swilkinson

Hey Amy, sounds like you are really looking forward to the holidays, hope you have a lot of activities planned to share with Maddy. If you can hold the newborn that is lovely. I have a friend who has a "useless arm" (her words) and she says in a happy voice:"Wait till I sit down" and then holds the baby in the crook of her good arm, smiling a big grin all the while. Maybe you need to practice with a doll first, but it should be possible. Hope your holidays are happy and full of sumnshine. Sue.

I've just replied to a worried caregiver who is feeling guilty that she is taking a break while her husband goes off with other family members. Ray has just been for his second three day break in a month, a never before experienced event. I planned both my breaks so I had some ME time. And we both reap the benefit of that. Ray comes home from a break where he has had a lot of good food, entertainment, company, to a much rested caregiver. On my first break I visited a friend for lunch, left her mid-afternoon and drove down and stayed overnight with my sister. We got to have a chat about some of the family matters on her turf, after a meal, when she was feeling comfortable. We got some agreement that way. I spent the second day with her till lunchtime. Then I came back home and did some shopping, then went out with another girlfriend for dinner. The Thursday I spent doing some house cleaning and on the Friday morning Ray was home. This three days I spent differently. As soon as Ray had gone to camp on Tuesday I set off by bus and train to visit my Sydney family. It took me almost three hours to do an hour and a half trip but I was relaxed when I got there not fraught from fighting my way through city traffic. The last twenty minute walk up two fairly steep hills towing my suitcase was the big exercise but worth it to say I got all the way there without help. The two nights with my daughter's family allowed me to spend a lot of time after school with my two grandchildren, Christopher who is six goes to the school next door to the Salvation Army College. He likes school but is a bit of a dreamer rather than a high achiever but will make a lot of friends as he is kind and helpful in his attitude to others. Naomi who is two goes to Daycare. She is walking, talking and a loving little girl. I really enjoyed reading to her, playing with her , entering her little world. It really did me the world of good to be there with them. The second afternoon we went to a nearby park and played on all the climbing equipment and it was like the days when I had Christopher here and we just had the best time. I came home when they went to school on Thursday and went out to dinner with friends last night. It is lovely to just cut up MY food and talk and laugh and enjoy the company of others without having to look after Ray. I wouldn't feel right if I left him at home to go out and celebrate with friends but when he is on a break away and has good care then it is time for me to have fun by myself. Taking care of another person is hard, there are times when it is full-on, full of worry, stress and plain hard work. If the opportunity comes to have a break and get some of that "ME time" everyone urges you to get, do it. It can only make you a better, more relaxed caregiver.

Fred, I just love it when kids strive to get that extra few points to get A's, particularly the not-so-bright ones. They will never take their success for granted like the gifted kids do. A lot of handicapped kids go on to make a success of their lives and a worthwhile contribution to society. I talk to handicapped kids wherever I get the opportunity. A lot of them have great attitudes to life that we can find encouraging too. Keep on being their cheersleader and keep reminding us that others beside stroke survivors have a battle with life and win. Sue.

