swilkinson

Mary, part of being a parent is being a person of influence. We all know parents who's influence on their kids is bad, and parents who as much by who they are basically rather than what they do or say are a great influence on their kids, their kids' friends and sometimes the wider community. I think the strength you have shown through the last two years will significantly influence your kids. Great job you are doing there Sue.

Kristen, each survivor whatever their age needs a chance to get their old life back and get as much rehabilitation in various forms as they are able to cope with. Hope someone else can become your step-Granma's advocate who has some positive encouragement to share with her. Speaking in front of the patient as if he/she can't hear is insensitive and boorish. The doctors and your aunt need reminding of the patients needs coming first and the doctors especially reprimanded for their uncaring if not unethical behaviour. We all need to be discreet and respectful of our survivor's needs. As Ray is back in hospital I am back in the thick of getting Ray's rights and needs respected. The staff is only as good as the person watching them makes them out to be. Fortunately most of the staff I have dealt with so far have been eager to do all they can for Ray. Hugs from Sue.

I have just posted a call for prayers for Ray because he had a fall today and is in hospital with a fractured pelvis. It amazes me how quickly things change as we were having a very good day in a week which promised to be a good one too. Ray actually had the first fall this morning, he said he tripped over a cord (which he knew was there) and had twisted around somehow. He had fallen on carpet and was unharmed, maybe just slightly winded. So I did the British thing, sat him down in a comfortable chair and gave him a "nice cup of tea." Half an hour later he was just fine. We went out to lunch with a friend, down to the sea again, this time a little seaside town. Had a nice fish and chip lunch, well Ray and I shared a big serving of fish and chips and salad, I had the salad and half the fish. We had a stroll around the shops with him in his wheelchair. It was a glorious day with a warm sun and a cool breeze. Even had the satisfaction of watching a fisherman catch a highly edible fish, fishing in one of the channels at the lake entrances. We came home and while I was unloading the car with *P* the friend who came with us, Ray started towards the back door, took just a few steps and fell backwards. When I got him up he couldn't seem to stand so I took him inside in the wheelchair. I tried to stand him up inside but he appeared to be in pain so I helped him onto his bed and called an ambulance. The paramedics can always tell if there is a need to go to hospital so after examining him and questioning me they despatched him there quick smart. Upshot of all the tests, xrays etc is that he has a hairline fracture of the pelvis on the left hand side, luckily not involving the hip joint. The plate and pin is still nicely in place, there is no need for surgery. He just needs some bedrest, a couple of days on pain meds and then assessment by the physiotherapists. They will decide if he can come home or needs to have some therapy first. I am glad this decision is taken out of my hands. I think he needs a little physio though I doubt he will continue to exercise once he gets home again. It is inevitable, given all his conditions that one of the falls will be serious. Lucky this was not a broken off bone or a broken hip, just the pelvis fractured in such a way that no surgery, traction etc will be needed. I can't wrap him in cotton wool. I look after him as well as I can and have to pray continually that no harm will come to him. It is a tragedy that he continues to develop more problems, despite all the medications, good care etc. Now the "mild" osteoporosis may become one more hazard in our lives. Just keep us both in your thoughts and prayers please.

Asha, where we picniced we saw across the Bay to our own seashore so although we are on the east coast and the sun sets in the west it actually did reflect on the water to an extent. It is good for both of us to take time out, whether you find a park or a riverbank or in your case somewhere your kiddo likes to go it is just being OUT as opposed to SHUT IN all the time. Although it is an effort sometimes to make Ray ready to go out and then do all the things needed to make it happen it is worth ALL the effort. To be isolate from friends seems part of the way of stroke, but to be isolated from the beauties of nature as well would be to have something essential taken from our lives. As the saying goes:"That will not happen on my watch." Sue.

