swilkinson

One from me - you are a mother with a lot of patience Make that two - you are a loving wife. I've read your blogs and you come across as the kind of person I would love to have as a friend. That's three more. Sue.

My Dad used to say:"one day a diamond, the next day a lump of coal". Be glad of the good days, the quiet days, the "he's out-of-the -house" days. I used to long for excitement, now I just long for peace. Hang in there. Sue.

My Ray is quite disabled but doesn't think of himself that way. If anyone asks what he does now he proudly says: "retired". Hope that will fit on the end of your sentences. And the last line should read: "And thank God for that!!" I do enjoy your postings and blogs very much so you surely have a lot of fans out here in cyberspace. Sue.

Wife, mother, nurse, gardener, secretary, treasurer etc. I spend most of my time organising our lives. Jean - weight on is what Ray wants as he suddenly loses his appetite and doesn't find it again for a while. Deenie - high blood sugar is part the problem that can make them silly, in your husband's case abusive. But they are like boys caught with their hand in the cookie jar, going to deny it every time. Susan - take a deep breath, count to ten. Smile. Then speak. Keep doing your balancing act as happily as you can. That's my plan too.

It's fun to have overseas visitors as you get to see your town through their eyes and play tourist without going out of town. Remember to take lots of photos to lock in those memories. Enjoy the visit. Sue.

Hang in there. It is hard to support someone and you need supporting too. It is a hard time when someone you love is struggling with life. But we all need a cheer squad and athough you don't turn up waving pom poms you can make all the difference to your Mum's recovery. Keep on going, put the smile on your face and walk on in. Most of us caregivers and family members have been there, done that. But three cheers for all those who do it over and over again. Sue.

The Red Hat Society sounds a great group to join. Food, wine and fun are a very pleasant combination. To be able to take steps outside your comfort zone can make a big difference to your life and attitude. Good on you, you rock!! Sue.

Take me, take me. Sue. Better still I'll meet you there. Halfway between US and OZ.

That is a great idea marketing the photos via the web. I just had a look at them and they were great, al those young and cheerful faces. Remember going over girlfriend's wedding photos on that sheet of tiny photos with a magnifying glass to see which one you wanted? I am a country girl so can relate to Rural Shows and Agricultural Shows, all part of our past too. Now the Flora Festival is the closest we get. Hope you get energetic again soon. Sue.

It does get easier as time goes by, you get used to the limitations and you work together better. Ray has had multiple strokes and each time I grieve, make some adjustments and get on with life. Sounds easy when I put it that way but it is a struggle towards acceptance each time. Just keep on both of you, you sound to be doing the right things. I'm glad that first day's driving didn't end up in a fatality. Ray can't drive ( a great loss to him) and still tends to walk corner to corner so just as well. I'm a more timid driver and that must cause him pain sometimes when I am so nervous on a new trip when he would be just love to drive instead. You are right, it does get better but it never gets to be routine. Sue.

I love flowers too. I grow some from seed, some from cuttings, exchange bits with friends and neighbours. There is so much pleasure in seeing them grow and flower. Most of my garden is in pots so I can move them around. Spring is so lovley if you have a backyard full of bloom. Sue.

Hi Mary I love gardening too though mine is mostly pots, due to other problems. I have spring flowers in bloom here, as that is our season in OZ(Australia). Good to hear your sense of humour coming through. I used to have heaps of kids around when we had teenagers and building an area for them is a great idea. Hope you find plenty of things to do in fall and winter, with so much to look forward to in spring. Sue.

Happens to me too. I have been a caring person, dealing with older folk in a government job, then as a hospital visitor, then caring for my elderly parents and now my husband. If I witness a mishap , as you did, it stirs up so many emotions. And I can lose my composure and let my emotions loose. It is like a mental flashback, probably caused by the fact that we as caregivers, never really get to de-brief from all our grief. We don't have time for that LONG talk when there is so much to do for the one we care for, who has so many more problems than we do??? If it gets a frequent occurrence see if you need some counselling. The grief of this world is a BIG load to carry. Sue.

Love and prayers coming your way. Sue.

Hi , welcome to the blog community. You are so right, time lost is brain lost. Ray and I also denied he was having one of his strokes and he got a lot of damage and 4 1/2 moths hospitalization because of it. As his first stroke was a "mild" one we didn't ever think he would then have a "major" one, or actually two, nine years down the track. You just have to be alert and remember that if in doubt go to the hospital anyway. Hope you find a lot of help here, we al have a lot of experience between us, both as survivors and caregivers and are willing to share it with you. Sue.

Dreams sometimes show us unfinished business. Maybe you are still clinging to the past in some way. I still have "stuck in the mud" dreams. I guess t is part of the frustration of being a caregiver. Sue.

Stroke changes a lot of things, for the survivor and the caregiver. For Ray and I having to be by his side for the first 41/2 months made me think about him in a different way. He became my focus. Our marriage wasn't strong, it was just there. Now mutual care is our reason for being together. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. Sue.

Hang in there Marty. Your wife needs to know you are strong enough to cope while she is away. It seems more of marathon than you expected though. I'll be thinking of you. Glad the cat doesn't snore one of ours used to. Sue.

Phyllis I don't know how you can live in a hurricane area. We have them (we call them cyclones) in northern Queensland, and around the Top End, sometimes in the north of Western Australia. Here we just get wind and rain, hail and thunderstorms sometimes, and a summer storm we call a "southerly buster" which can have very high winds with it. That is enough mayhem and destruction for me. Good luck with the rest of the hurricane season. Sue.

Hi Stan There used to be a song that went something like this: "Right or left at Oak Street, That's the choice I make every day, I don't know which takes the most courage, The staying or the running away." And that is how it is for me and Ray. I am making that choice one day at a time. All caregivers are different.You might think all we do is complain and whine BUT I AM STILL HERE!! Where's the medal, eh? Is there a Purple Heart for Caregivers? If not. Why not??

I have a truly wonderful friend who also suffers from depression. He says:"Some people live on a sunlit plain and some live in the dark canyons." I think that is true. And what has made him so wise is the walk in the dark canyon where he has to find his own way and his own answers. Love and prayers, Sue.

Bonnie, you are an inspiration. I was brought up a country girl but live north of Sydney in the coastal sprawl now, very suburban and a little up-market. It is my intention this year to "Put up" some fruit as we say here, make some jam (jelly) and do some of that old-timey, country girl stuff. Good for the soul. Sue.

I think the House of Stroke is just one of many houses on the Journey of Life. I'd call the room you are in now "Room with a window on life" as, if I'm not mistaken, you feel as if you are just looking and not fully involved yet? You are out and about Vicky and at your age that is really important. Make the most of each day. Sue.

We used to have a saying in Lifeline:"You have to be wholly yourself before you give half away." This means get yourself right before you form another relationship or it too will go wrong. We had regular callers who just slipped from relationship to relationship without ever learning to be themselves, on their on, in a whole, rounded out way. This is an opportunity for you to be REAL. I agree with Kim but I'd like to add: Be real for yourself. Not for someone else. If you like you , others will too.

Sounds like a good weekend. Hope the week goes well for you too. Try not to get too tired, just pace yourself. Sue.