A year ago on the 30th May was when I came here. Ray had a stroke on 20th May, only the staff at the hospital said it wasn't a stroke and sent us home at 3am on 21st. I knew it was a stroke, the MRI proved it was a stroke but when Ray and I came home on 21st May 2005 all I knew was that he was weaker than usual, slower than usual and couldn't sit up or stand up without help. Unfortunately after you have had four strokes stroke number five is hard to identify. When you go into Accident and Emergency (E.R) these day you can be held there for 18 hours or so before your case is assessed to be serious enough for a hospital stay. In A&E on 20th May the doctors all seemed young. Theirs was the experience of the textbook and the computer screen. I remember them asking me:"Has he always had slurred speech? Has he always been paralysed to the same degree? What is new about his condition that makes you think he has had a stroke?" I must have given the wrong answers. Because they sent Ray home at 3am. "No reason for the stroke, he doesn't drink,smoke, does exercise moderately. We do water therapy one hour a week, get a lot of stimulus in the form of diverse activities. After six years we know about medication, healthy eating and how to time our activities so that he doesn't tire out. But is is so easy to get complacent and think we have got it right now so THAT will never happen again. And then it does" I just cut and pasted that into here, it was my second post, on the topic I posted to say how frightened I felt. It was six years out from his two major strokes and I was feeling frightened again. I asked the neurologist: "If Ray is on all the right medications, if his diabetes is under control and his high blood pressure is replaced by a good reading, his cholesterol is no longer a problem WHY is he still having more strokes?" and of course he didn't know either. This weekend has been an ordinary weekend for this time of the year, yesterday we did some house stuff in the morning, in the afternoon I was going to take Ray with me to a Fashion Parade but Trevor changed his plans and said he would be home so it was fine to leave Dad home for a few hours as he would be here and Dad would be having a nap anyway and would be no trouble. So I was able to go off alone for a change, the way other women do. I did enjoy the parade of winter wraps and slacks and glamourous garments not designed to keep you warm but they did look so lovely. And I had afternoon tea and chatted for a while and then I came home. And the night of the 20th did not mirror last years but turned calmly into the morning of the 21st with out any trouble. And today went well too. A winter barbecue after church, with Tori and family and an old friend here, and some chat this afternoon. And then a trip to the park with Tori, again with Ray peacefully sleeping a large part of the afternoon away and Trev somewhere on the premises making sure he was still okay by looking at him from time to time. And me getting tired muscles from chasing Tori and a ball around the park. And having a swing with her and talking to some of the other parents enjoying the almost wintery sunshine in the park too. Just a typical Sunday afternoon. And now I sit here and I can hear Ray peacefully sleeping and I am thankful that another "anniversary" is over for another year. It is one year on from the last stroke, seven years on from the majors, fifteen and a half years on from the first stroke on 9th December 1990. A lot of things have happened in our lives. A lot of trauma, a lot of weeping and wailing. A lot of struggle to get to where we are today. But we are still here. And that is the bottom line.

Mary, it is just as traumatic not knowing as it is knowing with a lot of cancer situations. Being over optimistic can be the same as being in denial. I am a great weigher of circumstances. I think I am a realist and have a wait-and-see attitude, cheerful on the outside but often shaky on the inside. We have had a lot of cancer in our family and each encounter is different and has ts own set of difficulties to overcome. All you can do is keep in touch with your work colleague and be patient with her as she expresses her concern. You've had a lot of practice with that here. Sue.

I have not had a lot of times in my life when I have felt as if I couldn't help someone. Even when I was a small kid I was a trier. It used to amuse Dad that I would come up to a log that he had cut,when he was cutting timber in the woods in England and try with all my strength to lift it up and put it in the pile. I would even drag it a little way to show that I could do it. I guess that is why when he was building a couple of extensions to places we lived in he used to call on me to help him. Mind you all that help was paid back in full over our years of building. Just the last few months I have begun to feel as if my strength is lessening. I am almost 59 so I guess coming up to my senior years but I have always thought of myself as a strong person. Now my shoulders seem to be less powerful and I often find I am struggling to lift the larger plant pots and contents or some piece of furniture I have decided to move. This is a bit frustrating as helping hands are not always available. A couple of days ago the physio came to put Ray through his paces. I really like her as she is tailoring the exercises to what she wants him to do but also from what he can do now. So she looks at the way he uses his muscles and then thinks of how she can increase his range of movements. Ray seems to be responding well to this and I have some hope that he may even have a few finer movements if he can exercise enough to rebuild some of the weakened muscles in his left arm. One of the things I want to do is to take Ray away for the weekend using the trains. As pensioners we get reduced rail ticket prices. So with petrol prices rising rail travel is by comparison a cheaper option, particularly long distances. I need Ray to either be able to balance a suitcase in his lap or be able to push one in front of him. I now have a frame that may enable this to happen but we will have to practice with it to see how he manages. Strong though I am I can't carry two suitcases and push a wheelchair, and open doors and find a suitable seat and...the list goes on. Anyway, the point is that if we are going to travel by train Ray will have to help in some way. A few of our friends have come up with some helpful suggestions. In some cases I should be able to book the luggage so it goes ahead of me. That means I can take the luggage to the station and then go back and get Ray. The PT suggested that I use a backpack for Ray and put it on him so it is in front of him not behind him. This might be okay with a smaller backpack, and that might mean that by using a backpack and a larger suitcase we would have enough room for everything we needed. But then we usually go away with two large suitcases and a couple of other bags. Since Ray's strokes it is impossible to travel light!!Anyway we will work on this and see what we can do. I am going to Sydney by train next week and spending a couple of nights at our daughter's place while Ray is at Camp Breakaway. It will be the first train trip I have done for a while. I have to go right into Sydney, change trains and come out for about half an hour in a westerly direction. I am sure it will be easy enough and generally railway staff are courteous and willing to give directions. I have travelled by train a lot in my lifetime but not over the past seven years. So on Monday I will pack a bag and get ready. Ray will still go to Daycare and that will fill out the week. I know I enjoyed the break for three days last week and am sure next week I will too. But I am feeling just a little uneasy about the whole thing. Stepping out of my comfort zone. doing new things, thinking differently about life. Only Granma is going to visit the grandchildren, not Pa. I hope this is not an indication of things to come.