All of you who have had strokes or care for someone who has know that you can't just rush off and do something on the spur of the moment. Well today I tried and almost made it work. It is summer here, a really gorgeous day today topped about 85 degrees so not too hot. And even late this afternoon perfect weather so I decided on a picnic tea down by the sea. We would buy some seafood and eat at some picnic tables in a little bay about 20 minutes drive away. Ray got up from his afternoon nap about 5pm, so far so good. BUT he then had an "accident" so he was showered and changed, and already an hour had gone. Not to worry, still plenty of sunlight and still a glorious late afternoon. So into the car and off we go. Got to where I was to buy the seafood only to find the area fenced off, the place had had a fire and a big sign said:"Demolition site. Keep out." Bah humbug, but there is always plan B, right? Off we went to the nearest shopping centre only to find that just about everything shuts at 6pm, it is now 6.30pm. But there are some shops open so I manage to get enough food together for a respectable picnic, no fish and seafood but some chicken, that will have to do. But as I am loading the car I discover - no picnic set! I must have left that at home! Not a disaster I tell myself. This may not be exactly as I had planned but we have food and fingers were made before forks as my Dad used to say. And we have still got part of that glorious afternoon left. So back to a place where we can see the sea, where we can watch the changing sky. There are even picnic tables where we can sit and eat our chicken and rolls, our fruit etc. Ever cut up a lemon custard tart with a chicken bone? It is an interesting concept and it worked. Drinks straight out of the container, chicken rolls on paper napkins (serviettes we call them). And the sky went a pale pink and the seagulls clustered around the edge of the table and a dalmatian from the next family picnic over chased them away again. Ray managed the chicken roll despite his sometimes swallowing difficulties. He enjoyed sights and sounds of children playing on the sand, the few hopeful fishermen fishing from the beach as the twilight deepened. He and I talked a little, but not enough to drown out the sound of the waves slapping on the sides of the tethered boats which bobbed up and down as the small waves rolled into the shore. It was worlds away from our dining table at home even if only fifteen minutes or so drive away. We live in a wonderful area and often forget that tourists pay thousands of dollars to come for a holiday to see something we could enjoy everyday in summer if we just make the effort. Where there is a will there is a way. If you think of it as compromise it is. But when was life not a compromise, with or without a stroke to complicate the issue? If you think of it as using your ingenuity it is that too. We set out for a picnic, we had a picnic. What more could you ask for?

Anne, as you know Ray and I only recently joined the stroke group, prior to that we were doing something else on the first Saturday of the month. I wish we had joined it earlier though as I can see real benefit for Ray in being with other male stroke survivors. Maybe Baz could mention the possibility of support groups on his radio show? Your nearest large hospital should be able to give you a list of support services and even if they were at some distance, like Canberra or the coast, it might be worth going once a month to meetings to share your experiences and learn from others. Might be worth asking at your local doctors too as most doctors treat ten or so stoke survivors among their other patients. I was in the Snowies one year end of November and it snowed! Really weird weather for this time of the year, for sure. Good to see you blogging again. Sue. :chat:

Susan I always thought to review the year was a mixed blessing, and I am sure it is for all of us. But to turn the page to a new year without reviewing the one just past would be to me missing an opportunity to learn from my mistakes and maybe resolve to do better in the future. On the other hand the calendar is just a man-made device for accounting for the passing of time so when does the year "change" anyway? I guess it is up to each of us to do the review when the time is right for us. I just read back in some of your blogs and thought of the newborn and Granma photos, for some people a pictorial record of their life is a review anyway. Blog us some more, I enjoy reading your bogs. Sue. :chat:

Used to make that when I was a Tupperware lady in the '80's. Kids called it Tupperware slice as I put it on a sweet crumb base and sliced it into squares. Nice with crushed pineapple on top too. Good fishing, a great set up by the sounds of things. We have fishing ponds set up down south and disabled people have special chairs with seat belts on so they can't topple out with excitement when they get a bite! So good to have special times to look back on. Sue. :snorkel:

Ray and I went to our local support group WAGS today. It was a mostly business meeting as they have a lot of funding to spend. The lady survivors have formed a group and are going to have monthly lunches, this will be subsidised as the Friday Scallywags (male) group is. Scallywags starts again this coming Friday so (yippee!!) I will have some time away from Ray again. The group also planned a couple of informal get-togethers, one will be a day tour, by coach, possibly late March, the other a theatre party to have lunch and then see a production of "Oklahoma" in the theatre in our biggest town. Ray agreed to go to both so I have my fingers crossed that he will be okay on the day for both events. They are also looking to take part in a couple of surveys to help gather statistics on strokes so I guess we will get a package through the mail to fill in within a week or so. It was nice to catch up with some of the women from the womens weekend held in November again. Some of them rushed over to give me a hug, others hung back, probably because Sue alone is different from Sue with Ray. As we stayed on to lunch in a local restaurant we had some opportunity to interact with a few people also so got the Christmas/New Year news. It is nice to look around the room now and see twenty women I have had some deeper contact with, to remember some of the laughter and tears that accompanied that weekend. The downside of the meeting was that the person who sat on the other side of me is a man with a real chip on his shoulder. We hear here of people who's stroke makes them angry, vicious tongued unpleasant people and this man is one of those. His wife left him, he was forced to go to his brother's for Christmas and she was there, she is a..... fill in some unpleasant words here. She has taken his money and is now selling HIS car. His voice was quite loud when he was telling me all this and I could see a few people were uncomfortable with it. That is the difference between here and real time. In real time you can't turn the volume down. I hope he felt better for telling me his story. A dear friend of ours also goes to this group occassionally and she was there today. Her husband has just gone on kidney dialysis, too long a story to tell here. She was looking tired but was happy to say he was able to drive again now and so she has some of her freedom back. She is now acting as his caregiver, she hopes not for too long. It is hard when the one who still needs care has to ignore her own needs and battle fatigue etc to look after a spouse who has not been particularly supportive. There is an upside to all of this, we have learned, Ray and I, to count our blessings. we are not always able to do this but it is a rule-of-thumb in our lives now. We are grateful that he has lived longer and more fully than was predicted after his two major strokes in 1999. We are glad that although we have had to give up a lot of activities and have taken up some that proved short term we have, on the whole, had a reasonably happy life. We are grateful for all the friends and acquaintances that have lifted our spirits and brightened our lives in some way or other. One of the things the lady president (stroke survivor) said today really struck me. She said: "It is clinically proven that those survivors who join a support group do better mentally than those who don't." She went on to say that there is no proven statistical evidence for this but neurologists particularly, in questioning patients, are finding a lot of anecdotal evidence that says this is so. I thought that was very interesting. Our Stroke survivors who have trained for mentoring patients in the hospital system have now done their first few interviews and enjoyed the experience very much. They feel that even though people might not be able to take in all they are told early on in the stroke healing process, having some information left with them helps them maybe at a later date to link in to some of the services they will need. This is a State Health Department sanctioned program so it is being seen as a trial for what may later become a state wide program. Our group was selected to train and trial the program because they are all under 65 and thought to have the capacity, being younger, to implement a program of this kind. So there you have it. Some moments in our day, a day in our lives. Each day is worth what you trade it for a friend of mine used to say. On my bad days I hope it is not the truth. But today was a good day for Ray and for me.

Although I am not Catholic but Anglican I was once a daily attender too. I had time in theological college so got in the habit there. I could not leave my husband to go so it was one of the things I gave up to be a caregiver. I still miss it after seven years. There is a lot of voluntary work to do in any church so I am sure the parish will welcome you as a volunteer and hook you up with a driver. The school might be able to use you as a reading monitor (that is what they are called hear) to listen to children practice their reading too. Ray and I are Lions as he was one before his stroke and I joined to support (drive) him so we also sell raffle tickets in our local shopping centre and attend fortnightly meetings. It is very important to be visible and available for opportunities to find you. Good for you for wanting to put something back into the community. Sue.

Fred I read the paragraph about being poor and thought of my Dad. The year after his father died he went down to the kitchen and saw his Mum had hung up special stockings. His had a bulge in the bottom and he thought she had something special in it for him. When he got it out it was a couple of pages of newspaper and a lump of coal. The note attached said: "Your turn to light the fire. Merry Christmas. Mum." She eventually did get a small widow's pension and life got better for them. My Dad often said today's kids don't know how lucky they are. Well we are not kids and we do know how lucky we are. Lucky to have a roof over our heads, a bed to sleep in, food on the table. Compared with others in third world countries we are millionaires. And even in a state of ill health we have doctors, hospitals, all kinds of services aimed at getting us better. Thank you for reminding me to count my blessings. Sue.

