swilkinson

When Cyclone Tracy hit Darwin and wiped that city out over 20 years ago the OZ government used its powers and evacuated the whole area. Then sent in troops to supervise a huge army of volunteers and only let the residents back in when there were buildings to house them and services such as water and electricity. It must be tough to be barred from returning to your home but it was the surest way of preventing looting and further deaths. There is sense in staging an orderly return rather than letting it all just happen. We do pray for the people of New Orleans and all the other affected areas. And for those in authority as they try to sort out the present mess and get people back to their homes. It will be a long time before the city and surrounds are back to a semblance of normal again. And some people will be better off re-building their lives else where. Trauma seems to bring out the best in some people and the worst in others doesn't it? We have been shocked by the coverage of the looting and youth on a rampage. I guess it is excellent for the media but disheartening for those trying to keep their spirits up in difficult circumstances. God bless all who offer help in this situation.

Oh Bonnie it is hard when a friend so close to your heart is in such a sad situation. I'll pray for you and for her. Hope you got some sleep. Sue.

I totally agree Sue.

Hi Mary It is good to have friends. And the get-togethers you described have been a big part of your life. The shared house for the week sounds a great idea. Ray and I changed a lot when he had strokes. We became more serious, more health-conscious. Now we don't have a lot in common with our friends but I hang on to as many as I can. I figure that as they age and have health problem too they will have more empathy for us. After all most people can't relate until they have been there/done that. But the down-side as you have described is that we don't have the opportunity to explain our need to review our progress. Probably you are right when you say they maybe just take it for granted that you are there so you must be okay. Enjoy your friends for as long as you can and be happy with where you are today. I think you're doing great!! Sue.

Religious stuff: "Get to know God here" that kind of thing. I can fit about 8 - 10 words in. We used to use the board for meeting dates but now just use it as an eye-catcher. Thanks for your interest.

If one of my friends just gave me a hug, with tears running down her face, that would mean much more than the most eloquent speech. Sue.

Hello Mary as a good friend of mine who is a minister says: "I am not God but I am a friend of his." Rant all you want. It is a great way of NOT breaking up your closer relationships. And shouting is even better. I am beginning to see the value in blogging too. We can leave it all here, so that our not so secret thoughts don't get in the way of what we need to do. Here they will safely stay until we want to own them. Sue.

I had a friend who was carer to her husband who was a paraplegic after a car accident. When Ray had the strokes in 1999 I asked her when you started to accept the changes in your life. She said after five years you start to accept the changes, after ten years you don't regularly look back to make the comparison. Seems like a long time to go but we all get there one day at a time. Sue.

Hi Mary and Pam I sat in my cousin's garden in 1998 in the English countryside and a fox trotted by, just had a glance at us and went on his way. I can sit on my front verandah here in OZ and see parrots, honey eaters, birds of all shapes and sizes landing on our native shrubs which are experiencing an early spring. I can hear their songs too, in the early morning. Isn't being close to nature such a blessing? Especially when we allow ourselves some time to sit and watch and give it our attention. Sue.

Being paid for eating out sounds like my dream job! I left the work force to look after Ray, thinking at first (as we all do) that it would just be a few months and we'd both be back to work. If I go back to work ever, mystery shopper seems like a fabulous job. PS Take some indigestion tablets along next time!

Kristina Your news is certainly getting better. Looking back at the first weeks Ray was home in 1999 I was completely overwhelmed but then I did have my Mum (dementia) and Dad ( last months of cancer) here too. But even if it had been only Ray I think I would still have been overwhelmed. It is the magnitude of the job. I read your list and you forgot a few: Social secretary, answering all those calls starting:"how is she today". Engineer: doing all those little jobs around the house which seems to fall apart as soon as you have something else on your mind. Purchasing officer: bath stool, extra pillows, medical supplies, all the stuff needed now you have an invalid in the house. Cleaner: how did they all make so much mess. Not to mention the extra cleaning that comes with the incontinence. Whatever you are doing as a carer, it seems to be working so congratulations. If I had longer arms I'd give you a hug myself. Sue.

I'm a caregiver by nature as well as in a practical sense and when I've been sick myself have found it hard to ask for help too. Just keep on interacting with others here and you can both help and be helped, without any obligation. Great eh? Sue.

There isn't an elephant in the room but there is a mouse or two sitting in the corner. In OZ we seem to have a bad habit of dividing the sexes at parties, BBQ's etc. So the women go down one end of the room and talk babies, shopping, family matters, the men go up the other end and talk heaven only knows what. Where does this leave Ray, the guy in the wheelchair or as often happens at dinner parties pushed firmly into the table? And where does that leave me as his caregiver, food cutter, drink bringer etc? Usually all by ourselves. Sometimes a friend will come over and sit and say something, but soon the laughter at the other end of the room attracts them and off they go.Anyone got a solution to this stuck-in-a-corner problem? I'm not ashamed of Ray, not at all, he is who his is and as loved now as ever. I am ashamed though at the way others treat him sometimes. Sue.

There is no easy way to make adjustments to you life. It all comes at a price. But you sound as if you know what to do. Glad you kinda like the new you. That is a big plus. My husband is a diabetic and I am on a low fat diet so I read all the labels and we often sit down to two different meals. But we're adjusting. And still here.

Here in OZ we have wheelchair taxis that do a great service, getting a patient in a wheelchair out and about. There are also wheelchair buses in larger metropolitan areas though not where we live. Our Daycare service picks up in a bus with a lifter on the back so can take wheelchairs. A minivan is an expense but what price being stuck at home all the time? Maybe you can get the family to ask around for some discounts or special deals too. My cousin from Utah had a wheelchair rack specially made to fit on the back of her RV ( we call them station wagons). There are a lot of engineering places that maybe could tell you how to go about that. Good luck with your endeavours. Sue.

Ray (left side affected) bruises on his left arm because that is his "neglected" side. It means he looks after his right (good) arm but forgets his left. Don't know if that makes sense, but seems to be the way it is.

Rehab is great, new and exciting things to do, plenty of encouragement. But like all of life it is keeping on keeping on that counts. Go for it. Paul said:"run the race" and he was right. Even if you can't run, walk to the best of your ability. Good on ya mate.

It is raining, dreary winter here. That's the problem with being DownUnder. Enjoy the summer, it won't last. I'll just look forward to the next one in OZ.