Kristen As a caregiver when I stuff up I know I am in strife. I have to sit down and simplify my life from time to time but first I need to acknowledge that I am not superwoman! Glad you have somewhere to live in Colorado and a job to go to and friends waiting for you there. Moving is always a big deal. Maybe the being without the boss has gioven you some skills that will enable YOU to be the boss one day, seems to me you have the potential there. Catch you in chat one day soon,Sue.

I did voluntary telephone counselling for eight years, usually once a week for a six hour session. I also was a trainer for five out of the eight years. This meant that I interacted with a lot of people, callers, other staff, fellow counsellors, the newbie counsellors as I helped to train them. Being a student of human nature I found it fascinating that sometimes the counsellors were more needy than the callers. We all were trained and then let loose on the phones. Serious problems were referred on to people with more training, we had volunteers who were psyciatrists,psycologists, medical personnel etc who we could refer people on to. And in extreme cases the police were involved. All of course with the consent of the caller. During the training courses I did a lot of self-examination and reflection and grew as a person. Some of the trainers stood aloof from the newbies but I never did, it is in sharing that you encourage others to share. I was also involved in the role plays used to demonstrate the way to handle a call. I remember one that involved incest that made me want to rush home and hug all my children to my chest and never let them go. It is traumatic sometimes to step into someone else's shoes even for a little while. One of the things the newbies were assessed on was how they shared information with the caller. The idea was to establish fellow-feelings without dumping all your own stuff on the caller and changing roles so they had to become the counsellor to your need. Some people were very natural in the way they shared, others seemed to have to learn to do this as you would learn any other skill with guidelines, feedback and in one instance an observer yelling:"NO, for heaven's sake, you're doing it again." which was not one of the recommended methods but certainly made those who were there much more sensitive in their approach. There is something therapeutic about sharing even a little of your story. We find that here, the relief of putting down in words, as a survivor or caregiver, what has been bothering you for some time. It is great to see progress by looking at an old posting and saying:"Gosh, look at how far I have come!" or even sadly, looking the postings of others whose lives have deteriorated and thinking of the extra time they enjoyed beyond that originally predicted by their medicos. There is a bravery about sharing that some people just don't have. I guess that applies to some of the lurkers here, they would like to share but just can't get up the courage. We had that in Lifeline too and sadly not all made it from the start of the course on to the phone service. A few were good as conversationalist but lousy counsellors as their story so dominated their own lives that they were not able to look at others with the compassion they themselves needed. Some came back again after a few years when they had learned to handle their crisis or after undergoing some extensive therapy themselves. It's not easy to maintain a balance in your life. As a survivor and as a caregiver we are liable to be thrown back into chaos at any time. There could always be one more stroke. There could always be a brewing family crisis that turns nasty. As a caregiver I am aware that some people do come to the end of their ability to care for one reason or another. One of the couples we were on the Stroke Ed course with have just split up, despite all the help offerred to *H* she just could not go on. Too much emphasis is put on what you "have"to do as a caregiver or survivor and that can make some people feel unable to maintain the changed relationship. I can understand that and don't want it to happen to Ray and me. I think that what we did in Lifeline we do a little of here. We share our story when we first join and then add what bits of our story or experience that seems appropriate to boost others onto the postings. There is an interchange of ideas that is therapeutic but there is a harsher interchange that can be harmful too. We just have to be aware of the balance and sensitive to the needs of others.