"My name is Lorraine and I am the grandmother of a 15 month old stroke survivor. "Yes", I said 15 month old! She had a left hemispheric CVA on July 11th, 2005." Hi Lorraine, I copied this from one of your posts so others will know who Karina is. I guess she is really precious to you and all the family. As a grandmother myself I know how your heart must ache sometimes. This is a good place to come for support, those of us who are caregivers can empathise with you and the survivors can share the battles that that little grand daughter of yours is going through and most of us know the strain of living with strokes and the tremendous challenges this represents. Thank you for joining the blog community. We will be delighted to hear of Karina's ongoing progress and the struggles you and her parents go through to support her. Sue.

Ray and I went to a funeral yesterday. We knew the widower as he is a member of our Lions Club. Sadly, although we had met his wife it was as a lady in a wheelchair who hardly spoke and never smiled. She had had severe dementia for the past four years. Imagine then how our view of her changed when we heard the eulogies. She had been a Radio Operator in the Women's section of the Australian Airforce in the second world war, had been a department head in a large department store, had run her own business etc. Added to this she helped raise her nieces and nephew as her sister was ill and she had taken over their care for long periods of time etc. Then she met her husband aged 40 and their story went on from there. This made me think about people who may meet Ray now. How do they see him? We as his family know all the old stories, have known him from his late twenties, early thirties (the kids) his early twenties (me) or since as far back as they can remember (some of his cousins). So his attributes, assets, weaknesses, those things that made him uniquely Ray are known to a large number of people to a greater or lesser degree. Mind you some know little of his struggles over the past seven years as they do not keep in touch with us. Today's chat I was speaking with mfrank. We talked about jobs and he has a lot in common with Ray. They were both carpenters and then frank was a Wildlife Officer and Ray was a Fisheries Officer here in Australia. Of course they have both also had strokes and both still live at home with a caregiver/wife. That made me stop and think about Ray and how we have travelled together the 38 years of our married life. When I met Ray he was working as a storeman/carpenter for one of his mates fathers in a small business in the Blue Mountains. He had done his apprenticeship on the Railways ( carpenter/joiner) and then worked a few other jobs before arriving where he lived when I met him. I met him at a dance in a hall not far from where his mother lived. I went to dances most Friday and Saturday nights. Most of these were charity fund-raisers or teen club dances held in local halls. The entry fee was nominal, there was a sandwich supper and the music was from local old-time bands. If I got a lift there and back and had enough to buy a drink and pay my entry you would find me there. Ray came home to his mothers house most weekends and so we met at the dances. I guess it wasn't love at first sight but we liked each other, danced well together etc. He came home to meet my parents, I met his and we got engaged and then married . We set up house close by to where he worked but the boss got cranky and he lost that job. We came back to the coast, he took work as a journeyman/carpenter and we went on to raise a family. He joined the Fisheries Department and we had three districts in a 14 year period before that job went over a silly political move and then he went back to his trade as a carpenter again. I think Ray loved working as a Fisheries Inspector more than anything else he did in life. He was good at the job. He could give out a fine and tell the person why they had done something that would spoil the future fishing for others without them getting offended. Sure he had some close encounters with violence and had a gun pointed at him a few times but he came through it all unscathed. He loved the job, liked the people he worked with but the never ending trail of paperwork and the political nature of policing what were sometimes silly regulations undermined him in the end. Ray was always community minded as were his parents so he joined a service club and that made us friends wherever we went. His handiness with tools made him a popular friend too; windows broken, door won't lock? Call Ray. He always said "Right oh, be there soon." and so he was very popular. We still have friends from every phase of his life. He made them, I kept them by sending letters, making phone calls and now by doing it all by email. It is not sufficient to say that Ray was/is a good man. He was more than that. He wanted to make a difference to his community. He wanted to be of help to family and friends. Sure our grass would be knee high in our back yard but poor Widow X needed help and off he would go. Got to love that man. And being in the service clubs made a huge difference to our stay in country towns. And through church suppers and other social events and Sunday school efforts where Dads were obliged to attend he also got to know and love God and became a fine Christian husband, father and church helper. If you saw Ray and I in a shopping centre now, with him in a wheelchair and me pushing it what would you see? Two past middle aged people, one afflicted and the other one taking care of them? I think that is what most people would see. But I and a few family members and old friends see Ray as he always was, the fine man who loved his family and served his community well. I wanted to tell you some of this, rather than leave the telling for the hopefully still far-distant eulogy.

