swilkinson

Hi Stan

There used to be a song that went something like this:

"Right or left at Oak Street,

That's the choice I make every day,

I don't know which takes the most courage,

The staying or the running away."

And that is how it is for me and Ray. I am making that choice one day at a time. All caregivers are different.You might think all we do is complain and whine BUT I AM STILL HERE!!

Where's the medal, eh? Is there a Purple Heart for Caregivers? If not. Why not??

I have a truly wonderful friend who also suffers from depression. He says:"Some people live on a sunlit plain and some live in the dark canyons." I think that is true. And what has made him so wise is the walk in the dark canyon where he has to find his own way and his own answers.

Love and prayers,

Sue.

Bonnie, you are an inspiration. I was brought up a country girl but live north of Sydney in the coastal sprawl now, very suburban and a little up-market. It is my intention this year to "Put up" some fruit as we say here, make some jam (jelly) and do some of that old-timey, country girl stuff. Good for the soul.

Sue.

I think the House of Stroke is just one of many houses on the Journey of Life.

I'd call the room you are in now "Room with a window on life" as, if I'm not mistaken, you feel as if you are just looking and not fully involved yet? You are out and about Vicky and at your age that is really important. Make the most of each day.

Sue.

We used to have a saying in Lifeline:"You have to be wholly yourself before you give half away."

This means get yourself right before you form another relationship or it too will go wrong. We had regular callers who just slipped from relationship to relationship without ever learning to be themselves, on their on, in a whole, rounded out way.

This is an opportunity for you to be REAL.

I agree with Kim but I'd like to add: Be real for yourself. Not for someone else. If you like you , others will too.

Sounds like a good weekend.

Hope the week goes well for you too. Try not to get too tired, just pace yourself.

Sue.

When Cyclone Tracy hit Darwin and wiped that city out over 20 years ago the OZ government used its powers and evacuated the whole area. Then sent in troops to supervise a huge army of volunteers and only let the residents back in when there were buildings to house them and services such as water and electricity.

It must be tough to be barred from returning to your home but it was the surest way of preventing looting and further deaths. There is sense in staging an orderly return rather than letting it all just happen.

We do pray for the people of New Orleans and all the other affected areas. And for those in authority as they try to sort out the present mess and get people back to their homes. It will be a long time before the city and surrounds are back to a semblance of normal again. And some people will be better off re-building their lives else where.

Trauma seems to bring out the best in some people and the worst in others doesn't it? We have been shocked by the coverage of the looting and youth on a rampage. I guess it is excellent for the media but disheartening for those trying to keep their spirits up in difficult circumstances.

God bless all who offer help in this situation.

Oh Bonnie it is hard when a friend so close to your heart is in such a sad situation.

I'll pray for you and for her.

Hope you got some sleep.

Sue.

I totally agree

Sue.

Hi Mary

It is good to have friends. And the get-togethers you described have been a big part of your life. The shared house for the week sounds a great idea.

Ray and I changed a lot when he had strokes. We became more serious, more health-conscious. Now we don't have a lot in common with our friends but I hang on to as many as I can. I figure that as they age and have health problem too they will have more empathy for us. After all most people can't relate until they have been there/done that.

But the down-side as you have described is that we don't have the opportunity to explain our need to review our progress. Probably you are right when you say they maybe just take it for granted that you are there so you must be okay.

Enjoy your friends for as long as you can and be happy with where you are today. I think you're doing great!!

Sue.

Dancing naked in the street with a top hat full of money sounds like something you'd do in a very small town, about 2pm when they are all down for an afternoon nap. But if you had a lot of money it really wouldn't matter would it?

I am not familiar with the song but the words sound good.

Sue.

PS I had a look at the "Patrick" site. Awesome!!

Religious stuff:

"Get to know God here" that kind of thing. I can fit about 8 - 10 words in. We used to use the board for meeting dates but now just use it as an eye-catcher.

Thanks for your interest.

If one of my friends just gave me a hug, with tears running down her face, that would mean much more than the most eloquent speech.

Sue.

Hello Mary as a good friend of mine who is a minister says:

"I am not God but I am a friend of his."

Rant all you want. It is a great way of NOT breaking up your closer relationships. And shouting is even better.

I am beginning to see the value in blogging too. We can leave it all here, so that our not so secret thoughts don't get in the way of what we need to do. Here they will safely stay until we want to own them.

Sue.

I had a friend who was carer to her husband who was a paraplegic after a car accident. When Ray had the strokes in 1999 I asked her when you started to accept the changes in your life. She said after five years you start to accept the changes, after ten years you don't regularly look back to make the comparison.

Seems like a long time to go but we all get there one day at a time.

Sue.

Hi Mary and Pam

I sat in my cousin's garden in 1998 in the English countryside and a fox trotted by, just had a glance at us and went on his way.

I can sit on my front verandah here in OZ and see parrots, honey eaters, birds of all shapes and sizes landing on our native shrubs which are experiencing an early spring. I can hear their songs too, in the early morning.

Isn't being close to nature such a blessing? Especially when we allow ourselves some time to sit and watch and give it our attention.

Sue.

Being paid for eating out sounds like my dream job! I left the work force to look after Ray, thinking at first (as we all do) that it would just be a few months and we'd both be back to work.

If I go back to work ever, mystery shopper seems like a fabulous job.

PS Take some indigestion tablets along next time!

I'm a caregiver by nature as well as in a practical sense and when I've been sick myself have found it hard to ask for help too.

Just keep on interacting with others here and you can both help and be helped, without any obligation. Great eh?

Sue.

There is no easy way to make adjustments to you life. It all comes at a price. But you sound as if you know what to do. Glad you kinda like the new you. That is a big plus.

My husband is a diabetic and I am on a low fat diet so I read all the labels and we often sit down to two different meals. But we're adjusting. And still here.

Here in OZ we have wheelchair taxis that do a great service, getting a patient in a wheelchair out and about. There are also wheelchair buses in larger metropolitan areas though not where we live. Our Daycare service picks up in a bus with a lifter on the back so can take wheelchairs.

A minivan is an expense but what price being stuck at home all the time? Maybe you can get the family to ask around for some discounts or special deals too.

My cousin from Utah had a wheelchair rack specially made to fit on the back of her RV ( we call them station wagons). There are a lot of engineering places that maybe could tell you how to go about that.

Good luck with your endeavours.

Sue.

Ray (left side affected) bruises on his left arm because that is his "neglected" side. It means he looks after his right (good) arm but forgets his left. Don't know if that makes sense, but seems to be the way it is.

Rehab is great, new and exciting things to do, plenty of encouragement. But like all of life it is keeping on keeping on that counts.

Go for it. Paul said:"run the race" and he was right. Even if you can't run, walk to the best of your ability.

Good on ya mate.

It is raining, dreary winter here. That's the problem with being DownUnder. Enjoy the summer, it won't last. I'll just look forward to the next one in OZ.