Everyone says the first year is the worst and they are right. But now it is time to help that tired feeling go away, in Rolly and in yourself by adding some new ingredients into your life. I know it is hard when you work as well. In our first year we gave up so much. When work went so did our income,the rehab took time so lots of friend went, even family suffered as we only gave them our leftover time. I felt as if life as I knew it would never be happy again. Then we took up the coach holidays. They were compact, we could go for just a week or longer, all meals, entries, excursions etc were organised and pre-paid. So it was something new that was partly a rest, partly a change of scenery. That gave me new ideas of what to do at home and inspired some of the other things we did as we talked to other "retired" folk about their life changing experiences. :chat: We also added water therapy and bowling in our second year. You will find the new things that are right for you, look around, ask yourself what you miss the most and how you can build that into your present life together. Sue, I m saying these things to inspire you to use your summer to the full, get out and about, visit friends, see new landscape, try to renew old acquaintances. Just have some fun. Sue. :cheer:

Yes, Ken, it is treatable and heaps of people grow old without a thyroid. My Mum had hers out when I was in my teens so maybe 40 years ago. No radiation then and she is still going, well she has Alzheimers but she is also nearly 88. So your neice could live a long and happy life. Hope it works out that way. In the meantime support her and her family all you can. We have lots of really good specialists here so no panic. Sue.

"Sardonic French sardonique, from Greek sardonios (meaning "of bitter or scornful laughter"), by influence of Sardonios - the Greeks believed that eating a certain plant they called sardonion ("plant from Sardinia") caused facial convulsions resembling those of sardonic laughter, usually followed by death. Scornfully mocking or cynical. Disdainfully or ironically humorous. " thanks to the Wikidictionary. Some of the humour I use as a caregiver and as an Australian woman is sardonic. It is laughter with a twist, black humour, humour where you "had to be there". Sometimes this is misunderstood by others who are not used to this and can take offence at it's bitter-sweet component. Ray is back from Camp Breakaway, he had a good time, so he said. Mind you he couldn't actually enumerate what happened, who was there or what was said and done. That is okay. I have an arrangement now where our provider gives me a follow-up call with any new problems etc that may have occurred. Today's phone call was about incontinence as that is his new problem. I guessed it must have been as his black garbage bag in which the used clothes come home was full and his suitcase practically empty. So next time there is a request that he wears diapers. And that I send two spares for each day. This is okay with him, he says. The woman I was talking to will also send some literature on the latest ones. She said to me:"We can't leave him wet."I said to her:"Maybe it was raining." She laughed, understanding that I was trying to inject some humour into a painful discussion. It must be hard to make these calls. To tell someone that their dear one doesn't have some of those skills that we all take for granted, or that compared to last time there had been a deterioration, a loss of skills. Mind you the caregiver usually realises what is happening, only now it is out in the open, put into someones files. He also left his "Glucometer" behind. He takes his sugar readings every morning so I rang to find out if it had been located. Luckily it had and will be returned by one of the workers who will drop it here after a night in Sydney.She is a friend's daughter so I told her no rush, leave her options open, she might get lucky and not come home. She laughed. It is a small courtesy, to laugh to create a mutual feeling of relief. We are blessed by those people who come into our lifes rarely but always bring good humour and a willingness to share laughter. I loved Sarah's (Spacie1) blog about the pink panties. It is easy to pack wrong clothes or not pack the right ones. Ray's have to be labelled, and listed on a list to go to Camp Breakaway.I think they all came back because Ray left the ticked off list on his bed. Really handy. So if one day I go looking for a particular pair of trousers or a cardigan I'll know where it is. Anyway he is home, the holiday is over BUT I get to do it all again in two weeks time!!