Hi AJ, nice to see you posting again, I noticed you had cob-webs on your blog so must have been lost back in the old archives...lol. I agree that people the like of President Gerald Ford will not be seen again. As an Aussie I guess I only follow American politics by news items but he seemed like a great man, as long as you weren't a spectator on the golf course, I believe he hit a couple of them! You are as you say "dam lucky to have what I have" we all are survivors and caregivers alike. It sounds like acceptance has made you feel more in control of your remaining post-stroke deficits. Keep up the good work. Sue.

Azella, welcome :welcome: to the blog community. It is good to write something of your journey down so others can get to know you better. I guess for some people an ocean of tears is what they outpour after a stroke. But two years after? Perhaps your doctor could try some medications/anti depressants to see if you could stop that. As for comprehension maybe some of the stroke survivors who have been through the same thing can give you some support and some ideas on the therapies they have found successful. I am Sue, caregiver to my husband Ray who has had five strokes. He has been medically retired from 1999 and me to care for him and we do the best we can with the limitations he has. I am host for Caregiver chat on Tuesday nights perhaps you can join us or one of the survivor chats and get to know a few more people that way. :chat: It will be good to get to know you through your blog. :welcome: Sue.

"out with the old, in with the new" was a popular expression from my youth. We had posters displaying the old year as a very old man, sometimes called "Father Time" and the new as a cherub-like baby(boy) with a banner displaying the new years date e.g 2007. I think the idea of the year as used up or old came from the thinking in the past when "starting anew" meant something and New Years was a turning point. Most particularly in those countries where being snow bound and in long darkness gave more time for people to think the events of the past year over. New Years resolutions were an attempt at changing living patterns and sometimes marking the date we gave up smoking or drinking to excess, or when we took up something healthy. At least in times past there was the space to think about such things. Nowadays there doesn't seem to be such seriousness about making lifestyle changes. I hate to think that there is no way we can change our lives, but know that some things in my life at least are a given and whatever the future holds I will try to tackle it as bravely as I can. Enjoy the positive changes in Bill, live in the moment as Jean says and look to the future with hope and courage. Sue. :chat:

Hope you managed to go out for New Year's celebrations. I find with looking after Ray that we get "stir crazy" very quickly if we stay home too much. It doesn't have to be more than a drive to the shops to relieve the boredom and expand our world a bit. I am interested to see that Keith has unexplained ups and downs as all stroke survivors do. As someone else said stem cell therapy is looked on by some as the "magic pill" and yet it would seem that there is a lot of hard work required to get back to where you want to be whatever the therapy. Good for you for being supportive and to Keith for being a "real champion". Hope the effects of the head cold disappear soon and you are able to forge ahead again. Sue.

Sherri, I am sorry you will be spending less time here but I guess it is a sign you are feeling less in need of support now. As you say some of us stay on to help the newbies, to be part of the organization, or just to call in from time to time and give an update. I hope the last is what you will do. Sue. :chat:

