

Gosh Janine, I would so like to "help" but this is not an issue I have faced with Ray as he is okay with going out, going to therapy etc. He is sometimes late out of bed in the morning ( bringing on a BM problem) but once he is up he is portable. The only thing your post reminded me of was agrophobia. I used to talk to the husband of a woman with agrophobia and she was always reluctant to go out, try new things etc. He tempted her out with small treats, but once out if she chose to stay in the car he was okay with that and would use the drive-through at Macdonalds to get her coffee etc. He sometimes travelled with a care worker so he and she could "sandwich" his wife between them and she didn't have to have contact with crowds. He also used back entries to doctors etc as she was afraid in the reception area, particularly with bright lights, sound systems, noisy children etc. I'm wondering how you negotiated a problem with Larry prior to his strokes. He is by all accounts an intelligent man and if he can manipulate you maybe you can bargain with him in exchange. Maybe if he does certain things you will do.... I guess you know best what the reward would be. I keep reminding Ray marriage is a 50/50 deal. I do so much, he has to put some effort in too. I am sad you are struggling with this. Maybe the area affected by the stroke is key to the issue. Can you discuss it with your local doctor or contact your neurologist and see if he/se can further clarify that for you? (((Hugs))) from Sue.

You had a vacation! Good for you. I always say that I have to pay for every good time we have and we do but it is worth it! That is how you build up memories for the rest of your life. Sorry to hear about your aunt having the stroke. We all know the reality of that. BUT we all know there is mostly more recovery than the doctor's pessimistic first opinion. So now you will be a good resource for your family as you share your knowledge and experience. Hope you are now much refreshed by your vacation. (((hugs))) from Sue.

Sounds like you have come a long way but it has been quite a struggle. Good for you. Ray had his first stroke in 1990, after six months of OT and PT and occupational rehab he went back to work. Unfortunately in 1999 he had two more strokes 4 weeks apart and that retired him and me to look after him. He's had two more since then, in 2001 and 2005. But life goes on and you have to make the best of it. Which you seem to have done. Sue.