Mary, hope you get sunny side up soon. I sometimes get grumpy (various reasons) and must cast a shadow over the lives of those around me. The survivor pity party and the caregiver pity party are pretty well undistiguishable. Hope the sun will come out again for you soon. Sue.

I had an occassion today to talk to a person who to me seems to have some slight problems. To hear her speak you would think she was skeletal, laying down writhing in agony and close to death. Instead she is a plump, healthy looking middle aged woman with a healthy head of hair, a lovely complexion and plenty of animation in her facial expressions and body movements There was so much difference between how she described herself as being and how she presented herself that there was no connection between the two images. I am wondering if this is a perception problem or if it is something deeper like the girls with anorexia who "think they are fat". Do you think there is some pre-determined condition that makes people see themselves as "ill", "permanently damaged", "beyond recovery" and a few other things my friend threw in for good measure today? I guess I am asking are there "false" measuring sticks and "true" measuring sticks? So some people are convinced they are worse than they are and act accordingly because of how they perceive their condition, rather than how it really is? And when you are considered "fully recovered" by your doctor or therapists do you need some help in accepting that it really is true, you have been there and done that but now it is all over and you are a recovered stroke survivor. Maybe we need to build some self-assessment skills into the process? Sue.

I think I make the same mistakes as your husband sometimes. I do get tired and cranky, I do put the "guilts" on Ray too. It is not easy to be "on call" all the time. Even if Ray said it was fine to do something in the early days o f his stroke I would think: "I can't, what if I do it and he needs me, or has a fall, or..." so a lot of the burden was from my own thinking. Ray does dress himself, taught to like Don, by his occupational therapist. He can also stand long enough to shower himself. I do button him up and help with dressing sometimes too, especially if we are in a rush to go somewhere. Take Jean's advice and get some "dressing lessons". If the going gets tough have a wash instead of a full shower. Maybe sometimes initiate his having a bike ride by saying: "What a wonderful day. Why don't I sit here while you go have a ride?" Believe me , sometimes for a caregiver, in the first year , it does feel as if you do everything. Even when the person you care for is most co-operative. We all feel the burden of doing all those unaccustomed tasks that our partner used to do. And we are all just a human being, doing our best. So do keep coming here and venting, we all need to get it out , rather than keeping it in and becoming ill because of the built up stress. But there are lots of couples struggling with the new depended/depended upon role of survivor and caregiver that you are going through now. Sue.

Wow Caroline :welcome: You have a great first blog! :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: Three cheers for you. Lovely to talk to you in chat tonight. :chat: I had a shower and now I am not tired. Sue. :big_grin:

Two out of three days gone already. Ray went off to Camp Breakaway on Tuesday morning and I waved him goodbye thinking about all I would get done while he was away. Well, fortunately I came to my senses. This is MY time, not time to catch up on housework, cooking, cleaning or sewing. This is my time to do the things I want to do, right? Big problem. If someone asks me: "What do you WANT to do Sue?" I don't really know what to say. After all for the last seven years I have mostly just done what needs to be done. On the three day breaks I have mostly just gone on with the regular routine. This was important in some ways as things get to be done on certain days here, so if I miss a day or two chaos reigns. BUT looking around I can't see that working flat out for three days on the house and garden is going to give me a lot of satisfaction. So I sat down and thought. What do I really miss after seven years of looking after Ray? And the answer that came to me was - girlfriends. :cheer: Now this seems silly for a woman heading for sixty, right? No, not really. Girlfriends are the support group most of us draw our wisdom, perception and often our sense of perspective from. Girlfriends are peers. Girlfriends have gone through puberty, marriage, birth of children (sometimes) divorce (sometimes) and menopause with us. They have fed and deflated our ego as the need arose. They have been there when the males in our life deserted or went away or collapsed under the strain of life. So I rang a few of my women friends. Only three were available to meet in the three days so I thought that was okay. They were a starting point. So yesterday I had lunch with one, a widow, a good friend with her husband of Ray and I when Ray had his major strokes. Her husband has since died but with people like him loved once is loved always. So gone but a long way from forgotten. We had a delightful lunch and an afternoon of chat. I left there reluctantly. She had to go see her step-father who she is now caring for in his own home so off she went to do that. I went on to my sister's place. She was delighted to see me, her husband was away at a seminar and would not be home till late so she insisted I stay. Just as well I threw a little overnight bag into the car eh? So we had our dinner on trays on our knees in front of her wood stove, magged, drank pots of tea, ate chocolate biscuits. We chat more now than we used to. If the topic gets a bit heated I just let my mind drift for a while. I have learned not to buy into an argument. Why bother? I stayed at my sister's until an early lunch today and then came on home. It was a beautiful early winter's day today, traffic flowing and my little car going well. Good to be home and find there wasn't anything untoward happening. Checked the emails, message boards etc, replied to a couple, spent some time looking at all your blogs. I felt lazy so thought I should at least do a little housework. It has got cold today and promises on the weather reports of snow in the Southern Alps so a good time to look out the winter wear so I did that. OH dear, maybe I will just buy a couple of new things tomorrow to supplement my wardrobe, well maybe just one little top, a scarf, a little bit of colour to give winter jackets a lift? Girlfriend NO 2 went out to dinner with me tonight, she is a younger widow and has a fascinating family history. She has four sons who are all grown up but they too have tangled lives and the conversation was anything but boring. She and I are both of the "wisdom born of pain" philosophy way of thinking. She has had health problems, marriage problems, family problems but has come through it all with a great sense of humour. How good it is to laugh!! Very good company, good food, great evening. Tomorrow I am meeting friend NO 3 for lunch. Should be good fun too. Very different personality from mine but opposites sometimes do attract. So looking forward to that as well. How much difference it makes to just be ME. Sue without Ray. I love him heaps but caring for him is stifling both of us. I overdo the care I know, but how to tell how much is too much? But what a wonderful relief it is sometimes to just be myself, thinking my own thoughts, just doing what I want to do. But there is only one day of that left now.

Unfortunately this seems to happen after every stroke, so each time Ray has a stroke it seems as if we have a year out of our lives. We just get over that and are out and about and something else throws him for a loop!! Keep as on the ball as much as you can AJ, caregivers do fade away if they don't see you putting in an effort too. I know for me it is sometimes hard to see all this as "worth the effort" too. Sue.