I told Jean and Bonnie I wasn't going to make New Years resolutions and as I have been sitting here alone the last three hours or so I have been thinking about that. When I was young I learned to establish goals, long term and short term goals. The short term goals are something I could do in the next few weeks, so get a haircut, tidy out the linen cupboard, reply to all the Christmas letters would seem reasonable goals for the next three weeks. Realistically longer term goals would depend on the availability of money to finance the project, time and opportunity so they are not as easy to fulfill in a realistic way. Sometimes goals spring out of needs or as the answer to problems. I looked back at blogs from this time last year and found out that I really still have a similar set of problems. Ray is still struggling with continence issues so I still struggle with cleaning up after him, he still has swallowing issues so I try to keep the menus simple but sustaining, this can also lead to a lack of variety in our diet and the need to cook several meals some days when he needs something simple and I fancy something savoury. He still has mobility and sleeping problems so I have to keep our schedule simple and allow plenty of time for him to sleep. I therefore run into problems with afternoon specialists appointments etc. New problems in the last twelve months include increasing confusion and with it a lack of processing skills. This caused a problem this morning when he managed to spill the urinal on the bed. This he stated , was my problem, as I was the one who replaced the old bed. Sure, blame the caregiver. He then had several problems with the day linked to not processing what I told him and translating it into an action. It is sometimes like having a truculent toddler. Unfortunately he is not going to "grow out of it" as a toddler would. And sometimes my patience is in short supply. So what would I use for long term goals in this situation? I guess one would be to keep Ray healthy. To make sure he takes his medication, checks with the doctor frequently, does the bloodwork etc necessary for the doctor to have a good idea of upcoming problems and keep them in check. The next one is harder which is to ensure Ray has sufficient sleep. This also entails sometimes turning down appointments at inappropriate times and insisting on consideration of his limitations, such as not being fed sweets at Daycare as it throws his sugar readings out and insisting he gets some exercise when he goes into respite. All this without looking like a controlling, manipulative and aggressive female. Not an easy task. Then there is taking care of myself. Looking after my own health problems ( like that is ever going to happen!) and taking appropriate breaks etc. It is so easy to give up on this one but I think I am slowly being able to achieve an occassional hour off here and there, even if it is by saying to Ray;"Go out on the verandah and read for a while and I will tell you when you can come back inside". It seemed harsh the first time I said it and he looked crestfallen but I sometimes need the break, to clean the bathroom, change cupboards around, anything where I am going to spread materials around in such a way that I don't want to have him walk through the middle of them. I managed to have a respite break this year. It was partly because I let myself get to breaking point that I needed it so badly. I get depressed when I am not coping. But it was also due to Ray's increasing dependence on me and his inability to cope with simple problems. I have watched as he forgets simple things like washing his hands and face and checking to see if he needs a shave before going out. Once that was automatic, now it very rarely occurs and I have to remind him. Changing his clothes, remind him, having his glasses with him, remind him. I remind him of every aspect of his day to day activities, not once but many times each day now. Then there is the family. What a minefield that one is. His family were more noticable by their absence last year. Again. A few cousins and old friends kept in touch, but we buried a few of them too in the last twelve months and I have a funeral to go to on Tuesday and one I should go to on Wednesday but probably won't. "Should old acquaintance be forgot" we sing on New Year's Eve. Well, no they shouldn't, but I can't afford the time to relentlessly pursue them either. So if they contact I reciprocate, if they don't it is possibly goodbye. And a good clean break is often better than something that lingers painfully on and on. Our family support is at about the same level, though my sister minding Ray stopped earlier on this year. And lastly there is the thoughts of change. What will change in the next twelve months? Already our daughterand her family's going north is in discussions about what will happen for birthdays, how we will keep in touch, send presents etc. And our sons job if it becomes permanent as it seems it could will mean he is away from home for a lot more of the week. And what of Mum? A move across the road from the Lodge to the nursing home? Possibly? And the rest of the family? Who knows. And so this is the basis of my thoughts. The reason behind the decisions I will make. I am not listing them:"I resolve to..." it is not clear cut enough for that.

It's good to have friends who care even if that care comes in the form of a scolding occassionally. I did a post a while back on having an emergency plan and that is important too. So your friends know what is to happen if something goes wrong you could send them a copy too. It includes who will be your power of attorney, who is responsible for keeping people updated etc. You probably have an idea of how this happened when you stroked so you can base it on that. Glad you are feeling better now and ready to keep in touch with your friends. Maybe you need to work on making a friend in your building too who would be willing to accept a call from Linda and knock on your door if it happens again. Sue.

I agree with Bob, I am also suffering from "post Christmas boredom". Now you need to remember it is summer here so there is plenty to do but all the organisations we belong to that form part of our routine are closed until the third week in January. It is easiest to shut down over the Christmas/ New Year period and give workers time off when families are around (kids on a six week summer vacation) so factories, charitable organisations who depend on volunteers and some small businesses take a three week break for Christmas and the period after. So the survivor has no where to go, the caregiver gets no breaks and a kind of depression sets in that is seasonal. I usually try to overcome this by going out every day, down to the shopping centre, to one of the picnic areas, to the lakeshore. But petrol(gas) is still sky high in price and the tourists who usually go further north seem to have decided on our part of the coast as the ideal holiday destination so the driving is impeded by tourists, the parking places filled with them, the shops crowded with them etc. The family are also busy now with the catch up jobs that Christmas interrupted so Trev went over and cleaned Steve's carpets today and helped Pam clean up. I guess like me she lived with her post-Christmas chaos for a while, but eventually it has to be faced, the gifts being packed away or displacing other, older toys. There is no house big enough to allow room for all the toys a child thinks he/she can play with at the same time. So sooner or later a compromise has to be reached and some of the old ones packed away. I bought a small coffee table today for Ray at a second hand shop. I had been looking for a reasonably priced set of small tables but didn't find any and his last one broke a leg ( they all seem to sooner or later) so I bought the little table on castors as a stop-gap. It is principally used to put his "supper" on of an evening, but also for other times when he needs a flat surface close by. Of course it does not, as you would know from experience, fit in the same space. Hmmmm. I know Murphy's Law applies here. Four days of rain have been predicted but although we had masses of cloud pass over today we had very little rain. Other places had bad storms but we just had a few rain showers. The ants were on the move today which is a pretty reliable sign of rain coming so I guess we might not venture far from home this weekend. Not that I had any plans to do so. But as I began this, even a small drive can slay the "boredom dragon". And Ray has an easy way out of it, he just sleeps the day away like Rip Van Winkle. Living close to the coast as we do for the kids growing up, summer was about the beach. Wet weekends produced nose prints on the window pane as kids squinted out looking for a break in the clouds. I used to take the boys to the beach on Sunday afternoons, often finding a shady spot and sitting there with a book while they hopped in and out of the water. They seemed to finish up blending into the scenery of surf and sand, ending the summer with brown skin and blonded hair. Now they have their own worlds to live in and the beach does not figure in that and my life is the poorer. Maybe I'll take up counted cross stitch, read some of my long neglected books or pen a few lines for Lin before it is too late. Anything other than looking around and saying like the kids used to:" I'm bored. There is absolutely NOTHING to do here."

Robyn, it is good to see you at this point of healing. Some people can stay too long in a state of grief and, although we all heal at our own rate, we have to accept our healing in order to be able to embrace new life again as you have just found out. I have had some lovely healing retreats in the past and they don't teach me anything new so much as confirming what I already know to be true. Do call back from time to time as you may want to see how your friends here are doing, but feel no obligation, we helped you, you supported us, and that is the way it should be. Walk on in peace, Sue.

Welcome to the blog community Mary. I am a pretty consistent blogger. It helps me sort my life out. I also like to read other people's blogs as, like chat, it helps me by seeing how they cope with life. I've enjoyed our chats over the past year or so and am sure I will continue to do so. Good for you for trying something new. Speak to you soon,Sue.

Robyn, I hesitated to weight in with my two cents worth here but Jean has only got it partly right. ANY brain injury will alter people's perspective, reactions, how they deal with issues etc. It may also cause an insecurity that may undermine their confidence, force them back into bad, old relationships, dangerous behaviour etc. In some cases it is like being swung violently around and just spinning out of control and then the first person who offers help becomes the saviour. I have seen a few cases being a hospital visitor for a while and believe that no-one knows how the person they love will respond when a stroke hits. I also think that if you go to a hospital, rehab centre or nursing facility and actually talk to stroke survivors you may get a better understanding overall of what life is like after a stroke. A few of us here belong to stroke support groups in real time and I can say for me, even joining one after seven years of dealing with Ray's strokes, it has been a real eye opener. Good luck with you new relationship and with your future plans. Sue.

Julie, I think we all need some wise words to live by. From time to time I have found a book, a magazine article or an item in a newspaper somewhere that has contained good advice for my present situation. I hang onto those wise words whatever they are through the next bad period of my life. What is appropriate for one period of your life does not always suit another so it is good you are looking or a new vision for your life. I hope you find it. The 12 step program is good for giving up addictions, maybe you need some guidelines for positive living instead. Have you tried your local library? Neighbourhood centres, the local hospital or even doctors' surgeries are places to look for lifestyle change literature too or you might find a support group to give you some new ideas. :chat: Sue.