When I was working, before I was married, the corporation I worked for had a social committee and we used to go to Sydney to a meal and a show. We saw some wonderful productions of shows like "Funny Girl", "Hello Dolly" and "My Fair Lady". One of the plays I saw was called :"THe Russians are coming!!" The play was based on a rumour that in the 1880's the Russian fleet was on the move and was in the Indian Ocean headed our way. The entrance to Sydney Harbour was a significant place, the government of the day thought, to place cannons so if the Russian fleet sought to come in we would fire at them and sink them. It was a farce of course. Army men talking about the Russian invasion and planning strategies at parties while their wives talked about the latest gossip. In the end what did come into the Harbour, with permission, was a training ship full of lovely young Russian sailors and military men who stole the hearts of more than one Sydney maiden. We had a Russian invasion tonight. Some neighbours from down the road, of Russian ancestry, came to give our son a hand to move some accumulated stuff out of our cabin up the back which will allow some more storage space for the printing equipment Trev got from our other son's deceased father in laws estate. A couple of them were here all day giving Trev a hand so he asked could he have a barbecue as a "thank you". So that we did. They were here until about 10pm, about five noisy men, Ray joined them until he got tired and I stayed in the loungeroom and watched tv and left them to their man talk. It is nice to do some of the normal, everyday things you used to before the strokes and Ray does miss the company of other men and tonight he got a dose of that. These things seem to happen unexpectedly and without much planning and that is good. If I had planned a night when six men could get together and have a talk it wouldn't have worked nearly as well as tonight did. Ray also participated in chat today, the first time for about a month and he enjoyed that experience. We had to go early as we also had a commitment , he and I and another Lion, to do a BBQ/sausage sizzle down the road at our local liquor outlet too. So by the time he went to bed at 9.30pm he really was tired, very wobbly on his feet as he never got time to have his usual afternoon nap. So I assisted him with his shower and put him safely in bed. It is so good when you have an opportunity to add to your store of good memories. The Russians coming to our house was a very enjoyable event, this particular family of them are tops in my book. Funny that thirty years ago we would have shunned them as "the enemy" and now they are just fellow immigrants and neighbours. Makes no sense, does it? I guess as the biggest Island in the world we, in Australia, still feel vulnerable, to all of those who for some reason might come over the sea, invade part of our vast coastland and endeavour to change our way of life. We, the British, did it to the ununited nation of small Aboriginal tribes who were the previous settlers here, and there are still repercussions from that "Invasion". Too politic to say more about that here. But we had another good day today. And at this time in our life, when the good times ahead may not be in such great supply, that is a good thing.

Butch, how are you and Lisa going? We heard so much from you before I became very interested in your life. Now I guess no news is good news eh? And golf is the main topic of conversation not stroke recovery? Sue.

Mary Skiing in July/August is very popular here in the Snowy Mountains and the Victorian Alps. Our daughter and family have a little cottage down in that area and do have a holiday for a week in July but as Ray can't walk on level dry gound well I think icy roads would be too great a risk. I think I'll stick with the mild climate of our seaside suburb through winter. And enjoy the last of the warm sunny days before the cold winds come and blow us into winter. Sue.

In small country towns all over Australia the families all come back for the annual festival, usually called the "Show" and it is a grand place for seeing those girls you went to high school with etc. I hope you and your family have the BEST weekend. My favourite food on a stck is corn -on-the cob. Sunshine and corn and sweet smelling flowers are all signs of spring for me. All I've got to do is get through winter and rol on September! Have a lovely time, Amy. Sue.

Mary, what a lovely thing to do. I minded my grandaughter one day a week but now she is at school. I really miss, colouring and cutting out, bubble blowing, scarf dancing and the trips to the park and Granma's turn on the swing. Being with little kids keeps you young but living with critical teens makes you feel old. Guess we have to learn to let the criticism float away just like the bubbles do. Sue. :bow_arrow:

I do think there is a place where you need to say enough is enough. Early in Ray's recovery I told Ray his mother didn't live here anymore. He would have to use his savings and hire a nurse if he wanted someone to run around after him all day. I then walked down the road and sat in the bus shelter for an hour. Cold, wet and miserable nights are not really the right time to run away from home. By the time I get back inside he was kind of apologetic. He has never been as demanding since. I think husbands, like toddlers, try you to see how much sh** you will put up with sometimes. I think bipolar seems the behaviour pattern so maybe consult his doctor about his meds? Sue. :friends:

Ann, your Bill and my Ray are both "nurse pleasers" so will say yes to all the questions. It is okay, the therapists can TELL if Ray has been working so I don't have to tell them Ray isn't doing the work. I have an ambivalent feeling myself most of the time. Should I stay and put up with the work, stress etc or go and have to live with the consequences of that decision? Some people see this as a acceptance issue, but I don't think it is, it is more a choice issue to me. Making it a choice gives me the feeling of freedom in the situation. So today I choose to stay and I might make the same decision tomorrow....if he is lucky. Sue.